The pity party is over!!!

Wheewwww. I guess Evil Eva did get a hold of me yesterday...She, Moanin' Mona & Spacey Lacey had a great time...I barely can remember what I did yesterday...I hate when that happens...
Work suffered because Spacey Lacey didn't get one of the jobs assigned like I should have (she makes my head so fuzzy)... Had to work all this morning straighening it out and getting caught up (I'm on my lunch hour now).. Moanin'Mona had fun on the Whine thread at eDiets...and ya'll got the benefit of EE's total negativity.... See what I have to put up with all the time....

Actually, thanks to the comment A made, I took a second look at the picture...true I'm not UGLY and so what if I am starting to show my age, like A said, I have earned those lines....(Ugly would be if I had a big old wart on my nose with a hair growing out of it, hairy eyebrows and crossed eyes)
What I see when I look at the picture today...is a woman who is sure of herself. someone who is happy...see the twinkle in the eyes? And don't ya just love the color of that jacket (that's the same color as my truck)...So I don't look like I'm in my 20's, 30's or even my 40's....who gives a flippin' _______? I think I look pretty good compared to how I looked a few years ago...I know I feel good...so I'm going to go with that...
Again I ask myself...Why do I let pictures put me in a tail spin? I do think I will stay away from having my picture taken....it's not worth what I put myself through...even when I think I'm prepared for the worst I'm always shocked at how I look in pictures....definately not what I picture myself looking like...
The quest for a good picture started since I've been looking into the on line dating thing...I've signed up for a couple and they all want pictures... As soon as I posted pictures the guys that I was emailing dropped me like a hot potato...so this has erroded my confidence a little lately and given EE the edge that she's been waitng for...to undermine all that I have done...Well....that's not going to happen...I might stumble around a little but I will pick myself back up and go Forward with my plan...Sexy Sue (in control again)

Reality bites me in the ASS...

I have to admit that I am not now or ever will be Photogenic....either that or I have to start believing what I see in pictures of me and give up on trying to better myself...
SOOOO...I work my butt off trying to lose this weight so I look better....and what have I REALLY accomplished...sure my bod looks better than it did 2 years ago...but that's not really what people look at (is it?)...My face is like something out of a nightmare....it's drooping off the freakin' page....
And just what brought all this angst about? The Kid took some pictures the night I went out dancing...you know the night I THOUGHT I looked so hot...at least I felt HOT...Well when I look at these pictures I have to ask myself "who am I kidding??"... all I see is some OLD broad trying to act and look younger and not doing a very good job at it...(the picture above is the best of the group...not good..I have to admit tho ... my hair did look good...it's too bad my face is soooo damn old looking...
I never wanted to be one of those ladies you see in Walmart...you know the 100 year old lady wearing the skin tight leopard pants (her belly hanging over her knees) with the blonde bleached hair and enough makeup to make the Mary Kay lady rich... Okay maybe I'm not that bad YET....but damn it's discouraging.... I just wish there was someone out there that could take ONE freakin' good picture of me without having to to an EXTREME Makeover...
Even the Kid admitted that I'm not PHOTOGENIC..she tried to tell me that I did look hot that night but the proof is in front of me..if it was just one picture I might be able to forget it but damn it's every picture that has been taken of me in the last few months that looks like shit....
Well, I decided that enough is enough.....NO MORE FREAKIN' PICTURES OF ME EVER!!!!!(AT least not of my face)....
I knew there was a reason that I've been camera shy for years...I thought it was because of my weight...but no way...it's because of my FACE....and it's just toooooo damn hard not to get discouraged...
So I'm going back on being TOTALLY focused on getting this body in the shape that I want it to be...forget all this other shit that I've putting myself thro...there's absolutely NO FREAKIN' WAY that any NORMAL guy would want to date this old hag....You don't have to hit me over the head with a baseball bat for me to take a hint...(the proof is in the pictures and you won't convince me otherwise)..I've had enough experience lately to tell me the truth....I am just to plain OLD and ugly to interest any guy (unless he is blind).....
And I don't need it anyway...I'm doing fine by myself....

{{{{HUGS}}}}

HUG v. 1. to clasp or hold closely, esp. in arms: EMBRACE
2. to hold steadfastly to: CHERISH

I love to hug and be hugged...in fact I think I will declare this a Hug A Freind, A Loved One or Even A Stranger DAY....

There are so many differant kinds of hugs...

There's the Bear Hug...that's what I always get from my Brother Willy...he gets me in a hug and won't let go..but that's alright because I just hug him back..

