The Date from Hell......

you'd think I'd learn my lesson but NO here I go again...

This is all The Kids fault ......This morning The Kid and I were talking on the phone about how negative and down I've been lately and I jokedly remarked that maybe I needed to go out on a date (and other things I can't mention here but use your imagination if you want...) because I've been in such a funk....

So I'm at work...we have doing presales in the parking area of the gym under a tent for the past 2 weeks and I've been talking to some of the guys on the construction site....anyway...one of the guys that I've been smiling at drove up. He seemed nice enuff...told me he was 50 yrs old, never been married and is looking for that love of his life....I know, I know the warning bells should have gone off right then and there and I should have quickly taken my self away from the area (like running fast in the opposite direction) but NOOOOO not me...when he asked me if I had any plans for tonight after work I foolishly told him no (remembering the conversation from this morning with The Kid)..so we made a date for dinner...

We ended up meeting at TGIF which is close to the presale center after 7 pm. He got there before me and I met him out front (he was smoking a cig..yech..but I figured It was just dinner so I would ignore it for now)...he's not bad looking...6'4" weighs about 200, has blond sandy colored short hair ( at least he had hair)...Nice teeth..(I learned he gets them cleaned once a week?) He had already gave his name for a table and had been told it would be at least 20 mins...so we decided to sit at the bar and have a drink (wine for me....iced tea for him because he's a recovering alcoholic who has found God)..I knew I was in trouble right away....this is me...the Agnostic!!!!
(Remember I'm blaming this ALL on The Kid and the conversation we had early this morning).

While at the bar a couple of guys I know from the gym I go to came in and we talked about if I was going to do the P'tree Race this year (which I'm not...I haven't been doing any races this year ....that just goes to show how much of a funk I'm in)...he seemed alright about it but did make the comment that he lets his women do whatever they want..(what does that mean?)

When my friends got called to their table, I mentioned to him that we had been waiting quite some time and that we had come in before my freinds..so he went to check how much longer it would take...found out that they had called his name but he hadn't told them we would be in the bar area..any way it only took a little while longer before we were seated at a table...

I went to read the menu when I realized I had dropped my eyeglass case at the bar (yes, I wear reading glasses..it comes with old age..lol) so I went back to the bar to find them...the bartender was wondering where we had gone since my date hadn't settled the bar bill (they do them separate from the meal) so i took the bill to him and asked that he pay it.. He proceeded to pull money out of his wallet and handed it to me and said "Sweetie (for some reason he kept calling me this all night...whoooaaaa) please take this to them because I don't want to go past that girl who didn't call us for our table when she should have"...OK...no big deal....I went and paid the bill....and came back...

I opened the menu and he tells me I can order anything I want (as if I wouldn't anyway) and that he thought he would order the steak & shrimp....sooo when the waitress comes and asks if we are ready I tell her yes and and proceeded to order the Mahi Mahi..she turns to my date and he says to me "Sweetie tell her what I want".....What the Hell? I just looked at him like he's crazy....and shook my head...luckily the waitress figured out just what he wanted..I think...he didn't want mashed potatoes because his "granny" made him eat them when he was young...so he finally settled on french fries (since they don't have baked potatoes)...

Meanwhile our conversation all night...not once does he ever ask me anything about myself but proceeds to tell me how great he is and how he has LOTS of monies...owns a place in FL and here in northern GA (but he's staying at a motel right now)...how he's work in Washington DC at the White House and etc..etc...etc....I think my eyes actually crossed...and I was having problems trying to hide my yawns....at one time he actually told me that when he saw me use the porta potty at the construction site one day he wanted to get me my own porta potty away from all the other ones....I told him I had no problem using the porta potties because I'm used to roughing it when I go backpacking and when I run races...I don't think he even heard me....


