On MY way to SC

for the New Year..will be back on Weds...

I got up early this morning , made my bed,took a shower, fixed my hair and actually put makeup on...I then packed my bag...fixed myself a good healthy breakfast and cleaned the kitchen while listening to a motivational tape.

I really feel like I'm getting back to being MYSELF....for so long I've had NO motivation to do anything...these things I've listed up above may not sound like a big deal but for ME in the last few months are things that just didn't seem important enough to do...or just seemed like to much work...I still have to push myself to do anything but it's getting easier..I want to be back to where I don't have to think about doing things like this and just do it....

All I've got left to do is to clean up my truck and get gas and then off I go...
It's only a 3 hr drive and I'm anxious to see Conry & Paula...I know Paula doesn't get up before noon so I figure I'll be arriving at a good time....

I know I'll be making memories.....

Rainy Day

and still feeling good about myself in spite of it...

We need the rain so bad here in Georgia that I'm actually glad to see it...even more glad that I'm at home and don't have to drive the bus in it...altho it is a slow steady rain ..the kind that sinks into the ground...just what we need...
It's hard for me to get to concerned about the drought (altho I know it's serious) because where I come from (Wyoming) it was so much drier there (except for the snow) and when we were in a drought everything was brown...here things are still green but i can really tell there's a drought when I go hiking up in the mountains and where there used to be a running stream there is only a trickle now...the waterfalls are really what I miss....again only a trickle..although it does make it easier for river crossings......

I don't have any hikes planned right now....all the hikes are level 4 & 5 and I'm a level 3 hiker. At least right now...working on getting to be a level 4..hopefully by this spring. I miss camping this winter but since there is a campfire ban for all the states I camp in I don't see much sense in going...it gets dark about 5:30 pm and without a campfire there's not much to do except go to bed....No Fun...I could go on some day hikes but just haven't seen anything that interests me and as I said i'm not ready for a strenous hike right now..I have no doubt i could do it..I just hate slowing down the group...besides that my friend Bruce (who's hikes I usually go on because he always takes us to a waterfall or two) has been having health problems and has had to take a break from hiking...I like some of the other leaders but it's just not the same without Bruce...But I'll keep checking the website for the AOC and if I see a hike that really interests me then I'll sign up and go..

Making my plans to go to SC for the New Years...I have to be back on Weds to make sure my bus is ready for Thurs when I go back to work...I have to take down all the Christmas pictures the kids drew & colored for me..I probably decorated my bus more than I did my house...how funny is that...I wish I could post some of the pictures here but since I don't have a scanner anymore it's not possible....They are so cute and some are really good....I'm thinking about doing a pet theme next...I already have some pictures that a few of them did for me of their pets..I will put them up in the bus by the childs assigned seat..for some reason they get a big kick out of that...Now if only I could think of something to keep the middle schoolers under control...LOL....

Climbing out of the dark hole!

I've decided to use this blog only for things not related to my struggle with my weight (if that's possible) and to start another blog to journal in for losing the weight..it's called Doing It My Way.

This blog will be for dealing with my other things in life (yes, there is other things besides weight problems). I have found myself so immersed in my depression about my weight that I've let all the other good and bad things go on the side...that's one of the reasons I haven't been here much lately...Not sure how this is going to work out.

All I can say is what people have been saying about me for years and that is that you never know what I will do.
I will come here to tell you about my life as MS SUE the bus driver. Also my adventures hiking and backpacking...
My struggles with learning how to live on a budget....
Sometimes I might even come here when I'm in the deep hole called depression (hopefully this will be few)...

For today ...I feel good ...I feel for the first time in a long time that I've gotten a handle on my life..I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow...not that I have any great plans for tomorrow but there have been times lately that I didn't want to wake up in the morning...

I'm planning on going to SC for New Years Eve..something I've done for the past 3 years...to see my freinds Conry & Paula....I haven't seen them since last New Years and I miss them so much that I decided that to spend the money and do without something else (not sure what right now but I'll figure it out) and just go...usually we exchange gifts but this year I told them My gift will have to be me coming to spend time with them...They understand! They are my very best friends....I'm looking forward to seeing them again...

I feel like I've been in a black hole for way too long..It's time to climb out and start living a full life again

Christmas was good!

I'm good! and life is going on.....
I'm trying to get my life back to where it was a year and a half ago..before I quit my job and started gaining all this weight back...I've been dealing with a lot of depression and this makes me very lazy....I haven't been UNHappy exactly but then I haven't been happy either..some days are better than others and I think that all is going on fine and then I come to a bump in the road and fall back on my old habits...
Being in debt is a bummer but it's not the end of the world..I've been here before when The Kid was a baby before I met Larry and I know that I can survive this just like I did then...so what if I couldn't give my Grandkids the Christmas I wanted to..that's what they have parents for...and I don't think they really cared that I didn't give them expensive gifts but they were happy that they got to come to my house on Christmas Eve (a tradition) and spend time with me..at least that's what I'm telling myself today...

I've let things go so bad here around the house but I'm trying to get it back together. I've been keeping my house clean each day...no more dirty dishes in the sink and dirty clothes all over my bedroom and unmade bed....and now I'm working on getting the office cleaned...the son-in-law came over yesterday and put up shelves in my closet (something I started a year ago and never finished) so I can go through all the stuff that I've piled up on the floor and find a place for everything...I also straighted up the garage yesterday and took a load of junk that I know I will never use or sell to the dump...there is now a clear path so I can get to the shelves on the walls..It feels good when I walk through my house...I still have lots to do but then that's a never ending job isn't it?

I am not calling this my New Years Resultion...no this is just me getting back to being MYSELF...

I admit that I'm ADDICTED

Yep, it's that time of the year...CHRISTMAS....and already I've spent more time watching TV in this last week than I have in Months....starting last Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) I turned on my TV and watched Christmas movies from 8 am til midnight...For some strange reason I love Christmas Movies...the sappier the better...Every day I get home I turn on the tv to the Hallmark station to see what Christmas movie they have....last night I was upset because there wasn't any on that I haven't already seen this week....and nothing on any of the other stations either....bummer....but I did see an advert for a new one that is to show tonight....whooopppeee...

I should start keeping a list of the movies but mostly I just watch them and I'm lucky if I can remember the names of the movies until I see it again... the ones so far that I really remember are :) Picking Up/Dropping Off (a favorite of mine), The Carol Christmas (another Scroogelike movie with Tori Spellman, not one I will watch again) The Christmas Card (a new one for me and I liked this one), The Christmas List (another favorite I watch each year), A Grandpa for Christmas (still undecided about this one..I might have to watch it again to decide LOL)...there was one with Linda Hamilton set in Germany during the war that was good, I just don't remember the name...I think it might have been Silent Night or something like that...it was good..there are many more I've watched all ready and I see advertisements for new ones that I haven't seen yet...I can't seem to stop myself....LOL

This addiction is soooo bad that I found myself watching The Waltons and Little House on the Parire Christmas repeats and I LOVED THEM NOW as much as I did when the origially came out back in the 80's...

They haven't showed My all time favorite the orginal MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET yet ....but thats all right because #1 Niece gave me the video for Christmas a few years ago...I even love the remakes of this movie....I guess in my heart I believe in Santa or at least what he stands for..the good ...I'm saving it for closer to Christmas ....once I've seen all the others...It's something to look forward to ......

I'm thinking I really need help :)

Happy Thanksgiving

It's a good day....It's raining out!!!! Yay!!! Who would have thought I would EVER be THANKFUL to see rain...but I'm in Georgia and we've been having the serious drought...and we need this rain and lots more so bad...It's been really hard to see the streams and waterfalls with only a trickle of water in them lately...and we been on a no fires restriction so I haven't planned a backpacking trip for some time... after all it's really hard to camp in the winter with out a camp fire..So I'm THANKFUL that I didn't have a trip planned this weekend...

I had Bubba and Lil Bit (9 yr old grandson & 4 yr old granddaughter) Tuesday night and all day yesterday....there was no school but The Kid still had to work....I really don't see them enuff and this was a good chance to spend some time with them....We had a blast....The kids love to come over to my house but I'm usually busy doing something SO I made sure that I didn't have plans this time....they set my 2 man tent up in the living room and that's were they slept and then yesterday we went to the park and walked around the lake..we had a picnic at the half way mark where there is a bunch of big bolders for them to play on....It's ONLY 3 miles but it was quite the walk for Lil Bit..I ended up carrying her the last mile..Lil Bit is at a fun age..she is quite the character....I love when she is talking and someone (usually her brother) will start interupt and start talking over her...she says "Helllloooooo, I'm talking here" she had me in stitches both days....everything is "OH MY Gawd" and she has this really cute lil southern accent....she is still at the age that she likes to cuddle...I guess I really needed cuddling too because we did alot of it...
Bubba is the best big brother (most of the time) he really watched out for her on the big boulders and it's so cute when you see him with his arm around her while they are walking...he did offer to carry her on his back but I said no because I didn't want him to get too tired to finish the walk because there is NO WAY I could carry him...by the time we finished the 3 miles he said his legs were hurting...I forgot how long 3 miles is to kids....hey a couple of years ago 3 miles would have been impossible for me...They did GREAT....
I'm so THANKFUL that I have such great GrandKids!!!

My friend Hayat who I haven't seen in forever called me yesterday and wanted to go out to a club where they give Salsa Dancing lessons (free) and have a Free Buffet... I said "sure" so after The Kid came and got the grandkids I went out for a couple of hours....It was fun but I realized how out of shape I am after an hour of turns and fancy steps learning the Salsa...I do wish I was more cordinated when it comes to dancing..I love watching other people...there was this older married couple who where so good..they told me that they have been dancing together for 30 years..how sweet is that?

