A Quiet Weekend

Besides having Lil Bit stay the night Friday night and getting my hair colored and trimmed yesterday...it's been a quiet weekend, no hiking, running or even going to the gym (altho I did mow the lawn)..the first in a long time...so it's no surpize to me that I've been thinking about Larry alot today...it happens anytime I slow down or stay at home...It's really not a bad thing but it does make me ache with longing...I looked at the pictures of the years we were together and cried a little for myself..missing him...altho I realize I don't really need to look at pictures to remember him because he is always there in my heart...maybe the actual way he looked is getting foggy in my memory but the way I felt about him is as strong now as the day I realized I loved him, which was pretty much the first time we were together...

I sometimes question the reasons I decided to start dating again...it's not that I want to forget Larry or even replace him (that will never happen). I guess I'm looking for just a lil bit of what we had together and I'm not sure that will ever happen...Maybe it's too soon...Who knows?

I know that I have changed so much in the last three years not just in my looks but in my way of thinking. It seems like it is so all about ME now. I keep MYSELF busy so I don't have time to feel sorry for MYSELF, the only thing I have to feel sorry for is that Larry isn't here...and I really work hard at keeping MYSELF positive and up beat...doing things I enjoy like the racquetball, hiking and even the running helps...surrounding myself with freinds and family help...even escaping into my books help...but sometimes I just need to take that time and feel the ache of missing him, spend time remembering what we had...how I felt when I was with him..So today was GOOD...Something I needed!!!