I don't remember too many hugs from my Mom while growing up but she's made up for it since I've been an adult...maybe I just wasn't that loveable as a child.. Her hugs are quick...I'm not sure she is comfortable with hugging me even now but she does it so that means alot to me...

My older Sister Connie is alot like my Mom...I love to embarrass her by hugging her in public...even better is to plant a big kiss on her lips and watch her scrunch up her face and go ewwwwwwww...(it's the Evil Eva in me that makes me enjoy it so much).

My younger sis (#1 Niece's Mom) is alot like me...pretty demonstrative...I love hugging her and we have been known to hug each other no matter where we are...

Lar's hugs usually ended up with a pat on my back to let me know he was hugged enough...but the thing I loved about him was that I could go up to him and hug him at anytime...he was never too busy or preoccupied to hug me back... He was a big guy (6'4" 280lbs)& even when he was in his wheelchair I could go up to him, straddle him and he would hug me (I miss that sooo much)...alot of times it would just end up with us holding each other... The last month of his life he was bed ridden and couldn't talk...he would ring his bell and try to tell me something (I would see the tears in his eyes from the frustration) and I would ask him "Do you want me to just hold you" He would nod his head and then I would hug him and hold him to me until he patted my back and then he would be calm for awhile...

I love hugging my Grand kids....when they are little they just naturally hug you...as the boys are getting older they go through stages...sometimes they will give me the big bear hug and other times they'll hug me real quick just to get it over...it doesn't matter...I love feeling their arms around me. Oh yeah, I mustn't forget when I kneel down to their height to get my hug and they try to push me over...and it ends up being a struggle...tooo much fun...
The girls are still little enough that they just give me that baby hug...the one where there lil arms go around my neck and usually includes a kiss...they are so darn cute...

Whenever I see The Kid, #1 Niece or #2 Niece, we always give each other hugs when we leave each other...

In fact, in case you can't tell, I am very hugable... I think that I used to be one of those soft cuddly huggers (you know like the Church Ladies) but since I've lost this weight I wonder if it's the same?

Well...I'm off to find someone to HUG today...
Enjoy!!!!!

New Swimsuit or New Running Shoes?

I've been checking out the Victoria Secrets swimsuits on line because I am determined that this summer I will look good in a swim suit...thinking Tankini here...I did find some that I really like but am having a problem with the thought of spending over $100 for that little bit of cloth...especially not knowing if it will really look good on me...I know I could send off for it and it I don't like it I could send it back...but I seem to have a problem taking clothes back...Right now in my closet I have 3 pairs of pants, A green demin skirt, a yellow flowered skirt, a pullover shirt that all just don't fit me comfortably yet (bought at differant times in the last few months) because I rarely try things on at the store..I just buy them and then try them on at home...I know I should have taken them back but I really like them and WHEN I do lose this weight (note I didn't say IF) I will have something to wear that I really like...any hooo back to the suit...I do have 2 regular swimsuits right now that I wear to the gym for the hot tub and 1 2-piece that I bought last year that I am using for inspiration to lose this fat around my middle.. The 2 suits I wear at the gym are getting baggy in the butt..what's with that? and I really want a new one...Can you have too many suits?..but the suits I have I bought at WallyWorld & Ross's and didn't spend that much monies on..probaby total of $100 for all three...now I'm looking at ONE Suit for the same price I spent on all three....make me hesitate...Damn I wish I had enough monies that I didn't have to stop and consider these things....

Then again I start to think that I really need to buy a new pair of Running Shoes (I've had the ones I run in for over 6 months...not good especially with me putting in so many miles now) and I know these will cost me around $100 too...I just signed up for another 10K on March 4th...that's less than 2 weeks..one of the reasons I haven't bought new shoes yet is I don't want to run a race in NEW shoes, I want to break them in first.....I can't afford both (at least not in the same month) so this Saturday I will go to Fleet Feet and get me that new pair of shoes and I'll just have to wait for summer to buy the swimsuit...maybe by then they will be cheaper (I just hope I can find one I like then)..

About me....

As usual this is all about me...I've been thinking bout things I like/love and don't like.
In no particular order....

I love to read...I have thousands of books in my house...12 bookcases and lots of boxes packed with books... i read almost any kind of book...I go on tangents and will read all sci fi for a while then switch over to "no brainer" love stories... Right now I'm into spy/thriller books...
Current book reading is Clive Cussler's Vallaha Rising and on the side (in the bathroom) I'm reading a love story and I can't remember the author..it'll come to me...