I'm going over to The Kids house for Thanksgiving Dinner today but I'm thinking about stopping at the gym first and getting a good workout....I was planning on going to the park and running but since it's raining I guess I'll have to change my plans...THANKFULLY I still have the gym..and after dinner at The Kids I've been invited over to my friends Jo's for an evening of relaxing with her family and some of our "Jazz" friends....It will be fun especially since I don't have to be back at work until Monday...we've been know to stay up all night just talking and having fun...

It's nice to know that I have so many Positive things to be THANKFUL for on this day of Thanksgiving....

What's Wrong with ME?

Like everything else in my life I keep putting off coming here to blog...I think about it when I'm in my car, in bed and even when I'm driving the bus...I think of all kinds of things I could be writing...but when it comes to actually coming into my office and logging in to my site..I think to MYSELF...I'll wait till later to do it....and then NEVER do it....

And it's not only blogging that I'm doing this with..it's cleaning my house, paying bills, going to the gym or even weighing myself...It's so easy NOT to do ANYThINg....just to sit around and read...Oh I go to work everyday and I've even did a 5K a couple of weeks ago...oh yeah and I did do Bruce's Panthertown Backpacking Trip (the one I really wanted to do...it was good) and I've hung out with my friend J...it's not like I'm NOT doing things...just not things I know I should be doing...

I could use the excuse that this is the Month that I'm always depressed....but I don't really feel depressed...I mean I laugh with my freinds and co workers...it's just that I have no energy or motivation to do most of the things that I need to do....

I also tell myself it's because I have NO monies...I'm more in debt now than I ever have.(why does everything have to Cost sooo much)..but I also tell myself that I can see my way out of it....I just have to be patient and chip at it a little at a time and do without alot of the things I got used to having...like Healthy food, clothes and books....you know the essentials in my life...
I gave up my protein drinks and all of my supplements because it was costing me over $150 a month....now I know that I can buy the cheaper version of all those things but I keep putting it off....I pass up alot of the things that my friends are doing because I just don't have the monies to keep up with them..and I'm not comfortable with them paying my way ALL the time..I get so tired of having to say "NO, I don't have the monies"...I'm lucky in that my friends are GREAT and they won't take the answer NO most of the times....I went to Savannah with a group of 6 and stayed at a B&B in September which my friend "L" paid for...we had a blast....and then last month a group of about thirteen of us went to the Mountains, rented a cabin and went White Water Rafting....again I didn't have to pay anything because another friend paid for my part...but you know I get so tired of NOT being able to Pay my own way....the months that I was out of work and the 6 months that I worked for LA Fitness really put me behind...I made a mistake of living off my Credit Cards...something I knew better than to do but didn't feel like I had a choice..but now I'm working to get them paid off....
I seem to be obsessing over this probably more than I should...letting Moanin' Mona rule the day....

well, most of the time LIFE IS GOOD for me....I mean I have so many things to be thankful for...It's just that pushing myself to do the things I know would make be feel better just sounds like to much work...and is so easy to put it off for today, telling myself that there is always tommorow....

I wanted to wait till I had something funny, something uplifting...something to make me laugh before I blogged again...but that doesn't seem to be happening...all I ever seem to blog is this self pity stuff....damn...what's wrong with me?

I'm so bummed

but I refuse to get discouraged!

I've been looking over future events for my outdoor club and I'm either too out of shape (since I've gained all this weight back) or too poor....

I did go on an overnight back packing trip last month and that's when I realized this extra 20/25 pounds really slow me down...it's not fair to the other campers when I can't keep up...so I guess if I really want to do this (AND I DO) then I need to get off my fat ass and get busy losing this weight and getting back into shape...
I've given myself one month because that's when Bruce has scheduled the Panther Town backpacking trip (Oct 20th) and I really want to go on this one..it's will be the one year anniversary of my first backpacking trip which was Panther Town...
This should give me the incentive to really buckle down and get busy...NO MORE EXCUSES...I know I can do it...I've done it before....I want to fit in all that gear that I bought especially for hiking...right now I can't get anything buttoned up and even if I did then I can't move...and believe me when you are hiking you need to be able to breath and move easily...LOL...

There are 4 other events before that that I won't be able to go on that I really want too but I have to be realistic ....
1. Introductory to Rock Climbing....this is an indoor thing that costs $30 and you need to be in shape to pull yourself up....This is something I've been wanting to try for awhile but now that the chance is here..I can't do it and it's all my own fault...the only thing I can tell myself is...I will be ready the next time they offer it....and knowing these guys ...they will offer it again...and I'm going to be ready....
2. Caving trip to Cedar Ridge....I haven't done any caving yet..last year I was thinking about trying it...altho tight places aren't one of my favorite things...I'm told this is a fairly easy caving trip...it doesn't cost anything but you must be in shape....
3. Fall Creek Falls State Park...Cabin Camping and waterfall hike....cost $57....sounds like a great hike..but is rated as difficult...I did a couple of difficult hikes last winter but again don't feel that I could do this without holding up everyone...plus the monies ...which I don't have...again...maybe next year..
I'm hoping that I will be in better shape and that I will have the monies when Paula posts her ZipLine trip...we talked about it on my last hike with her and it's one of the things I really want to do....

So since I really love doing outdoor activities especially in the fall and winter I had better get a plan on how I'm going to get in shape to do all the things I want...

1. Start running again at the park on the weekends if not during the day when I'm not working...there are two parks that I go too that have off trails that I can put on a backpack and walk/run just to get myself ready...that is after I get myself built back up a bit.....
2. Stop SNACKING....if I'm not at home but out running or working out at the gym this should be easy for me to do....And start eating regular meals...it's been to easy to just fix myself something easy...usually something totally carb...need to get back to the basics like fish (grilled salmon, tilapai, or chicken) and some steamed veggies.....no more peanut butter and honey wraps...I think I've gotten addicted to peanut butter in the last few months...it doesn't matter that it's natural...it still has lots of Calories....
3. Get back to the gym at least 3 x a week...and work out with the free weights..I really love how I feel after doing this...my excuse has been that since I don't drive by the gym anymore on my way home that it's easier to go home than in the opposite direction....This IS JUST an EXCUSE...it only take me 10 - 15 mins from where I park the bus to get to either one of the gyms that I can use....
I've only been playing racquetball on Mondays but talked my partner into playing on Thurs too....since this is something I really enjoy ...it gets me into the gym and since we don't play until 7 pm it also gives me a hour to work out before playing....hmmmm sounds like a plan...

NOW DOES THIS ALL SOUND FAMILAR? .....HAVEN'T I SAID ALL THIS BEFORE? So what makes it differant this time?

I REALLY WANT TO BE IN SHAPE FOR THAT HIKE IN OCTOBER AND I KNOW I HAVE TO START NOW....NO MORE PUTTING IT OFF AND MAKING EXCUSES!!!!

I've said it before

Where does the time go? It's been almost a month since I've blogged...not sure if it's because I've been busy, didn't feel that I had anything to share or just got out of the habit of coming here..but I'm going to try to do better...for my own sake..

I finished my training for bus manager (4 weeks of Hell), got my CDL (commercial drivers license) and am now driving my own bus on my own routes...this is my second week of driving by myself and the first day that I really thought I might just make this....I didn't make any wrong turns, miss any stops and was only 10 mins late for my last route (this is a big improvement from last week)...so far the kids are great, especially the high school kids. Even my Middle school kids aren't as bad as I was told they would be...I have a couple of girls that are pushing to see how much I will put up with...are they ever in for a surprize....because so far I push back and am not taking any "shit" from them...I figure another week and all will be good there...I have 2 elementary school routes that are a little more of a challenge...mainly due to the number of students on each route..the first one I have 66 kids and the second one I have 54...this is a lot of kids..and I'm just getting to know them....will probably have some stories to tell before long....but I don't want this to become just about my job...but I might need to vent now and then....we'll see how things go...

Oh yeah..I leave to get to my bus at 5:30 am and get done with my AM routes around 9:30 then I have until 1:20 to do whatever I want...right now I'm coming back home to rest and check my emails...probably will blog at this time each day UNLESS I start going to the gym to work out...that was my BIG plan last week but so far that isn't happening...I am going to the gym tonight to play racquetball...yay!!! Like I said I have to be back at my bus by 1:20 so I can get in the line up for my High School...and then I get to do all my PM routes and finish around 5:30 pm...so it's a pretty full day...I was hoping I could find time to get a second job to help pay the bills but with going to the shop for repairs, getting fuel, and going to meetings...my time is pretty well taken up during the day....so I guess I'll just have to wait until this summer and see about getting a part time job to help catch up on all the bills I've accumulated this past year...

The Kid and her hubby came through for me AGAIN...and gave me an early Christmas Present (more like ALL of my presents for the future) and I am now the proud owner of a beautiful new air conditioning unit..it's much bigger and quieter than my old one...which was almost 20 years old and outdated to had to be completely replaced....the Son in Law just happened to be friends with someone in the Heating & Air business and got a "deal" on it...so they tell me..It is/was hard for me to accept it because I'm am so damn independent and hate asking for help from anyone...I think I should be able to handle everything that comes my way...but I will admit that I did need the help this time...I don't know what I would have done with out my family....there's no way I could afford to buy a new unit until next summer when I get a second job..

