Christmas

So my Christmas actually started on Saturday ..when I went to the Cirque Du Soleil with #1 Niece, Jack (her hubby), The Boy, #2 Niece (#1 Niece made her come...and I'm glad I don't get to see her nearly enuff), The Kid and hubby Billy, #1 Niece's MIL & BIL, SIL & Hubby, Stacy and Lisa (both friends of #1 Niece & The Kid) , Lisa's Hubby John and their daughter Shelby..oh yeah Lisa's Mom was there too...so it was quite a crowd...The show was probably my favorite of all the ones we've gone to see.... I loved the music and the acrobats were really good (as always)...I could actually follow this story line (not always the case with the other ones we've gone to)..It had everything from little people to giants....good looking young guys in tights and lots of angels.....if you haven't ever seen one of the Cirque Du Soleil shows you really need to make an effort... It's something special... Thank You #1 Niece again for giving me a ticket to go...

Sunday I got up early and went to the gym and worked out again with Debra & Paige...we worked legs this time and again I pushed myself...felt good when I left... Went home and cleaned the house and got ready for the family to come over. This year I didn't make dinner but asked each girl to bring a dessert or snack to go along with the cookies I baked ...I made a hot cider drink (with rum) to drink..it's a drink I usually have when I'm backpacking and it's cold...everyone likes it...
and we ended up with lots of goodies to eat...
Usually I go all out and buy the grandkids lots of presents and then can't remember what I got them...this year I only bought each one of them one present and a small bag of goodies that they get when they arrive to tide them over until we actually open presents..but first we eat goodies. The Boy read The Christmas Story...I do think it's important that kids understand why we have Christmas...and it's become a tradition that someone reads the story before we open presents...
It's soo much fun to watch the little ones open their presents.. they each have their own personality and talents....The Boy (#1 Nieces son) and Bubba (my grandson) are 9 months apart (the Boy being the oldest) at 8 they are getting so grown up but the little boys in them comes out when they are together...one of their favorite things is to wrestle. I love watching them.. then there are the girls...Lil Bit (my granddaughter) & Mini MeMe (#1 Niece's daughter) are 6 months apart, Lil Bit being the oldest and are all girls..it's fun to watch the four of them together...I think they had a good time and seemed to like all of their presents...and not mind that they didn't get as much as they have in the past..in fact they were able to play with what they did get more....

Altho we said NO Presents for the adults....I gave the girls (#1 Niece & The Kid) a picture frame with the picture that was taken of them together when they were 7 & 5 years old..in it they are both wearing matching pink dresses and look soo sweet..I just realized lately that they don't have many pictures of themselves when they were little...so I went to the CVS and made copies and framed them...They seemed to like the pictures....I thought they turned out good..

AND The Kid gave me a gift certificate to WalMart (which will come in handy) and #1 Niece gave me a gift certificate to REI (so much for no presents for the adults)...and my freinds Debra & Paige gave me a gift certificate to Dick's Sports..so I'm all taken care of for a while ....
Bubba gave me a really neat necklace that says GRANDMOTHER ROCKS which I really like.
When the kids left I had them take most of the goodies with them...I did keep the nuts and a few cookies (which are already gone). It was a good night...

Christmas Morning...I woke up and could barely move...every muscle in the lower part of my body was screaming...I rolled out of bed and then had the torture of trying to sit on the toliet..I knew I shouldn't have done all of those lunges...(it's the getting down that kills me) they get me everytime...Then I made the mistake of standing on the scale....oh my Gawd..I now weigh 183 pounds....ok..it's not the end of the world...I can lose this extra weight...I will not cry..I will not give up...so I go into the kitchen to feed Spot & Rover (Rover was not acting right the night before) and BOTH of them were floating at the top of the bowl....How sad is that ....both my fish died on Christmas Day...I can't even keep pets alive...now I'm really feeling sorry for myself....I fixed myself a couple of waffles with blueberry syrup...and a big cup of Hot French Vanilla Chocolate to soothe myself....then I finished off all of the cookies that were left from the night before...and was looking around for more to eat...The Kid had invited me over to their house for Christmas Dinner but I truly feel that is their day and didn't want to go...so decided that I would treat myself and get out of the house and go see a movie...I've been wanting to see Aragon..I read the book when it first came out and was interested to see just how much of the book they could put into a movie...It always surprises me to see how many people actually go to the movies on a holiday....The movie was alright...definately not as good as the book and I probably won't go see the next one altho I have read that book and am looking forward the to the third one...I don't know if I would actually recommend the movie...but then I never like the movies as well as the book...it was a rainy depressing day but I got through it..
I watched a movie last night on tv with Linda Hamilton who is a housewife who gets dumped by her husband of 23 years for a 27 yr old personal trainer and ends up being homeless and has to live in her car.(while still wearing her designer clothes and looking really good).. and of course she meets this really gorgeous hunk and everything works out for her....So why can't my life be like the movie? I know, I know....if I looked like Linda Hamilton then I won't be where I'm at today....
I go back and forth being depressed and boosting myself up....I know what I have to do to get this extra weight off and to find a job..it's just the doing it that's HARD...

Any HOoooo..Christmas is over...Today's The Boy's birthday...he's 9 yrs old..how time flies and I will be going over to #1 Nieces this afternoon...
I'm still muscle sore today..but at least I don't move like an old granny...it's still gray and dreary out ...but I'm going to treat myself with a spinach salad and salmon with crabmeat stuffing...then go over to #1 Nieces and visit with some good people...

I hope ya'll Christmas was the best....

It's a good day.....

Yep, I started off the morning by getting up and going to the gym early...the racquetball game was scheduled for 10 am but I decided to get there early and work out a bit...
After stretching I saw my friends Debra & Paige working out at the free weights for the shoulders and chest...now shoulders is something I have been REAL slack on..in fact I hardly ever do shoulders so I decided I needed to change up and get with the act...so I asked them if I could work out with them...they were glad to let me especially Paige she said it gives her more time to rest between sets....Debra works out 2 times a week with DJ a really tough Personal Trainer who I really admire...he's one of the few at the gym that really knows what he is doing...she is working on getting ripped...she's already skinny so she doesn't need to lose any weight but she wants those muscles to show...so she's a tough one to work out with...after working out with her this morning I realized just what poor shape I really am in but plan to change that now....WE are going to work out on legs tomorrow...ohhhhnnooooo....I CAN DO This....
Afer working out we played three games of racquetball and I really pushed myself...didn't win but worked up a good sweat...then I did some abs with some guys I know ...so I am feeling pretty darn good about my self...Still way too Fat...I can especially see it when I look in the mirror at the gym standing next to Debra...she's probably a size 0....but hey I've got to start somewhere...and truthfully I know I will never be as small as Debra but I don't want to be as big as I am now...
I'm off to take a shower and spend lots of time on my hair for tonight....I need to look good not just for the family but for ME...

Oh yeah....my cuz in Colorado sent me this funny email today...too funny...
ALERT

ATTENTION

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE; I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE

WOE IS ME!!!

I'm still sick with this junk..now it's moving down into my chest and my throat is still scratchy...yech...I'm tired of this and want it to just go away...
I even stayed away from the gym for three days and only played racquetball and did a few abs (which made me sick to my stomach) at the gym today...and I feel SO FREAKIN' FAT and out of shape...like if I was to try to do a complete workout I wouldn't be able to move....
No hiking again this weekend..but I did sign up for a day hike on the 7th...so I HAVE to keep myself in shape...
I'm sitting here in my work out pants and shirt because all of my jeans feel too tight on me tonight (and yes I got rid of all bigger pants a long time ago)...I'm afraid to get on the scale because if it says I weigh more than 178 who knows what I will do...
Did you ever wonder how those really obese people got that way?..you know the ones that weigh over 300 pounds...well I think it happened one pound at time...they snuck up on them and then one day they looked in the mirror and didn't know how they got there...I don't want that to happen to me again...and if I don't get off this roller coaster I've been on this past month it's a good possibility that is where I am headed.....GET ME OFF NOW!!!!

Yesterday Me & Betty Crocker baked cookies...something I haven't done in more than 3 years...the only cookie cutter I could find (I think I got rid of all the rest) was one lil snowman...so that is what I made...I used Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix and added almond...then made almond frosting (from scratch) and they didn't look too bad until I decided to melt some chocolate and give them eyes, nose, mouth & buttons...now they look like bad ghosts....oh well... the few that I had were good. My excuse for baking again is that I needed something for Christmas Eve for the kids when they come over.....
Oh yeah...I now have sugar in my house...still no flour....and I've got to get rid of the sugar because I have no Will Power when it comes to sugar...especially when I'm home all day...and it gives me such heartburn..something I haven't had to deal with over 2 years and now it's back again....you'd think I'd learn....

I've eaten so much Junk lately that I've made myself sick to my stomach....it feels like it is pushing out and does that stop me from eating more....nope...

It's like I have this ache (and I'm not talking about the heartburn) and I keep thinking that if I eat it will go away...It doesn't...I hate it...and I don't like myself too much lately...and it shows....
I'm hoping it's I'm feeling this way tonight just because I'm not feeling good...
Since I was at the gym this morning, I didn't go tonight...I find it getting easier to make excuses not to go to the gym...like it's raining...i don't feel good...it's so far to drive just for an hour workout...etc.etc etc..and I worry about that...because that is the only thing that has been keeping me sane (going to the gym) this past month...most days it's the only time I get out of the house and see people I know..(damn that sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself..I really need to snap out of this).
I am going in the morning to play racquetball and will talk myself into doing a workout if my chest is feeling better...hopefully they will have the hot tub fixed and maybe I'll treat myself to a nice hot soak and then the sauna....

