Compromised!!

You guessed it.. I went to the gym last night...but I did compromise with EE & MM and took my book with me and read while I did 45 mins on the bike... I had planned on running on the tm soo this is good for me...almost like a "rest" right?
Ok I did do some weights but just 3 sets for those ugly triceps & biceps and I did do 3 set of bench presses but that's all.... oh yeah, I forgot... I did some ab workout too but not as many as I usually do...only 3 set of crunches, obliques, and my favorite ..the dreaded standing on that machine and pulling your legs straight up (not quite sure what it's called but it sure works on the lower abs) but I promise that's all.. My bra was soaked by the time I got done but I wasn't tired at all and I did get home in time to watch the Biggest Loser and work on my puzzle...

I got to thinking that I won't be able to run on Sunday since I have the Granddaughter coming to spend the night with me..so I will get a day of rest this week....of course running after a 2 year old is a workout in itself....
More about that later

Suesday?

I've come to the conclusion there aren't enough days in the week for me.

I've been reading that all the experts say that I need a day of rest from exercise one day a week to give my body a chance to recoup...but then they also say that I should also take a week off once every 6 to 8 weeks (no way is that going to happen) but if I could just figure out how to add a day to the week I might consider giving it a consideration...

I go to the gym straight from work everyday...My schedule is 1-2 hrs of racquetball on Monday, Weds, Friday & Saturday. I run at the park on Sunday. Tuesday is my serious day working out with weights for my arms & chest (this is my day for bench pressing) and doing some type of cardio (I try to alternate between the tm, eliptical or bike)at the gym from 5:30 - 7 pm. Thurs I work with weights from 5:30 pm until my Hip Hop Class at 8 pm. Hip Hop is for an hour. In this time I take at least 15-20 mins to do stretching exercises. I love stretching, it feels soooo good. On the days I play racquetball I usually have about an hour before to do some type of weight workout so try to alternate between legs & back. And on Saturday after racquetball I work on anything that I feel I didn't push myself on enough during the week...All this and I've added 20 mins in the morning for abs at home. I wonder why I feel tired today...

I do treat myself with the Hot Tub on Saturday after working out and feel that my rest day is Sunday since I don't go to the gym (so what if I run 3-6 miles, it not a workout right?)....shouldn't that be enough for my body to recoup but NOOOOO, I'm told that I need a full day of NO exercise at all...Not sure I agree with this but it does seem like my body is getting more tired faster lately (I've been going at this pace for about 2 years with a day of rest maybe one day every couple of weeks when I get to feeling to tired to go on)and then too I have to figure in my old age..LOL....

There isn't a day that I want to miss my workout , racquetball or running. I really do enjoy each one (otherwise I wouldn't be doing it). So I'm thinking if I could just add a day maybe after Sunday.... I could call it Suesday...

This might be a good thing all around because of course I wouldn't have to work this day and I could just absolutely veg all day...

But seriously, I know that I am running a risk of injury by pushing myself too much but every time I think about taking a day of rest I convince myself that I don't want to miss out on that good feeling I get from working my body to the max... Oh No I've become OBSESSIVE....

All this because I'm fighting with EE & MM about not going to the gym tonight but going straight home from work to finish reading the book I'm reading and working on my puzzle. The last time I took a day off was last Tues when I was sick and have been pushing myself extra since to make up taking that day off. I guess we won't know who wins until I get in the car after work.

Fear

When I was in the Hot Tub at the gym yesterday I got to thinking about all of my fears... I have had a lot of them through my life. I got to listing all of them in my head and thinking how I've conquered some of them and still have some to either conquer or learn to live with. I hate the feeling of being afraid.

I think one of my major fears in life has always been that I would end up alone without anyone to love me...Well, here I am alone but I don't feel that I am not loved.. I have my family and altho they don't live with me, they are within easy reach whenever I need them... Also I have my memories of Larry and the knowledge that he truly did love me and I really can't imagine loving someone else as much as I loved him. He truly was my soul mate, my other half, my best freind in life. Even tho I miss him more than words can say, I make it through each day without him...being by myself is hard at times but I do it because I don't have any other choice... I guess that is the thing with Fears.. you can't let them rule you.