I'm having a GOOD day today even if I did get on the scale this past weekend and almost fell off when I saw what I weigh....talk about a "slap in the face" ....I really need to "WAKE UP" and get back on a program....NO more excuses...NO MORE SNACKING....back to regular "eating" times and I will get back to an exercise program....and coming here to blog will keep me "honest" NO MORE LISTENING TO EVIL EVA AND MOANIN' MONA....

I AM SO Lucky

to have such a GREAT Daughter!!!!
Sunday The Kid and family came over and brought me a new microwave, a fan and a gift certificate to WalMart...They also brought over a window air conditioning unit which I asked them to return...it was all too much for me...I would rather they use that money on something else for them selves...I'll survive until I can get my air conditioning fixed... but I have to tell you that having a microwave is a Godsend...I never realized how much I truly use the mircowave...I hated using the stove...it heats up the house too much and I have to dirty so many dishes.....who'd thunk...

struggling here to keep it Positive

Note to self ...this is not a pity party..this is an exercise to remind MYSELF how lucky I am...

Life hasn't been exactly what I want lately..it seems like since Larry died I've been slowly spiralling downhill and I'm having trouble stopping and getting my life back on an even keel.
Not that I haven't tried....just that nothing I try seems to be working...so this morning I've been having a conversation with Eva & Mona who seem to be ruling my life lately..I have to remind myself that I am stronger than both of them and that I've been through rough periods of my life before and came out of it (I just wish it wasn't such a struggle) and I will do it again (and again and again for as long as I live)..

So what brought this on...lots of little things (just this week.. my microwave breaking down on me...my purse strap breaking and not having any monies to buy a new one, not going out with my freinds last night because AGAIN I don't have any extra monies and not being able to afford the healthy foods that I've been eating in the last 3 years), big things (Larry's Mom passed away and her funeral in ND was last Monday. My Mom underwent surgery in Colorado on Thurs and I wasn't able to be there for either one of them...this hurts me more than words can say because both of them were here for me when I needed them...) and then yesterday I came home to find that my air conditioning isn't working...

Mostly it's all about MONEY...I don't have ANY and don't see myself getting enough to live the life that I've gotten used to while Larry was with me (he spoiled me so much)...I find myself being envious of all my friends & family who don't seem to have to worry about if they have enough monies to pay their bills and they can do pretty much what they want...

But then I remind myself just how lucky I am...

I have a beautiful home that I love with a house payment cheaper than what I could rent for (even with repairs)...There are people out there living on the streets or in housing that I can't even imagine living in..And I think about the Katrina refugees who lost everything and had to start over..so how can I sit here and complain because I don't have air conditioning..heck I never had air conditioning until I moved here to Georgia anyway...I do have ceiling fans in three of my main rooms...so I've decided to try to wait until I do have monies (I don't want to put anything else on my credit cards...hey there's something else I have a credit card that I can use for emergencies)..besides it'll save me some monies on my electric bill and maybe I'll actually sweat off a couple of these extra pounds I've gained in the last nine months...as for the microwave..I've also decided that I'm not buying another one...I just bought this one (at WalMart) a couple of months ago (using my credit card) and until I can afford the one I really want I'm going to actually use my stove and oven for cooking..it does take more time but what the hey...again I went many years without one so why have I become so dependent on it...time i have..money I don't!!!!!!

I may not be eating the foods I want...but at least I do have food to eat...again there are people out there that don't know where their next meal is coming from...I've been here before with eating cheap (I remember a time with my first husband where all we had to eat was beans for about a month) and I know how to do it...I just keep reminding myself that it's not forever...

So I didn't go out last night .Big deal..it's not the end of the world..and there will be other times when I can...I am so lucky to have rooms full of books and I stayed home and read..there are so many things I can do that don't cost monies...like go to the park...talk to freind on the phone...

I have to appreciate the things I do have...so I couldn't afford a new purse...at least I found an old one in the closet that I can use until I can..it may not be in style and I don't really like it but it does serve the purpose and it won't hurt me to use it....

And the most important thing is I have a beautiful daughter who has given me Two of the greatest grand kids in the world..We talk every day and altho I think sometimes I really aggravate her I know that she loves me. I have #1 Niece and I know that she is there if I need her..all I have to do is call her and she is there for me....There are people out who have no one...I have more friends in my life now than I can remember ever having...they are good friends and I'm the only one who thinks that I'm not good enough for them just because they have more monies than I do...proof of that is that one night while we were all gathered around Moanin' Mona was crying about how bad my yard was and they came over and helped me with it...It makes me realize that it's not the material things in life that really counts but what you do with what you do have in life..being negative is so easy but it really doesn't make things better...just makes it worse...and as I have to remind MYSELF everyday..there is always someone out there that has it worse than ME...

Hanging in there!!!!

What's wrong with this picture?

My romote for the tv in the living room doesn't work so I ran all the way into my bedroom to get that one to see if that one would work....it does...is this the saddest thing you've heard today or what?

BTW.. you can turn my tv on without the romote but there isn't any way to change the channels without the remote...when did the manufactures do away with that on TV's? Can you tell I don't watch a lot of tv....LOL

Oh yeah, I do have an old tv...#1 niece & hubby got it for me after Larry passed away..it's just a regular tv..no flat screen or big screen for me...and that's all right....since I would really rather read a book unless Miami Ink is on....whoooo hooooo....

It's ALL about ME!

So I did it...I am now a Bus Manager (that's driver to most but manager sounds better). I finished up at the gym after the Grand Opening in which I had only 7 sells...This was suppose to be the BIG day for Sales but it really was a bust...and I'm not the only one that didn't have the sales that was promised...so any way that was the deciding factor for me... I decided to get out of sales and to live life again..I'm finally getting back to working out and even getting to play racquetball again... haven't made any plans for backpacking. I'll probably wait for it to cool off some here first...
don't worry...I'm keeping busy...

I didn't start training until yesterday..so I had a week off to do some catch up and do somethings just for ME!!!!

The first part of the week I painted my bathroom off the master bedroom...I haven't painted this room for about 15 years and it really needed it...I painted it a "white Peach" with the ceiling & the trim "Peachtree"...hey, I'm in Georgia after all....LOL...It looks so much better...I plan on carrying the colors over into my bedroom. the "white peach" color is in my bedspread..that's where I got the idea in the first place...It took me two whole days to paint this tiny lil room so I'm waiting until I have more time to paint the bedroom...it's a whole lot bigger and I'm doing it all by myself...

On Weds my friend Joelle called and wanted me to check out a new club with her and the gang...talk about NiCE!!! Enjoyed it so much we all went back on Friday...
Thurs Joelle and I went on a quest in the Georgia Wine country....Joelle is into wines and she has never been able to find a good wine made in Georgia and had heard about a couple of winery's here in the North part of the state...We went to four and at the last one we found just what she was looking for..it was the best...It's called Wolf Country Winery....we got to sit on the outside patio..sipping wine, eating cheese & crackers and watching a fantastic sunset over the mountains..talk about relaxing....

Saturday I went to the gym & worked out (I actually went to the gym everyday but Thurs and worked out...it was great...but boy am I out of shape...it's funny how fast that can happen) and then went over to The Kids and picked up Lil Bit so she could spend the night with me...It seems like the last 6 months I just haven't gotten to spend much time with my grandkids...We had a great time together...went to the park and played..for a four year old she is soooo smart and beautiful....it was nice having someone tell me ALL the Time that she loves me....I got a lot of hugs and kisses all day....Nothing like a child to make you feel loved...sigh...

Sunday I actually got my lawn mowed (after working out at the gym)...I have been neglecting my yard so much this summer...but it looks pretty good right now thanks to the rain we been having lately...

It seems like I lost Myself for a while but I'm starting to feel like the old Me again...must be the clothes I'm wearing again....altho with the extra 20 pounds I gained my clothes don't look as good as they did last year on me....that roll of fat around my middle is driving me crazy..but hey...at least I know how to get rid of it...and I AM working on that...

SO "it's all GOOD" here with ME.....

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm thinking about changing jobs AGAIN...I've pretty much came to the conclusion (after 6 months) that I'm not made for sales...altho I love the gym and love meeting lots of new people, I just can't seem to get it when it comes to pushing people into buying memberships at a price that they think is too much...so far since I've been employed I have made ONE commission check...the rest of the time I have been earning MINIMUM wage and putting in ALOT of hours just so I can keep my head above water..I no longer have a life.I've been made to feel guilty if I want to take anytime off from work..even my usual days off..so I end up working 10-12 hr days 6 to 7 days a week...ALL FOR MINIMUM WAGE....I have basically given up all I really love to do...working out, playing racquetball, camping/backpacking ....just so I can make minimum wage? ....and I really don't see it getting any better...So you ask WHY have I stayed with it for this long? Well, I guess the answer could be that I'm just not smart....and because I really don't want to go back to an office job...the thought of having to "fit in" with a new job that will require me to actually have to learn new things scares me to death....I know that I don't "catch on" to things as fast as most people and that changes come hard for me...my memory just isn't all that good any more (maybe I'm in the beginning stages of alhemizers)....So where does that leave me?

Today I spoke with some recruiters for the County School District...they are looking for Bus Drivers and I think that I could really do this...the monies isn't all that bad. I've always thought that school bus drivers were just old retired people or people who wanted part time work but I found out that isn't necessarily true..that you can actually earn a pretty good living driving bus..
So I'm looking at the pro's and con's of this job before I burn all my bridges (altho I think they may already be on fire).