I love waking up early in the morning for a trip and seeing the sun come up.

I love looking at clouds (this I get from my Granmother on my Mom's side of the family) and seeing all the differant shapes my imagination can make.

I love watching my grandkids play together.

I love seeing my daughter & niece together...they make such coool adults (who'd thunk)and parents... I am sooo proud of them both...

I love looking at a good looking guy in tight jeans, especially if he has long legs...Ok so I'm a pervert...

I don't like baggie jeans on a guy that hang low on the butt...Yech..how unattractive can you get...

I love the way my body feels after a good workout with the weights.

I don't like how I feel after eating a whole pizza by myself....

I love the adrendine rush I get after finishing a race or playing a good game of racquetball...

I love listening to ZZ TOPS on Sunday morning while cleaning the house (cranked up as loud as it will go)..

I like long showers, I don't like baths...and my shower has to be sooo hot that the mirrors steam up in the next room...during the winter my hot water heater only gives me enough hot water for a 7 min shower..what a bummer.....

I love my house...it is perfect for me and I plan on living there (by myself) for the rest of my life..

I love sitting on the verandah in the glider late on a hot summer night just listening to the world pass me by...

I love finding and buying clothes that are ME....

I like talking to people...to see what makes them special...

I don't like when people talk down to me...I might not be as smart as some but I'm not an idiot either...

I don't like to fight...altho I've been in a few...

Let me Clarify!!!

#1 Niece is soooo right (thanks for keeping me straight baby)...I ran the 10K in 1:07:30 (that's 67 min & 30 sec) which is a whole lot better than 107 mins & 30 seconds..this averages out to 10:52 mile...I was doing a 10 min mile at the half but had to walk some due to my knee...but still that's better than I thought.

I went into the website yesterday to look at my results and couldn't find my name in the Womens 10K or 5k so emailed to find out why my results weren't posted...Well, for some reason I was under the Men's 10K...They have fixed that now ...but in the meantime the results showed that 3rd place in my age group went to some other gal with the time of 1:08:32 (they have since changed that to ME) I'm not if I will get an award or not... It really doesn't bother me toooo much...since I now know that I really placed again (even if it was only 3rd Place) for my age group..I'm not unhappy about that for my first 10K...1st place went to a 56 yr olds who's time was 59:29 (that's going to be my goal for next year to beat) and 2nd place went to a 58 yr old with the time of 1:00:17... those gals can really go...it gives me the incentive to keep it up.

More stats....there were 6 women in my age group that ran the 10K... their times were 1:08:32 & 1:09:32 so we were close....

I'm feelling GOOD!!!

Alright....I did the 10K and I finished in 107.30 mins...not as good as I hoped but then not as bad as I feared....I'm happy with it because I proved to myself that I could do it..
I was worried because they were calling for rain but we lucked out and no rain...it was cold, the temp started to drop around 7:30 this morning..(I just went out to the truck and it's now starting to rain...talk about luck!!!). Also my knee has been giving me fits all week and last night when I was playing racquetball it was really hurting...I came home last night and iced it down and took some Motrin (which I hate doing) then this morning I took some more Motrin...it seemed to help...
My knee still hurt especially on the 5th mile (which was all incline)so I mostly walked/ran the last half of the race which was mostly inclines it seemed(that's why my time wasn't as good as I wanted). It's weird I worried so much about not being able to do this (in fact I was almost physically sick to my stomach this morning when I left to go to the race) and then once I started to run after the first 5 mins I knew that I could do it. I had already made up my mind that I would finish no matter what...I didn't have any other choice...
It was a good route, no steep hills and some nice straight ways so I could get my speed up before getting to the inclines..Not sure where I am in the standing with my age group.. they didn't hand out awards that I could tell...it didn't seem to be many women in my age group running the 10K but then it's hard to tell age anymore... But the Main thing is I FINISHED... I'm ready for the next one....mabye in 2 weeks...
I think this race has finally convinced me that I am A RUNNER... I loved it..who'd thunk it could be...this woman who 3 years ago had to use a buggy to walk behind to get around in WalMart because walking was such a chore...(see me patting myself on the back...whoooohoooo)..

Figuring It Out is gone

Kyra's blog "Figuring It Out" is gone... I really liked her blog...but I understand why she decided to discontinue it....and hope she is happy in the "gated" community that she found...no more negative comments from people who won't even sign their names just anonymous..I know that some anonymous comments can be annoying but I guess I've been lucky in that I've never had Negative ones...just those ones that want to sell me stuff...that's bad enough...

