Birthdays

Today is Larry's Birthday...he was never much on birthdays, especially his own...I was brought up that birthdays were a special day..a day you got your favorite food (a tradition I've carried on) and a party (if possible)...
I'm not sure how Lar came about his attitude about birthdays..I'm sure his parents celebrated them and maybe being a man it just wasn't that important to him (not like Christmas which was his favorite holiday)..but he did humor me, especially when it came to The Kids birthday...i think he enjoyed watching her grow up and change into the woman she is today...he loved kid's birthday parties (probably because he was a big kid himself) and would sit back and enjoy them...He was known to miss his own birthday party but never would miss being at one of "The Kid's" or #1 Niece's (if we were invited).
I remember Larry's first birthday we were together..I had planned a big Surprize party for him but I was the one that got the surprize since he went for drinks after work with one of his friends (who I hadn't invited because I didn't know him at that time) and got home late after pretty much everyone had gone home...Needless to say he was a little drunk..in fact needed help getting out of the car..thank god he hadn't drove...Now understand we had only been together for a few months and were still learning about each other...I seem to remember I was pretty upset but I did learn my lesson...NEVER try to Surprize Larry...
The other treasured memory that I remember about that night was that was the first time he proposed to me...I turned him down. (1) I didn't think he would remember in the morning. (2) I wasn't ready to get married again...I wanted to make sure that the relationship would last before taking that step again..We were together 10 years before we finally took that step and over that 10 years we did talk about getting married several times..the time just never seemed right..either he wanted to and I didn't or I wanted to and he didn't...it's funny now but it never seemed to make a difference in our relationship because we were Best Friends and neither one of us could imagine life without the other...We would talk about what it would be like if something happened to either one of us..especially Larry because of his disability...and we both knew that we Could carry on if something happened.. not that we didn't have some rough times in our relationship but in the end our love for each other always won..
I try to remember all that we did together, all the talks we had, the places we went together and the memories we made together. I miss him so much my heart aches, tears flow and I sometimes think I can't do this without him..There isn't a day that I don't think about him especially days like today (his b'day) but I know that he wouldn't want me to give into the melancholy that threatens..so I will get through this day too with my chin (or chins as it is) up and I will go out with my friends tonight and have fun. As always when I do anything I'll think to myself how much Larry would have enjoyed this and then enjoy it for the both of us..
Happy B'day Larry...I'll have a glass of wine for you tonight....I'll always love you and miss you more than words can say..