I have always had a fear of water..so much that for years I won't even think about getting into a swimming pool. I think some of it stems back from when I was young (doesn't everything?) and the fact that I had to take my glasses off to get in the pool... now I hated not being able to see and I also hated getting my face wet..I know weird but that's still something I have to conquer..After a year I am now comfortable in the hot tub. So I was thinking maybe the way to conquer fear is take it slow and just get accustomed to something.. So I got in the pool and walked to the 4 1/2 feet (holding on to the side)the water went up to my chin and it wasn't too bad, altho I did have a few flutters in the stomach, so I went back and did it again without holding, scary but I survived, so I did it 3 more times... I kept telling my self that this is just another way of exercising... Don't know if I will keep doing this every weekend but it might be worth the effort...

Another fear (and I think I've actually conquered this one over the last couple of years) has to do with being FAT and what people think of me and for this reason I advoided putting on a swim suit.. I hated the way my body looked... well losing 60 pounds helped this but I still have a roll around my middle and know that I have a ways to go before I will look good (or what I consider good) in a swim suit but I don't let this stop me anymore...what people think can't hurt me physically and the only way it can hurt me mentally is if I let it...It took a while to learn this but I'm comfortable with myself enough now to not let what people think bother me...I am who I am and if they don't like how I look then they don't have to look at me... at least that is how I'm feeling right now...tomorrow who knows?

As I mentioned I have many fears, more than I want to go into right now, but one fear that I don't want to conquer is the Fear of gaining back all of my weight... this fear keeps me eating right and exercising daily...

I'm back at work today and feeling much better.
I went home at noon yesterday, crawled into bed and slept a couple of hours. Woke up feeling somewhat better but still not 100%. Moanin' Mona started in about how much better she would feel if we just got into the car and went to the store and bought something "chocolate" but I didn't want to get dressed to go.. We had this conversation in my head all afternoon and night.. I tried hot tea, she still wasn't satisfied, so I finally made some Fruit Tapioca Pudding using the Pineapple Mango juice I had in the fridge and Splenda (I try to limit my use of Splenda but sometimes you just have to give in and have something sweet)... I usually refrigerate it until it sets but ate it hot this time and it seemed to satisfy all.... it was good...and low fat/no sugar so it fit in with my plan...
For Dinner I did have some potato/egg/tofu which was good... and drank lots of Hot Green Tea... I worked on a puzzle and watched "The Biggest Loser" then My Name is Earl (love that show) then went back to bed... Had no problem sleeping until 5 am this morning so that must show you just how sick I really was since I NEVER sleep clear through the night...
I got up this morning and my leg is back to normal...halleluja..so I did my ab/oblique workout then got ready for work... There was absolutely no traffic this morning and it took me no time to get here... I'm working Friday and I can imagine what it will be like then (except for all those crazy buyers out for the sales)...
I'm so glad that I get to go the gym tonight altho my racquetball partner won't be there... I'll just do some drills and work on some problems I have with my backhand... and I have to make up for missing last night...so will need to do some upper body workout with the weights....I think I'll give my leg another couple of days before I chance working with weight on it.
I am not going to weigh myself until Saturday altho I have been sooo tempted to do so every morning and sometimes in the middle of the night....I Will Not get Addicted to the scale...a whole nother issue I have to deal with...LOL

I absolutely hate being sick!!!!

I absolutely hate being sick!!!
I pulled something in my left leg(actually in my left side of my butt which makes the pain run all the way down my leg to my toes ..ouch) while doing stretches last night at the gym and was up all night with the pain.. This morning when I woke up (after about a half an hour sleep) I was sick to my stomach and headachey... I keep telling myself that I am too mean to be sick...and that I absolutely REFUSE to give into it...I'm here at work but if I can't convince myself that I feel better by noon I think I will go home.. I just can't handle anything right now... I feel all weepy and yucky....I hate it...