Finally dinner was done and I excused myself to go to the ladies room....while there I was trying to figure out who to call so they could call me and get me out of this date from hell....you know the signal...you have to leave now thing....but I decided that was the thing we only did when we were young and that I'm an adult now so I should act like one not like some teenager..sOOOOO


I get back to the table and I'll be damned if his phone didn't ring and a friend was at a bar and needed a ride Right away.....(good thing I didn't waste my time setting up the signal since he obviously had the same idea..TOOOO FuNNNY). OH Yeah.....just before I went to the ladies room I had told him that I liked living by myself and wasn't looking for someone to take care of me....hmmmmm ...

He did walk me out to my truck but no mention of another date was made (THANK GOD)...and the last I saw of him was him driving away in his van....I really don't think I have to worry seeing him at the site...I figure he'll run the other way....OH WELLL....

Do you think my prince is really out there? All I seem to be finding is the frogs!!!!

what the Heck?

I wasn't able to blog yesterday....for some reason I could read blogs but I couldn't sign in on the Blogger....I tried to comment on Shelly's Blog and got kicked out and since then have had problems...not sure what happened but I won't give up this morning and HERE I AM...

More What the Heck? I weighed in this morning at 186...am I discouraged????...YOU BET but that doesn't mean that I'm going to give up...nope I'm just that much more determined to do this thing...there is NO WAY I'm going to let this thing beat me...I've done it before and I will do it again..(I've got a closet full of clothes that I can't wear right now to prove it)

And just what is my PLAN?

I've got my lunch/dinner packed for today...I will stick to eating healthy and not let myself get hungry....I've also packed an orange & snap peas for snacking....yummy....and lots of water!!!!!

If I have a bad day at work I will relieve that stress by going to the gym and then coming here...

Running late because of spending so much time trying to get here so got to run....Work awaits me... working out at the tent today...should be fun..wearing my running shoes. hmmmm ...maybe I'll take a run around the parking lot...I'll let you know...

I'm sooo screwed

until I figure out why I do this and how to control myself...I will never stop.......

What am I talking about? Yesterday was a bad day for me at work....I know what I should have done to get the sales but I just couldn't seem to close one single sale...This is my job and I HAVE to get it down NOW...it doesn't do me any good to beat myself up about it but I need to learn what went wrong and how to fix it...AND DO IT RIGHT!!!!

so anyway I didn't go to the gym last night because it was late by the time I got out of work (this is an EXCUSE...I still could have gone it wasn't that late...8:30 and the gym stays open until 10) so I came home and instead of coming here to get out all of my frustrations...or even calling someone and talking to them...I ate my way through the night...I didn't stop even when I knew that I was full...I just kept eating....until I was so uncomfortable and then went to bed..I knew that if I ate sugar before bed I wouldn't sleep much (and I was right)...even that thought didn't stop me...(I know I should have thrown out the sugar the other day...I did put it way up in the cupboard but that didn't stop me last night).

So here I am this morning afraid to get on the scale and disgusted with myself....I know that IF I Don't figure out how to handle things emotionally I will never win this struggle with my weight...I will sabatoge myself and Right now I don't want that..but last night that part of me (EVIL EVA) that just wants the comfort (and food has always been that to me) won the fight.

Then too I ask myself...why didn't I at least come here and talk about it first before eating....the EXCUSE that I tried to tell myself last night and in the middle of the night is that I learned as a child NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.... not to bother people with my problems because they are just that MY PROBLEMS and no one wants to hear them...so I keep everything inside until it hurts...if I eat maybe it will take away that hurt...I can tell myself that it is only temporary and that I will feel worse after doing it....but truthfully I don't listen to that part of myself...I am too consumed with eating to listen to reason of any kind...it's like a frenzy...what can I eat next....OH I REALLY DO HAVE A PROBLEM....I have always been a sneak eater...never being honest with how much I really eat..which is weird because all you have to do is look at me to know that I have a problem with eating....that roll of fat around my middle tells the story...

