Before setting my Goals for 2006 I need to do some more thinking about what I did or didn't do in 2005...this time I want to look at the negative things..things that kept me from reaching my goal of 149 pounds... I basically can track it back to 2 things...
1. Not being honest with myself... I've always had a problem with this...I'm a "sneak" eater...in the back of my mind...way back there with all the garbage...I think that if no one sees me eating something then it doesn't count or matter.. I have no problem with eating the right way when there are people around...in the back of my mind (again?)I think I like being a martyr...."Sue only eats healthy, she won't eat like the rest of us"... But then there are those times when I listen to that Evil Eva side of me and give in and buy foods that I know I can't or WON'T control...oh I convince myself that I can, sometimes I even come up with a plan on HOW I will only eat a little of something at a time...it's like I sabbatoge myself. Take for instance Peanut Butter...I know that I love the Natural PB and I'll convince myself that I can buy a jar and keep it in the fridge and only have a little as a treat now and then...I mean after all it's Peanut Butter, no sugar and it's healthy...right??? Ok I get it home and before I put it in the fridge I need to stir it so all the oils will be mixed...and since I've got the jar open I might as well have a little, Right??? And instead of this jar lasting me a month it's gone in a week...because I keep going back and having just a little taste..ok...maybe more than a taste...how about a big spoonfull...now since this isn't a meal I don't have to count it in with the calories for the day...right???
I have the same problem with veggie chips & veggie Tortilla chips lately...I convince myself that once I get the bag home I will divide it up into serving size baggies and only have one every other day... I have accually done this a few times and it works out good...I count them in with my daily calorie count and only eat them with a meal... but then there has been those times when I didn't even get the bag home before I opened it and had a few handfuls and before I know it the bag is gone...usually this happens on the weekends when I am home by myself...
Now who am I fooling here? ...only myself... This is all about making the right choices and most of the time I do make the right choice, it's those few times that I don't that are killing me...and if I'm totally honest with myself here, then it's probably more than a few tims.. a few times won't have made much of a differance so obviously I'm blocking out alot of those times and pretending that I'm more perfect than I am here...Sooo what's the answer here?
2. Not Journaling I have no idea why I can't seem to get a handle on this. I know that when I honestly journal I stay on Plan...but then we go back to #1 and I conviently forget to put down that I had that spoonfull of pb or that handful of chips..or the weekend comes and I convince myself that I don't have time to write down what I eat when I eat it and then it's too late and since I've missed that day, why bother...I convince myself that I'm doing alright without journaling...I can't tell you how many times in the past year I have said I was going to conquer Journaling...only to give up on it after a few days...I have the little notebook that I bought the last time I promised myself that I was going to start...it's almost empty...I've tried several differant ways ..on the computer...but since I don't usually go on the computer at home...I miss the weekends and then it's the same ol' run a round...always an excuse....
Now the Big question is How IMPORTANT to ME is Journaling in 2006? ... Well let me take a look at the pro's and cons of Journaling...
PRO... 1. When I stay honest with it, it makes me accountable for what I eat. 2. Whenever I have stayed accountable for eating healthy I have lost actual pounds.
3. This gives me something to look back at and see what I am doing right or wrong.
4. I can't cheat and conviently forget that I ate something if I log it in....
CON I have to take the time to either write in my little book or go on the computer to log in what I eat...
2. I know this is a dumb one...but I hate my handwriting..it irrates me when I go back and look at what I've done to see such scribbling...(I do tell myself to get over this one...but I'm being honest here and this is something that bothers me).
3. I can't cheat and conviently forget that I ate something if I log it in...
OK I know it's important that I get in the habit of journalling and to be totally honest with myself... It is a big step in getting myself under control if I am truly serious about reaching my goal of 149 #'s or less this coming year...
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Thanks to ParttimeMom
I've changed from "Moderate Comments" to word verification... don't faint but I actually hit the ? on it and read up and it sounds more like what I want to do...
This way it keeps those bothersome automated comments out... YAY!!!
This way it keeps those bothersome automated comments out... YAY!!!
What I accomplished in 2005!
So it's that time of year again when we all make our New Year Resolutions....but before I do that I want to take a positive look at what I have accomplished and then set some new realistic goals for 2006... this is not something I want to rush into because I hate failing...
I looked around to see if I actually wrote up new goals for 2005 but couldn't find them....