On the home front here I'm gearing up for the 10K tomorrow morning...not sure what I've gotten myself into...especially since my knee has been bothering me all week...I really pushed myself on the treadmill on Tues and ran 35 mins on random without stopping...this is the best I've ever done on the treadmill.. for some reason it is harder for me to run on the treadmill than to run outside...anyway since then my knee has been funky...sometimes it hurts like crazy and then other times it's fine...also the weather has alot to do with that...with this rain it always bothers me a little....and won't you know it...they are calling for rain tomorrow... but I got an email telling me that the race will be on Rain or Shine so I will be there...I might have to end up walking a ways but no matter what I will do this...I'm thinking Positive!!!! I'll probably end up taking some Motrin..if I remember in the morning....I know that I should Ice it down tonight but I have never been able to bring myself to putting ice on any part of my body...brrrrr...I hate cold...now if you told me to put heat on it...that would be differant..

Evil Eva's been sabatoging me here lately with my eating (could it be the full moon?)... telling me that with the upped workouts I've been doing I need more food especially at night after I work out...Last night I got home late (around 10) and had my salmon & brocolli, but that didn't satisfy me so then I went back and had some grapes (which was part of my plan so that was alright) then I spotted the smoked almonds so I had some of them, Evil Eva telling me that I needed the salt since I sweated so much at the gym. I don't normally buy smoked almonds, but EE talked me into it the other night at the store as a treat(luckily I split them up into 1 oz baggies when I got them and I only had 1). By then it was time for me to go to bed and but first I had to grab a lil box of raisins because I wanted something sweet after all that salt...I know to some that may not seem like much but it is more about not controlling myself. I get so mad at myself for giving into these cravings (or mindless eating). I know all the things I'm suppose to do when it happens but i just don't do it when I need to...
I'm a glutton for punishment so this morning I weighed myself...not good..i'm up a 1/2 pound...but even worse my pants felt tight this morning for the first time in a long time (probably all that salt on the smoked almonds). I know that I need to get over it and do ONE DAY AT A TIME.. but I also need to figure out a way to keep it from happening again because if I don't then I will never lose this weight and will keep beating myself up over it (and that's no fun). I'm thinking if I make myself come here and "confess" each time I do this (and I hate to admit I'm not perfect) then I will be able to talk myself out of eating things I know I don't need at night...We'll see....

Numbers

This past Saturday I went over to #1 Nieces so she could do the pinch fat test on me...and altho the scale doesn't show that I have lost weight, the numbers are there for me to see in black & white..

Jan 8 weight was 170#s & body fat was @ 37% (63# fat & 107# muscle)
Feb 11 weight was 169# and my body fat was @ 32% (55# fat & 114# muscle) soooo if my math is correct I lost 1# on the scale but accordingly to the body fat test I actually lost 8# of fat and gained 7# of muscle...
I also measured myself and I have lost 2" on my waist & 3"s on my hips...

It's hard for me not to get impatient for the numbers to move faster but at least I now know that altho the scale isn't moving I am doing something right..because it's not all about getting to a smaller weight but about building muscle so I can maintain my weight once I reach my goal...also I have to reimind myself that muscle burns more calories than fat...

I think some of this angst that I'm going through is due to what I read about how you should lose at least 1 to 2 pounds a week...well that just isn't happening with me...at least not on the scale but if I look at the numbers then I can see that I am losing...

I was ready to give up on my new Plan...thinking it wasn't working but Now I think I will give it another months try....I still feel it's a pretty good plan...just have to factor in the fact that I am gaining muscle so the scale won't move as fast...

I have said from the first that I will lose this weight Slowly to give my body & Mind a chance to adjust so that it never comes back....

I'm not looking (just Peeking)!!!

My face is starting to look OLD...yep... I've got lines around my eyes and mouth that didn't used to be there. My mouth & eyes are starting that drooping thing that happens in my family to the older women...Am I going to obsess over this? Nope...at least not much...because there isn't anything I can do about it...at least nothing I can afford...The thing is I feel younger now than I have in a long time...I can look in the mirror at my bod and see sooo much differance (hell most of the time I love what I see, especially the clothes that I get to wear now)..but when i look up into my face I see that the years haven't been easy on me... What did I expect? To stay young forever...that once I lost weight I would really be young? Why should this be important to me NOW? Well, I guess it's because I've been thinking about being attractive to the opposite sex. I'm 55 years old and I really do like living by myself but hate that I don't have any other options at this time...It would be nice to have someone to do things with..things I want to do for a change...
I may not be one of the smartest women around but then I'm not one of the dumbest either... I should be able to figure out how to make my life more interesting...more what I want...And just what is it I WANT. This shouldn't be that hard...Maybe I just need to get on with my LIFE and forget trying to find someone to share it with....who know that's usually when things really happen...when you aren't looking...