Any way ....I know that there will be more times in my life that things don't go my way...days like yesterday will surely happen again...so how do I guard myself from Evil Eva?

Today I will get back on the track to eating healthy...not sure I can throw away that sugar..I'm not that strong...but I will put it in the freezer, or maybe pack it up and give it to "The Kid"...

Right now I have to go to work and Work on Closing those sales that I didn't close yesterday...I have a plan for that at least...hopefully it will work and I'll get back on track for that too....

Today will be a better day and I will conquer ALL

"Sue Shut UP"

Have you ever met someone who just talks & talks and never listens...they just have to get their view out there and steam roll over everyone else. (like a car salesman)?
Well, Maybe I'm not that bad but at times but it seems like lately I've been too enthusiastic about my job...I love the gym and I totally believe in it and when I meet a new prospect I sometimes get a little carried away and spend WAY too long with that person...which is alright for now but once the club opens the first of May we will be too busy for that so I need to curb myself now...the guys at work & I have come up with a solution to let me know when I'm getting to wordy....they point a finger at me and say "SUE"...this is enuff for me to put the breaks on my tongue....it seems to be working...luckly I don't take any of this personal...

the Scale read 184.2 this morning...oh well, as long as it doesn't go up to 185 again I'm still ahead...I'm not discouraged...I know that getting on the scale everyday isn't the thing to do but I need to keep doing it or I will make excuses not to weigh myself when it is time....I know me and that is how I get myself into trouble...making excuses...

VA Tech.....I feel for all of the parents of the students that were killed or injured there yesterday....I remember the Texas incident back in 1966...I was just a teenager then and it was on the TV for days..nothing like that had ever happened before ....the whole country was in shock (just like now)....
It makes you stop and think what life can throw at you with no warning....

Need to catch up on some of my favorite blogs....then get ready for work...I'm working from 10 am to 8 pm today...long day but it's all good...

New Day

I actually had a pretty good day yesterday.....Now to keep it up....that's the hard part...but I've always tried to live one day at a time...I just got off track for a while...but I feel that I'm back to my old self now....whew!

For now I'll be weighing myself each morning...just to keep me motivated...but the scale is such a funny thing....you just never can trust it...like this morning I weighed 183.4...now I know that I couldn't have lost 2.2 lbs in one day just by drinking more water so altho I'm happy to see the number go down I'm not getting excited about it....now once I get back down into the 170's I might start getting excited...

I'm working on "keeping my mouth SHUT" at work today...more on that later....

It's a NEW DAY and it's going to be a GREAT DAY....

Same day..just a couple of hours later

I did it....I step on that scale (I told you I was going to work on it) ..it hurt but I survived....Was I shocked at what it said? Not really...I think that I knew in my mind and heart that it wasn't going to be good....I could tell when I put my pants on and that roll of fat acted like silly putty...you know...you make it skinny at the bottom but it hangs out all over the top...yep that's me....

The scale read 185.6 at 7 am today....so what am I going to do about it? Well, I will tell you this I'm not going to procrasinate or advoid it any more...no Siree...because I've got
The PLAN...and A Goal....

The Plan....I'm not going to diet and I'm not going to let the scale run my life (it's a tool to motivate me not to live by)...I've been doing this for 4 years now and I know what I should be eating and what I shouldn't (notice I didn't say can't) be eating...so back to the basics..time to clean the house of all the junk that I don't need...that mostly means the sugars that I started back on a couple of months ago....I know a little sugar won't hurt me..but I don't (notice I didn' t say can't) stop at just a little...so for this next couple of weeks....I'm cutting back on anything with sugar...It's a start...Carbs are my culprit...and altho a body does need some carbs...I've been doing the wrong carbs...so I'll work on that too...more fruit & veggies (which I like so that won't be hard) and I really need to work on eating more protein....