I know that losing weight was the main one and I think I was hoping to reach my goal of 149 by this time...but I don't feel too bad because I did go from a size 16 to a size 10 in this year.... so I may not have reached my weight goal but I think I exceeded my size goal...in the back of my mind I think I was thinking size 12.. I never imagined that I would actually be in a size 10 and be thinking about being in a size 8 or 6 as a possibility. And I did lose 20 pounds and kept it off, that in itself is a good thing....
To be more independent and do things by myself should have been on that list because that is something I feel I really accomplished this year for myself. I not only took a couple of trips by myself, I also did a couple of 5K races by myself. I've learned not to wait for someone to go with me to do things, if I really want to do them I can do them by myself, like go to the movies....This may sound easy but for me it is a major accomplishment and it really makes me feel good about myself...I think I've always been the independent type but over the years with Larry, I got to where I didn't want to do things by or for myself...Now that I'm by myself there is nothing to stop me from doing the things I want to do if the opportunity comes up..
With that in mind I think that I take better care of how I look now than I did a year ago... I even get decked out to go to the store...I wear makeup everyday, except when I go running at the park on Sundays, keep my hair colored and trimmed, I used to do this myself but now I spend the extra time and money on a stylist..I gave up doing my nails because they were always getting messed up at the gym but I'm alright with that part. I take pride in how I look...
I've been really working on my self esteem this past year, part of that is looking good but also attitude, trying to be more sure of myself...still need more work on it but I feel that I am more assured of myself than I have been in a long time... I try to be outgoing and happy most of the time. I had less times when I just sat around feeling sorry for myself... I learned to keep busy and not let the negative rule the day..
so looking back on 2005 I'm not that dissatified with it ... in fact I think I did pretty good... Just imagine what I can do in 2006...
Something to look forward too!!!!!
I looked around to see if I actually wrote up new goals for 2005 but couldn't find them....
I know that losing weight was the main one and I think I was hoping to reach my goal of 149 by this time...but I don't feel too bad because I did go from a size 16 to a size 10 in this year.... so I may not have reached my weight goal but I think I exceeded my size goal...in the back of my mind I think I was thinking size 12.. I never imagined that I would actually be in a size 10 and be thinking about being in a size 8 or 6 as a possibility. And I did lose 20 pounds and kept it off, that in itself is a good thing....
To be more independent and do things by myself should have been on that list because that is something I feel I really accomplished this year for myself. I not only took a couple of trips by myself, I also did a couple of 5K races by myself. I've learned not to wait for someone to go with me to do things, if I really want to do them I can do them by myself, like go to the movies....This may sound easy but for me it is a major accomplishment and it really makes me feel good about myself...I think I've always been the independent type but over the years with Larry, I got to where I didn't want to do things by or for myself...Now that I'm by myself there is nothing to stop me from doing the things I want to do if the opportunity comes up..
With that in mind I think that I take better care of how I look now than I did a year ago... I even get decked out to go to the store...I wear makeup everyday, except when I go running at the park on Sundays, keep my hair colored and trimmed, I used to do this myself but now I spend the extra time and money on a stylist..I gave up doing my nails because they were always getting messed up at the gym but I'm alright with that part. I take pride in how I look...
I've been really working on my self esteem this past year, part of that is looking good but also attitude, trying to be more sure of myself...still need more work on it but I feel that I am more assured of myself than I have been in a long time... I try to be outgoing and happy most of the time. I had less times when I just sat around feeling sorry for myself... I learned to keep busy and not let the negative rule the day..
so looking back on 2005 I'm not that dissatified with it ... in fact I think I did pretty good... Just imagine what I can do in 2006...
Something to look forward too!!!!!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Moderate Comments
It's not that I don't want your comments....I DO I DO, it's just that I'm trying to find a way to do away with those ones that are a nuisance...you know the ones that are trying to drum up business... I don't mind anonymous comments if it has to do with my post...That's why I've decided to try the Moderate Comments on this blog...Just to let you know the only ones I will reject are the ones that are trying to drum up business... I don't care if you agree with me on a subject or not..everyone is entitled to their opinion...
anyhoo...I'm going to try this for a week or two to see if it is really necessary and to see if it works... I know it's nice to see a comment right away on a blog so I will try to review them and post them asap....
Thanks for your patience.
Sue
anyhoo...I'm going to try this for a week or two to see if it is really necessary and to see if it works... I know it's nice to see a comment right away on a blog so I will try to review them and post them asap....
Thanks for your patience.