day one of 21 days

Happy Freakin' Friday...yay...it's been a long week....I wish I could say that I did good on sticking to my Plan...but no such luck...I'm back to not journaling and eating pretty much the way I was before the first of the year...And why is that? you ask.... probably because i fell back on the old habits AGAIN (especially the last couple of days)...so what am i going to do about it? well, i guess I will pick myself up off the ground and start again...

so back to coming here and journaling....it seems to work the best...at least until i can make it a habit.... so back to the old 21 days to make a habit... (altho the last time I made it to 27 days and it didn't stop me from falling down). So you can skip the next part if you want...It's for ME...
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2/10/06
6:30 am Protein drink, vitamins & supplements
10:00 am Kashi cereal and banana
Packed for the rest of the day
LUNCH...Spinach/strawberries/walnut/blue cheese salad with raspberry vingerette, 1 oz tuna w pickle relish & nf miracle whip & 5 crackers...clemetine
SNACK...apple & string cheese
Almonds for the way to the gym
Clif energy bar (carrot cake) for after workout

Work out planned...
20 mins stretch
45 mins legs
1-2 hrs racquetball

Dinner after gym planned...
veggie burger & raw sliced zuchinni with nf sour cream ranch dip

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I noticed when I plan dinner (that means writing it down.. not just thinking it) then I stick to it and don't do the mindless eating (which I've been doing again..telling myself that I need to eat more when I get home from the gym because I have been working out more...what a bunch of malarkay...) I am convinced that if I can just get my eating under control than I will have finally be able to lose this last 20 pounds...
Right now I am flucuating between 168 and 170...I tried to tell myself that I'm gaining muscle and that's why the scale isn't moving but if I'm being honest with myself here..then that can't be it because my clothes aren't getting any bigger..true they aren't getting any tighter either but it's been a month now and something should be happening.... but on the other hand I was looking at my arms & shoulders in the mirror at Hip HOp last night and they definately are looking buff...scary...
Oh yeah... this past weekend I tried on the 2 piece swim suit I bought last summer but have never had the nerve to wear..and it fit pretty darn good (except for my obliques which I really need to work on)...so I tried to take pictures of me looking in the mirror (not quite sure how people do that) and will compare it with how I look in a couple of months (that is if the pictures turn out)...
I need to get #1 niece to do that pinch test for my body fat again...she was busy the last time and I didn't make it over to her place...excuses, excuses.... also need to take my measurements...been putting it off until I do the body fat test...

OK food I tried last night and DON'T like...Lean Crusine microwave spinach & mushroom Pizza....way too much crust...if I could just figure out how to have the spinach & mushroom topped with cheese without the crust....hmmmmm...that should work...but I don't keep cheese (except for my sting cheese) in the house...I'll have to think about this one..... I could do a wrap...okay tooo much thinking about food here...

Plans for the weekend....going to the Circus on Sunday with the Kid, Bubba, Lil Missy, #1 Niece, the Boy and Mini Meme...I think the son-in-law might even be coming..what a crowd...should be fun...At least no one will mistake me for the FAT LADY anymore...LOL...so there will be no run at the park this weekend...I'll have to run on the treadmill and extra day next week to make up for it...especially since I'm going to do the 10K the next weekend....

Plan to journal here on Saturday but probably won't make it on Sunday..that will be my FREE DAY...I'm not going to call it a CHEAT day because I hope to stay within my calories and will most likely get some exercise at the circus..walking, carrying grandkids...etc...just not going to worry about counting calories (if there is something I really want and it's not to crazy in calories I will have it) & journaling that one day....

10k? OR noT!!

Last night at the gym one of the gals that also runs (she's working toward doing a 1/2 marathon in Nov 2006) mentioned that she is doing the Ronald Reagan Road Race 10K in 2 weeks and it got me to thinking that I really want to do it too....
The Evil Eva in me's first thought was "NO WAY can I run a 10k. I'm lucky to run a 5K....NO NO NO"...
but once I got her calmed down...I started to thinking that JUST maybe I can do this... I know that I can do the 5K (hell, I just did my 5th one and survived) and I really need to move it up to the next step...especially if I want to run the P'tree Road Race on July 4th (this is a 10K with the famous Heartbreak Hill)and someday do a 1/2 marathon myself.

