Wheatridge Colorado..March 1986....Larry was told that his job with the Government was being eliminated and that he had a choice between Houston TX and Atlanta GA to be transferred to...or he could always look for another job in a differant field...He had been with the Government since 1980...not that long but long enough that he didn't want to start all over again...besides it wasn't that easy finding a good job if you were in a wheelchair...So we talked it over and decided that we would move to Atlanta...I put my notice in at my job with the county Health Department..and started to clean out the house and all the junk that we had accumulated in the 6 years we had been together..by June we were ready...The Kid (and Critter, her cat) was going to Wyoming to spend the summer with her Granny. This would give us time to find a place to live and to decide if Georgia was really where we wanted to be...
I think back now and we were sooo young and not smart about this move at all...We didn't have any idea of what we were getting into...We didn't have the internet to check out the location...We knew no one from the area...had no idea where we would live...no idea if I could find a job..II would definetly do things differant now).all we knew was that Larry had a Job...so we packed up and drove our cars from Colorado to Georgia in June 1986...such confidence we had that all would turn out all right....that's 20 years ago and Lordy so much has happened to me since then...
I sometimes wonder if I could go back would I make a differant decision...would I have chose to stay in Colorado...closer to my family..but then I think..if we hadn't made that move...then #1 Niece wouldn't have moved here in 1993 and she wouldn't have met Jack and had The Boy and Mini Meme...and The Kid...she wouldn't have Bubba and Lil Missy...
Back in 1986 I weighed around 180-190 pounds...I knew that I was slowly getting fatter but used the excuse of the move to eat more...and to give up walking..(I used to walk everyday from my work to Larry's work at lunch in Colorado, about a mile). I had been overweight since my first marriage back in 1968 but always said I was "large boned" and since I was solid I could carry more weight...what a joke... I'm not sure when I tipped the scale at 200 plus...it just happened...next thing I know the scale is saying 265...so I threw the thing out the door...In 1992 I did lose 100 pounds by going to a nutritionist and exercising (walking & riding my bike)...I kept if off for a year...then I fell and hurt my knee...this gave me a reason not to exercise and then I figured since I had lost all that weight I could go off The Diet..and go back to eating the way Larry & I liked...I didn't take up ALL the bad habits but the one thing I did was started eating Large Porportions again....and one of Lar's and my favorite thing was to go to Dairy Queen for a blizzard...in fact we had a joke about how we would drive up to the window and wouldn't even have to order because they already knew what we wanted..They knew Larry's car...I never fried foods...but we did love our sweets...and 6 months later I was back up over 200 pounds..but I was happy or least I was convinced I was...
Up to the last 6 months of his life Larry was a Big guy...he probably topped the scale at 290 pounds (if we could have found one that weighed him and his wheelchair) and he was 6'4"...because he didn't have any control over his stomach muscles..he had a big belly too...in fact everything about him was big...I miss that!!! But I now realize (I think I knew back then too but just didnt' want to admit it) that I used his size and his attitude about Big Women (he loved them) to stay fat. So where does that leave me now 20 years later and without that crutch to fall back on?
I tell myself that I won't EVER go back to being overweight..that if I ever stop exercising and watching what I eat that it can happen way too easy...so I am ever vigilant....and that's my plan for the next 20 years!!!!
I wonder why it is that everything I start to write ends up with me thinking about this weight thing...I start out reminicing about moving here and end up thinking about how I got to where I am in my weight....hmmmmmm I must be totally obsessed!!!!
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2 comments:
It's not that your obsessed - it's because weight is "safe". Weight doesn't get sick or get angry at you. Weight is like math - it's always 2+2 and cold and HEARTLESS.
You can make it into anything you want, like clay, too - it's just that much freakin' fun. You can make it the reason you are stuck in your job, or your marriage is bad, or your dog doesn't want to be in the same room with you. You can also make it a reason to be happy today, cause you stepped on the scale and lost a pound and nothing is gonna get you down.
It's an umbrella to catch all the junk you don't want to face, and a shield, so you can deal with something rational and cold, solid. Weight is weight. Eat too much it goes up. Eat too litte it goes down. That's a omforting thing.
It's a trap though. I know, I am in it too - along with 99% of the population of women, whether they're overweight or not.
You can't look back and think you should have chosen differently, because you were on that path for a reason. We think about all those little coincidences that "happened for a reason" and think "wow"... but they're small and easy to see. Maybe these bigger ones just take a bigger look to see the wow?
You did the right thing for you at the right time, it just wouldn't be the right thing now - but you can't weigh who you were against who you are now and decide whether it was the right way to go - you can't change players.
I will always...ALWAYS regret the stupid choices I made coming out of highschool - not going to college. yet, I KNOW I wouldn't have ended up here and now if I had. For better or for worse, I did what I thought was right at the time - stupid as it may be in hindsight. I just have to use that to see forward and try to do right now.
Just take heart in knowing you are exactly where you are supposed to be NOW. decide where you want to be tomorrow - with your weight, with your location, with your job, with how you want to face the day. The world IS literally your oyster.
Hi Sue - found your blog on one of those roundabout random clicking sprees! Loved this post and I'm looking forward to going back and reading some of your earlier stuff.
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