Sue
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Thanks Kid
Let me clarify my last post a little... I'm not complaining that no one compliments me... In fact people at the gym, here at work and my family tell me all of the time how good I look, how impressed they are with the way I have changed for the better... I guess what I am obsessing about is my NEEDING to hear this ALL of the time...to have it reiterated over & over...What I want to know is When will I have heard it enough? When will I finally believe it deep down in subconsious. EE keeps telling me that people just say things to be nice and then the doubts start all over again...And I know that ya'll get tired of hearing me go on & on about it...Sorry but
Self image has been a struggle for me forever... How does one work on that?
Self image has been a struggle for me forever... How does one work on that?
Obsessing !!!!!!
Damn, I knew this would happen.... Here I am thinking I'm all set with my meal for Christmas Eve and then I start to obsessing over what I'm going to fix...
I've AGAIN changed my mind about what to have...Oh we'll still have the turkey because I've already ordered it from Honey Baked Hams...but I've decided the rest of the meal has to go....out with it... because no one will like it but me...Well maybe I'll keep the Spinach salad...who could not like it? anyway if no one eats it but me I'll have salad for the rest of the weekend...
also I'm going to keep the appetizer, just because I want to try the recipe and this is my only chance to do it... but the rest of the meal is out...I have to keep in mind that there will be little kids & picky men and I wonder why I worry sooo much whether anyone will like what I fix or not...This should not be that big of a deal...
I keep telling myself that it is only one night and it's not about the FOOD, it's about being with family...but then the "Kid" will say something about how I didn't have any food last year and they all had to go "hungry"...Oh terrors of all terrors for a Mother...that her child goes hungry...
I hate that there is so much focus for me on the Food...this is why I got to be 235 pounds before...trying to make sure no one went hungry and eating right along with it...not that I'm blaming my family for me being fat because I'm the one that chose to put that food in my mouth...I'm the one that chose to just sit around and not get any exercise...no one forced me to eat what I fixed for the family...the same goes for this Xmas Eve...I don't have to eat what everyone else does but I do sooo want them all to like and be impressed with what I serve... IMPRESSED???? Where did that come from... yep, that is a Big part of my trouble... I want gratitude!!!! Is that so wrong??? I want to be praised!!!! I want people to go away from my house on Xmas Eve saying how good everything was...something in me needs this...
Which brings me to something else I've been obsessing about since yesterday after lunch for #1 Niece...this is something I find myself doing alot and I hate myself for it...but I fish for compliments all of the time... I feel so good about myself that I want my family & freinds to constantly comment on how good I look...Now I know that they really think I'm looking good but I find myself NEEDING to hear the words...Why is this? It drives me crazy afterwards but I find the words popping out of my mouth..."Don't I look good?" I guess I'm just so afraid that what I see and feel isn't what everyone else sees...what if I REALLY am still fat and ugly...and everyone is just too nice to say otherwise...How do I deal with this? Will it get any better after I lose this last 20 pounds or will I always think in the back of my mind that I'm fat? I have got to stop obsessing about these little things in life...
I've AGAIN changed my mind about what to have...Oh we'll still have the turkey because I've already ordered it from Honey Baked Hams...but I've decided the rest of the meal has to go....out with it... because no one will like it but me...Well maybe I'll keep the Spinach salad...who could not like it? anyway if no one eats it but me I'll have salad for the rest of the weekend...
also I'm going to keep the appetizer, just because I want to try the recipe and this is my only chance to do it... but the rest of the meal is out...I have to keep in mind that there will be little kids & picky men and I wonder why I worry sooo much whether anyone will like what I fix or not...This should not be that big of a deal...
I keep telling myself that it is only one night and it's not about the FOOD, it's about being with family...but then the "Kid" will say something about how I didn't have any food last year and they all had to go "hungry"...Oh terrors of all terrors for a Mother...that her child goes hungry...
I hate that there is so much focus for me on the Food...this is why I got to be 235 pounds before...trying to make sure no one went hungry and eating right along with it...not that I'm blaming my family for me being fat because I'm the one that chose to put that food in my mouth...I'm the one that chose to just sit around and not get any exercise...no one forced me to eat what I fixed for the family...the same goes for this Xmas Eve...I don't have to eat what everyone else does but I do sooo want them all to like and be impressed with what I serve... IMPRESSED???? Where did that come from... yep, that is a Big part of my trouble... I want gratitude!!!! Is that so wrong??? I want to be praised!!!! I want people to go away from my house on Xmas Eve saying how good everything was...something in me needs this...
