WOE IS ME!!!

I'm still sick with this junk..now it's moving down into my chest and my throat is still scratchy...yech...I'm tired of this and want it to just go away...
I even stayed away from the gym for three days and only played racquetball and did a few abs (which made me sick to my stomach) at the gym today...and I feel SO FREAKIN' FAT and out of shape...like if I was to try to do a complete workout I wouldn't be able to move....
No hiking again this weekend..but I did sign up for a day hike on the 7th...so I HAVE to keep myself in shape...
I'm sitting here in my work out pants and shirt because all of my jeans feel too tight on me tonight (and yes I got rid of all bigger pants a long time ago)...I'm afraid to get on the scale because if it says I weigh more than 178 who knows what I will do...
Did you ever wonder how those really obese people got that way?..you know the ones that weigh over 300 pounds...well I think it happened one pound at time...they snuck up on them and then one day they looked in the mirror and didn't know how they got there...I don't want that to happen to me again...and if I don't get off this roller coaster I've been on this past month it's a good possibility that is where I am headed.....GET ME OFF NOW!!!!

Yesterday Me & Betty Crocker baked cookies...something I haven't done in more than 3 years...the only cookie cutter I could find (I think I got rid of all the rest) was one lil snowman...so that is what I made...I used Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix and added almond...then made almond frosting (from scratch) and they didn't look too bad until I decided to melt some chocolate and give them eyes, nose, mouth & buttons...now they look like bad ghosts....oh well... the few that I had were good. My excuse for baking again is that I needed something for Christmas Eve for the kids when they come over.....
Oh yeah...I now have sugar in my house...still no flour....and I've got to get rid of the sugar because I have no Will Power when it comes to sugar...especially when I'm home all day...and it gives me such heartburn..something I haven't had to deal with over 2 years and now it's back again....you'd think I'd learn....

I've eaten so much Junk lately that I've made myself sick to my stomach....it feels like it is pushing out and does that stop me from eating more....nope...

It's like I have this ache (and I'm not talking about the heartburn) and I keep thinking that if I eat it will go away...It doesn't...I hate it...and I don't like myself too much lately...and it shows....
I'm hoping it's I'm feeling this way tonight just because I'm not feeling good...
Since I was at the gym this morning, I didn't go tonight...I find it getting easier to make excuses not to go to the gym...like it's raining...i don't feel good...it's so far to drive just for an hour workout...etc.etc etc..and I worry about that...because that is the only thing that has been keeping me sane (going to the gym) this past month...most days it's the only time I get out of the house and see people I know..(damn that sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself..I really need to snap out of this).
I am going in the morning to play racquetball and will talk myself into doing a workout if my chest is feeling better...hopefully they will have the hot tub fixed and maybe I'll treat myself to a nice hot soak and then the sauna....

Tomorrow night we (the family) are all going to the Cirque Du Soleil...#1 Niece's Christmas present to me...something she has done for me for the past few years..Is she not the greatest niece in the world...and she's cute!!!! Ya got to love her...

I guess I'll go back to my second favorite thing to do and see what Christmas show is on tonight...I think I've about read every Christmas book (and that's quite a few as I seem to like to collect them) I have in the house and watch about every Christmas show on tv that there is ...some of them twice....it's weird I'm in the Christmas mood as long as I'm reading or watching but as soon as I'm back in the real world I'm just depressed about it all...the real world seems to be such a let down this year..