Tomorrow night we (the family) are all going to the Cirque Du Soleil...#1 Niece's Christmas present to me...something she has done for me for the past few years..Is she not the greatest niece in the world...and she's cute!!!! Ya got to love her...

I guess I'll go back to my second favorite thing to do and see what Christmas show is on tonight...I think I've about read every Christmas book (and that's quite a few as I seem to like to collect them) I have in the house and watch about every Christmas show on tv that there is ...some of them twice....it's weird I'm in the Christmas mood as long as I'm reading or watching but as soon as I'm back in the real world I'm just depressed about it all...the real world seems to be such a let down this year..

Can I take a sick day even if I'm not working?

I woke up in the middle of the night with a scratchy throat...and then when The Kid called me & woke me up this I was all stuffed up...my throat hurts, I'm all sneezy, my ears hurt....geez even my eyes hurt......Moanin' Mona is having a "hay day" (whatever that means?).... I DON'T like it!!!

OK...sooo this is what happens when I don't take my vitamins & supplements everyday like I know I should....I have been real irregular with taking them since I've been out of work...I've been letting Evil Eva convince me that it's too expensive to take them everyday and I really don't need them since I'm not doing anything....Well I've noticed that I'm alot stiffer in my joints lately ...so I've been trying to take my TriFlex everyday even if I don't take all the other supplements & my womens vitamin...And now here I am SICK....

Oh WOE is me....NOT....I will not give into Moanin' Mona or Evil Eva...I will get back to being the old me....but first I think I'll take a sick day.....Achooooo...damn!

I'm Trying, I'm trying!!!

Christmas is only a week away and this time next week I will be holding our annual Christmas Eve at my house....I'm sooo not in the mood this year...
I hate to think that all Christmas is is about the gifts...the gift giving and getting...because I'm still not working and trying to watch my monies I've only bought the grandkids one present each and you can't believe how hard this is for me...I see so many little things I would love to buy for them but it all adds up so fast...and I know that they don't really need them...it's just that I love shopping and picking out just the right gift for each child and watching them when they open the gift...I guess this year they will just have to be satisfied with getting all my love....it probably bothers me more than it will the kids...all four of them are soooo good.

And it's really hard to get in the mood when it's 70 plus outside...yesterday I went running at the park, first time in over two months, in my sleeveless shirt....it was freakin' hot...also I have to tell you that it wasn't a good run...I ended up walking part of the three miles... I had planned on doing six miles but ran out of time since I had to go home, get cleaned up to go get my hair done....Getting my hair done when I don't know when I will actually get a job is an extravagance (I could have used that money to buy the GrandKids more presents) that I probably shouldn't have given into...but I tell my self I have to look good just in case I actually get a job interview...I mean who would hire a old gray haired woman...well, it isn't actually gray but it sure was gettng dull and gray at the roots.. anyhoooo....it looks really good today...I'm real happy about the color and for the first time in quite a while I feel good about how I look today...

OH MY GAWD!!!!

I'm older than Santa......yep...I went back and checked out his profile on mySpace and he's only 50 years old....
How the Hell did that happen? Ok maybe he's just a young Santa....altho he does have white hair and beard....I'm thinking maybe he gets it colored for the Holidays....anyway no word back from him yet...He probably saw my age and figured I'm TOO old....OMG...I'm too old for SANTA....I think I will go back to bed....

Would you date Santa?

Last night I was strolling around in mySpace...just looking at the guys...what better thing to do on a Sunday night...when all of a sudden a picture of Santa popped up....yep...he's the Southern Santa...and he is a professional Santa...has his own website and all...www.southernsanta.com...
He's been divorced for 5 years and just bought a Harley...For some reason...I think he would be a HOOT to know...I mean after all....He's SANTA...and who hasn't had a fantasy about truly knowing Santa...OK, OK...truthfully I have never really thought about it ...but now I am....I emailed him...lets see if he actually contacts me back....oh I know he's busy at this time of the year what with it being Christmas and all.....but maybe after the first of the year....hmmmm.

Wonder what Santa would give me if I was a REALLY REALLY good girl?....evil laugh here....

Forbidden Food

Yesterday I noticed a recipe on my box of Rice Dream Milk for Bread Pudding....this brought back memories of when I was a kid....My Mom, a single mother of 4 kids in the 50's, would fix herself a big bowl of Bread Pudding and eat the whole thing by herself...and NONE of us kids got even a bite...I remember wanting some of that pudding soooo bad but it just wasn't ever to be...I'm not sure why she did this...To be fair to my Mom, I truly don't think she did it to be mean...I know that there was never much food for us back then...we were on Welfare and this was before food stamps..and I look at pictures of my Mom back then and realize how skinny she was..I know she went hungry alot so us kids could have something to eat ..I could probably ask her but I'm not sure she remembers doing that, if in fact my memory is real...I find that some of my memories of when I grew up are different from any one else's...like my older sister will remember the same incident that I do but her memories are totally different..I guess because what was important to her was different from what was important to me...anyhoooooo..... I realized yesterday that I have NEVER fixed bread pudding for myself in all the years that I've been baking....and now it's too late because I don't have bread in the house...but I do find myself wanting to try the recipe just to see if it would be as good as I always imagined...oh yeah, I've had bread pudding at restaurants, one in particular was in New Orleans with Lar...man it was soo good...but it didn't look like the bread pudding my Mom made...this bread pudding she made was all brown crusty and she would pour milk over it...she always used day old bread and lots of eggs & sugar...I did ask her for her recipe once (a long time ago) and she did give it to me...but I never fixed it because for some reason in my mind it is still FORBIDDEN Food...

Is my luck changing yet?

Nope...but I'm getting closer....I did buy a couple of lottery tickets last night on my way to the gym....and out of the two tickets I got 2 numbers that were drawn....not good enuff to even get the $2 back that I spent but at least I got 2 numbers ...that's better than the last time I bought one.. We'll see how I do on the drawing tonight...I bought 3 tickets for the Win for Life..that's the one you get $1000 a week for life...I don't want to be greedy here...I just want to have enuff monies to live the way I dream...but then who doesn't...

I'm on my way to the gym this morning...first time I've hit it on Saturday in a LONG time...don't have a racquetball game but thought I would run on the treadmill since it's a freakin' 19 degrees here outside....brrrrrrr....maybe I'll take my suit and hit the hot tub...I can't remember the last time I did that....might be just what this ole body needs...It seems weird not to have a hike to go on...looks like my next one will be just a day hike on the 17th with "B Alright"...I've gone on 3 hikes with him before and he's a crack up....

After the gym I'm going to go pick up Lil Bit so her Mom and Dad can go Christmas shopping...not quite sure what we are going to spend the day doing but I'm sure we'll have fun..

Oh yeah, I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 1 1/2 pounds from the other day....whew....had me worried there for a minute...but I KNOW that I can get back on track and lose this ugly 10 pounds I've gained...Not doing too bad on the eating...not totally clean yet but working hard on it...eating lots of veggies....haven't made it to the store yet to buy some fresh fruit...kinda holding off on going until I absolutely have to (I still have 4 eggs left in the fridge)...figure I will eat all the food in the house, even the stuff I'm not sure why I ever bought....like the frozen brocolli w cheese?...I love brocolli but why ruin it by putting cheese on it..I figure Evil Eva was shopping that day...the good thing is it comes in 4 individual serving trays that you can micro wave...one down ...three more to go....yech...and don't forget the Frozen Apple Walnut Bread...it comes in 4 mini loaves that you microwave...I still have 2 of those to do....so what if they're 100% whole grain with 0g trans fat they are still 200 calories each...that's about 3 bites....but then I've been putting a big pat of butter on and that is probably a million more calories....hmmmm wonder why I put on this extra weight?
and why ever would I buy Organic Mushroom soup that taste like paste? I need to figure out a way to disguise the taste on this one..hmmm...thinking here....

Still Here

and playing around with my blog...I like this look but am afraid that Kyra will think that I'm copying her.....altho I don't have the fancy art work at the top...
Decided I didn't like the look that I settled for yesterday....kinda missin' the pink...but am determined to get it right for me....
Still having troubles with this old computer of mine ...it keeps erroring out on me when I try to make changes...
If I ever win the lottery one of the first things I'm going to do is get a new compter system....that is after I buy myself that sporty convertible, go on a cruise, buy me lots of new shoes (not on sale)....LOL....maybe I need to go out and buy a ticket today....let's see how much money I have in the ole piggy bank...

New Day...New Look!!!

I upgraded my Blog..they've been sending me notices for awhile now and I decided to take the chance...and since I did that I decided to update my look of my blog too...was getting tired of the pink....not sure if I'm going to keep this look...got more options but for now it'll do....
What do you think?

I just realized all my links are gone....Damn...now I've got to figure out how to get them all back....always something..Sorry.if i didn't get your link on..just send me a comment and I'll be glad to add it.

WAKE UP CALL!!!