Which brings me to something else I've been obsessing about since yesterday after lunch for #1 Niece...this is something I find myself doing alot and I hate myself for it...but I fish for compliments all of the time... I feel so good about myself that I want my family & freinds to constantly comment on how good I look...Now I know that they really think I'm looking good but I find myself NEEDING to hear the words...Why is this? It drives me crazy afterwards but I find the words popping out of my mouth..."Don't I look good?" I guess I'm just so afraid that what I see and feel isn't what everyone else sees...what if I REALLY am still fat and ugly...and everyone is just too nice to say otherwise...How do I deal with this? Will it get any better after I lose this last 20 pounds or will I always think in the back of my mind that I'm fat? I have got to stop obsessing about these little things in life...
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Christmas Eve Dinner
I finally came up with the menu for Christmas Eve... Man is this hard for me since there will be nothing with tofu in it...
I keep remembering past Christmas's where I had so much food that Lar and I ate left overs for a week after... Don't want that to happen so am trying to curb myself and not get crazy and overdoing it....I'm just afraid once I start that there will be no stopping me...
At first I thought about finger foods...Chick-fil-le chicken bites (not that I have ever had them) then the "Kid" told me they are deep fried...Oh my Gawd..no way is that coming into my house.
I've been looking at recipes trying to make up my mind what type of foods to serve...then this morning it hit me, I'm kind of in the mood for Traditional...I was thinking ham might be good but then after talking with #1 Niece, who told me that they have Ham at the mother in laws on Christmas, decided against it, besides I really can't see me eating ham...I thought I would check out the Honey Baked Ham web site anyway and see what else they had and LO & BEHOLD there it was .... my favorite...Honey Baked Smoked Turkey Breast... Wow like I would eat that in a flash...my mouth is watering like crazy just thinking about it...so I ordered one before I could change my mind...so that's a start at least...
Looking at the recipes on the Kraft web site I saw an appetizer that I want to try with cresent rolls, cream cheese, pesto sauce & sun dried tomato..served with crackers & fresh veggies... so there are two things that I will eat...
Then I realized that I didn't get any cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving so add that to my list...
For salad I'm going to have my favorite Spinach,strawberries,walnut & crumbled blue cheese...already spoke to the "Kid" to see if she would bring Blue Cheese Dressing since I know her family doesn't like vingerettes, which is the only kind of dressing I have..and if I went to the store to buy some I know I wouldn't be able to make myself buy any except the low fat and that's not what they want...good plan Sue!!!
Let's see what else would go good with this menue... I could make my old stand by Sweet Potato's & apples...have to be careful not to make anything "weird" as my son-in-law says...altho I did see a recipe for roasted veggies that I really wanted to try but since it has sweet potato, parsnips & red onion in it, it would probably be considered "weird" maybe I'll fix it for myself...
Now all I have to figure out now is a dessert....maybe something with pumpkin...boy is this ever turning out very tradional...oh well...at least I'm actually serving food this year, better than I did last year...
Now the only thing I have to figure out is where everyone is going to sit since I got rid of my bigger dining room table for a nice small one and I really don't want people eating in my living room on my coffee tables...I do have a card table I set up for the kids but the 8 adults could be a problem...oh well it'll all work itself out one way or the other...I wonder if I can serve this on paper plates...don't want to end up with a lot of dirty dishes...LOL
Dang I'm getting excited..and I think with this menu I won't be soo focused on food that I go off plan too much...
So far lately I haven't lost any pounds but my clothes seem to be fitting better..don't want to get to crazy between now & New Years since I am going to wear my new dress out up in SC...
I keep remembering past Christmas's where I had so much food that Lar and I ate left overs for a week after... Don't want that to happen so am trying to curb myself and not get crazy and overdoing it....I'm just afraid once I start that there will be no stopping me...
At first I thought about finger foods...Chick-fil-le chicken bites (not that I have ever had them) then the "Kid" told me they are deep fried...Oh my Gawd..no way is that coming into my house.
I've been looking at recipes trying to make up my mind what type of foods to serve...then this morning it hit me, I'm kind of in the mood for Traditional...I was thinking ham might be good but then after talking with #1 Niece, who told me that they have Ham at the mother in laws on Christmas, decided against it, besides I really can't see me eating ham...I thought I would check out the Honey Baked Ham web site anyway and see what else they had and LO & BEHOLD there it was .... my favorite...Honey Baked Smoked Turkey Breast... Wow like I would eat that in a flash...my mouth is watering like crazy just thinking about it...so I ordered one before I could change my mind...so that's a start at least...