Then Moanin' Mona pipes in "what makes you think we are a runner...remember how much our knees hurt...remember all those aches and pains...why do you put us thru this?"
But I reminded her how much easier it is for me to move now..that my knees rarely bother me....that the aches & pains she keeps moaning about are a thing of the past as long as I do my stretches & eat enough protein & take my supplements..That quieted her down...

Then i start to doubt myself again...so I called #1 Niece and she of course told me "Sure you can do it"... so why do I doubt myself so much...I know that I can finish a 10K cause #1 Niece and I do 6 miles on Sunday at the park and 10K isn't that much more...so what if I don't Run the whole thing and end up walking most of the last half...what do I have to lose...What am I afraid of? Why should I let this fear rule me and stop me from doing something I know I will do at some time anyway...so NOW IS THE TIME....

I went back and reread Ryan's comments on my previous blog and viewed his profile. He is doing the Boston Marathon this year...and he inspired me... So I'm going to register on line for it and then I won't have any excuse not to run my 1st 10K this month.....

pictures

#1 Niece is the one in the yellow jacket with the GA Tech hat (oh yeah, she's the girl LOL) not quite sure when this one was taken but the one of me was taken as I came to the finish line...I like it even if I do look fat because of the too big fleece jacket AND you get to see the GA TECH logo (I think it's a wasp).

Race Day!!!!

I woke up at 5:30 am and cried "It's freakin' raining". Evil Eva pulled the covers over my head and tried to go back to sleep....but some lil voice (not sure who's it was) kept saying...."Ya got to get up...no matter what, you are going to do this race...what's a lil rain to a die hard runner like you?" So I crawled out of bed and started to get dressed...only changed my mind on what to wear 3 times (that's good for me)...packed a bag with dry clothes & a towel just in case the rain didn't stop...got my snacks (clemetines, almonds & a protien bar) ready with my water...Drank my protein drink, took my supplements & vitamins...
Around 6:20 #1 Niece calls to let me know that she will be driving since we have to drop her kids off at their Grandma's...which is definatetly alright with me...I really don't know my way around downtown Atlanta at all..and hate driving in the rain...
We discuss whether the race will be called off due to the rain & lightning but decide to go anyway and hope that the rain would pass over that area.
Which it did by the time we got the kids to where they needed to be, drove into town (about a 30-40 min drive) and found parking (which only took 20 mins)... it was still cold (46 degrees) but at least the rain had stopped...
We got our numbers and did some stretching, after I went to the potty in the grossiest bathrooms...no running water....we go to the start area and that's when I hear the announcement that due to some construction they have changed the route..."Oh great...there goes my PLAN". Here I thought I was sooo smart this time figuring out just how far I had to push myself by looking at the map...now here I am AGAIN not knowing where I am in the race and how much further I have to go...So I do a quick adjustment of "the Plan" and decided that I will try to push for running without walking for at least 25 mins (on our Sunday runs it usually 20 -23 mins to the big incline that I'm trying to push past so I figure this is a good time to go for and that I should be able to do it). I look around at the crowd that's running and realize that the majority of runners are in their early 20 & 30's very few peoples my age....
The run starts out good... a nice flat run with some small inclines but nothing major..I pulled out in front of #1 Niece immediately and got a good stride going...I felt good running...the only thing that was really cold on me was my face since I was wearing my BIG Baggy Warm fleece jacket.. at about 20 mins into the race my legs started to burn and I started to get this pain in my forhead, I figured it was from the cold wind blowing into my face...I see this big LONG incline ahead and try to push myself up it...I get to half way when the pain in my head is getting soo bad that I decide to try walking a little to see if that lessens it..I walk for about 30 seconds and it does help...so pick it back up again and for the rest of the race walked only when the pain gets too bad, then walked until it lessened and then ran again...did this about 3 times...
I tell myself that I am going to end this race running and since I'd been running for 25 mins figured that I must be coming to the end soon...so I really started pushing myself to run telling myself that I can do this......When I see this nice long decline (about a 1/4 of a mile) and at the bottom there is time board....I start to sprint. I see the time on it at 31:48 and I know that I don't want to see 32:00 so I put on the speed with everything I've got and I made it in 31:58...so altho I didn't make my Plan of running for 25 mins (I walked at 23 mins) I did better my time...
I started to walk back to find #1 Niece and she was at the top to the hill getting ready for the decline...I stood there cheering her on...she didn't do as good as she wanted but I'm still proud of her...Hey she ran and finished...that's a big one to me...
We walked back to where you turn in your time and I saw that there was only one other slip in the box for my age group so knew that I would be getting another Plaque or award for my wall....Grabbed a banana and passed up the Cinnamon Rolls (altho it was a real temptation) and we stood around for the drawing of door prizes...It was my lucky day ...they drew my number and I got a gift certificate for Barnes & Noble (YAY!!!)...Then they started handing out the placques and imagine my surprize when I got 1st in my age group...I tried to act humble...but damn..I've run in 5 races now and have placed 1st in 2 and 2nd in 1...I guess I have to quit saying it's just luck or that it's only because there isn't many women who run in my age group....hey...face it I AM GOOD....yes. I do have a big head over this one....
tried to post some pictures but had some trouble....will try later