The one fear I have of staying home sick is that Moanin' Mona loves comfort food.. yep, my mind is already thinking homemade potato soup...with lots of butter...luckily I don't have the ingredients at the house to make it... my other fav is homemade hot choc cornstarch pudding... again no ingredients...soo that part of my plan is working... If you don't have it in the house it makes it harder to give into temptation...but comfort food makes me feel so much better...at least for a little bit...LOL..
I'm not sure why I associate food with being sick...maybe it's because when I was a kid and if I stayed home from school sick that's the one time I got special treatment from my Mom... I would get 7 UP if I was sick to my stomach, and we never had soda's at our house just KoolAid. And when I was in the hospital (age 6) to get my tonsils out I got Ice Cream... sooo see even the medical profession thinks you should have special foods when you are sick...
I'm afraid I did the same for the girls when they were young... I just hope I didn't mess things up for them by giving them special foods when they were sick....like I could do anyting else......

It is getting easier...

I noticed on my run yesterday morning that it is getting easier...
When I first started running I could barely make it a mile without feeling like my legs were lead and my breathing sounded like a train.
But yesterday it all just felt smooth... I've learned to take a deep breath through my nose, hold it and let it out slowly while running the straight aways so that when I do come to those dreaded hills I can really push myself... yesterday I just enjoyed the run, walked two hills (one I normally run up but decided to take it a little easier on myself). My goal is to run the whole 3 miles without walking at all. I think I'm pretty close to it if I just would push myself that little extra bit.. but I let my mind get t0o much control... I hear Moanin' Mona & Evil Eva go on about how I can't make that hill and it's such a temptation just to listen to them..
I don't understand why they are still around..
I really need to have an exorcism and get rid of them. I can just see me sitting in my living room on the floor around my coffee table with candles lit, chanting and weaving...that's as far as I go... maybe it's time to have another girls night and we could all figure out how to get rid of these personalities of mine.. the scary thought is what I would replace them with....whhhhhooooaaaa....

What the Heck have I done in the last week?

It's been almost a week since I've blogged... Now i know when I go to other blogs and see that they haven't updated I get upset... What the heck are they doing that is so important that they can't take a couple of minutes to update their blog? Well. Lets see.... Just what have I been doing for a week?

Friday... I didn't have to work because it was Veterans Day.. No i don't work at a bank or for the government but I do work with the government soooo if they get the day off I usually do too. anyhoooo... I slept in... until 8 am... and then got up put some music on... ZZ tops, Eric Clapton, Inxs, ect...ect... ect.. you get the idea, and cleaned my house... dust bunnies beware... took down the Halloween decorations (this took a whole 10 mins) put them back up in the attic. Looked at my clock and saw it was almost time for lunch... Called The Kid to see if she wanted to meet but she already had plans soooo called #1 Niece to see if she and the kids wanted to go to the new restaurant by Wally world... and yay, they did...
Had a good lunch... stayed within my plan by having soup and half a chicken/spinach wrap... it was pretty good. It was fun visiting the Golden Child (he's 7 and very smart) and his sister Mini-meme who is 2 yrs old going on 7..she speaks in another language (not sure what it is but her Mommy says its Cantonese) but is very fun to watch because she is soooo serious when she is talking to you...
Next I had to go to The Kids office to take her some books to read over the weekend...she & family were going to the "hunting club". Saw #2 niece who works with The Kid... made plans to take #2 niece to lunch for her b'day on Tuesday (she turned 22 yrs old yesterday).. got back in the car drove home to get changed to go play racquetball.... drove to the gym worked out a little then played for a couple of hours... got home early so could get some sleep before the 5K in the morning.