Looking at the recipes on the Kraft web site I saw an appetizer that I want to try with cresent rolls, cream cheese, pesto sauce & sun dried tomato..served with crackers & fresh veggies... so there are two things that I will eat...
Then I realized that I didn't get any cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving so add that to my list...
For salad I'm going to have my favorite Spinach,strawberries,walnut & crumbled blue cheese...already spoke to the "Kid" to see if she would bring Blue Cheese Dressing since I know her family doesn't like vingerettes, which is the only kind of dressing I have..and if I went to the store to buy some I know I wouldn't be able to make myself buy any except the low fat and that's not what they want...good plan Sue!!!
Let's see what else would go good with this menue... I could make my old stand by Sweet Potato's & apples...have to be careful not to make anything "weird" as my son-in-law says...altho I did see a recipe for roasted veggies that I really wanted to try but since it has sweet potato, parsnips & red onion in it, it would probably be considered "weird" maybe I'll fix it for myself...
Now all I have to figure out now is a dessert....maybe something with pumpkin...boy is this ever turning out very tradional...oh well...at least I'm actually serving food this year, better than I did last year...
Now the only thing I have to figure out is where everyone is going to sit since I got rid of my bigger dining room table for a nice small one and I really don't want people eating in my living room on my coffee tables...I do have a card table I set up for the kids but the 8 adults could be a problem...oh well it'll all work itself out one way or the other...I wonder if I can serve this on paper plates...don't want to end up with a lot of dirty dishes...LOL
Dang I'm getting excited..and I think with this menu I won't be soo focused on food that I go off plan too much...
So far lately I haven't lost any pounds but my clothes seem to be fitting better..don't want to get to crazy between now & New Years since I am going to wear my new dress out up in SC...
Friday, December 16, 2005
It's starting to feel like Christmas
I have all my shopping done...all the presents bought for the kids, my packages shipped out to Wyoming and Colorado and I even did Christmas Cards with a news letter this year... Quick let me take my tempature...I must be sick....LOL.
I had a rough patch there for awhile but I am sooo much better now...hopefully that will be it for this year...I know I will always grieve for Larry but I just hate how it makes me feel...I know he wouldn't want me to be unhappy sooo here I am back to my old self...
I love buying gifts for people... I am the queen of dumb gifts... I get it from my Mom...she always tried so hard to give us a good Christmas but having very little monies and four kids she always ended up buying us the dumbest (cheapest)gifts.... I think back now and realize that I do the same thing...The other thing I remember about Christmastime as a kid is that was the only time we ever got Fudge, Christmas cookies and mincemeat pies (Mom & I are the only ones that liked mincemeat pie). to this day I still associate Christmas with Fudge. I think "the Kid" does too since she says she wants her p'butter fudge that I used to make for her..Altho I've been tempted...Sorry, it's not going to happen...I know what would happen, I would end up eating way to much of it before I even got it to her...I love cleaning out the pan and licking the spoon...I have no will power when it comes to Fudge...
I want to start new traditions that do not include food...
Singing... don't we all associate this time of the year with Singing Christmas Carols? I grew up with music...my Mom played guitar & sang all of the time, but I always loved listening to choirs, even used to sing in the Church choir when young.. something about that music always puts you in the mood... I can't carry a tune to this day but I do love singing along with the radio when no one can hear me...LOL..
Every Christmas Eve I think I will get the kids to sing Christmas carols but so far we haven't done too much... Who knows maybe this year will be the year.
One tradition I've tried to start since the Grandkids were old enough to understand is to have someone read the story of Jesus's birth on Christmas Eve when we are all at my house. Although I'm agnostic I do believe that if we are going to celebrate the day then we need to know why we are celebrating... and it is a beautiful story. This year I have asked my 7 yr old Grandson to read it, I'm hoping it will be something special for him and not just a chore...I gave the book to his Mom "the Kid" so he could learn any words he didn't know before hand.
I always make these big plans before and it never comes off the way I plan it but that's okay too because it's still fun to watch the little ones enjoy themselves.
I had a rough patch there for awhile but I am sooo much better now...hopefully that will be it for this year...I know I will always grieve for Larry but I just hate how it makes me feel...I know he wouldn't want me to be unhappy sooo here I am back to my old self...
