Christmas

So my Christmas actually started on Saturday ..when I went to the Cirque Du Soleil with #1 Niece, Jack (her hubby), The Boy, #2 Niece (#1 Niece made her come...and I'm glad I don't get to see her nearly enuff), The Kid and hubby Billy, #1 Niece's MIL & BIL, SIL & Hubby, Stacy and Lisa (both friends of #1 Niece & The Kid) , Lisa's Hubby John and their daughter Shelby..oh yeah Lisa's Mom was there too...so it was quite a crowd...The show was probably my favorite of all the ones we've gone to see.... I loved the music and the acrobats were really good (as always)...I could actually follow this story line (not always the case with the other ones we've gone to)..It had everything from little people to giants....good looking young guys in tights and lots of angels.....if you haven't ever seen one of the Cirque Du Soleil shows you really need to make an effort... It's something special... Thank You #1 Niece again for giving me a ticket to go...

Sunday I got up early and went to the gym and worked out again with Debra & Paige...we worked legs this time and again I pushed myself...felt good when I left... Went home and cleaned the house and got ready for the family to come over. This year I didn't make dinner but asked each girl to bring a dessert or snack to go along with the cookies I baked ...I made a hot cider drink (with rum) to drink..it's a drink I usually have when I'm backpacking and it's cold...everyone likes it...
and we ended up with lots of goodies to eat...
Usually I go all out and buy the grandkids lots of presents and then can't remember what I got them...this year I only bought each one of them one present and a small bag of goodies that they get when they arrive to tide them over until we actually open presents..but first we eat goodies. The Boy read The Christmas Story...I do think it's important that kids understand why we have Christmas...and it's become a tradition that someone reads the story before we open presents...
It's soo much fun to watch the little ones open their presents.. they each have their own personality and talents....The Boy (#1 Nieces son) and Bubba (my grandson) are 9 months apart (the Boy being the oldest) at 8 they are getting so grown up but the little boys in them comes out when they are together...one of their favorite things is to wrestle. I love watching them.. then there are the girls...Lil Bit (my granddaughter) & Mini MeMe (#1 Niece's daughter) are 6 months apart, Lil Bit being the oldest and are all girls..it's fun to watch the four of them together...I think they had a good time and seemed to like all of their presents...and not mind that they didn't get as much as they have in the past..in fact they were able to play with what they did get more....

Altho we said NO Presents for the adults....I gave the girls (#1 Niece & The Kid) a picture frame with the picture that was taken of them together when they were 7 & 5 years old..in it they are both wearing matching pink dresses and look soo sweet..I just realized lately that they don't have many pictures of themselves when they were little...so I went to the CVS and made copies and framed them...They seemed to like the pictures....I thought they turned out good..

AND The Kid gave me a gift certificate to WalMart (which will come in handy) and #1 Niece gave me a gift certificate to REI (so much for no presents for the adults)...and my freinds Debra & Paige gave me a gift certificate to Dick's Sports..so I'm all taken care of for a while ....
Bubba gave me a really neat necklace that says GRANDMOTHER ROCKS which I really like.
When the kids left I had them take most of the goodies with them...I did keep the nuts and a few cookies (which are already gone). It was a good night...

Christmas Morning...I woke up and could barely move...every muscle in the lower part of my body was screaming...I rolled out of bed and then had the torture of trying to sit on the toliet..I knew I shouldn't have done all of those lunges...(it's the getting down that kills me) they get me everytime...Then I made the mistake of standing on the scale....oh my Gawd..I now weigh 183 pounds....ok..it's not the end of the world...I can lose this extra weight...I will not cry..I will not give up...so I go into the kitchen to feed Spot & Rover (Rover was not acting right the night before) and BOTH of them were floating at the top of the bowl....How sad is that ....both my fish died on Christmas Day...I can't even keep pets alive...now I'm really feeling sorry for myself....I fixed myself a couple of waffles with blueberry syrup...and a big cup of Hot French Vanilla Chocolate to soothe myself....then I finished off all of the cookies that were left from the night before...and was looking around for more to eat...The Kid had invited me over to their house for Christmas Dinner but I truly feel that is their day and didn't want to go...so decided that I would treat myself and get out of the house and go see a movie...I've been wanting to see Aragon..I read the book when it first came out and was interested to see just how much of the book they could put into a movie...It always surprises me to see how many people actually go to the movies on a holiday....The movie was alright...definately not as good as the book and I probably won't go see the next one altho I have read that book and am looking forward the to the third one...I don't know if I would actually recommend the movie...but then I never like the movies as well as the book...it was a rainy depressing day but I got through it..
I watched a movie last night on tv with Linda Hamilton who is a housewife who gets dumped by her husband of 23 years for a 27 yr old personal trainer and ends up being homeless and has to live in her car.(while still wearing her designer clothes and looking really good).. and of course she meets this really gorgeous hunk and everything works out for her....So why can't my life be like the movie? I know, I know....if I looked like Linda Hamilton then I won't be where I'm at today....
I go back and forth being depressed and boosting myself up....I know what I have to do to get this extra weight off and to find a job..it's just the doing it that's HARD...