Saturday... got up early, it was cold, around 40 degrees, #1 Niece came and picked me up to go to the 5K race.. It was at the park where we run on Sundays but of course we run the opposite way than what the race was.. I knew I was in trouble right off the start...my shoes weren't tied tight enough and my ankle felt very wobbly...so the first hill that we came to I pulled over to tie both shoes tight and to take off my sweatshirt and tie it around my waist.. now altho I hurried I knew this was going to take some time off from my finish.. Lots of hills and I ended up walkling more than I wanted but got a cramp in my right leg & hip that I just couldn't get past... but I did run the last 1/4 of mile ... my time was my worst yet... but I still came in 1st for my age group. I got another plaque, it's smaller than the last one but I like it... I haven't hung it up yet.
After the race...I went home, took a shower and packed my bag & my cooler. Then drove to a small town outside of Columbia SC to some friends house where we had a grill out. My Friend Con had been to Alaska this past summer and brought home a Salmon he had caught and had it frozen until I could come up to share it... They had another couple who brought fresh Shrimp for Charleston area..so I ate pretty good..altho I did have a couple of glasses of wine.. It was an interesting and fun night.

Sunday morning.. I got up before anyone else and took a run for an hour thro town.... it was so peaceful and quiet... I love small towns.. then We sat around and visited until it was time for me to drive home... I love going to see these peoples.. I always bring home a bag of books...

Monday...back to work....played racquetball
Tuesday...work again...Went to lunch for #2 Nieces B'day with The Kid, #1 Niece (who brought The Golden Child & Mini-meme)and Lisa (a good friend who works with The Kid) ...worked some more....worked out at the gym ... went home watched The Biggest Loser and My Name is Earl... the only shows I ever watch on a regular base....
And now here it is Weds... No plans just work & go to the gym tonight ...

Now I Know alot more happened than this but geez how boring can you get...

It's a Great Day!!

It's amazing to me how much of this whole healthy living thing is Mental...
I'm having a GREAT day today.. Got up in time to take that extra time to look good.. I'm wearing my size 10 Levi's and my hair turned out really good... I have my fav workout clothes in the bag ready for a really hard intense workout tonight...my food is all packed for the day, no extra's just in case of an emergency, and my water is going down good.
Yesterday was such a bust, I just couldn't get into it at all. I felt like I looked like a slob, even the Kid, when I saw her, asked why I was wearing that big shirt, (it went in the give away pile this morning). I was hungry all day and didn't have any energy for the gym.. I ended up mostly talking to one of the guys about his brother who has ALS (I think he really needed someone to talk too) and didn't get much of a workout, then my racquetball partner bailed on me so all I did was some practice shots (about 20 mins worth) then went home.. I was home before 8 pm..which is very unusual for me. I fixed one of my frozen Amys Mexican Casseroles and had some more Veggie Tortilla Chips and sat down in front of the TV and watched an old movie... something I haven't done in a long time... I guess I needed a day like yesterday to appreciate today.
I think I'm going to reconsider changing my eating plan to where I eat the larger meal at lunch and the smaller one at night... There's nothing written down in stone that says I have to do anything one way or the other... and for me (mentally at least) it works better the old way... so I have my spinach/turkey wrap (which I absolutely love) my pickle and my strawberries all ready for lunch.. Just knowing that I will get this for lunch makes it easier for me and I'm not tempted to try to find something else to eat in before lunch... I'm satisfied with my banana today...

Like I said Soo much of this is mental...

Bad Hair Day

So why is it that when I'm dressed to the nines and having a really good hair day that I don't even think about eating?