I love buying gifts for people... I am the queen of dumb gifts... I get it from my Mom...she always tried so hard to give us a good Christmas but having very little monies and four kids she always ended up buying us the dumbest (cheapest)gifts.... I think back now and realize that I do the same thing...The other thing I remember about Christmastime as a kid is that was the only time we ever got Fudge, Christmas cookies and mincemeat pies (Mom & I are the only ones that liked mincemeat pie). to this day I still associate Christmas with Fudge. I think "the Kid" does too since she says she wants her p'butter fudge that I used to make for her..Altho I've been tempted...Sorry, it's not going to happen...I know what would happen, I would end up eating way to much of it before I even got it to her...I love cleaning out the pan and licking the spoon...I have no will power when it comes to Fudge...
I want to start new traditions that do not include food...
Singing... don't we all associate this time of the year with Singing Christmas Carols? I grew up with music...my Mom played guitar & sang all of the time, but I always loved listening to choirs, even used to sing in the Church choir when young.. something about that music always puts you in the mood... I can't carry a tune to this day but I do love singing along with the radio when no one can hear me...LOL..
Every Christmas Eve I think I will get the kids to sing Christmas carols but so far we haven't done too much... Who knows maybe this year will be the year.
One tradition I've tried to start since the Grandkids were old enough to understand is to have someone read the story of Jesus's birth on Christmas Eve when we are all at my house. Although I'm agnostic I do believe that if we are going to celebrate the day then we need to know why we are celebrating... and it is a beautiful story. This year I have asked my 7 yr old Grandson to read it, I'm hoping it will be something special for him and not just a chore...I gave the book to his Mom "the Kid" so he could learn any words he didn't know before hand.
I always make these big plans before and it never comes off the way I plan it but that's okay too because it's still fun to watch the little ones enjoy themselves.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Larry & Christmas
I love the holidays but they make me miss Larry more than any other time of the year.. My emotions are all over the place...
I drive by the Christmas lights and think how pretty, then I think "Larry should see these". He loved this time to the year, not so much the gift giving but the season itself. We would put our lights on the house the day after Thanksgiving (thanks to our Neighbor)and I'm talking about the whole outside of the house and lots of lights in the yard even in the trees. Then I would turn them on every morning so he could see them as he drove off to work. He left for work at 5 am and it was still dark then. On the weekends we would always drive around the neighborhoods just looking at everyones Christmas lights. There were a couple of years when we first moved into the house that the whole cul-de-sac (all 6 houses) decorated and you could see them miles away...As the years went by and people moved away, new peoples moved in and now there is only one house that is decorated and it's not mine... I just don't have the holiday spirit. I did pull out a few decorations for the inside of the house and of course the little tree that #1 Niece bought for Larry's hospital room his last Christmas. It's up on the Mantle with the angel that I bought to watch over him...
This is the third Christmas I have spent without him and I'm finding myself missing him more than words can say. Someone suggested that maybe it would help if I told about some of my memories of past Christmas's with Larry...
He was my own Santa, at 6'4" and weighing almost 300 pounds, he definately had the belly for it, it even jiggled when he laughed and he did laugh alot... He loved watching kids, he would sit in his chair and just be amazed at the joy they had opening presents... He was a big kid himself...and loved playing with the toys as much as the kids did... I do remember the year he bought "the Kid" her bike and we all put it together Christmas Eve... of course he wouldn't even look at the directions.. said he knew what he was doing.. then we ended up having to take it all apart and as I read the directions he & "the Kid" put it together... we were up all night but we sure did have fun...at least that is how I remember it.
We were together for 23 Christmas's and that's alot of memories but I would give anything if he was still here to make more. I guess I am just greedy. Hopefully I won't become a "grinch". That would be pretty hard to do with my GrandKids. I'll just keep Larry here in my heart and keep talking to him in my head telling him about all the things he's missing.
I drive by the Christmas lights and think how pretty, then I think "Larry should see these". He loved this time to the year, not so much the gift giving but the season itself. We would put our lights on the house the day after Thanksgiving (thanks to our Neighbor)and I'm talking about the whole outside of the house and lots of lights in the yard even in the trees. Then I would turn them on every morning so he could see them as he drove off to work. He left for work at 5 am and it was still dark then. On the weekends we would always drive around the neighborhoods just looking at everyones Christmas lights. There were a couple of years when we first moved into the house that the whole cul-de-sac (all 6 houses) decorated and you could see them miles away...As the years went by and people moved away, new peoples moved in and now there is only one house that is decorated and it's not mine... I just don't have the holiday spirit. I did pull out a few decorations for the inside of the house and of course the little tree that #1 Niece bought for Larry's hospital room his last Christmas. It's up on the Mantle with the angel that I bought to watch over him...