It's not a glamorous job (I just can see people's expression when I tell them I'm a school bus driver...but hey I think I can live with that)

And I would have to put up with RugRats!!! but it's only for a couple of hours and not all at once...

I would have to Drive a big ass Bus...not sure if this is a con or pro...hey, for once everyone would have to get out of my Way on the road...now that might be fun...

I would get EVERY Weekend and ALL the holidays off...and the whole summer if I wanted it...you are guaranteed 30 hrs a week ALL year long no matter what....you can pick up extra monies by doing Field trips and other things....

My hours would be easy....a couple of hours in the morning, then a couple more in the afternoon...the rest of the day is mine to do what ever I want..(work out at the gym, play racquetball or what ever I wanted without feeling guilty)

the monies isn't all that bad...not fantastic but I think I could make it on it...they start at $12.54 and can earn up to $18 an hour...and again you can earn more by taking side jobs...

The benefits are GREAT with the county...

Did I say that I could have the summer off and still get paid?...so maybe I wouldn't take the Whole summer off but if I wanted to say ....go backpacking on the AT for a couple of weeks..I could..Or I could even go up to Alaska with my friend Conry next summer ...Or I could even go home to Wyo to see my Mom for more than a few days...If I wanted to ...do you see where I'm going with this?

Well, this could be the deciding factor for me...I'm 57 years old and I know that I will have to work the rest of life and I really can't see me doing sales for the next 20 years but once you are on with the county it's a pretty good shot that you will stay...I was told that they have a 73 year old driver...

and I wouldn't have to wear that Damn polo shirt everyday that looks like shit on me....I could dress like I want...well maybe not ...but I could at least be comfortable....

So it looks like there are definitely more good things about being a bus driver than bad..now if only I can get hired on....

so I guess I'll get busy and post my application online. I had problems getting into the site earlier, I may have to go to one of their Kiosh's (sp?) tomorrow (which is suppose to be one of my days off but I didn't make any sales today so I feel compelled to go to work...not good)...

I just hope IF I get this gig I'm not making ANOTHER Big mistake....but I have to tell you I keep dreaming about being able to enjoy my days off again....who'd thunk that would be all that important to me....LOL...

Backpacking!!!

My weekend started off Friday when my friends J & L both called me to let me know that we were having a get together at J's to discuss the upcoming houseboat party (June 1-June 3) and that they would take no excuses from me, that I needed to show up at least for a little while...so I did! Even knowing that I still hadn't packed my backpack for my trip Sat & Sun...

I didn't drink knowing that I needed to be my best for the climb the next day (altho there was still plenty of booze from our last get together...a week ago). I just stuck to drinking water but ended up staying until 12:30 am...got home and threw a few things in my backpack...tried to sleep for a couple of hours and finally got up around 5 am to finish packing and get to the park n ride to meet the rest of the gang...figuring that I would be able to sleep a couple of hours on the ride up to the trail head (which is in SC)...Which didn't happen because I ended up riding with Lee & Kelly and had to play catch up on all the news since I've seen them last...I've missed a couple of outings because of work that they were on...this was my 5th trip with Lee and first with Kelly (his girlfriend) but have been partying with them outside of the AOC...they are fun...oh yeah, John rode with us too...he's a 27 year old who looks to be 19...he's a sweetheart...

This trip we had a pretty big crowd...16 in all...usually there is only about 8-10 peoples but Bruce (our leader) decided "the more the merrier" on this trip...and boy was he right...
there were 4 new campers that I had never met...but mostly I knew everyone...altho I was the oldest in the group..there were a couple of other guys around my age...Bruce is 56 and Buck is 55...(there were 6 gals & 10 guys...a good combination if you ask me...) the youngest was Kelly at 23...

The first day we hiked in about 3 miles wearing our backpacks (mine weighs about 37 pounds..just can't seem to get the weight down...so I was glad that this one was a short trip with backpacks) to our campsite...mostly down hill ( which meant that we would be hiking uphill all the way out the next day...never a good thing)..

We then set up camp and ate lunch..then set out to explore the area sans backpacks....we had 3 waterfalls to see that day...we figure we covered about 6 miles..lots of up and downs but it was a pretty good hike...the waterfalls were beautiful..this area is full of them..it's so amazing..you'll be climbing and all of a sudden you look up and there is this gigantic waterfall in front of you...I'm still a little leery of water so i didn't go swimming but a couple of the guys did...I did take my shoes off and wade in the water a bit..let me tell you it was freakin' cold..I don't know how the guys could stand getting fully submerged...

After spending a great day hiking we all got back to camp and built a fire and fixed our dinners...I had rice & veggies (a convenient dehydrated meal bought from REI that you only need to add boiling water to the bag and eat out of the bag itself...how cool is that...) Then began the fun...normally with the smaller groups you will sit around the campfire and relax...well, this group had other things in mind. (and I must admit that I was one of the instigators OOOPs)..out came all the booze (I had brought a small box of wine) and Bruce dug out his cards..one of the guys (I think it was Matt, the army survivalist who likes to skinny dip) had a little radio with speakers so there was music...(if I remember right there was dancing later...) any way..Bruce had brought this big box of wine (3 liters) and 4 of us (Bruce, John, Lee & I) played cards, a game that I think Bruce made up..it's called Knock...and every time you lose a hand you have to drink....well, I must have lost more hands than I thought (altho I won the game) because when the game was over (I WON...and I never win card games...hmmmm I wonder if the guys let me win just to keep the game going) any hoooo..when I stood up from the ground..the world was spinning and I was feeling no pain..by this time it was around 10 pm and we all decided to go star gazing..an amazing thing in the mountains...something I always love to do...there was this sandbar after crossing the river that we had seen earlier that we decided was the perfect spot for stargazing...so about 6 or 8 of us all trooped off to check it out...now I hate water crossing in the daytime but for some reason I had no problem that night....I just took off my shoes & socks and holding onto a couple of the guys crossed over without any problems...didn't bother with stone jumping, just walked right in up to my knees and crossed it barefooted and all..I know that water must have been cold but the guys said I told them it was "warm" talk about feeling no pain..that was me....We all laid in a pile on the sand bars and watched an amazing sky..I found the Big Dipper...then one of the guys (I'm pretty sure it was Matt)...decided to go skinny dipping in the river (which was only a few feet deep but swift) so there was even a full "moon"!!!!!

On the trip back to camp it seems I decided that I didn't need my pants on to cross the river again...at least this is the story that I was told the next day when Mike C returned them to me....I think this is when the dancing started...

When we got back to the camp I was met by Hamilton (who all day hadn't said more than 10 words..this was his first trip with us)...I'm not sure what he had been drinking but whatever it was he was feeling no pain..he decided he was a big bird and wanted to fly off with me...Well after some more dancing...Bruce and I got him back to camp but he couldn't remember where he had set up his tent...with 15 tents we were pretty spread out...I knew where my tent was but couldn't remember where he set his up at...so the few of us that were still up (this was around midnight) went on a hunt for the extra tent..his tent ended up being next to mine just a little ways off...Bruce was across from me and Buck was on the east side of me...so that finally left the one man tent on the west of me...All I know is that I was the first to pick that area and set up..those guys set theirs up after me....I guess I just know how to pick a good spot...I always try to get way from the main group but it always seems like there are others that like to camp where I am....I know why Bruce always sets up by me...it's because he knows that his snoring won't bother me.....Connie was going to set her tent up where Hamilton was but I had reminded her of Bruce's snoring so she found a spot further away....any way while the guys were trying to settle Hamilton in his tent (not an easy task, he still wanted to fly away) I crawled into my tent and just laid there while the world was spinning until I fell asleep...

I woke up and it was still dark and I had to go pee so freakin' bad..but it was freezing (it actually only got down to about 40 degrees) and my sleeping bag was so warm (altho it was filled with sand) that I had to really talk myself into crawling out..the world was still spinning so I don't think I had been a sleep that long but I could hear Bruce and someone else snoring (I think it was Buck) so I knew that all was well. There is nothing worse than having to drop your drawers in the middle of the cold night and pee...especially when you've been holding it for so long that it doesn't want to come but your bladder hurts and you know that it will eventually come..you just have to bear the cold for what seems like forever (in actuality it's only about a minute) and since I was on all fours anyway I decided to crawl back to the tent...glad no one could see me...
where i now not only had sand in my bag but leaves and sticks...talk about roughing it...I fell back to sleep and didn't wake up until I heard Rob at my tent asking me if I needed some aspirin and coffee...it was about 7:30 and camp was stirring...usually Rob and I are the first up...I whispered to him that I was afraid to move...he laughed and then I hear Bruce laughing too..so I knew there was no hope for me...that I might as well just get up and face the music...

After everyone finally got up and had breakfast (and spent lots of time laughing and catching up those who went to bed early on all the fun they missed the night before..) we decided to change the plans for the day and take an easier hike not the strenuous one we had planned on, due to the fact that there were a few of us not feeling our best...the only trouble being we would have to hike out wearing our packs instead of hiking all day and then coming back to break camp...I have to admit I was glad of the change altho it meant wearing my backpack for 6 miles instead of the planned 3 miles...at least there wouldn't be any of the going off trail and lots of climbing with river crossing...We ended up at Schoolhouse Falls..where there was more swimming and one of the guys actually caught a small perch (which he threw back) ..we ended up leaving Sara there to enjoy (she was feeling worse than the rest of us altho I didn't realize she was that drunk the night before...some young things just can't take it like us older people...altho Buck and I were moving pretty slow most of the way back) the waterfall and to start back slowly to meet us at the trail head in a couple of hours....so we left the Waterfall counting only 15 heads instead of 16...it felt weird leaving her but since she has done this hike before I knew she knew the trail back..she does a lot of backpacking on her own...normally we won't leave one of our numbers behind....from there we went to this overlook where you can see forever over the mountains ...ate lunch and took our time getting back to the trail head..only to find that Sara wasn't there yet...We spoke to a couple of mountain bikers who told us that they had seen her and she was about an hour behind us..so Rob (the sweetheart that he is) went to find her and to carry her backpack the last mile of which was a bitch of a climb....