This morning I woke up late after another night of tossing & turning... of course I finally fell asleep around 4:30 and when the alarm went off at 5:30 I turned it off and rolled over and went back to sleep...woke up at a quarter after 6 and I needed to be out of the house by 7...now it takes me at least 45 mins just to make myself beautiful in the morning and that's on the days I don't shower... this morning was a shower day...no time... so I get up decide I don't have time to make myself look good enuff to wear the skirt and top I had planned on wearing so grabbed an old pair of black jeans and one of my big tops (I think I bought it in Colorado back in 1986)... decided even tho the pants are baggy and the shirt is really long and big on me that I feel like being a slob today. My hair is sticking straight up everywhere but don't have time to wet it down and start over with the blow drying/straightening and all. So I glob some more pomade on it and try to straighten the worst parts...needless to say it didn't help much... throw my makeup on and brush my teeth.. good thing I packed my gym bag during the night when I couldn't sleep...too bad I didn't pack my food bag then too... I go into the kitchen only 10 mins behind my schedule.. fix my protein drink and grab the necessities for my food bag, banana for breakfast, apple & string cheese for pm break, almonds for before the gym and sugar snap peas for after the gym.. 2 water bottles to keep in the fridge at work since they no longer have filtered water...It is now 7 am. Realize I'm out of time and will have to buy lunch today...

Ok I get to work on time...whew... but now I realize I'm hungry...Not sure but I think it's because of the new plan where I eat my big meal at lunch and a smaller meal when I get home from the gym..or it could just be that since my clothes are so baggy that I think I have more room to fill up.. Should it matter what I am wearing or how I look in what I eat? Yesterday I looked HOT, but sometime in the night I decided that I dress unappropriately (sp?) for work so had decided to try dressing down a little. No low black tight top, or form fitting pants with 4" heels for me today.. but instead I just feel like the old me...yep the old me that spent all day thinking about eating and doing it... I haven't got a name for this old me but I don't like her... Tomorrow I'm going back to the new me...the Sexy Sue... and who cares whether it is appropriate or not...As usual there is never a half way for me... it's always all the way or no way...
I have been journaling everything I eat and so far today i have eaten something pretty much on the hour... not good...
I will be going to the gym tonight to work out and play racquetball and it's a good thing...

New Month, New Plan!!

Here it is the 1st of November already.. Where did this year go? This is normally a rough time of the year for me for several reasons which I'm not going to go into at this time... but I know I need a plan on how I am going to get through the next couple of months and still lose the 10 pounds I sooo want to lose..

The first thing I'm going to give another try to JOURNALING... I know that it really does work... not just journaling what I eat but exercise and how I'm feeling. This blog is basically that as far as feelings go.. but there is alot of things I don't put here because I can't stand "negativity" and I really don't want to give Moanin' Mona a free hand...I'm usually pretty good for about 2 weeks on journaling my foods but then I hit a weekend and miss a couple of days and then don't seem to get back to it.. also I get discouraged that there isn't an easy way to keep track of calories.. Fitday seems to be the best but even it has it's bad points... one being that I eat things that aren't on the chart and I can't seem to find a decent book that give me calories fat/carb/protein breakdowns....so I don't get an accurate idea of what I am eating...unless I eat the same thing day in day out... yech...

I'm also thinking of changing my meals so I am eating a bigger meal at lunch and the smaller meal after workout at the gym... seems like most night I get home about 9 pm and by the time I fix a meal and eat it, it is time to go to bed and then my body is soo busy digesting the foods I just ate that I can't sleep... it's a merry go round that I need to get off... One of my excuses for not doing this before is that I eat lunch in my truck and it is too messy trying to eat a meal so I usually have a wrap and some fruit... this again is just an excuse...I need to quit making excuses and Make a PLAN and just DO IT...
So here goes... I will plan what to take for lunch the next day and fix it the night before so it is ready to go in the morning.. I can keep it in the fridge here at work with the water I have to bring now because they took out the filter water machine...(turkeys that they are) .... I can heat it up if needed and eat it in my office then go to my truck for the last half an hour to read...This will allow me to get more protein in and less carbs... I will try this for a week or two and then re evalute to see if it is working... At night I can fix something quick like the spinach/turkey wrap that I usually do for lunch, or Amy's pocket sandwiches.. this should satisfy me....

So I need to stop at WalMart tonight and buy me a new note book for jotting down things in until I can log in to Fitday (and thoughts that I don't feel comfortable saying here) and plastic dishes with lids to bring meals in.
This does sound like a PLAN!!