This is the third Christmas I have spent without him and I'm finding myself missing him more than words can say. Someone suggested that maybe it would help if I told about some of my memories of past Christmas's with Larry...
He was my own Santa, at 6'4" and weighing almost 300 pounds, he definately had the belly for it, it even jiggled when he laughed and he did laugh alot... He loved watching kids, he would sit in his chair and just be amazed at the joy they had opening presents... He was a big kid himself...and loved playing with the toys as much as the kids did... I do remember the year he bought "the Kid" her bike and we all put it together Christmas Eve... of course he wouldn't even look at the directions.. said he knew what he was doing.. then we ended up having to take it all apart and as I read the directions he & "the Kid" put it together... we were up all night but we sure did have fun...at least that is how I remember it.
We were together for 23 Christmas's and that's alot of memories but I would give anything if he was still here to make more. I guess I am just greedy. Hopefully I won't become a "grinch". That would be pretty hard to do with my GrandKids. I'll just keep Larry here in my heart and keep talking to him in my head telling him about all the things he's missing.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Kick in the A$$
Thurs 12/8/05...I started this post on Tuesday, saved it as a draft and decided to finish it later..I should know better...here it is 2 days later and I haven't done any thing with it....
Tuesday 12/6/05
Just as I feared....I took Sunday off from exercising and yesterday I had no motivation to get back into it. I did go to the gym, did some stretches, abs and played a couple of games of racquetball but didn't really give it my all... So it's time to give myself a big Kick in the A$$ and get back to it tonight..
I have to admit it was nice taking a day off. I did run/walk at the park by myself on Saturday morning before going and picking up the GrandDaughter. It was a little cold and there wasn't hardly anyone at the park, but I really did enjoy it.. When I first got there I told myself that I would only go one time around the lake (3 miles) but I warmed up nicely and felt like I had it in me to go the second lap around ...at one point on my second lap, a runner that was going the opposite direction passed me gave me a "Rocky" salute and yelled "way to go, you're looking good" (it was the second time he had gone past me...) I'm starting to feel like a true runner...
Tonight at the gym I will do 30 mins on the TM (if I can get on one, if not then I will try for the eliptical) then work upper body with the weights...
Thurs Note* I did go to the gym Tues nite..the TM kicked my a$$.. I haven't done the tm for about 3 weeks, then did only about 40 mins of weights...soo much for good intentions... Took last night off since I didn't have a racquetball game scheduled..went home and cleaned the house then went and got my grocery shopping done for the week. Now I don't have to do it this weakend and I'll be able to get an extra workout in at the gym.
parttimemom commented on my last post and got me to thinking. She said "Alright - you've figured out what went wrong. Now what went right? And what can make it better? :)"
What went right?... the fact that I do keep up with exercising everyday. I know that I need to burn more calories than I take in and also that muscle burns more calories than fat....see I have learned my lessons well....
What can make it better? get control of my mindless eating when I am at home... Exercise is easy for me because I love the way it makes my body feel... instant satifaction... if only I could find a way to feel the same way bout only eating when and what I need to..
I have posted a Mantra on the cupboard at home, the one that keeps calling me at night..
it is
"I've come to far to have food dictate to me"
"I will get to 160 pounds"
"I'm looking good now but can look even better if I don't give into this urge"
Tuesday 12/6/05
Just as I feared....I took Sunday off from exercising and yesterday I had no motivation to get back into it. I did go to the gym, did some stretches, abs and played a couple of games of racquetball but didn't really give it my all... So it's time to give myself a big Kick in the A$$ and get back to it tonight..
I have to admit it was nice taking a day off. I did run/walk at the park by myself on Saturday morning before going and picking up the GrandDaughter. It was a little cold and there wasn't hardly anyone at the park, but I really did enjoy it.. When I first got there I told myself that I would only go one time around the lake (3 miles) but I warmed up nicely and felt like I had it in me to go the second lap around ...at one point on my second lap, a runner that was going the opposite direction passed me gave me a "Rocky" salute and yelled "way to go, you're looking good" (it was the second time he had gone past me...) I'm starting to feel like a true runner...