So that was my Backpacking trip to Panthertown (which was where I went on my very first backpacking trip last Sept)....it seems that I am now an experienced backpacker...all I know is if I was born rich instead of beautiful I would just forget all the rest of the world and spend all my time backpacking...my dream is to do the AT starting from Georgia to the end...all 2200 miles of it...I can't even imagine all the wonders i would see...of course it would help if I had a hiking buddy or two to go with me...just to keep me out of trouble...Oh well... I guess we all have dreams....

I'm Back!!!!

Just got home from the park...

Slept pretty good last night and woke up ready to go run/walk at the park...this is the Park that #1 Niece and I used to do...(last year when we were actually doing things together...sigh) and I really haven't taken any of the off trails by myself but decided today to do it...so I took the 2.5 mile Ravine Overlook trail, which added onto my 2 mile walk...so I actually did 4.5 miles...It was a beautiful morning and since this is a wooded trail which climbs down to a ravine then back up I got a good work out...it actually took me 1.5 hrs because I walked most of it..I'm trying to speed up my walking...for some strange reason it's easier for me to run (except uphill) than walk fast...I feel pretty good today...

This is a big park with 2 entrances which is about a 6-7 mile off trail hike from one entrance to the other..so I'm thinking about putting on my day pack one morning and hiking from one to the other..talked to # 1 Niece to see if she wanted to do it with me...but alas she doesn't have anyone to stay with the kids in the mornings...and I'm thinking about doing it early Weds morning since I don't have to be to work until 2 pm...but she did say that she would pick me up at trail end and take me back to my truck...so this might work out...

I need to get in better shape before this weekend when I do the backpacking trip with the AOC...my first this year...not that I'm really worried about it but it's always nice to be able to keep up with the rest of the gang...I'll be carrying a 35 lb backpack and the extra 20 pounds that I've gained since Oct. last year....so now you see why I'm pushing it....I'm determined that I will be back down to where I was last October by the end of June... and since I'm now on a regular schedule I can stick to some regiment and get some kind of workout each day...

Happy Mothers Day!!!

it was a good Mothers Day for me...I got up early this morning...drank my protein drink...took all my supplements..got into the car and took myself off to the gym to get a good work out...still trying to figure out some of the new machines at the gym...but I like the challenge and I really did need to change up my routine...altho truthfully I haven't been working out much lately (like in the last 5 months) at least not the way I should...but today I got in a good workout..I did 30 mins on the crosstrainer and then hit the weight machines for a back workout...the assisted pull up machine is differant than the one I'm used to (this one you kneel on instead of standing) but I realize how much upper body strength I've lost...I could hardly do 3 sets of pull ups...It's like starting all over again...I'm thinking that I really need to get another personal trainer...I was hoping to work out with some of the guys that I work with but since we all seem to be working differant hours not sure how that is going to work out....it would be nice if Personal Training was included with my membership (especially since I don't pay for that anymore)..I will have to check it out...

I can tell you it's nice working out at the same place that you work at....got done with my morning workout..took a shower ....got dressed and there I was AT WORK...how cool is that...

The Kid, Hubby, Bubba & Lil Bit came to the gym after church and brought me a plant, some earrings and some really cute Mother Day's Cards...I got to show her around the gym and played with the kids in the Kids Klub....as always it was good to see her and the gang..

Surprisingly we were fairly busy at the gym today..not that I got many sales...It was weird but the first two walk ins (that what we call people who come in to check out the gym) were older single guys..for differant reasons neither one was ready to sign up today..but I gave them passes to try the gym out anyway....again I am too NICE...but I think they really will come back . They were both really nice guys, good looking at least to me...one was a coach at one of the local schools and the other was interested in playing racquetball...weird but I could so see me with either one of them...but alas they showed no interest in me ...Oh well ...

the other salesguys always say that "buyers are liars" and that once they walk out that door then you've lost the sale...they may be right but I hope these guys come back and join just to prove them wrong...

I spoke with My Mom on the phone tonight..it's hard to realize that she is in her late 70's....probably because I haven't seen her much in the last few years..I think that she should be the same that she was before Larry died....I know that she is getting up there in years but then so am I LOL.. anyway..it was good talking to her..she made me laugh...

I work tomorrow but not until 3 pm and then I work until midnight...so maybe I'll get up and go to the park and start running again...we'll have to see how good I sleep tonight...

I haven't been sleeping much lately..I have no problem going to sleep but wake up after a couple of hours and then toss & turn all night...don't know what is going on with that...reminds me of all the times right after Larry died...NOT Good...

Day Off...whooohooo

so I think I've learned my lesson as far as pushing myself until I can't see straight...This is what happened to me this last month...but after taking most of the day Saturday and all day Sunday I did great this week at work...I felt like the old Sue for the first time in a long time...I actually relaxed and enjoyed myself...It seems like I forgot that I really do love the gym and totally believe in it..the differance in my selling technique (sp?) is like day & night..instead of being a drudge, I have been a happy energetic person...and I've made more Sales...Whooohooo..enuff in fact that I could take today off and not worry about not making monies....funny thing is...I got a call this morning from T Knox (one of the other sales guys) who told me that one of my "guest pass" guy signed up today (it went in my name)...so I'm making monies even tho I'm not there...now how Good is that...

My next day off will be next Saturday & Sunday because I'm going on a backpacking trip..the first this year.(and I am sooo excited about it)..It's with my friend Bruce who tells me that I am now an experience backpacker...Whoa!!!!..I was signed up for one last month but it got cancelled due to the weather..this one was with my friends Don & Tuyet..who are moving to Hawaii..
When I set up my schedule for work I told my manager that I would work Saturdays & Sundays except for 1 weekend a month so I could go backpacking...

So how have I spent my day off so far....well first thing I did was get up and go to the gym..had a great workout (really the first time at this gym that I could try out alot of the new machines)..I did 30 mins on the cross trainer, and then did legs & abs...I'll probably be feeling it tomorrow since it's been a couple of weeks since I've done any real exercise...

Then I went over to the Kids house and had lunch with her and Lil Bit...the Kid just spent the last week in Phoenix for her job and is taking the day off too so she can spend some time with the kids...Bubba was at school but they will have all the rest of the day to spend together...

Then I came home and haven't really done anything because it is so hot and I refuse to turn on my air conditioning yet..I know that I will have to do it sometime soon but I'm just not ready yet...It's 80 degrees here in my house..don't know what it is out side but my house is usually alot cooler than outsides since I'm surrounded by trees...so here I sit under the fan in my sports bra and shorts sweating like a hog..maybe I'll sweat off a couple of pounds..I can always dream...

I've been looking at some pictures that my friend Joelle sent me from the parties we've been going to....I hate pictures of me...I thought my hair looked good that night only to see that it look flat and greasy...what's with that...and I really have a problem smiling for pictures..In fact...just in case I haven't said it before...I HATE pictures of me...

I'm planning on mowing the rest of the lawn once it gets a little later and cooler (I hope) if my lawn mower will start...I really need to clean up the house...it's amazing how messy it can get with just me living here ...no one to blame but myself....I really need to pack up alot of junk and get rid of it...Hopefully IF this job takes off and I start to make some real monies I will be able to start redecorating the house...First room I want to start off with is my bathroom off the master bedroom...it's needed done for years...in fact the whole inside of the house has needed it for years...just getting motivated and finding the monies to do it...I really should start playing the lottery again ....altho for me it's a waste of monies because I NEVER Win anything on it...Why does it seem that only rich people win things..poor people like me just stay poor and rich people get richer...oppps a little of moanin' Mona there...sorry...I just kicked her out..SexySue....

Time to go clean the house ...get some laundry done and maybe take a nap before mowing the lawn....

My lawn mower is out to get me!!!!!

Proof that my lawn mower hates me....
Sunday when I had all kinds of time to spare I went out to the garage and pulled the lawn mower out...filled it up with gas and tried to start it...pulled that damn cord until my arm was ready to fall off....Would not start...so after about 15 mins I put it back and said forget it...

Today when I had only about an hour and a half before I had to get ready for work.(the whole lawn takes about 2 1/2 hrs with emptying the bag).I decided to try it one more time (just to prove to myself that it won't start) ...now yesterday when I went out to start it I wore my ratty shirt and shorts and of course my really ratty shoes that are falling apart....Today...because I was so sure that the mower won't start I wore my good capri's, and big sweater and no shoes....of course the thing started on the first pull..(go figure)..so there I was with a running lawn mower and if you let go of the handle the thing quits running on you...(god forbid that should happen)...after all my grass is so long that I'm starting to get funny looks (again) from the neighbors..but do they come over and mow the lawn for me....NOOOOOO.....anyway there I was mowing the lawn in my bare feet (which have gotten really wimpy because I wear shoes all of the time) ....there is poision ivy in one of my islands and it has grown over into the side yard....I'm trying not to step in it and instead am stepping on those damn little sweet gum balls (the ones with all the spikes....ouch) but fear not I'm not really crazy enuff to keep this up..after I stepped on the first sweet gum ball I said NO WAY and went and put my shoes on...I figured the damn lawn mower won't start and there I would be with a yard with one strip mowed...but no the thing started right up...so I mowed the front yard today....We'll see if the damn thing starts tommorow so I can finish it up...