Any HOoooo..Christmas is over...Today's The Boy's birthday...he's 9 yrs old..how time flies and I will be going over to #1 Nieces this afternoon...
I'm still muscle sore today..but at least I don't move like an old granny...it's still gray and dreary out ...but I'm going to treat myself with a spinach salad and salmon with crabmeat stuffing...then go over to #1 Nieces and visit with some good people...

I hope ya'll Christmas was the best....

It's a good day.....

Yep, I started off the morning by getting up and going to the gym early...the racquetball game was scheduled for 10 am but I decided to get there early and work out a bit...
After stretching I saw my friends Debra & Paige working out at the free weights for the shoulders and chest...now shoulders is something I have been REAL slack on..in fact I hardly ever do shoulders so I decided I needed to change up and get with the act...so I asked them if I could work out with them...they were glad to let me especially Paige she said it gives her more time to rest between sets....Debra works out 2 times a week with DJ a really tough Personal Trainer who I really admire...he's one of the few at the gym that really knows what he is doing...she is working on getting ripped...she's already skinny so she doesn't need to lose any weight but she wants those muscles to show...so she's a tough one to work out with...after working out with her this morning I realized just what poor shape I really am in but plan to change that now....WE are going to work out on legs tomorrow...ohhhhnnooooo....I CAN DO This....
Afer working out we played three games of racquetball and I really pushed myself...didn't win but worked up a good sweat...then I did some abs with some guys I know ...so I am feeling pretty darn good about my self...Still way too Fat...I can especially see it when I look in the mirror at the gym standing next to Debra...she's probably a size 0....but hey I've got to start somewhere...and truthfully I know I will never be as small as Debra but I don't want to be as big as I am now...
I'm off to take a shower and spend lots of time on my hair for tonight....I need to look good not just for the family but for ME...

Oh yeah....my cuz in Colorado sent me this funny email today...too funny...
ALERT

ATTENTION

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE; I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE

WOE IS ME!!!

I'm still sick with this junk..now it's moving down into my chest and my throat is still scratchy...yech...I'm tired of this and want it to just go away...
I even stayed away from the gym for three days and only played racquetball and did a few abs (which made me sick to my stomach) at the gym today...and I feel SO FREAKIN' FAT and out of shape...like if I was to try to do a complete workout I wouldn't be able to move....
No hiking again this weekend..but I did sign up for a day hike on the 7th...so I HAVE to keep myself in shape...
I'm sitting here in my work out pants and shirt because all of my jeans feel too tight on me tonight (and yes I got rid of all bigger pants a long time ago)...I'm afraid to get on the scale because if it says I weigh more than 178 who knows what I will do...
Did you ever wonder how those really obese people got that way?..you know the ones that weigh over 300 pounds...well I think it happened one pound at time...they snuck up on them and then one day they looked in the mirror and didn't know how they got there...I don't want that to happen to me again...and if I don't get off this roller coaster I've been on this past month it's a good possibility that is where I am headed.....GET ME OFF NOW!!!!

Yesterday Me & Betty Crocker baked cookies...something I haven't done in more than 3 years...the only cookie cutter I could find (I think I got rid of all the rest) was one lil snowman...so that is what I made...I used Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix and added almond...then made almond frosting (from scratch) and they didn't look too bad until I decided to melt some chocolate and give them eyes, nose, mouth & buttons...now they look like bad ghosts....oh well... the few that I had were good. My excuse for baking again is that I needed something for Christmas Eve for the kids when they come over.....
Oh yeah...I now have sugar in my house...still no flour....and I've got to get rid of the sugar because I have no Will Power when it comes to sugar...especially when I'm home all day...and it gives me such heartburn..something I haven't had to deal with over 2 years and now it's back again....you'd think I'd learn....