So I basically knew that my eating has been out of control this past month and altho I've been going to the gym and doing all this hiking... my exercise really hasn't been what I know it needs to be....this fact came to me last night as I half heartly did some work out for my back at the gym before playing racquetball....I went to do pull ups and couldn't do them at the weights I had previously been doing them....in fact I barely could do them at all...I felt like I was wearing a loaded backpack on my back....I knew then that I had gained some weight back ...how could I not...the way I've been eating....LOTS of carbs....and not the good carbs...sugar..sugar... and more sugar...(my downfall)..not much protien..sure I've been eating the Zone Perfect bars....I love the Fudge Graham ones..and they say they have 16g of protein, 19 vitamins & minerals and it's all natural...but if you look at the nutrition facts it also will tell you that it has 14 g of sugar...is 210 calories for one bar...which is probably alright when a person only eats one occasionally...but not me I've been eating them like candy bars...and I haven't been doing my protein drink with my supplements/vitamins in the morning regularly...and boy can I tell... I've been avoiding weighing myself on the scale..I guess in my mind I KNEW I was gaining weight back but I kept telling myself that since I wasn't eating at McDee's or eating potato chips or all that junk that I used to that it won't hurt me and I've been getting lots of exercise on my backpacking trips...OK lets face it I WAS LYING to myself....I got on the scale this morning and I weigh 178.8 pounds...Guys, THIS IS NOT GOOD.....
Now I've been doing this long enuff to know what I need to be doing...I need my fresh veggies and FRESH fruit (which I love but for some reason haven't been eating lately) ..I need to get back to eating on a regular schedule..NO MORE OF THIS SNACKING ALL DAY LONG on junk that is all CARBS....no more peanut butter/honey wraps...Time to start tracking EXACTLY what I am putting in my mouth...I'm not going to worry about recording calories because that always gives me a headache...but I'll keep it in the back of my mind..after all I've done this long enuff that I have a good idea how many calories I'm actually putting in my body....so This is me starting all over again....I WILL lose this extra weight that I've put on and get back to feeling good about myself...I'm still working on my ESSAYs that I need for my Personal Trainer Certification...that's going to be my motivation for getting back on track to getting and keeping fit...after all how can I be a PT if I'm so out of shape that I can't do the workouts?...besides that I know that when I eat healthy I feel so much better...not draggy...I should do a ESSAY on how eating effects your mental status....LOL

AND drinking water....why is it so hard for me to get my daily water in lately?...I'm lucky if I drink 48 oz in a day lately..it's not like I don't like water because I do....and I know that's why I've been having leg/feet cramps...it's such an easy solution..drink my water and take my Triflex supplements daily...A NO BRAINER....so why haven't I been doing it?...I can tell you that Depression is NOT GOOD...it can defeat everything that I have worked for this past 3 years and DAMMIT...I'm not having any more of it.....

So anyway...I got up early this morning, made my bed, washed my face and put on my makeup (dammit I need to look good for myself..so what if no one see's me)...actually got dressed (no more of this hanging around the house half the day before getting dressed), cleaned up my bedroom, picked up the living room (I've become such a slob lately) gave Rover & Spot their bath, fixed my protein drink, took my supplements (this all only took about a half hour of my morning) & came here checked the job situtation (nothing in todays bunch that I am qualified for but I'll keep looking).

On a positive NOTE....I DID GO to the DOL yesterday afternoon and applied for unemployment...it takes 5 weeks before you get any monies but at least it is a positive step for me...in the meanwhile I will keep looking for a JOB....

I will have a GOOD DAY..

I want the old me back!!!!

Where has the confidant vibrant Sexy Sue gone? Instead I see in the mirror this old lady that just looks depressed....sure every once in a while I see a hint of the old Sue...mostly weekends when I'm backpacking/hiking...but once I'm back home it's like that Sue goes away and instead I have this new personna that I can't even get up enuff gumption to name...
This person that is in my body now has no confidence, doesn't care how she looks, is satisfied to sit in front of the TV and eat all day (if I let her)...It's been a real struggle to keep her from controlling my life totally...but with each set back..she is getting stronger...
I get up in the morning with all these plans in my mind but then for one reason or the other nothing happens..I just can't get motivated to do anything constructive...
I'm still out of a job (it's been a full month now)...part of the reason (I just came to this realization at 4:30 am today) is that I'm afraid to start a new job...what if they don't like me? what if I don't "Fit in"? What if I'm too stupid to learn new things? What if I get knocked down again? I'm too old to do this!!! Hell, I haven't even applied for unemployment like #1 Niece keeps telling me to do...Why???? For no good reason...I just keep thinking something will fall in my lap...and I'll find the perfect job for me..but this morning I've come to the conclusion that my luck has ran out.....my guardian angel has taken leave of me.....and the only way I'm ever going to get a job is to start all over again...back to square one AGAIN....so it may not be the job I really want (which is WHAT?) and the pay may not be what I want or need but at least it would be something...
Nothing has came of the on line jobs..and the one staffing company I signed up with last month hasn't came through with anything....all my other ideas seem to fizzle out too...
I'm half way to getting my Personal Trainer Certification thro the internet...still have to do the hard part...the essays.. I have these big DREAMS but don't know how to incorporate them into being REAL...but I guess there is enuff of the SexySue in me to keep trying...
I just keep wishing I could turn the clock back to September and slap myself when I thought about making that big change .....I loved my old job...just hated the pay...now what do I have?

It's just too hard!

I keep getting knocked down in life and it's getting harder to get back up...I'm not sure I can do this anymore!!!!
Friday #2 Niece and I stopped at our local dog pound just to look....and I saw this Husky dog there that I fell in love with...She had been picked up 3 days before and wouldn't be up for adoption until today...so I left my application with them and said I would be back Monday..I did spend about an hour with her and took her picture and downloaded it on my cell phone..

I went on my backpacking/camping trip Sat & Sunday up in SC...This was the first one I've been on that allowed dogs..and the guy I rode up to the trailhead had this great bird hunting dog Hatch that I bonded which helped me with my decision that I really do need a dog for a companion. I DO like dogs but I've put off getting one because I don't think it's fair to the dog if you can't/don't spend time with them and my life has been so busy with the gym/backpacking etc....but when I saw this dog at the pound I could imagine her and I together...she was calm, shy and didn't bark...and she was freakin' beautiful...(I showed her picture to everyone on the hike and they agreed)

Well, long story short....when I went this morning the first thing I asked is if she was still available and was told yes...so while I waited for the paperwork to be done I went out to see her....When I came back in I was told that the girl that told me she was still available was wrong that A Rescue group had called about her and she was to go to them...

#1 Niece just called me and gave me the lecture about not giving up...and I did call the pound and asked them to give the rescue group my name and number just in case it doesn't work out for them...but it sounded like they already have a home for her and I AM glad for her, just sad for me...I know there are a lot of dogs out there that need homes and I will probably keep looking but right now my heart hurts and I just want to feel sad for my self...

It seems like my life right now is full of "That's just not right" things...first the job, now this...
It's like I have this cloud over me and I just can't seem to get out from under it...and I don't know how to change my luck back to where things go right..Everything I try fails...I hate being negative....I'm a "positive" type person but right now... I'll be damned if I can see the positive side of this...Hell, I even cried this morning and that's something I haven't done in a long time...I guess I just have to pull my self out of this hole I seem to be in...

Thanksgiving on Cumberland Island

http://picasaweb.google.com/pjsoutherngal/112206AOCCumberlandIsland
go to this site and you can see some of the pictures that Paula took this past weekend on our trip to Cumberland Island with the AOC (Atlanta Outdoor Club)...It was soooo fantastic...

We all met in St Mary's on Wed night... where 4 of us (2 guys & 2 girls) shared a room so we could meet up with rest of the group and get an early start in the morning... Joe got the room at no cost with his Holiday Inn points so it didn't cost us anything... He and I didn't get to the room until after 11:30 and we were up at 5:30...Joe was our trip leader this time.. he had to call 6 months in advance to set this trip up...A really nice guy, who I rode to and from the trip with..(no there is no romantic interest there but I do feel that I have made another good friend).

The trip started out on Thurs morning catching the ferry to the island. Another first for me but I loved it...I even rode on the upper level with the wind and all...After we got to the island we had to listen to the Ranger about all the things we could do and not do...She was a hoot..first thing I noticed about her was this band aid on her chin that was flappin' around...talk about distracting...then she explained that she had gotten bit by a Brown Recluse while sleeping and had to go to a platic surgeon to get it taken care... She finally took the flippin' band aid off and all you could see was this gigantic hole in her chin...Gross!!!!

We then hiked in 4 miles and set up camp..The picture with me in by the tents is where I set up my tent..it's the 2 man tent behind me...it was the coolest place under these great Oak trees with moss hanging from them..the best thing about this camp site was there was a real bathroom just a short walk down the ways ..it had a real toliet and even a shower...with running water but NO HOT water so I didn't take a shower but believe me it was nice having a place to go change your clothes and to use the toliet instead of having to go in the woods...this was a luxury trip believe me. The only disavantage was the campsite we were in didn't allow fires.(the island is in a drought)..so no camp fire at night..but we had a lantern and one of the guys had this cute lil light that burned candles that we used in the middle of the group so we could pretend that we had a campfire after dark...

After gettting everything all set up we all took a hike and ended up on the beach..That's me picking up the Horseshoe Crab...it was still alive (barely) and everyone was chicken to touch it...but not me....That night we all sat around and fixed out freeze dried meals..Just because it was Thanksgiving I had Mashed Potatoes W Gravy & Turkey...It wasn't too good but by then I was hungry enuff to eat anything...and the Captain Morgan Spiced rum I had with my hot Cider helped...

The Ruines is the Dungress Ruines on the south side of the island... which we hiked through the woods to our second day in..way tooo cool...We ate lunch there, did some site seeing...there was a museum and the Progella? was interesting... and relaxed then walked back to camp site on the beach...Another beautiful day...ended by me going to the beach to look at the stars with Sara (who is from England and a total NUT case) and this Army kid and a guy that works for the Forest Service that she and I picked up at the ferry....After a few too many hits of Tequilla, we ended up running on the beach ..it was too cold to go in the water. Talk about being crazy...in the last picture of me you will see me wearing this bright pink scarf..Sara knitted that and gave it to me...She and I had done a trip together in September...in fact she's the one that talked me into going on this one...She camped in a one man tent next to me this time and woke me up 2 nights in the middle of the night because she thought she heard something...I'm not sure what she thought I could do about it...the first night I told her to just ignore it because I figured it was an armidillo and the second night (after I woke up) I figured out that she had left her backpack out side of her tent because there wasn't enuff room in her tent and the animals were trying to get in it...so I got out, chased off some kind of varmit...not sure what it was...all I saw was these lil beady eyes in the reflection of my headlamp...got her pack and put it in mine...after that we all slept good...