Now this same thing happened to me the last time I tried to mow the lawn (about a month ago)
I took off work especially to mow the lawn and couldn't get the thing started...so the next day I decided to pack it up and take it in to Sears for it's yearly tune up but first wanted to try to start it just to make sure it won't start...Damn if the thing didn't start and I ended up mowing the whole lawn that day....again I was dressed to the hilt..what's with that?

so i figure I have to plan on two days for the mowing of the lawn ...first one day to make me look and feel like an idiot trying to start the thing to no avail...and then the second day when I look good to go out and actually mow the lawn....LOL

Did you know's

One of the things we are told to do in my job is to inject at least 3 "did you know's" into the conversation with a prospect while give a tour of the gym...this is to show that we are knowledgable about exercise & health....
Now I know all this...but am having problems slipping in the "did you knows" without sounding like an idiot...I've been given no less than 12 pages of "did you knows" to pick from...most of them repeat the same thing but I am working with them to get at least 12 "did you knows" that I can comfortably slip into a conversation...I figure if I practice them enuff it will eventually come easy to me...(one can always hope)
Here's what I've come up with so far (in no particular order)

DID YOU KNOW

that for every 6 pounds you lose, you lose 1 inch of f your waist (this is my favorite and I have used it several times, but it doesn't work too good when you are talking with a skinny person who only wants to tone up) (oh yeah...I know this one is true cause I figured it out from my weight loss and it worked out exactly...too coool!)

muscle is denser than fat..so altho you may not lose pounds while strength training you will lose inches and look thinner...

muscle burns more calories than fat...1 pound of lean muscle will burn 50 calories a day..(I'll take more muscle anyday)

it takes more than 8 hrs for a body to break down carbs. (Not sure what they are trying to say here...maybe eat less carbs...don't know if I'll use this one or not...besides the fact that I haven't been able to figure out how to slip it into a conversation yet)

Waiting for more than 4-5 hrs between meals will cause your blood sugar to bottom out. Leaving you weak, irritable & tired..

Sustained exercise increases your metabolic rate, so that you burn more calories not only during exercise but for several hours after you've stopped.

A study showed that in the course of a year of regular exercisers experience 25% fewer common colds than nonexercisers..

Proper exercise can & will improve your overall posture...

(for the guys) regular exercise can increase your sexual stamina, performance & desire...(I haven't used this one yet...waiting for the right moment...teehheheheh)

women who exercise regularly are 3 times less likely to suffer from depression..

resistance training will increase your body density & strength.

NOT GETTING ENUFF REST CAN HINDER FAT LOSS (I can attest to this one personally)

That's 12 but truthfully..I can only see myself using maybe a couple of them

here are a couple more that I think might work for me better (some of them come from blogs I've read)

Women will not "bulk up" with regular strength training without using steriods...

doing a 5 -10 min warm up doing cardio before will increase your muscle & joint flexibility.

properly stretching before strength training is recommended..improper stretching can cause muscle soreness & injury..

Exercise needs to be varied constantly or your body will adapt to the same movements and you will plateau

Intensity is more important than the number of sets when trying to get bigger & stronger..

you need to commit to working out at least 3 times a week...

****************

I start working regular? hours today..no more of this pushing myself to work 10-12 hrs a day with out a break....I have to take care of myself...altho my hours are not the normal 9-5 hrs (i'll be working 3pm - midnight, taking off Thurs & Fri)..I should be able to adjust and get a real life...the only thing I'm having a problem with is figuring out when to work out...I was thinking I could go to the gym in the morning and get a good work out but with the gas prices going up so high not sure I will be able to afford two hour trips a day...I'm thinking of going in a couple of hours early (say around noon) work out and then take a shower at the gym and get ready there...hey I'll aready be at work...not sure how this will work...I'm hoping to get some racquetball in with my partner on Thurs, Fri & Sat (at the old gym)...

The party last night was nice..I stuck to drinking only water and got home early (around 10:30 pm)..it wasn't the wild party that I've been doing lately but it was nice to sit around and visit with people who have the same interests that I do.. there wasn't as many people as I thought there would be. I felt bad for Don & Tuyet but they didn't seem to be bothered about it...They are such a nice couple..they met on a back packing trip a couple of years ago...in fact the first backpacking trip I did last fall was the Panthertown trip and they were on it (it was their one year anniversary trip)...I've been on a couple of trips with them and they have always been fun...i will miss them...but they are planning on having us all to Hawaii for a backpacking trip...this is one I won't miss...even if I have to put the whole trip on a credit card...
Oh yeah...one of the things we did last night was make our own sushi....it was interesting and there were lots of differant things to make them with.(mangos, smoked salmon, crab meat, avocados, celery, pickled ginger, lobster pieces..just to name a few)...so after we rolled our own and sliced them...we got to sample everyones....yummmy....it was fun...there was alot of Hawaiian foods there...I sampled a couple but didn't overdue it...can't remember the names of anything I tried..but the dessert was good...it was a coconut custard topped with strawberries.

I feel pretty good today...ready to get out there and show the world what I'm made out of....

Playing Catch UP

so much and so little is happening in my life now that I sometimes feel like Life is out of Control...
Today I'm taking time for MYSELF and playing catch up on all the things I LIKE & Love to do...

I've become a Party Animal...ok..Truthfully...maybe I've always been one ...but it seems like lately all I do is work & Party...leaving no time for anything else...in the past 2 weeks I've gone on 1 date (the date from hell), a jazz festival at the park, three parties (I have another one to go to today, a going away party for some friends that backpack with me..they are moving to Hawaii...lucky people) and worked 120 hrs..haven't slept much and it's catching up with me.

WORK...I've been putting alot of hours into my job..We opened the new gym just this past week....it's freakin' beautiful...there are alot of new machines that I'm still trying to figure out how to adjust and use...I haven't had time (except for late one night) to really work out on all the machines and the new racquetball courts keep calling me but again I haven't had time to get in them..I'm still playing racquetball (but only about once a week) with my partners at the old gym (it's only a 15 min drive from the new gym) . I did show up for work yesterday (after partying all night...got in about 3:30 am) and realized I can't keep this up..I needed a day off soo bad...the problem is that in Sales if I miss work I don't earn money and right now I'm more broke than I have been since The Kid was first born...and believe me I was broke then...but I realized that I wasn't doing myself or my job any good the way I was...(dragging my ass) so I took the rest of the day and today off to regroup myself...I keep questioning myself that Sales is where I should be ...I like it but I don't really know if there is a "Future" for me in it...besides I'm up against some really young smart salesmen (who have been in the industry for years)...it's really a " dog eat dog" world and there are some hungry Wolves out there...so what I have to do is look at what I can bring to the table and work on making myself the best damn salesperson that LA Fitness ever saw...I know I can do it but not if I let myself get so wore down that I can't seem to think...I have to remember that I'm not in my 20's, 30,s or even 40's anymore and that i have to give myself time to regroup...I can't let myself get stressed and so worn down...I do need rest and relaxation....

I have been honored to be awarded a "Thinking Blogger Award" by #1 Niece and I know I need to pay it forward (which I will do soon) but first I want to get caught up on what everyone has been doing in the blogger world..it seems like I've been away forever..and there are so many blogs to read....

The Date from Hell......

you'd think I'd learn my lesson but NO here I go again...

This is all The Kids fault ......This morning The Kid and I were talking on the phone about how negative and down I've been lately and I jokedly remarked that maybe I needed to go out on a date (and other things I can't mention here but use your imagination if you want...) because I've been in such a funk....

So I'm at work...we have doing presales in the parking area of the gym under a tent for the past 2 weeks and I've been talking to some of the guys on the construction site....anyway...one of the guys that I've been smiling at drove up. He seemed nice enuff...told me he was 50 yrs old, never been married and is looking for that love of his life....I know, I know the warning bells should have gone off right then and there and I should have quickly taken my self away from the area (like running fast in the opposite direction) but NOOOOO not me...when he asked me if I had any plans for tonight after work I foolishly told him no (remembering the conversation from this morning with The Kid)..so we made a date for dinner...

We ended up meeting at TGIF which is close to the presale center after 7 pm. He got there before me and I met him out front (he was smoking a cig..yech..but I figured It was just dinner so I would ignore it for now)...he's not bad looking...6'4" weighs about 200, has blond sandy colored short hair ( at least he had hair)...Nice teeth..(I learned he gets them cleaned once a week?) He had already gave his name for a table and had been told it would be at least 20 mins...so we decided to sit at the bar and have a drink (wine for me....iced tea for him because he's a recovering alcoholic who has found God)..I knew I was in trouble right away....this is me...the Agnostic!!!!
(Remember I'm blaming this ALL on The Kid and the conversation we had early this morning).

While at the bar a couple of guys I know from the gym I go to came in and we talked about if I was going to do the P'tree Race this year (which I'm not...I haven't been doing any races this year ....that just goes to show how much of a funk I'm in)...he seemed alright about it but did make the comment that he lets his women do whatever they want..(what does that mean?)