I've eaten so much Junk lately that I've made myself sick to my stomach....it feels like it is pushing out and does that stop me from eating more....nope...

It's like I have this ache (and I'm not talking about the heartburn) and I keep thinking that if I eat it will go away...It doesn't...I hate it...and I don't like myself too much lately...and it shows....
I'm hoping it's I'm feeling this way tonight just because I'm not feeling good...
Since I was at the gym this morning, I didn't go tonight...I find it getting easier to make excuses not to go to the gym...like it's raining...i don't feel good...it's so far to drive just for an hour workout...etc.etc etc..and I worry about that...because that is the only thing that has been keeping me sane (going to the gym) this past month...most days it's the only time I get out of the house and see people I know..(damn that sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself..I really need to snap out of this).
I am going in the morning to play racquetball and will talk myself into doing a workout if my chest is feeling better...hopefully they will have the hot tub fixed and maybe I'll treat myself to a nice hot soak and then the sauna....

Tomorrow night we (the family) are all going to the Cirque Du Soleil...#1 Niece's Christmas present to me...something she has done for me for the past few years..Is she not the greatest niece in the world...and she's cute!!!! Ya got to love her...

I guess I'll go back to my second favorite thing to do and see what Christmas show is on tonight...I think I've about read every Christmas book (and that's quite a few as I seem to like to collect them) I have in the house and watch about every Christmas show on tv that there is ...some of them twice....it's weird I'm in the Christmas mood as long as I'm reading or watching but as soon as I'm back in the real world I'm just depressed about it all...the real world seems to be such a let down this year..

Can I take a sick day even if I'm not working?

I woke up in the middle of the night with a scratchy throat...and then when The Kid called me & woke me up this I was all stuffed up...my throat hurts, I'm all sneezy, my ears hurt....geez even my eyes hurt......Moanin' Mona is having a "hay day" (whatever that means?).... I DON'T like it!!!

OK...sooo this is what happens when I don't take my vitamins & supplements everyday like I know I should....I have been real irregular with taking them since I've been out of work...I've been letting Evil Eva convince me that it's too expensive to take them everyday and I really don't need them since I'm not doing anything....Well I've noticed that I'm alot stiffer in my joints lately ...so I've been trying to take my TriFlex everyday even if I don't take all the other supplements & my womens vitamin...And now here I am SICK....

Oh WOE is me....NOT....I will not give into Moanin' Mona or Evil Eva...I will get back to being the old me....but first I think I'll take a sick day.....Achooooo...damn!

I'm Trying, I'm trying!!!

Christmas is only a week away and this time next week I will be holding our annual Christmas Eve at my house....I'm sooo not in the mood this year...
I hate to think that all Christmas is is about the gifts...the gift giving and getting...because I'm still not working and trying to watch my monies I've only bought the grandkids one present each and you can't believe how hard this is for me...I see so many little things I would love to buy for them but it all adds up so fast...and I know that they don't really need them...it's just that I love shopping and picking out just the right gift for each child and watching them when they open the gift...I guess this year they will just have to be satisfied with getting all my love....it probably bothers me more than it will the kids...all four of them are soooo good.

And it's really hard to get in the mood when it's 70 plus outside...yesterday I went running at the park, first time in over two months, in my sleeveless shirt....it was freakin' hot...also I have to tell you that it wasn't a good run...I ended up walking part of the three miles... I had planned on doing six miles but ran out of time since I had to go home, get cleaned up to go get my hair done....Getting my hair done when I don't know when I will actually get a job is an extravagance (I could have used that money to buy the GrandKids more presents) that I probably shouldn't have given into...but I tell my self I have to look good just in case I actually get a job interview...I mean who would hire a old gray haired woman...well, it isn't actually gray but it sure was gettng dull and gray at the roots.. anyhoooo....it looks really good today...I'm real happy about the color and for the first time in quite a while I feel good about how I look today...

OH MY GAWD!!!!

I'm older than Santa......yep...I went back and checked out his profile on mySpace and he's only 50 years old....
How the Hell did that happen? Ok maybe he's just a young Santa....altho he does have white hair and beard....I'm thinking maybe he gets it colored for the Holidays....anyway no word back from him yet...He probably saw my age and figured I'm TOO old....OMG...I'm too old for SANTA....I think I will go back to bed....