Tonight at the gym I will do 30 mins on the TM (if I can get on one, if not then I will try for the eliptical) then work upper body with the weights...
Thurs Note* I did go to the gym Tues nite..the TM kicked my a$$.. I haven't done the tm for about 3 weeks, then did only about 40 mins of weights...soo much for good intentions... Took last night off since I didn't have a racquetball game scheduled..went home and cleaned the house then went and got my grocery shopping done for the week. Now I don't have to do it this weakend and I'll be able to get an extra workout in at the gym.
parttimemom commented on my last post and got me to thinking. She said "Alright - you've figured out what went wrong. Now what went right? And what can make it better? :)"
What went right?... the fact that I do keep up with exercising everyday. I know that I need to burn more calories than I take in and also that muscle burns more calories than fat....see I have learned my lessons well....
What can make it better? get control of my mindless eating when I am at home... Exercise is easy for me because I love the way it makes my body feel... instant satifaction... if only I could find a way to feel the same way bout only eating when and what I need to..
I have posted a Mantra on the cupboard at home, the one that keeps calling me at night..
it is
"I've come to far to have food dictate to me"
"I will get to 160 pounds"
"I'm looking good now but can look even better if I don't give into this urge"
Thursday, December 01, 2005
1st day of December
24 days left til Christmas... 30 days left for New Years...4 weeks to lose this 8 pounds... sounds do-able but then why didn't I do it in November?
I just went back and re-read my blog for Novemeber 1st.. Such big Plans...so What happened? ...
JOURNALING I journalled for ohhhh let's see... 3 days... let's face it, I will never be one of those peoples who write everything down that they eat... just not going to happen... a part of me rebels everytime I think I will do it... I had good intentions, even bought a little book to write in. I think it's still in my truck somewhere....I did carry it around in my purse for about 2 weeks but it started to get tore up... And I did go into Fitday.com but couldn't remember my login or password and didn't want to start a new account because then I would have to put all those facts on the foods that I eat that aren't on it already back in and I hate having redo things... See I really am lazy and hate imputing....or at least I good at making excuses to myself why I don't journal.
Changing my meals Plan... yeah, sure it sounded good but I found that I was eating the bigger lunch and then going home and still eating the same dinners that I would have before... So stopped that right away...
#1 Niece asked me the other day why I was messing around with my meals since I was losing weight on the way I was eating... Good Question... I guess I do get impatient and want to lose this weight faster (I hate Plateau's)... it's such a natural high when that scale starts to move that of course you want more....
So do I have a Plan for this Month? Nope, unless you can call eating Healthy (staying away from the sugars as much as possible, lots of veggies & fruits), drinking my water and getting all of my exercise done a Plan....I call it MY Life!!!
The good news is that I didn't gain any weight last month... in fact I lost 1 pound... not much I know but I'll take it...
And if I don't lose this 8 pounds by New Years what will I do then? Just keep trying until it finally drops off from me... I will not be a quitter...
I just went back and re-read my blog for Novemeber 1st.. Such big Plans...so What happened? ...
JOURNALING I journalled for ohhhh let's see... 3 days... let's face it, I will never be one of those peoples who write everything down that they eat... just not going to happen... a part of me rebels everytime I think I will do it... I had good intentions, even bought a little book to write in. I think it's still in my truck somewhere....I did carry it around in my purse for about 2 weeks but it started to get tore up... And I did go into Fitday.com but couldn't remember my login or password and didn't want to start a new account because then I would have to put all those facts on the foods that I eat that aren't on it already back in and I hate having redo things... See I really am lazy and hate imputing....or at least I good at making excuses to myself why I don't journal.
Changing my meals Plan... yeah, sure it sounded good but I found that I was eating the bigger lunch and then going home and still eating the same dinners that I would have before... So stopped that right away...
#1 Niece asked me the other day why I was messing around with my meals since I was losing weight on the way I was eating... Good Question... I guess I do get impatient and want to lose this weight faster (I hate Plateau's)... it's such a natural high when that scale starts to move that of course you want more....
So do I have a Plan for this Month? Nope, unless you can call eating Healthy (staying away from the sugars as much as possible, lots of veggies & fruits), drinking my water and getting all of my exercise done a Plan....I call it MY Life!!!
The good news is that I didn't gain any weight last month... in fact I lost 1 pound... not much I know but I'll take it...
And if I don't lose this 8 pounds by New Years what will I do then? Just keep trying until it finally drops off from me... I will not be a quitter...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)