As you can see we saw a lot of the feral horses..that and lots & lots of armadillos...I think my favorite group of horses was the family of black horses with the mare laying down..we came upon them around a corner in the wilds unexpected on our third day in.. The first night in 2 of the guys ran into a couple of horses in the dark by the bathrooms..said all they could see was there eyes...they ran by my tent (the horses not the guys) while I was in it and it sounded like a herd of horses....LOL....

I also saw the sunrise on the beach Friday and Saturday morning which was totally AWESOME!!!!

The mansion we are in front of was massive (it's called Plums Orchard)..we hiked 8 miles our third day just to see it ..it was on the north side of the island.the neatest thing was coming out of the woods to see this front of this mansion ..the drive way was lined with these humoungus Cypress tress.. the only Cypress trees I saw on the whole island...the right wing is an enclosed pool that you have to see to believe... there is no one living there..the NPS is redoing the whole thing..

We ended our last night by eating dinner on the dock and watching the sunset over the marshes. By then there was just 5 of us from the group left. Sara went with her friend Rob and a couple left to go home that morning...That's the picture of me with my coat and hood up..it was breezy but still worth it..The sun going down over the marshes was a sight that will stay with me for a long time..it was so quiet and peaceful....it was a 3 mile trip in the dark back to camp...interesting...but fun...and I lead the way...whooa...

There was 8 of us on this trip but we ran into other AOC members that we knew were camped in other spots so that was neat too.

Foz (one of the guys in our group who just happens to be the president of the AOC) figured we walked 40 miles in 3 days...no wonder I'm tired...but it was well worth it..

We ended our trip by getting up early Sunday morning..packing it all up and hiking back to the main dock...then the ferry ride back..after meeting up with some of our freinds we all went to a Chinese All you can Eat Buffet and did we ever put a dent in the buffet...it was like we hadn't eaten in a week....Fresh food not freeze Dried never tasted so good....I was really craving some fruit and veggies...
Then we all said our goodbyes and headed back to Atlanta..by the time I got home and thro my door it was around 9:30 that night....Whew....

I can't believe I ate the whole thing!!!!!!

CONFESSION TIME
OK..... I've got to get a job just to get me out of this house....Yesterday I was looking in my fridge for something to eat...something I do alot....and I spotted a can of crescent rolls...not sure how they got there and I don't remember how long they've been there..they were stuck way in the back of the middle shelf...so I decided to see if they were any good...I opened the can and they didn't explode out at me or smell bad and weren't slimey....soooo since they were open of course I had to bake them. Hey at least they were LOW FAT Crescent rolls..and what better way to bake them than to roll them in cinnamon sugar and make cinnamon twists.....after all the weather was wintery...cold and cloudy... I was thinking about even building a fire in the fireplace....just the kind of day to sit in front of the boob tube watching Rachel Ray and eat cinnamon twists ...wellllllll.....while they baked I told myself I would only eat one or two and then put the rest in baggies and make them last for the rest of the week...There were 10 rolls in the can....so this should last me at least 5 days and then I wouldn't have to feel so guilty about breaking down and making them....man did they smell good baking...You know how when something taste sooo good to you that you keep going back for one more bite until the whole thing is gone?
Yep, that's what I did!!!!...Even when my gut felt like it was going to bust..I still kept on eating the damn things until they were all gone....Oh yeah, I gave myself the excuse that I had done good on eating all day....I had my protein drink for breakfast and a spinach/strawberry/blueberry salad for lunch....I don't even want to know how many calories I consumed eating 10 crescent twists....

I did go to the gym and worked out for a hour before my Hip Hop class. So I figure I burned off some of the calories....but I've been laying in bed all night just thinking about how I let myself get carried away...no control!!! Good thing I know that I don't do this kind of thing often so I'm not beating myself up..but I'm also not looking at the back of my fridge anymore....LOL...

So why is it I just can't get motivated?

I have a long list of things that I could be doing but instead I've been here on the computer all morning..just looked at the clock and realized it afternoon...where does the time go?
Altho I have to admit I've been checking job listing and taking a test for the temp company I've signed up so it's not like I've been goofing off..it just feels like it...
I still need to clean my garage so I can bring all the junk I have in the storage unit here and store it...I gave them my months notice last Friday and I've got to get everything of there by the end of the month....and someone told me last night that Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK....whooooaaaa...where does the time go...
Not sure what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving...last year I went to the movies by myself...just wasn't up to spending a whole day eating and watching football...I was hoping to take another backpacking trip but it's been cancelled...The Kid did invite me to her house..but her in-laws are coming and that's not really my idea of a fun day....
anyway back to my garage..right now it's a mess because of all my camping gear is laid out in there drying out...I need to figure someway to hang all my differant backpacks on the wall...I guess I'll have to take the giant picture of the owl in the tree down...I tried to give it to The Kid once and she didn't want it so I stuck it on the wall in the garage...hmmmm I wonder if #1 Niece would like it for her garage?....
I'm thinking about going out and mowing my lawn but then I really don't want to get all sweaty and yecky because then I'll have to take another shower and my hair is looking really good right now. Hate to take a chance on it not looking good tonight when I go to the AOC Social Hour...I would like JUST once to look good when I see all the people I go hiking with...Usually when I go hiking I don't wear any make up and by the first hour of hiking my hair has gone all curly and frizzy...and you have to admit they don't make hiking clothes that are real sexy...at least I haven't found any...so I though I would doll up tonight and give everyone a shock...and besides that I haven't had any excuse to dress up since last Weds. night when I went out with the girls for Lynn's b'day...now that was fun...We went in a limousine (which smell like cigarettes...yech) to a night club and I danced all night...any hooooo....that's my excuse for not getting off my butt and mowing the lawn...who mows lawns in November anyway...just because it's nice out side and the lawn needs it doesn't mean I have to do it...right?
So I'm thinking that I'll go fix me some soup and watch Rachel Ray...I can't believe I'm watching tv during the day...but I've always liked her and now she has her own hr long variety show on during the day and it's not even on the food network channel...how cool is that?

Job wise...I'm just waiting for some miracle to happen and someone to call me and tell me that they want to support me in the lifestyle I've gotten used to ....OH YEAH that's gonna happen.....LOL.....
I just wish I could make a living out of backpacking and camping....

Hanging in There

I went thru a few days of total depression and loss of self confidence but am bouncing back to be my old self.....can't let a little thing like losing a job get me down...

I went to SC to see my friends Conry & Paula last weekend and then went out on a date with another guy from MySpace....it wasn't good.. he was nice but way too short (he said he was 5'8" but he was at least two inches shorter than me ...and I was wear flats) and old acting...mostly interested in drinking beer and bragging about his travels overseas....oh well...

This weekend I went on a GREAT backpacking/camping trip..it was a real challenge...this is my third backpacking trip..the first was an easy one, the second moderate...this was was strenuous...it kicked my ass but I did it...we even did 6 (SIX) water crossings...and I'm not talking about easy ones...the water was knee deep and fast...but it was beautiful..We were at Lake Fontana up by Gatlinburg TN...there was 10 of us...6 guys and 4 girls..ages ranging from 62 to 24 ...that's right I wasn't the oldest...Don is 62 (and married) but he's been hiking for many years and could out hike all of us..the 24 yr old was a girl who is the Govenors Photographer...she was a doll and all of the single guys were fawning over her..it was fun to watch....good group ..I had backpacked/hiked with 4 of the group in the past ...lots of fun...it really helped bring my confidance back..I figure if I can conquer my fear of water (ie:water crossings) and then I can do anything....

On the job scene..I really haven't done much but I do have an interview set up for tomorrowa afternoon...can't say I'm excited about it....Wish I could take this time and figure out what I really want to do when I grow up...but not having much education and monies doesn't give me much choice in what I do..

Pity Party

Ok so it's a small party Me, Myself and I are the only ones here and I can't say we are having any fun...I don't know how people can stand sitting around and feeling sorry for themself for any period of time...I hate it... and I'm not going to do it any longer...So I got knocked down...Well, I refuse to stay down...Somewhere out there is the perfect job just waiting for me...this one certainly wasn't meant to be for me...I believe in the old saying....Things happen for a reason...
I'm so lucky in so many ways..I have good freinds, a family that cares for me, my health and I don't have a lot of bills....no car payment...keep your fingers crossed my truck keeps running...a low house payment (and ya'll know how much I love my house) food to last me for awhile....a nice warm coat for the winter.....and if it all goes to hell and I do happen to lose everything I still have my tent and sleeping bag LOL....

I've weathered hard times before and I always land on my feet...

Today would have been Jason's (my son who died when he was 7 yrs old) 35th birthday....I have felt over the years that he was watching out for me...I still do so I know deep inside me that nothing bad will really truly happen to me.

Last night I went to the gym and played racquetball and then worked out with the weights until the gym closed...I felt so much better ...and tonight I went a did Hip Hop...I just have to get this body to moving and get away from the food in the house....
I have this ache in my middle that I keep trying to make better by eating and I know that is not the answer.....luckily I don't have a bunch of junk food here but you can still overeat on healthy foods......right now I'm eating pumpkin seeds that Jack (#1 Niece's husband) gave me from the 3 pumpkins they carved this year.. I roasted them up today and have been nibbling on them since I got home from the gym ...I guess that is better than the popcorn I was thinking about fixing....