Would you date Santa?

Last night I was strolling around in mySpace...just looking at the guys...what better thing to do on a Sunday night...when all of a sudden a picture of Santa popped up....yep...he's the Southern Santa...and he is a professional Santa...has his own website and all...www.southernsanta.com...
He's been divorced for 5 years and just bought a Harley...For some reason...I think he would be a HOOT to know...I mean after all....He's SANTA...and who hasn't had a fantasy about truly knowing Santa...OK, OK...truthfully I have never really thought about it ...but now I am....I emailed him...lets see if he actually contacts me back....oh I know he's busy at this time of the year what with it being Christmas and all.....but maybe after the first of the year....hmmmm.

Wonder what Santa would give me if I was a REALLY REALLY good girl?....evil laugh here....

Forbidden Food

Yesterday I noticed a recipe on my box of Rice Dream Milk for Bread Pudding....this brought back memories of when I was a kid....My Mom, a single mother of 4 kids in the 50's, would fix herself a big bowl of Bread Pudding and eat the whole thing by herself...and NONE of us kids got even a bite...I remember wanting some of that pudding soooo bad but it just wasn't ever to be...I'm not sure why she did this...To be fair to my Mom, I truly don't think she did it to be mean...I know that there was never much food for us back then...we were on Welfare and this was before food stamps..and I look at pictures of my Mom back then and realize how skinny she was..I know she went hungry alot so us kids could have something to eat ..I could probably ask her but I'm not sure she remembers doing that, if in fact my memory is real...I find that some of my memories of when I grew up are different from any one else's...like my older sister will remember the same incident that I do but her memories are totally different..I guess because what was important to her was different from what was important to me...anyhoooooo..... I realized yesterday that I have NEVER fixed bread pudding for myself in all the years that I've been baking....and now it's too late because I don't have bread in the house...but I do find myself wanting to try the recipe just to see if it would be as good as I always imagined...oh yeah, I've had bread pudding at restaurants, one in particular was in New Orleans with Lar...man it was soo good...but it didn't look like the bread pudding my Mom made...this bread pudding she made was all brown crusty and she would pour milk over it...she always used day old bread and lots of eggs & sugar...I did ask her for her recipe once (a long time ago) and she did give it to me...but I never fixed it because for some reason in my mind it is still FORBIDDEN Food...

Is my luck changing yet?

Nope...but I'm getting closer....I did buy a couple of lottery tickets last night on my way to the gym....and out of the two tickets I got 2 numbers that were drawn....not good enuff to even get the $2 back that I spent but at least I got 2 numbers ...that's better than the last time I bought one.. We'll see how I do on the drawing tonight...I bought 3 tickets for the Win for Life..that's the one you get $1000 a week for life...I don't want to be greedy here...I just want to have enuff monies to live the way I dream...but then who doesn't...

I'm on my way to the gym this morning...first time I've hit it on Saturday in a LONG time...don't have a racquetball game but thought I would run on the treadmill since it's a freakin' 19 degrees here outside....brrrrrrr....maybe I'll take my suit and hit the hot tub...I can't remember the last time I did that....might be just what this ole body needs...It seems weird not to have a hike to go on...looks like my next one will be just a day hike on the 17th with "B Alright"...I've gone on 3 hikes with him before and he's a crack up....

After the gym I'm going to go pick up Lil Bit so her Mom and Dad can go Christmas shopping...not quite sure what we are going to spend the day doing but I'm sure we'll have fun..

Oh yeah, I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 1 1/2 pounds from the other day....whew....had me worried there for a minute...but I KNOW that I can get back on track and lose this ugly 10 pounds I've gained...Not doing too bad on the eating...not totally clean yet but working hard on it...eating lots of veggies....haven't made it to the store yet to buy some fresh fruit...kinda holding off on going until I absolutely have to (I still have 4 eggs left in the fridge)...figure I will eat all the food in the house, even the stuff I'm not sure why I ever bought....like the frozen brocolli w cheese?...I love brocolli but why ruin it by putting cheese on it..I figure Evil Eva was shopping that day...the good thing is it comes in 4 individual serving trays that you can micro wave...one down ...three more to go....yech...and don't forget the Frozen Apple Walnut Bread...it comes in 4 mini loaves that you microwave...I still have 2 of those to do....so what if they're 100% whole grain with 0g trans fat they are still 200 calories each...that's about 3 bites....but then I've been putting a big pat of butter on and that is probably a million more calories....hmmmm wonder why I put on this extra weight?
and why ever would I buy Organic Mushroom soup that taste like paste? I need to figure out a way to disguise the taste on this one..hmmm...thinking here....