5K tomorrow

One of my goals for this year is to run 12 5K's (not including the P'tree Road race in July which is a 10K)...that's one a month but since I missed last month I guess I will have to double up one month....hopefully I will be able to run a 1/2 marathon at one time in my life....Why this is so important to me I don't know...actually I've always dreamed of running in the Boston Marathon but I know that is just what it is ...a dream...so I will take the next best thing...anyhooooo
#1 Niece and I are running a 5K tomorrow morning at GA TECH. She & her hubby are true blue techies and I have to admit that I kind of blackmailed her into running this race with me by telling her that if she didn't run it with me I would have to run it with some friends from the gym who are GA Bulldog fans and I would have to wear something with Bulldogs on it....Needless to say she couldn't let that happen so she is running with me...
I'm going to have to gear myself up to really run my best...the last couple of times we have run at the park she has really improved her run...I have to confess that I run best at the park where i know all the hills and have set myself goals to how far I can run with out walking....I'm currently working on making it all the way to the top of this really long incline at about the 2 1/2 mile mark and once I get past that I know that I will be able to run the whole 3 miles without walking...for some reason when I'm running 5K's I don't push myself as hard...some of it is because I don't know the route but this time I have a map and I know just how far I should be able to go without walking (I'm setting goals in my mind as I type)....#1 Niece has set a goal of running it in 30 mins...my best time so far has been 32 mins sooo we'll see how it goes...who knows maybe I'll bring home another trophy....lol....
I need to start looking for another 5K after this one....

Football & the Superbowl

When Lar was alive we watched LOTS of football...Pro & College...I always said if I ever went on one of those game shows that ask questions about football I would want Larry there...In fact it was a joke between us...I always said that I had heard a rumor that there was other things on the teevee besides sports but you couldn't prove it at our house....Actually it work out good for us..he watched his sports and I read my books while being in the same room...and when I did watch football with him, he was sooo patient with me because I would ask the same questions again & again... I think, thanks to him, I did absorb some knowledge of football over the years we were together...don't know how much of it I really remember but...When he died I just couldn't bring myself to watch football anymore without missing him too much. So for the last 3 years I have purposely advoided Football of any kind....for one thing watching football by yourself is just plain BORING (at least to me..no one to cheer with or argue or explain what just happened).... I remember my Grandma Smith (on my Mom's side of the family)watching it by herself after my Granddad died...My sister (#1 Niece's Mom) and I would over to her apt on Sundays and she would be watching football...we would stay for a lil while visiting and watch some with her.... I never thought about what it must have been like for her...now I do...

Well, this year I've got the hankerin' to see the Superbowl...I don't know why especially since I haven't watched any football this year but it just seems like something I want to do .. the problem is that I don't want to watch it by myself and since I've been so adamant about not watching football for soo long, no one (thru no fault of theirs because how would they know that I've got this hankerin') has thought to ask me over to watch with them...The Kid and family already has plans to go over to a friends for a Superbowl Party..and I'm sure #1 niece and family will be going over to their best friends, besides that I don't like to intrude in their lives too much, and I don't feel comfortable inviting myself. I've been racking my brain to figure out if there is any one I know that I can invite over to my house or go to thiers on Sunday....but alas....I really have no close friends that don't already have plans...in fact when I really look at my life I've come to realize that I really have no friends outside of my family and the gym..I've never been one of those people who hang out at friends homes much (except my friends in SC but I really don't want to drive 6 hrs just for the Superbowl)....more comfortable in my own home by myself...but there are times when I wish I was more outgoing in this way (it's somethiing I have been working on tho just not good at it yet)...Don't get me wrong...I'm not feeling sorry for myself...most of the time I get along just fine by myself...but dang there are times that I wish I had my own lil circle of friends to do things with...