My mind is still in a funk and I can't seem to focus on what to do next...#1 Niece told me tonight that it was ok to take a couple of days for myself to figure it out...but my mind keeps telling me I should be doing something...

I'm going to SC to see my friend Conry Saturday and Sunday...he's the one that reminds me so much of Larry..and he always makes me feel better....so when I come back (I can't stay too long because I have to be here to feed Rover & Spot, my fish) I will get serious about looking and seeing what is out there for me....

Which reminds me I have to go give Rover & Spot their bath...there bowl is looking a little murky and just because I'm in a funk shouldn't mean that they have to suffer for it....What kind of pet owner would that make me???

Shocked & Bewildered

Tues pm
Two Days...that's how long my new wonderful job lasted...

Yep...I was told this afternoon that I didn't "fit" and I was being let go...I'm still reeling, trying to figure out what went wrong....it's 9:30 pm... I'm going to bed.

Weds am
I laid in bed going over the last two days in my mind trying to figure out where I went wrong....and where do I go from here....

On the first day at this job I truthfully knew that I wasn't going to happy...but I thought I could stick it out.... after all it was more monies..I just never thought that the company won't give me time to adjust...

What went Wrong?
First, I'm used to working by myself in an office by myself...I went from that to a room with 5 other people sitting in an area half the size I was used to...plus all the traffic that came in and out was very distracting...sales people, drivers, warehouse workers....I admit the first day I was really distracted by it but by yesterday I was getting used to it ...it's not like I haven't ever worked in that environment before....

Second, I had to clock in and out every time I left the office...I know this isn't a big thing but it's not something I've done in a long time and I felt like my every move was being monitored (which I suppose it was)...Not sure why this bothered me but it did...must be the rebel in me...I guess If they had told me up front that this is how it was I could have prepared myself mentally and got over it....by yesterday it wasn't that big of a thing but Monday when they told me I have to admit I was myself and probably said something smart about it...Not smart on my part...

Third, I had to dress down...no heels, no open toes shoes...dress pants and a dress shirt...this to work in a warehouse...This too bothered me because for so many years I didn't have a choice about how I dressed because of my size and I'm proud of how I look now...and love to show off in clothes...it makes me feel good...altho hardly anyone ever saw me at my last job ...I always loved dressing for myself and feeling good about ME... Monday I wore a pair of boring brown pants with a top and a brown jacket...I looked okay, then yesterday I broke down and wore my brown split skirt and black knee high boots with a silk top and a lil brown sweater....nothing sexy and I thought it was rather conservative but I don't think the woman (from Knoxville TN) that was training me approved..altho she was wearing 1" heels with her boring slacks & sweater.... Oh well...no sense in beating myself up over it...it's done and over with...

So where do I go from here...I feel like I did after Larry died....LOST!!! but at least back then I had enough monies to last on my own for awhile...and I really lucked out in getting the job with Black Box...I always thank Larry for that....it ended up that my boss knew Larry while he worked for GSA...

I have enuff monies to last me a couple of months if I watch myself...I need to look at what I am spending each month and see where I can cut back...

PLAN
1. I need to sell the VAN...I've been putting it off for three years and now it's not worth as much as it was then...it's not running...I think it's the battery...so I will clean it up today and put my battery from the truck in it to see if that is the problem...if so then I will go and buy another one for it.... Then I need to get #1 Niece's digital camera and take a picture of it so I can put it on Disabled Dealers...I'm hoping to get a few thousand for it which will help....but don't have a lot of hope on selling it right away...as soon as I do sell it then I can drop the insurance and this will save me some monies...

2. Clean out the storage unit I'm renting and either get rid of everything or store it here in the garage so that will save me $45 a month..not much but it'll pay for my gym membership each month...that I will not give up...

3. Get the word out there that I'm looking for a job....Not sure what to do about this ...my confidence is at a low...it took a hard hit but I've never been one to stay down....
I did pick up an application at the gym last night..they don't pay much but if nothing else I will work part time until I can find a job that does pay..

So am I sorry that I took this leap and quit a perfectly good job and tried to better myself?
Truthfully ...this morning YES...but I know that if I hadn't tried then I would have always wondered what I was missing out and I gues I've always been a risk taker..There were many reasons why I decided to quit and go to another company...more monies...I just wasn't making enuff at where I was and there wasn't a hope of me getting more...at least enuff to make a differance (the new job was 5k more a year than I was making)...and job security...in the last few months my old company has been laying people off right and left....Management wanted to do away with my position all together but my area manager talked them out of it (again..this has been an on going thing for the past year)...I knew that eventually the position would be moved to TN or done with all together. Which is what they have done now...so I don't have that position to go back to...I will call Jon (my area manager) today but I have to tell you that it leaves a bad taste for me to have to admit to him that I have failed...I had such big plans....

This set back will not break me.. I will not go back to what I was before...I will not make food my comfort and I will keep exercising at the gym..I have to admit it's hard..

Bored! Bored!! Bored!!!!

For gawds sake what do people do when they stay at home??????

Yesterday was my last day at my job..I'll start the new one on Monday...and last night at the gym I decided that I was just plain wore out...I had no energy for Hip Hop or working out so thought it might be a good idea to just take the day off today...maybe just take a run in the morning at the park and then take it easy the rest of the day....

Well I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain so covered my head with the blanket and went back to sleep until 8 am...this is late for me...looked out the window and saw that it was still raining and didn't look like it was going to clear up anytime soon.so much for the run..not going to happen..so got out of bed...and cleaned up the bedroom...did some laundry...unloaded the boxes of stuff I bought home from the office...it's amazing how much junk a person can take to the office over the period of three years..plants, dishes,cups, food?, personal papers & pictures...I had to figure out where to put the fake plants (one big tree) that I had in my NO Windows office..I know I probably should have left them at the office but since I know they are just going to load everything up and store it at Corp in TN..I didn't want to do that...I even have a black kitty cat clock that was at my office..who knows what I was thinking when I bought that thing...It certainly doesn't fit in anywhere here at home but since it is Halloween I put it on the bookshelf in the livingroom until I can figure out if I can take it to my new office..which will be a fraction of the size I just left...besides that I will be sharing an office with 2 other guys whereas My old office was a very large office (it once held 4 cubicles) I had all to myself...anyhoooo after I figured out what to do with everything I then settled down on the couch to finish my Suzanne Brockman book...by then it was lunch time and I decided I was sick of my own company so called #1 niece to see if she and The Boy would like to go to lunch...The Boy had Spanish class later and she didn't want to go out but invited me over for Hummus & Flat bread..now how could I pass up Hummus..I freakin' luv the stuff ...so I got myself into the truck and headed over there..but halfway there I decided what I really wanted was some Mushroom Soup...well I happen to know that Campbell Select makes this really good Mushoom soup in a box...nothing to add...so I went to WalMart to pick up a couple of boxes...and of Course they didn't have any..they had the Butternut Golden Squash and the Southwestern Corn soup in the boxes but NO Mushroom...I decided that The Boy probably won't like either one of those but saw a can of Mushroom Raviolli with Vegetables that I thought he might like so picked up a couple of cans of those (which by the way ended up having meat in it...that will teach me not to read the ingredients, but The Boy liked the ravoli and gave me me his veggies so it all worked out) and then I saw these Halloween sugary desserts in ice cream cones, and figuring that I hardly ever get to spoil The Boy and Lil MiniMeme I picked up a package of 4 (they ended up being cupcakes with lots of orange colored frosting, The Boy really liked them..I didn't have any)...and just for the heck of it I picked up these really cute lil stuffed toys (a ghost and what I think was a pumpkin boy) that was holding a box of candies..I figured if I was going to spoil them I might as well go all the way...then with my bags went to #1 Nieces...she just lives down the road from me..but it seems like Forever since I've seen her or the kids..
Got there and we had a nice visit..#2 neice even showed up..she is staying with #1 nieces garage (which has a whole upstairs that fancier than my house, that's where she home schools The Boy...) and Jack (#1 nieces Husband) came for a few minutes (I think just to check out my new tattoo)...
I then took myself back home and wondered around a little trying to decided what people do when they stay home...turned on the tv to Rachel Ray's Show...watched the good looking fix it guy bending over and getting a ring out of the trap of a sink...nice ass this man has....in fact he was damn good looking...Decided it was the kind of day to have a fire in my fire place (which was a mistake because it warmed up my house way to much and now i'm sitting here in front of the computer in just my undies..I know TMI)....found a couple of magazines I hadn't had time to look at lately..so curled up with the tv on and read..then Dr. Phil came on...story about some people in New Orleans who got ripped off by a contractor...decided that if I'm going to watch Dr Phil I needed to have some popcorn..luckily I have the individual bags so it only made one bowl full..but it's been a long time since I've had popcorn...
After Dr Phil there really wasn't anything on TV so came here and checked my emails...Went to MySpace and saw that I had a new mail from a new guy SAM...he's 59 and lives close by..travels alot...decided to respond to him so left him a message...that's how bored I am...I know, I know ....I said I wasn't going to do the on line thing anymore but who knows he MIGHT be nice...
Now it's 8:00 and I still have the whole night ahead of me..I'm thinking about pulling out the ironing board (if I can remember where I put it lOL) and press some dress pants for next week. The new job is in a warehouse and I won't be able to wear my 4" heels or skirts (at least right away..I'm thinking to break this company in slowly and hoping my spring I'll be able to wear my heels again) so I drug out some dress pants I bought but haven't wore much because they need pressed...(that should take about 10 mins) and then who knows what else I will do...
Good thing I have plans for tomorrow or I would go crazy...
I'm heading to the gym in the morning (YAY...I'm having withdrawal pains) and then getting my hair colored and fixed..then going out to a Bluegrass Bar with a girlfriend from the gym...I normally go to some friends for a costume party this time of the year but decided I'm just not into it this year....
Don't have any plans for Sunday yet...but I bet I'll find some real quick because 1 day staying at home is enuff for me....
Good thing I've got plans for the next couple of weekends...Going to SC to see my friends Conry & Paula next weekend and then I've got the Backpacking/camping trip up near Gatlinburg TN the weekend after that..and you can bet your britches I will find something else on the rest of the month..
NO MORE OF THIS STAYING AT HOME...BEING BORED!!!