When my friends got called to their table, I mentioned to him that we had been waiting quite some time and that we had come in before my freinds..so he went to check how much longer it would take...found out that they had called his name but he hadn't told them we would be in the bar area..any way it only took a little while longer before we were seated at a table...

I went to read the menu when I realized I had dropped my eyeglass case at the bar (yes, I wear reading glasses..it comes with old age..lol) so I went back to the bar to find them...the bartender was wondering where we had gone since my date hadn't settled the bar bill (they do them separate from the meal) so i took the bill to him and asked that he pay it.. He proceeded to pull money out of his wallet and handed it to me and said "Sweetie (for some reason he kept calling me this all night...whoooaaaa) please take this to them because I don't want to go past that girl who didn't call us for our table when she should have"...OK...no big deal....I went and paid the bill....and came back...

I opened the menu and he tells me I can order anything I want (as if I wouldn't anyway) and that he thought he would order the steak & shrimp....sooo when the waitress comes and asks if we are ready I tell her yes and and proceeded to order the Mahi Mahi..she turns to my date and he says to me "Sweetie tell her what I want".....What the Hell? I just looked at him like he's crazy....and shook my head...luckily the waitress figured out just what he wanted..I think...he didn't want mashed potatoes because his "granny" made him eat them when he was young...so he finally settled on french fries (since they don't have baked potatoes)...

Meanwhile our conversation all night...not once does he ever ask me anything about myself but proceeds to tell me how great he is and how he has LOTS of monies...owns a place in FL and here in northern GA (but he's staying at a motel right now)...how he's work in Washington DC at the White House and etc..etc...etc....I think my eyes actually crossed...and I was having problems trying to hide my yawns....at one time he actually told me that when he saw me use the porta potty at the construction site one day he wanted to get me my own porta potty away from all the other ones....I told him I had no problem using the porta potties because I'm used to roughing it when I go backpacking and when I run races...I don't think he even heard me....


Finally dinner was done and I excused myself to go to the ladies room....while there I was trying to figure out who to call so they could call me and get me out of this date from hell....you know the signal...you have to leave now thing....but I decided that was the thing we only did when we were young and that I'm an adult now so I should act like one not like some teenager..sOOOOO


I get back to the table and I'll be damned if his phone didn't ring and a friend was at a bar and needed a ride Right away.....(good thing I didn't waste my time setting up the signal since he obviously had the same idea..TOOOO FuNNNY). OH Yeah.....just before I went to the ladies room I had told him that I liked living by myself and wasn't looking for someone to take care of me....hmmmmm ...

He did walk me out to my truck but no mention of another date was made (THANK GOD)...and the last I saw of him was him driving away in his van....I really don't think I have to worry seeing him at the site...I figure he'll run the other way....OH WELLL....

Do you think my prince is really out there? All I seem to be finding is the frogs!!!!

what the Heck?

I wasn't able to blog yesterday....for some reason I could read blogs but I couldn't sign in on the Blogger....I tried to comment on Shelly's Blog and got kicked out and since then have had problems...not sure what happened but I won't give up this morning and HERE I AM...

More What the Heck? I weighed in this morning at 186...am I discouraged????...YOU BET but that doesn't mean that I'm going to give up...nope I'm just that much more determined to do this thing...there is NO WAY I'm going to let this thing beat me...I've done it before and I will do it again..(I've got a closet full of clothes that I can't wear right now to prove it)

And just what is my PLAN?

I've got my lunch/dinner packed for today...I will stick to eating healthy and not let myself get hungry....I've also packed an orange & snap peas for snacking....yummy....and lots of water!!!!!

If I have a bad day at work I will relieve that stress by going to the gym and then coming here...

Running late because of spending so much time trying to get here so got to run....Work awaits me... working out at the tent today...should be fun..wearing my running shoes. hmmmm ...maybe I'll take a run around the parking lot...I'll let you know...

I'm sooo screwed

until I figure out why I do this and how to control myself...I will never stop.......

What am I talking about? Yesterday was a bad day for me at work....I know what I should have done to get the sales but I just couldn't seem to close one single sale...This is my job and I HAVE to get it down NOW...it doesn't do me any good to beat myself up about it but I need to learn what went wrong and how to fix it...AND DO IT RIGHT!!!!

so anyway I didn't go to the gym last night because it was late by the time I got out of work (this is an EXCUSE...I still could have gone it wasn't that late...8:30 and the gym stays open until 10) so I came home and instead of coming here to get out all of my frustrations...or even calling someone and talking to them...I ate my way through the night...I didn't stop even when I knew that I was full...I just kept eating....until I was so uncomfortable and then went to bed..I knew that if I ate sugar before bed I wouldn't sleep much (and I was right)...even that thought didn't stop me...(I know I should have thrown out the sugar the other day...I did put it way up in the cupboard but that didn't stop me last night).

So here I am this morning afraid to get on the scale and disgusted with myself....I know that IF I Don't figure out how to handle things emotionally I will never win this struggle with my weight...I will sabatoge myself and Right now I don't want that..but last night that part of me (EVIL EVA) that just wants the comfort (and food has always been that to me) won the fight.

Then too I ask myself...why didn't I at least come here and talk about it first before eating....the EXCUSE that I tried to tell myself last night and in the middle of the night is that I learned as a child NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.... not to bother people with my problems because they are just that MY PROBLEMS and no one wants to hear them...so I keep everything inside until it hurts...if I eat maybe it will take away that hurt...I can tell myself that it is only temporary and that I will feel worse after doing it....but truthfully I don't listen to that part of myself...I am too consumed with eating to listen to reason of any kind...it's like a frenzy...what can I eat next....OH I REALLY DO HAVE A PROBLEM....I have always been a sneak eater...never being honest with how much I really eat..which is weird because all you have to do is look at me to know that I have a problem with eating....that roll of fat around my middle tells the story...

Any way ....I know that there will be more times in my life that things don't go my way...days like yesterday will surely happen again...so how do I guard myself from Evil Eva?

Today I will get back on the track to eating healthy...not sure I can throw away that sugar..I'm not that strong...but I will put it in the freezer, or maybe pack it up and give it to "The Kid"...

Right now I have to go to work and Work on Closing those sales that I didn't close yesterday...I have a plan for that at least...hopefully it will work and I'll get back on track for that too....

Today will be a better day and I will conquer ALL

"Sue Shut UP"

Have you ever met someone who just talks & talks and never listens...they just have to get their view out there and steam roll over everyone else. (like a car salesman)?
Well, Maybe I'm not that bad but at times but it seems like lately I've been too enthusiastic about my job...I love the gym and I totally believe in it and when I meet a new prospect I sometimes get a little carried away and spend WAY too long with that person...which is alright for now but once the club opens the first of May we will be too busy for that so I need to curb myself now...the guys at work & I have come up with a solution to let me know when I'm getting to wordy....they point a finger at me and say "SUE"...this is enuff for me to put the breaks on my tongue....it seems to be working...luckly I don't take any of this personal...

the Scale read 184.2 this morning...oh well, as long as it doesn't go up to 185 again I'm still ahead...I'm not discouraged...I know that getting on the scale everyday isn't the thing to do but I need to keep doing it or I will make excuses not to weigh myself when it is time....I know me and that is how I get myself into trouble...making excuses...

VA Tech.....I feel for all of the parents of the students that were killed or injured there yesterday....I remember the Texas incident back in 1966...I was just a teenager then and it was on the TV for days..nothing like that had ever happened before ....the whole country was in shock (just like now)....
It makes you stop and think what life can throw at you with no warning....

Need to catch up on some of my favorite blogs....then get ready for work...I'm working from 10 am to 8 pm today...long day but it's all good...

New Day

I actually had a pretty good day yesterday.....Now to keep it up....that's the hard part...but I've always tried to live one day at a time...I just got off track for a while...but I feel that I'm back to my old self now....whew!

For now I'll be weighing myself each morning...just to keep me motivated...but the scale is such a funny thing....you just never can trust it...like this morning I weighed 183.4...now I know that I couldn't have lost 2.2 lbs in one day just by drinking more water so altho I'm happy to see the number go down I'm not getting excited about it....now once I get back down into the 170's I might start getting excited...

I'm working on "keeping my mouth SHUT" at work today...more on that later....

It's a NEW DAY and it's going to be a GREAT DAY....

Same day..just a couple of hours later

I did it....I step on that scale (I told you I was going to work on it) ..it hurt but I survived....Was I shocked at what it said? Not really...I think that I knew in my mind and heart that it wasn't going to be good....I could tell when I put my pants on and that roll of fat acted like silly putty...you know...you make it skinny at the bottom but it hangs out all over the top...yep that's me....

The scale read 185.6 at 7 am today....so what am I going to do about it? Well, I will tell you this I'm not going to procrasinate or advoid it any more...no Siree...because I've got
The PLAN...and A Goal....

The Plan....I'm not going to diet and I'm not going to let the scale run my life (it's a tool to motivate me not to live by)...I've been doing this for 4 years now and I know what I should be eating and what I shouldn't (notice I didn't say can't) be eating...so back to the basics..time to clean the house of all the junk that I don't need...that mostly means the sugars that I started back on a couple of months ago....I know a little sugar won't hurt me..but I don't (notice I didn' t say can't) stop at just a little...so for this next couple of weeks....I'm cutting back on anything with sugar...It's a start...Carbs are my culprit...and altho a body does need some carbs...I've been doing the wrong carbs...so I'll work on that too...more fruit & veggies (which I like so that won't be hard) and I really need to work on eating more protein....