Oh yeah, btw...I going for Seattle....I even got in the pool here at work...drew terrible numbers tho so don't expect to win...but just in case keep your fingers crossed for the numbers 3 & 3 on any innings...

Obesity Virus?

Is this a joke or what? On MSN's popular searches I saw "Obesity Virus" so I clicked on it...If I'm reading this right it has been decided by the scientist that "obesity is a disease caused by infection with a virus" and you can get tested for it...Now get this if you do have this Virus you can be treated for it (hang on to your hats)and I quote from the article "The standard treatments are eating a healthier diet with lots of vegetables and fruits, reducing calorie intake, increasing physical activity to obtain 30-90 min of vigorous activity (such as walking) at least 5 days per week". I KID YOU NOT!!!!
Tell me how this differs if you are obese and don't have the virus?

I can just see it now....Moanin' Mona will be telling me that I'm Obese because I have a Virus? It can't be helped and I would have gotten this way no matter what I ate or did.... WRONG WRONG WRONG....NO FREAKIN' WAY..... I became overweight (OBESE) because I did not exercise and I ate way tooo much foods....Period...No excuses...

MONEY MONEY

Oh how I wish I had some.....Money that is....Everything I want to do and have costs sooo much....As my dear ole Mom used to say...Why couldn't I have been born RICH instead of Beautiful? I think the trouble I'm really having is that when Lar was alive he kept pretty tight reins on the monies...in other words he was a skinflint when it came to MY spending monies (altho if I really wanted something I would get it but the fact that he wouldn't be happy kept me in line most of the time)....and thanks to him we did have enough savings to live on without me working the last three years of his life...and the life insurance he had did cover all the medical bills that his insurance company didn't cover with some left over for me to live on this past 3 years comfortably...but that is quickly dwindling down...so now I have to rein myself in when I start to think about spending $800 for weights and stand which I really want or $300 plus air flight & hotel for the Impact Safety classes I want that I saw on Granny's blog...
When I stop to think about all the monies I spend each month just to keep healthy, I realize it's alot more expensive to be fit than if I just didn't give a darn...
there's my Gym payment every month ($45/month), I need new running shoes (this will cost me about $100) GNC where i get my protein powder, vitamins, Triflex & Flaxseed oil (usually around $60-80 a month)...Then my grocery bill is alot higher because I eat alot of Fresh veggies & fruits vs canned or frozen...also Fish is more expensive than all that other meats...I spent $68 on groceries the other night and carried it out in 2 bags...WTF.....this to last me for 5 days....I keep telling myself that it all evens out because I don't buy chips/cookies/garbage but I just don't know...is this really worth it....Wait a minute....let me look in the mirror.....Oh yeah, if I eat all that cheap/inexpensive shit and give up all the other stuff I will look like I did 2 years ago....NOT going to happen.....so I guess I'll just have to give up the weights and the self defense class for now ....but I'm still looking into taking classes on getting certified for becoming a personal trainer...another dream of mine...maybe just not right now...
I really need to start playing the Lottery or finding a better paying job....

It's soooo good not to be ALONE!!!

OMG...Thanks to Skwigg I have found my role model....my true hero....I FREAKIN' LOVE THIS WOMAN
I've been feeling lonely and out of place here in Blogg world...I felt like everyone is in their early 30's or 40's....that there were NO freakin' 50 year olds out there getting fit...that maybe they were all sitting around in their rockers knitting or something...but No I have found her...a Granny with a Viberator....someone who isn't afraid to go out and kick butt....she's not afraid to say the F word and she is totally into weight lifting and the gym...like I said My Hero... she is definately going to be on my links and I will be following her...

I made it through yesterday (Larry's B'day) without looking to food for comfort altho I did think about him alot....I kept busy all day and I think it helped me to come here and blog about Larry on Monday...got it all out of my system ahead of time...
For years I've always planned on being depressed on Jason's (my son who died at age 7 yrs old back in 1978) B'day, if it was a workday I took it off, would stay at home in memory of him....And for the last 2 years I've done the same for Larry's b'day...but not this year..because I knew that if I stayed at home it would be just an excuse to eat all day and be depressed...which is not what Lar would want...so instead I came to work, then went to the gym and had a REALLY good workout, went home, watched the rest of American Idol, ate my lentil soup and then went to the grocery store to buy groceries which I didn't do last weekend....by the time I got home, put the groceries away I was ready for bed....slept clear thro the night... I'm sure there will be days that I get in a "funk" missing Lar & Jason but I will not make plans to actually do that anymore...it's not necessary...This is a big step for me in Healing and growing....