Ain't I lookin' GOOD!!!

I really like this picture of me (I'm the one in the sunglasses just in case you didn't know)...Which is unusual..Usually I hate all pictures of me....Maybe because I'm finally sitting down..In a rocking chair yet...This is in Helen GA in front of the Winery...My friend Joelle and I tried a few samples but have decided that Georgia just doesn't make good wine..but we'll keep trying to find one...LOL..
I like how skinny my legs look here...hmmmm and you can't see my chicken wattle or my bat wings...hmmm maybe they are gone and I just didn't realize it...What I like about this picture the most is that by looking at it you can't tell that this woman once weighed over 250 pounds...I look normal...and we all know I'm not...ROTFLMAO!!!

Hey, Surprize, Surprize I love the outdoors!!!

My new favorite place to shop is REI..Talk about a cool store...they have everything you could ever want for camping or any outdoor adventure....yep, I could spend hours and hours in that store...just looking and salivating over all the things I want from there...but damn they are expensive...

I'm looking for a pair of pants to wear when I go backpacking in a couple of weeks.(yep REI even has clothes..who'd thunk..) I know that they need to be insulated because what kind of fool goes hiking and camping in November...in the Great Smoky Mountains in TN yet???? Who knows I might even get to see snow in the mountains...

I returned the Wild Bill sleeping bag that I used on my last trip and bought a better one (the Big Agnus) this weekend. (at REI of course)...it is sooo cool...this one is +0 which means it can get down to 0 degrees (Wild Bill was +20 but was soo long that I froze my feet off at 26 degrees) and I'll be warm as long as I'm in my Big Agnus sleeping bag...oh yeah, I bought a nice thick pad that slides into it's own little compartment in the sleeping bag so it'll be like sleeping on a mattress..and the neat thing is it weighs less than a pound so it should fit in my backpack good...a lot better than the one I took on my last trip. I'll keep it and my lighter sleeping bag that I bought from Bass Pro online for my summer trips. I guess you can tell i'm really getting into this camping thing..LOL...now if I could just figure out how to take my pillow ...sleeping with your clothes under your head is all right but it does make for wrinkled ..... My problem is my backpack is too small (only a 3100)...I went for a smaller cheaper one because I wasn't sure if I was going to really get into this backpacking..again I made the mistake of buying it at BassPro (online) and don't have the receipt to take it back (I'm still debating on whether to get one I saw at REI or not)...

I'm getting good at taking things back to REI....they are so nice about it too...first I took back the pair of shoes I bought...decided I really wanted the Merrills (and I'm glad I did they are so comfortable) then I took back the sleeping bag that I used on my last trip...the reason I bought it is that I got it on sale, but after using it I decided to spend the extra monies and get something that I really liked...

I'm learning that it's best if I just spend the monies for the better stuff right off the bat...like my mess kit...I bought a cheapy one at WalMart and ended up spilling most of my hot water because the handle on the pot was too flimsey and the pots got all dented up just packing them in......so now I have a nice sturdy one and it's teflon so it will be a lot easier to clean then that cheap one that my oatmeal stuck to the bottom of even after soaking it...

REI has so many gadget and thingys to make life easier for the backpacker....I saw this really neat pair of glove/mittens that I want but they are soo expensive and I keep thinking I have a pair of fleece ones that will do the job and there are so many other things I need...

I haven't been to Ross's Dress Barn in weeks...because now I'm walking the aisles at REI....
So if your looking for me...you will know where to find me....
over there where the camp stoves are....

Look where I've been?

Last night I was talking with my Mom on the phone...she's in Wyo and getting up there in years. One of my resolutions was to call her more often...I was doing pretty good until this past month but then I've pretty much been bad about doing anything (including coming here) except having fun....
anyhoooo...
I was telling her all the fun things that have been happening in my life lately and then as always she asks me if I had lost any more weight....it's been a month since I talked to her and the last time she asked me the same thing I had to tell her "no, but I'm not gaining"..well I had to give her the same story again (why does always this make me feel like i'm letting her down?)...
She then asked me what I weighed...I told her 169 and she then said (with what sounded to me like relief) "oh, I weigh 150" like if I weighed less than her it would not be good....(I'm not in a contest with anyone but myself and I refuse to compare with the rest of my family...I've always come out the loser there...being the fattest...not going to worry about it....who am I trying to convince.lOl.).I then told her that I'm not beating myself up about not losing any more weight (which is probably a lie) because I know that it will happen sooner or later....I think she realized that she made me feel defensive because she then went on about where I was in weight before.....Like I've done good enuff so if I don't do any more then it's alright....
I've been thinking about my attitude about my weight situation as it is right now..and I realize that in the back of my mind is always the thought that Hey I've lost 70 lbs , isn't that good enuff??? Well, the answer to that is NO, it isn't....Damn I want to get rid of this extra 20 pounds that I am carrying....Not just so I'll look good (which I do already) but so I will be able to say to myself that I actually followed through on something I started all the way....
As always I'm rethinking my eating routine...I don't think I can improve on my exercise...so figure my eating is where I really need to work....I'm alwasy aware of what I'm eating and always trying to improve but I guess that's not enuff because I'm STUCK....
One of my main problems right now is that I MISS FRESH SPINACH....I'm not crazy about any other types of leafy veggies so my diet has not consisted of any salads lately....
Well...that stops as of today...I'm off to walk over to Public's to get me a salad for lunch today....

I'm alive and kicking...Whoohoooo

Whitewater rafting was a kick in the ass....I loved it...our guide GATOR MAN...was a trip...and I didn't fall out of the raft once... you can't see me in this picture (I'm in the back right next to the Gator Man) but believe me I was smiling the whole time.... and Yes I will do it again...but I might wait until next summer when it's warmer..

I went backpacking again this past weekend and I think I'm getting addicted because I've signed up for another trip on Nov 11 & 12th..

We went to Shiny Rock Gap NC and hiked in about 3 hrs (I got my pack down to a mere 30 pounds this time and that's with my tent and new sleeping bag) then set up camp on the ridge.. then took another hike to Shiny Rock which sets on the top of the world..you can see for miles & miles...it was beautiful...We watched the sunset from there...a memory to keep forever...oh yeah did I tell you that I went with 3 guys...yep...they were a blast..all in there 30's and they all have girlfriends but they didn't come because it's too cold...How cold was it you might ask? Well, Sat night they say it got down in the 20's...I'm not sure I believe it because my water bladder didn't freeze but I did have it in my tent with me and it was very cold...I can tell you that I didn't want to get out of my warm sleeping bag to go the bathroom at 3 am...so I laid there until just before sunrise and then got up and went...it was a beautiful red sunrise...well worth the whole trip..only one of the guys got up to watch it with me...he took pictures..and is suppose to send them to me...Yesterday we packed up and hiked out to the truck (we all rode up together in Bo's truck)..
Then went on another short hike (without packs) then came home...stopping in some little town in NC and eating pizza first....figured I worked off any extra calories hiking and it was good...I got home about 8 pm and man was I ever tired...I barely got my pack unpacked and took a shower...went to bed without even fixing my hair..talk about bed head this morning...oh well, it was all worth it....GREAT WEEKEND..I wish it didn't have to end...

It seems funny to me that I fit in with these guys from the very first moment we met..I never felt uncomfortable with any of them...we just had a blast...I'm so glad that I took that step and joined this club..It's good to find other people who have the same interest in being outdoors that I do...

I gave my notice here at work...yep the other company offered me the position...I went and took my drug screen test last Monday...I will start the new job the first of the month..I've decided since I won't get a vacation for a whole year to take some time in between jobs...just a couple of days for myself...not sure what I'm going to do with them..

I've been soooo busy.....

My life is in a spin but I still have it all under control....

I've been going to places and doing things that I've just dreamed about this past month..From going downtown Atlanta to ritzy hotels & museums... to camping/backpacking in the mountains...not to forget the Medievel Times where I got to see boys in tights ride beautiful horses and fight each other with swords...how coool is that.. I did the overnight thing at the zoo where we watch a spotted lion through infra red googles at night (plus some other animals too) ...it was fun ...I've been hangin' out with the gang at a sports bar on Sunday night watching NFL football (something I haven't done in 5 years)...one Friday night I went to a bar with a couple of friends from the gym and listened to hard rock N roll (with long hair guys in tight leather pants...whooohooo)...and then the next night I went to a fancy dress birthday party for another freind who turned 50... Even with all of this fun I still find time to go to the gym pretty much everyday....

I've put the dating thing on hold for awhile...still talking with Gene by phone but no spark there so doubt if I will go out with him again...haven't had time to check my online dating service...who know someone may just be out there waiting for me (NOT!!!)...

What's next? I'm going WhiteWater Rafting for the first time in my life this Saturday...and have another backpacking/camping trip planned the next Weekend...I have a Halloween costume party to go to soon..I've already figured out my costume but can't tell you because then it won't be a surprize for #1 Niece... and I think somewhere in there I'm supposed to go to another party that my x personal trainer has every year..that one we are supposed to go as an entertainer and I have no idea who to go as...