Still Here

and playing around with my blog...I like this look but am afraid that Kyra will think that I'm copying her.....altho I don't have the fancy art work at the top...
Decided I didn't like the look that I settled for yesterday....kinda missin' the pink...but am determined to get it right for me....
Still having troubles with this old computer of mine ...it keeps erroring out on me when I try to make changes...
If I ever win the lottery one of the first things I'm going to do is get a new compter system....that is after I buy myself that sporty convertible, go on a cruise, buy me lots of new shoes (not on sale)....LOL....maybe I need to go out and buy a ticket today....let's see how much money I have in the ole piggy bank...

New Day...New Look!!!

I upgraded my Blog..they've been sending me notices for awhile now and I decided to take the chance...and since I did that I decided to update my look of my blog too...was getting tired of the pink....not sure if I'm going to keep this look...got more options but for now it'll do....
What do you think?

I just realized all my links are gone....Damn...now I've got to figure out how to get them all back....always something..Sorry.if i didn't get your link on..just send me a comment and I'll be glad to add it.

WAKE UP CALL!!!

So I basically knew that my eating has been out of control this past month and altho I've been going to the gym and doing all this hiking... my exercise really hasn't been what I know it needs to be....this fact came to me last night as I half heartly did some work out for my back at the gym before playing racquetball....I went to do pull ups and couldn't do them at the weights I had previously been doing them....in fact I barely could do them at all...I felt like I was wearing a loaded backpack on my back....I knew then that I had gained some weight back ...how could I not...the way I've been eating....LOTS of carbs....and not the good carbs...sugar..sugar... and more sugar...(my downfall)..not much protien..sure I've been eating the Zone Perfect bars....I love the Fudge Graham ones..and they say they have 16g of protein, 19 vitamins & minerals and it's all natural...but if you look at the nutrition facts it also will tell you that it has 14 g of sugar...is 210 calories for one bar...which is probably alright when a person only eats one occasionally...but not me I've been eating them like candy bars...and I haven't been doing my protein drink with my supplements/vitamins in the morning regularly...and boy can I tell... I've been avoiding weighing myself on the scale..I guess in my mind I KNEW I was gaining weight back but I kept telling myself that since I wasn't eating at McDee's or eating potato chips or all that junk that I used to that it won't hurt me and I've been getting lots of exercise on my backpacking trips...OK lets face it I WAS LYING to myself....I got on the scale this morning and I weigh 178.8 pounds...Guys, THIS IS NOT GOOD.....
Now I've been doing this long enuff to know what I need to be doing...I need my fresh veggies and FRESH fruit (which I love but for some reason haven't been eating lately) ..I need to get back to eating on a regular schedule..NO MORE OF THIS SNACKING ALL DAY LONG on junk that is all CARBS....no more peanut butter/honey wraps...Time to start tracking EXACTLY what I am putting in my mouth...I'm not going to worry about recording calories because that always gives me a headache...but I'll keep it in the back of my mind..after all I've done this long enuff that I have a good idea how many calories I'm actually putting in my body....so This is me starting all over again....I WILL lose this extra weight that I've put on and get back to feeling good about myself...I'm still working on my ESSAYs that I need for my Personal Trainer Certification...that's going to be my motivation for getting back on track to getting and keeping fit...after all how can I be a PT if I'm so out of shape that I can't do the workouts?...besides that I know that when I eat healthy I feel so much better...not draggy...I should do a ESSAY on how eating effects your mental status....LOL

AND drinking water....why is it so hard for me to get my daily water in lately?...I'm lucky if I drink 48 oz in a day lately..it's not like I don't like water because I do....and I know that's why I've been having leg/feet cramps...it's such an easy solution..drink my water and take my Triflex supplements daily...A NO BRAINER....so why haven't I been doing it?...I can tell you that Depression is NOT GOOD...it can defeat everything that I have worked for this past 3 years and DAMMIT...I'm not having any more of it.....