MY GOAL...is to get to 179 by the time we open the gym on May 1st...this is doable if I work at it that's only 6.5 lbs in two weeks.... now I know that a person is only suppose to lose 1-2 lbs a week...and I'll go to that after I lose this first 6.5 lbs..I haven't been drinking enuff water lately and I'm hoping by upping that I will lose some of the water weight (I hope some of this is water weight and not all just flabby fat).

Exercise....exercise and more exercise....I've been lax in that area lately too...I will find time to start running again....just not sure when...it can't be that hard....just have to DO IT...

Got to run & drink my protein drink & take my daily supplements (something I started back doing last week) then get dressed and go to work...Today is a NEW DAY for me and It's going to be a GREAT DAY!!!

ADVOIDANCE!!!!!!

I'm sooo good at it..if I advoid doing something then I can't be held accountable for it ..right? Wrong...this is keeping me awake tonight and so I MADE myself get up out of bed and come here....

So just what have I been advoiding?
Pretty much everything beginning with my getting back to losing weight to cleaning my house & keeping my yard work up...even my truck is a mess..EVEN WORSE...I've been advoiding coming here ..Using the excuse that I don't want to whine or bore everyone......otherwise making excuses to myself and pretending that everything is just hunky dorky in my life....not that it's really bad just that I'm not doing what I really need to be doing.....SOOOO what am I going to do about it...I need to get off my duff and get my life back to the way I want it...

I need to COMMIT...(gawd how I hate that word)....NO MORE EXCUSES....starting today I begin all over and get control of my life again...

First...I need to come here at least 3 times a week if not daily even if it is only to write a couple of sentences...making myself accountable for what I'm doing really does help...So just bear with me until I get back in the habit of coming here and then I'm sure I'll get back to my old witty? self.

Second...I need to get back to eating healthy...get off all the junk food that I've been stuffing into my face...eat small regular meals 5xs a day...my excuse has been that I'm on the run alot with the new job but that will soon end once we open the new gym..which should be in 2 weeks..yay! But I'm not going to use that excuse..there are people out there that have jobs that are worse than mine and they don't eat crazy like I have been....I could list so many reasons I have been giving myself for why I eat that bag of pretzels rather than a piece of fruit...i start off with good intentions...even to buying the fruit but eating that and the other junk food that I've been buying....well...NO MORE...(Friday the 13th...I couldn't get my size 10 pants that I love to snap...this is not good)..I'm not going to bore ya'll with what I eat..I'll just come here and report that I am on PLAN....I'm being positive here.....
I've been ADVOIDING getting on the scale..I know that I'm up over 180 again...and I have to tell you that I'm still not ready to get on it and see the truth...call me a chicken..I AM...this one is the hardest for me right now....I keep telling myself that it can't be that bad..and I don't want to start my day off being discouraged....I need an attitude adjustment on this one (I'm working on it honest!)

Third...my house & yard...I took today off from work...(actually I was suppose to go on a backpacking trip to the Smokies but it got cancelled due to the weather we are having here)..and I actually mowed my lawn...I've been using the excuse that I couldn't get my lawnmower started..so this morning I decided to give it one more try and if it didn't start then I would take it to Sears for it's yearly tune up...yay..it started so I mowed the whole yard, pulled weeds, trimmed the privets and blowed off the drive way just in time for the rain to do it's work...I forget how much I love this yard that Lar & I worked on so hard for many years..I've let it go for so long that I think the neighbors thought I had moved (haha)...
I love my house but lately I haven't been keeping it as clean as I like...usually I have no problem picking up after myself...but when I looked around at my house this afternoon it was a wake up call for me at how much I've let things go....I'm not a fanatic about being clean but I do like everything in its place...

whoa..this is about as much of this serious thinking that I can handle for now.....I'm going back into my nice warm bed and get a couple of more hours of sleep before going back to work (today's going to be a great day for Me)...this post is mostly for me.....it seems like over the years I have needed to actually write the words to make myself commit...way to easy to go back on those good intentions if you don't see it written in words....Making myself accountable is HARD...

What Happened?

I see that my post on my manager didn't get published....well, he's still a "dick" so I'm posting it now.... note....VP never did get back with me...probably a good thing....

I've been sick with what I thought at first was allergies but I think it's turned into something else now..(I've got a congested chest, runny nose & yesterday I had diahrrea, in other words I'm just plain sick..yech..I hate it). I did come home yesterday and rested...I still feel like sh*t but since I don't have sick leave and I need the monies I'm dragging myself off to work this morning....I work till 8 tonight and I usually go to the gym for my workout with weights but I think I will probably pass on that tonight...

My weight isn't good...still struggling to lose the 15 pounds I gained when I wasn't working...my hours are so weird that I can't seem to get on a schedule with my foods or my exercise...hopefully when the gym actually gets open (at the end of April) I will be able to get myself under control..

My social life is as busy as possible working around my work schedule...but NO dating right now...I'm pretty much giving it up..too much work and to many dissapointments......I did go out a couple of weekends ago with some friends from my hiking/backpacking group...we had a blast. And I'm going to a party this weekend with the same group....no one special just a fun group...and on the 6th I'm going to a Jazz Festival with my old crowd that I just haven't had time for lately...

Just had a big coughing fit so now my chest hurts like hell....shit...why can't I have someone to take care of me....Moaning Mona

the Worlds Worst General Manager

is what I am stuck with at work right now...in the three months that I have been working this is my third manager...the first just didn't show up to work after on my third day...no one seems to know what happened to him....my second was a guy I know from the gym that I workout at...Eugene...he lasted 2 weeks before they brought the Jimbo on board...Jimbo brags that he was the top salesman for our competitor....we found out that he only worked for them 4 months before he got Fired....whooooaaaa...you would think someone in upper management would have caught on to that lil tidbit....The man drives me crazy...he's on some kind of anti depressant drug and drinks Rockstar all day...so is constantly moving around..talk about jittery....and he NEVER shuts up....He thinks he's MR. Smooth....and better than everyone that he works with....I could go on forever about him and all of his faults...I haven't been able to find any thing GOOD about him yet..(can you tell I really don't like him?) but I really want to vent about the incident that happened yesterday before I have to go to work and face him today....hopefully it will calm me down somewhat so I can function with out "taking him out with my fists"..whooooaaa were did that come from....

Yesterday Jimbo lost me a sale....right now I haven't gotten that many to be letting any slip away from me....A good friend of mine had called me and told me that one of the girls that she works with wanted to join the club...so I went over to where she works and talked with "B"...we spoke for awhile...I found out what she was looking for in a club...decided which plan would be the best for her...she wanted to see just what she was getting for her money (I had the sale at this point) so I invited her to our preview center where I could show her the pictures & DVD after she got off work....Well....she comes in and I am finishing up another sale and asked her to wait just a few minutes..she was fine with this....but NOT JIMBO....he comes sassshaying over...introduces himself as the GM and starts drilling her about where she works and if she would give him her managers/owners name so he can set up a Corporate account and get her a better price than the one I gave her...now understand he doesn't even know WHAT price I gave her at this point...needless to say by the time I got done with my new members, she was having second thoughts about joining...she told me she was uncomfortable with him asking for her managers number and she would have "check with her husband" about joining...I will go back to her today and try to salvage the damage that Jimbo did yesterday ....but I have to tell you this is not the first time he has done this to me..and I've had enuff....

Last night I put a call into the District Vice President who actually hired me and asked that we have a Private conversation today....at this point I'm not sure just what I am going to say ...I really don't like "tattling" on anyone and I always try to work out any problems I have on my own...but damn it ...this man is costing me money since I only get paid on commission....

I really like the job...just hate the manager...I keep telling the guys (the other 2 salesman that I have worked with since the beginning) that it could be worse...I just don't know how...

More later

Sorry I've been MIA

Whoa...I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I've blogged....things have been happening....some good...some bad...that's life....but time just got away from me...

Thanks Suzann for checking on me....I'm doing good...busy but still hangin' in there...

Work has been interesting to say the least...Yes... I still have the same job in Sales for the fitness center...some days I love it (like yesterday which was a VERY good day for me) and some days I think..."What am I doing?" but then I think all jobs are like that...I'm working a presale..that means that our gym isn't open yet..they are still building it... but it looks like it will open the first part of May..so I just have to hang in there until then...it's hard to sell something people can't use right away...soooo I'm not making alot of monies but the potenial is there once it opens...
I've had three differant managers in the short time I've been there.....and it looks like the third one is on his way out too...2 of the 6 guys I began with are gone...(they quit when this last manager started....maybe they knew something?). It's a challenge but I've always like challenges and I really do like the work...so I'm hanging in there no matter what...I've never been a quitter anyway..

One of the main reasons I haven't blogged in a while is that my computer crashed on me...#1 Niece thinks my "mother board was fried" so I had to get a new computer....I just got it all up and back on line this week....I never knew how much I depend on having a computer...I had a Gateway that Lar & bought years ago...and had been having lots of problems with it the last couple of years ....so I knew it was time to get a new one....just was hopin' it would wait until I was making more monies...but that is never how it goes..is it? oh well...now I have a nice new pretty computer and hopefully I won't have anymore problems with it...

I haven't had time to read all my favorite bloggs....working 10 hrs a day...
No time for hiking either...although I am doing one this Sunday..my first in over a month...

Dating.....I'll have to come back another time and talk about that...don't have time this morning since I have to get to work soon...No there is no one special in my life..but have had a couple of interesting prospects....mostly they didn't work out.....stay tuned for that story later....heehehhe.

I'll be back when I have more time....