Other news is that I have a job interview tomorrow....I wasn't really looking for a new job but have come to the conclusion that this job isn't paying me enuff monies so I can do all the extra things I want...my yearly reveiw came and went again without a raise due to a company wide freeze but I have been given more responsiblities so when one of the guys at the gym mentioned that they were looking for a dispatcher for his company I decided to try for it....It may be a big mistake but I won't know until I do it...If they will meet the salary that I want then I will accept it, that is if they want me...who knows they may take on look at me and say "NO WAY" ...
Won't know until I try...

If I do get the new job I will have to invest in getting a new computer at home that way I can keep up with all my favorite blogs (which I haven't been able to do to much lately)...
I'm staying in for lunch today because my fuel pump went out in the truck yesterday and I'm borrowing one of The Kids truck until it gets fixed. It's a really nice truck I don't want to eat in it...I hate not getting out of the office for awhile but that's life....besides it gives me time to catch up...

Whew...I get tired just reading all of this....

Dips!!!

As I was doing dips last night I noticed that my arms rest closer to my body than they used to...How cool is that? I used to have this roll of fat the side of my body but it's gone now (or at least it's smaller) and my arms are actually getting firmer so they are looking better..I still have some "batwings" but at least they don't hang down to my waist anymore...How attractive is that?..

I noticed that I am constantly working my triceps...just every chance I get..without thinking about it.....I'll be sitting in my chair here at work which just so happens to have arms and the next thing I know I'll be lifting myself up and holding it then seeing how slow I can go back down...
Or I'll be standing with my back to the table the fax machine is on which just happens to be the right height to reach back and do a few slow dips....I think it's helping but all I know is it feels good to be able to do them...

I've lost it!

I did up a nice long blog yesterday about my camping trip and all that I've been doing in the past two weeks and then my computer went black...and I lost it (in more ways than one)...and I don't have the heart to re do it...Take my word for it when I say I've had a GREAT time in the past two weeks....

My sister Connie in Wyoming sent me this cool email that I love so thought I would share it with you....It's soooo true...

***************************************************************************************

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Marley & Me

I've just added John Grogan's blog to my links. I read his book "Marley & Me" last week, which is about his dog Marley and all the crazy things he did (I totally recommend it to anyone who has ever had a dog or even if you just like dogs) I loved this book!!!...it took a one whole Sunday afternoon...I laughed, I cried, it brought back such memories of every dog I have ever called my own...made me think of The Kid's dog "Jake" who after having him since he was a puppy she had to have him put to sleep this year...
So after I finished I gave it to The Kid to read...she just finished it today (on her lunch hour) and called me (and yes she bawled her eyes out but is a fan now too)...she googled Marley & Me and found out that there is a whole web site and on this web site there are pictures...which are way tooo cute and John's blog...
Reading his last blog brought to mind some of Kyra's experiences with her chickens and Skwigg's experiences with Riley...After reading this book you'll want to just go out a get a puppy... I even gave it a thought before I came to my senses....but eventually when I settle down I know that I will get an ole yeller dawg...something I've always wanted...

Moanin' Mona here today!!!

It's raining & cold (at least here in my office it's cold...not quite sure bout outside since I don't have any windows) here in Georgia today and I'm definately feeling my age..I've decided to stay in for lunch ...good thing I brought my Spinach salad...although days like this makes me crave some good ole homemade potato soup . and how about a big cup of hot chocolate with some whipping creme...and some homemade chocolate chip cookies warm out of the oven. (but noooooo we can't have any of those things....because we gave up milk, just because we found that it causes congestion of the lungs for me...I never get what I want to eat...it's always something healthy...like veggie soup, sugar free choc milk without the marshmellows or whip creme...and cookies...what are those????

The rain and cold make my bones ache, especially my right hip...I'm walking with a hitch...it reminds me of this one step we do in Hip Hop...where you take a step and dip...yep that's me today...
My fingers are aching and I noticed my rings are tighter today..finger joints are swelling on me...
And I have a head ache...pressure behind my eyes....

This reminds me that winter will be here before I know it and that means I'll get to be achey all over all of the time...OH goodie!!!

The rain is suppose to be here for a couple of days....I sure hope it clears up before this weekend when we are going camping in Cashiers NC...
I can just see it now....sleeping on the hard ground in that flimsy tight sleeping bag...eating cold food because it'll be too wet for a campfire...ohhhh why meeeee!!!

(I'm struggling here today...Sue)

From one extreme to the next

Last night as I sat at the Sports Bar watching football and drinking beer...I thought to MYSELF...here I am in a total differant atmosphere than I was 2 nights ago...2 nights ago I was hanging out with the "beautiful" people, drinking wine, listening to jazz and enjoying the Atlanta night life...now here I am hanging out with a bunch of crazy guys, getting rambutious, listening to runchy jokes in a bar that you can hardly hear yourself in...and I'm totally enjoying myself... I love the fact that my life is so unprediticable...and so full of doing differant things... A few months ago I was bemoaning to MYSELF that I didn't do anything but go to the gym & work...Not any more....

The only thing I could wish for now is if I would win the lottery so I could afford to do ALL the things that I would love to do...but I'm finding out that there is STILL alot that I can do that doesn't cost a lot of monies...all you have to do is surround yourself with people that like to do things...

Some of the things that we are talking about doing is:
rollerskating/blading...(too many years I worried about being to fat to do this..I used to love rollerskating when I was young)
bowling
White Water Rafting (ok so this one might be a little over the top for me, since I don't swim but if the group really wants to do it...I'll be there)
going to 6 Flags to ride the rollercoasters
Go to a play (not sure which one yet)

Things I would like to do if I had monies
Go on a cruise
Skydive (yeah, I know I'm afraid of heights but I really need to get over that fear too)
Learn to rock climb (I might do this one anyway next year after I get over my fear of heights)
Go to the symphony/opera (all dressed to the max)
Go to a football game in a differant city than Atlanta

Losing Larry and living through the terror of 9/11 has made me want to live life to the fullest...
Life can be cut short so easy and so fast...who knows how long any of us have...but as long as I'm able I want to be able to say "I Did it the best that I could"...

A little touch of Culture

Last night my freind Joelle and I went an art show downtown Atlanta at the Sundial Resturant and Bar which is located at the top of the Westin P'tree Plaza... this place is freakin' amazin'...we rode up the glass elevator 73 floors to the top...surprizingly the height didn't bother me at all...I have to tell you I wasn't impressed with the art show but looking out at the Atlanta skyline at night with all the lights NOW that was very impressing... this bar rotates all around so you get to see all of Atlanta...We sat and had a glass of wine, people watched and listen to the jazz trio...I thought I would feel out of place in such a fancy place but surprizingly I didn't...I just enjoyed myself...maybe I'm not such a country bumpkin as I thought...

Dancing on the Treadmill?????

If you haven't already, You really need to check out pastaqueen of Half of Me..... she is always inspiring but Weds she outdid herself....
I love the idea of dancing on the treadmill but I'm afraid that there would be serious body injury if I tried it...I have trouble just hopping to the side of the thing when I need a drink of water much less hoping from one treadmill to the other...althou I really like when the guys SLIDE across the treadmill....
This is way to cool...bout time someone thought of something differant...
Oh yeah, I like the music too....

Hodgepodge Thoughts

My Grandson "Bubba" will turn 8 years old tomorrow (his birthday is one of the few I can remember...he was born 9/8/98 how cool is that)....I remember the day he was born and the first thing I saw was that shock of red hair sticking up..he was sooo tiny...he's gone through a lot of things since he was born but I like to think he takes after me and is a very stong person...I have to go out and buy him a b'day present yet...but it's hard since he has sooo many things already and when asked what he wanted ..he told me whatever I got him would be fine with him...he's such a sweetheart!!!




Liz of Granny Vibe is taking a break from blogging and I miss her... She was diagonosed with cancer and I think she & the Painter are focusing everything on her getting better... Now when you click on her site you get this wierd list of Black Vibrators...how wierd is that... Any way I wish Liz all the luck in the world and hope she knows how much she is missed her in blogland...

I got my new sleeping bag... but I'm kind of worried that I won't be able to get any sleep in it...it is a mummy bag and altho it does have a zipper at the feet to make it wider and to give you air when it is warmer..it's still a really tight fit...I went with the mummy type because that was the one that weighed the least...a little under 3 pounds...it fits nicely into this little sack and I figure I'll be able to carry it for a long distance if needed. I just wish I wasn't so claustaphobic (which I seemed to forget when I ordered the thing) ... When I got home Saturday am (at 3 in the morning after a night out with some freinds) the box was waiting for me at the front door...so I unpacked it and rolled the bag out onto the living room floor and crawled into it (thinking to test it out) ...when I realized that I can't get in my favorite position to sleep...which is curled up on my right side with my top leg bent at the knee and out as far as it will go...I kept turning around in it trying to get comfortable but only succeeded in getting all twisted up in it instead...so I got out, straightened the bag up and crawled in again...tried to sleep on my back..but my snoring woke me up...damn whats with that, so decided to try sleeping on my left side...just as I was starting to fall asleep, I automatically turned to my right side but my feet got all tangled up in the bottom of the bag and I couldn't turn...and who knew that my living room floor was so hard even with the carpet...I finally got out of the bag and went to my bed (where I should have gone in the first place..talk about heaven...) so it will be interesting when I go camping on the 16th...good thing it is only one night...I'm thinking I need to get a pad but not sure there is room for it and me in the bag also that kind of defeats the purpose of going with a bag that weighs less than 3 pounds if I have to carry a pad that adds weight to my pack...I guess you could say this is a "learning experience" for me...LOL..

Pride Or Conceit?