MY GOAL...is to get to 179 by the time we open the gym on May 1st...this is doable if I work at it that's only 6.5 lbs in two weeks.... now I know that a person is only suppose to lose 1-2 lbs a week...and I'll go to that after I lose this first 6.5 lbs..I haven't been drinking enuff water lately and I'm hoping by upping that I will lose some of the water weight (I hope some of this is water weight and not all just flabby fat).

Exercise....exercise and more exercise....I've been lax in that area lately too...I will find time to start running again....just not sure when...it can't be that hard....just have to DO IT...

Got to run & drink my protein drink & take my daily supplements (something I started back doing last week) then get dressed and go to work...Today is a NEW DAY for me and It's going to be a GREAT DAY!!!

ADVOIDANCE!!!!!!

I'm sooo good at it..if I advoid doing something then I can't be held accountable for it ..right? Wrong...this is keeping me awake tonight and so I MADE myself get up out of bed and come here....

So just what have I been advoiding?
Pretty much everything beginning with my getting back to losing weight to cleaning my house & keeping my yard work up...even my truck is a mess..EVEN WORSE...I've been advoiding coming here ..Using the excuse that I don't want to whine or bore everyone......otherwise making excuses to myself and pretending that everything is just hunky dorky in my life....not that it's really bad just that I'm not doing what I really need to be doing.....SOOOO what am I going to do about it...I need to get off my duff and get my life back to the way I want it...

I need to COMMIT...(gawd how I hate that word)....NO MORE EXCUSES....starting today I begin all over and get control of my life again...

First...I need to come here at least 3 times a week if not daily even if it is only to write a couple of sentences...making myself accountable for what I'm doing really does help...So just bear with me until I get back in the habit of coming here and then I'm sure I'll get back to my old witty? self.

Second...I need to get back to eating healthy...get off all the junk food that I've been stuffing into my face...eat small regular meals 5xs a day...my excuse has been that I'm on the run alot with the new job but that will soon end once we open the new gym..which should be in 2 weeks..yay! But I'm not going to use that excuse..there are people out there that have jobs that are worse than mine and they don't eat crazy like I have been....I could list so many reasons I have been giving myself for why I eat that bag of pretzels rather than a piece of fruit...i start off with good intentions...even to buying the fruit but eating that and the other junk food that I've been buying....well...NO MORE...(Friday the 13th...I couldn't get my size 10 pants that I love to snap...this is not good)..I'm not going to bore ya'll with what I eat..I'll just come here and report that I am on PLAN....I'm being positive here.....
I've been ADVOIDING getting on the scale..I know that I'm up over 180 again...and I have to tell you that I'm still not ready to get on it and see the truth...call me a chicken..I AM...this one is the hardest for me right now....I keep telling myself that it can't be that bad..and I don't want to start my day off being discouraged....I need an attitude adjustment on this one (I'm working on it honest!)

Third...my house & yard...I took today off from work...(actually I was suppose to go on a backpacking trip to the Smokies but it got cancelled due to the weather we are having here)..and I actually mowed my lawn...I've been using the excuse that I couldn't get my lawnmower started..so this morning I decided to give it one more try and if it didn't start then I would take it to Sears for it's yearly tune up...yay..it started so I mowed the whole yard, pulled weeds, trimmed the privets and blowed off the drive way just in time for the rain to do it's work...I forget how much I love this yard that Lar & I worked on so hard for many years..I've let it go for so long that I think the neighbors thought I had moved (haha)...
I love my house but lately I haven't been keeping it as clean as I like...usually I have no problem picking up after myself...but when I looked around at my house this afternoon it was a wake up call for me at how much I've let things go....I'm not a fanatic about being clean but I do like everything in its place...

whoa..this is about as much of this serious thinking that I can handle for now.....I'm going back into my nice warm bed and get a couple of more hours of sleep before going back to work (today's going to be a great day for Me)...this post is mostly for me.....it seems like over the years I have needed to actually write the words to make myself commit...way to easy to go back on those good intentions if you don't see it written in words....Making myself accountable is HARD...