So anyway...I got up early this morning, made my bed, washed my face and put on my makeup (dammit I need to look good for myself..so what if no one see's me)...actually got dressed (no more of this hanging around the house half the day before getting dressed), cleaned up my bedroom, picked up the living room (I've become such a slob lately) gave Rover & Spot their bath, fixed my protein drink, took my supplements (this all only took about a half hour of my morning) & came here checked the job situtation (nothing in todays bunch that I am qualified for but I'll keep looking).

On a positive NOTE....I DID GO to the DOL yesterday afternoon and applied for unemployment...it takes 5 weeks before you get any monies but at least it is a positive step for me...in the meanwhile I will keep looking for a JOB....

I will have a GOOD DAY..

I want the old me back!!!!

Where has the confidant vibrant Sexy Sue gone? Instead I see in the mirror this old lady that just looks depressed....sure every once in a while I see a hint of the old Sue...mostly weekends when I'm backpacking/hiking...but once I'm back home it's like that Sue goes away and instead I have this new personna that I can't even get up enuff gumption to name...
This person that is in my body now has no confidence, doesn't care how she looks, is satisfied to sit in front of the TV and eat all day (if I let her)...It's been a real struggle to keep her from controlling my life totally...but with each set back..she is getting stronger...
I get up in the morning with all these plans in my mind but then for one reason or the other nothing happens..I just can't get motivated to do anything constructive...
I'm still out of a job (it's been a full month now)...part of the reason (I just came to this realization at 4:30 am today) is that I'm afraid to start a new job...what if they don't like me? what if I don't "Fit in"? What if I'm too stupid to learn new things? What if I get knocked down again? I'm too old to do this!!! Hell, I haven't even applied for unemployment like #1 Niece keeps telling me to do...Why???? For no good reason...I just keep thinking something will fall in my lap...and I'll find the perfect job for me..but this morning I've come to the conclusion that my luck has ran out.....my guardian angel has taken leave of me.....and the only way I'm ever going to get a job is to start all over again...back to square one AGAIN....so it may not be the job I really want (which is WHAT?) and the pay may not be what I want or need but at least it would be something...
Nothing has came of the on line jobs..and the one staffing company I signed up with last month hasn't came through with anything....all my other ideas seem to fizzle out too...
I'm half way to getting my Personal Trainer Certification thro the internet...still have to do the hard part...the essays.. I have these big DREAMS but don't know how to incorporate them into being REAL...but I guess there is enuff of the SexySue in me to keep trying...
I just keep wishing I could turn the clock back to September and slap myself when I thought about making that big change .....I loved my old job...just hated the pay...now what do I have?

It's just too hard!

I keep getting knocked down in life and it's getting harder to get back up...I'm not sure I can do this anymore!!!!
Friday #2 Niece and I stopped at our local dog pound just to look....and I saw this Husky dog there that I fell in love with...She had been picked up 3 days before and wouldn't be up for adoption until today...so I left my application with them and said I would be back Monday..I did spend about an hour with her and took her picture and downloaded it on my cell phone..

I went on my backpacking/camping trip Sat & Sunday up in SC...This was the first one I've been on that allowed dogs..and the guy I rode up to the trailhead had this great bird hunting dog Hatch that I bonded which helped me with my decision that I really do need a dog for a companion. I DO like dogs but I've put off getting one because I don't think it's fair to the dog if you can't/don't spend time with them and my life has been so busy with the gym/backpacking etc....but when I saw this dog at the pound I could imagine her and I together...she was calm, shy and didn't bark...and she was freakin' beautiful...(I showed her picture to everyone on the hike and they agreed)

Well, long story short....when I went this morning the first thing I asked is if she was still available and was told yes...so while I waited for the paperwork to be done I went out to see her....When I came back in I was told that the girl that told me she was still available was wrong that A Rescue group had called about her and she was to go to them...

#1 Niece just called me and gave me the lecture about not giving up...and I did call the pound and asked them to give the rescue group my name and number just in case it doesn't work out for them...but it sounded like they already have a home for her and I AM glad for her, just sad for me...I know there are a lot of dogs out there that need homes and I will probably keep looking but right now my heart hurts and I just want to feel sad for my self...

It seems like my life right now is full of "That's just not right" things...first the job, now this...
It's like I have this cloud over me and I just can't seem to get out from under it...and I don't know how to change my luck back to where things go right..Everything I try fails...I hate being negative....I'm a "positive" type person but right now... I'll be damned if I can see the positive side of this...Hell, I even cried this morning and that's something I haven't done in a long time...I guess I just have to pull my self out of this hole I seem to be in...