This morning as I was getting ready for work I looked in the mirror and said to MYSELF...
"Damn, girl you look hot today"...then this lil voice (Evil Eva) said to me "Don't be conceited"...
It took some of the wind out of my sail...then I thought why listen to that voice..I like feeling like I look good...it seems all my life just when I am starting to feel good about how I look someone has told me not to be conceited...I remember as a kid my Mom telling me that anytime I would say I was "cute too". In truth she probably only said it once or twice to me but for some reason it seems like more and it made me very insecure about the way I look...making me wonder if what I see in the mirror is really what everyone else sees...as an adult I've had to contend with Evil Eva (my own insecurities) telling me that no one likes a conceited person... But I ask you this IS it really conceit or it is Pride in how I look ....and is it really sooo bad?

So any way when I got to work this morning I looked up the words Conceit & Pride in the Webster Dictionary and it said:
Conceit - 1. an overdeveloped opinion of ones abilities, personality or worth.
Pride - 1. A sense of one's own proper value or dignity..
sooo where does that leave me?

And talk about coincidence....When I checked my emails this morning there was a newsletter from eDiets and lo & behold there was an article on this very subject...(funny how things work like that)
"10 Things to Help develop a Sense of Pride"..it talked about the differences between Pride & Conceit...not a bad article..

Of the 10 things listed Six of the them I pretty much do or at least try to do each day.. I've changed the order of them to what is most important to me...

1. "Beware of your Inner Voice...If all you hear is negativity, then all you'll get is negativity."
I'm a firm believer in the more you tell yourself you can do something, the more you'll be able to do it...so maybe if I keep telling myself that I look good (and not listen to Evil Eva), I will start to believe it truly...Fake it til you make it is my motto.

2. Do Something everyday for yourself because you are worth it...besides the obvious of going to the gym...I like to do any of the following...take a walk, read a book, paint my nails, call a friend, buy a candle or flowers for myself.

3. "Gather evidence of Successes. Instead of looking at things you haven't been able to accomplish on your to do list- look at the ones you have been able to do- Keep mementos of accomplishments where you can see them."
Ok Done that...my awards & trophies on my 5K's & 10K's that I have placed in is on the wall and on the top of the stand in my entryway at home...I also have my postcard picture of me at the finish line on the P'tree Road Race on my wall here at work...this encourages me to know that I can do what I used to think was impossible...And yes I am very PROUD of them and MYSELF for what I have accomplished this past year...

4. " Surround yourself with enthusiam. Make it a point to be around people who pump up your self esteem and try to stay away form those who bring you down"...
This one is easy for me...When I go to the gym I am surrounded by people who encourage me daily...and my family..#1 Niece, #2 Niece & The Kid are very encouraging... Even Bubba told me last night that I look Skinnier....is he not the greatest Grandson alive....

5. "Keep your compliments. Don't break off or negate compliments sent your way. Say thank you and accept the praise." This one is hard for me but I'm learning. Usually when some one compliments me that lil voice (Evil Eva) will tell me not to get a big head or be conceited sounding so I will say something like "I still have a lot of weight to lose" when someone says that I'm looking good...or "I've had this thing forever" when someone compliments me on what I'm wearing...But I read an article not to long ago that says when you do this you are telling the person that complimented you what they say doesn't count and that discourages them on complimenting... and since I am a great one for complimenting people on things that I really like and I mean it when I compliment someone what makes me think that someone complimenting me doesn't have the same feelings.... so now I make an effort to smile and thank that person...and if they are complimenting me on something I wear..I will usually say .."Oh yeah, this is one of my favorite things too"...it's not that hard to do IF I don't listen to "Evil Eva" (back to #1 on the list)

And last but not least
6. "Respect your Mistakes. Instead of dwelling on your past faults- learn from them and use them to your advantage by trying a different approach the next time."
Still working on this one...

What this all really has to do with whether I'm conceited or just proud I'm not sure but I thought it was worth writing here...

I am SOOO Damn Clueless!!!!!

I just finally went online and checked out the "Club" that Lionel told me about....
NO FREAKIN' WAY!!!!

I'm soooo glad that I didn't give him my number....
This club is for "Swingers" damn...I didn't know they still had them.... I guess that just goes to show that I've been out of circulation way to long....
What a Weirdo....or maybe I Am.....

Now I'm wondering if I'm putting out signs that I'm that type of woman...ok maybe I was once upon a time , a long time ago...but come on guys...I'm not that type of girl anymore!!!!!!

I can't believe I was that Naive....oh slap me in the head....I've got to get a real life here!!!!
This could be funny if it happened to someone else...NOT!!!!

so much for the good feeling...now I just feel dirty...Yech.....

THIS IS THE GOD'S TRUTH...THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!

Monday night after work I'm walking to my truck (I always park at the far end of the parking lot) and I see this guy on a motorcycle looking at me go by on the road next to our parking lot...all of a sudden he turns the bike around and heads for me..I figure he needs directions..this seem to happen to me a lot, people asking directions...so I stop and wait for him...

He pulls up and says "You are soo Hot I had to turn around and come talk to you...Are you single and do you like younger guys?"
Well....I of course get this big smile on my face...meanwhile he's getting off the bike and he is a hunk...around 6'2" probably weighs around 200, built just like I like them ...lots of muscle...be still my heart...he then takes off his helmet and I see he is REALLY young...good looking as all get out.... but YOUNG...I can't seem to get the smile off my face...
He says "I love the way you look in that skirt...you are soooo SEXY" (I'm wearing my black flirty skirt that I love with a cranberry top and my 4" heels. First day I got to wear my heels since I twisted my ankle hiking, and yeah I did feel sexy and I was probably walking like I felt sexy...it's hard not to do when I'm wearing my heels).
He puts his hand out and says "I'm Lionel" I shake his hand...(he has a really nice handshake)
I finally find my tongue (I think I swallowed it for a minute when he got off his bike...ohhhhh)
and I said "I'm Sue and Yes, I AM single and of course I like younger guys, what woman in her right mind won't.... but just how young are you?"

He smiles back at me and says "28" (OMG...28!)

I laugh and tell him "I have children older than you"
He laughes back and say "But I'm not your child" (NO KIDDING) "

I'm having a hard time believing this is really happening and I really can't take it serious so...I asked him"Why me? Do you know how old I am?"
He says "Probably in your early 40's"
I laugh and tell him "I'm 56, that's twice your age"
He says "Even better!!!...you look really fit (FIT?) and I think you are one sexy lady"....
We talked for 15 mins or so ...he wanted to know what I was doing next.. I told him I was on my way to the gym to play racquetball.. He asked if I ever go to "clubs" and told me about one he goes to in Atlanta every Friday night and said that if I won't go with him, I should at least go check it out...(That's not going to happen!!!).
We finally said our goodbyes (and no I didn't give him my number, I can't seem to get over the age differance) he said he was going to be dreaming of me at night...I knew I would be dreaming of him, I might not even wait for night...LOL...

Even after 2 days I can't seem to get over the fact that some young STUD (a good looking one at that, one that could have any girl that he wanted) would want to be with ME....This would never have happened to me a few years ago...Talk about giving a girl's ego a really big boost...wooohooo...I'm still smiling just thinking about it...

I'm not sure what's going on with these young guys anymore.. I'm on myspace.com and have my picture posted and I get more guys in their late 20's early 30's emailing me than I do guys my own age...And they all tell me they are serious...that they find older women sooo much more interesting than girls their own age...It's kind of scary!!!! but also kind of gives me a thrill ...

Altho I'm finding there are also alot of guys out there too (online) that like large women...I've ran into some of them but don't respond because DAMMIT.... I don't consider myself one of those Large women any longer....I'm Fit, Lionel said so!!!!

What was I thinking?

Let me just state this for the record ....YES, I AM A PROUD PARENT...

Yesterday The Kid was looking at my site on myspace and she noticed that on my profile under Details for Children I had put that "I don't want kids" Needless to say this set her off...she told me that now she REALLY knows how I feel about her (her feelings were hurt)...

Now first off I have to tell you that I really hate filling out these things (I kind of Zone out while filling them) and they always ask things that don't relate to me....And I'm just plain NO good at it....

I had 6 choices to chose from : the 1st one being "I don't want Kids" the 2nd "Someday" 3rd "Undecided" 4th "Love kids, but not for me" 5th "Proud Parent" and the last "No answer"....
Why they put "Proud Parent" near the bottom is a mystery to me...it should have been the first to choose from... I'm not sure why I chose the 1st one..I was probably thinking I didn't want to go out with a guy who wanted to have more kids....I'm way tooo old for that...
I figure once you have had the perfect child you don't want to tempt the gods by trying for more (buttering up to The Kid here LOL). Just my luck the next child would be just like me...OH NO!!!

I really lucked out having The Kid, she was not only the most beautiful child in the world (I have pictures to prove this, maybe someday I'll post them) but the best natured too...(altho #1 Niece will probably tell you some stories about her otherwise) and YES I've always been PROUD of her..even when she gave me trouble when she was a teenager I was still so Proud to be her MOM...

I'm not sure she was always proud of me. I used to worry alot about her being ashamed of the way I looked and acted...but now I think I understand that it isn't all about looks, its' about how you feel about a person and how that person feels about you... The Kid could have been the most deformed child in the world (thank god she isn't) and I would still be proud of her.. She is the best daughter a Mother could ever ask for... She has been and will always be there for me when I need her..and ditto for me...

I'm proud of the Mother that she has become to Bubba & Lil Bit. I'm proud of how she embraces life and doesn't let anything keep her down (at least not for long, after all she is only human)... She is dealing with some rough times right now with her ex but I know she will do what is right for Bubba and stay true to herself...

As a PROUD Mother let me tell you that daughters don't come any better than MINE!!!