Memories of 32 years ago

September 29, 1973..On the morning of this date 32 years ago, I was a scared 23 yr old driving myself to the hospital to give birth to "The Kid".
My life had changed dramatically in the 2 years before this date. In Nov 1971, I had given birth to twin sons, one who did not survive birth and the other, Jason, was born with a kidney disease, developed extreme brain damage at 4 months old and was not expected to live beyond 3 yrs old (another story for another time).My marriage had dissolved, it had become physically abusive and besides he (my husband) had found someone else who he wanted to be married to (which he informed me of when I told him I was pregnant) so I had taken Jason & moved into my own apartment at 3 months pregnant... I had gone from weighing 210 to 170 while pregnant with the child I was carrying... mostly due to stress of trying to take care of a 2 yr old, with medical problems and who was like an infant and living by myself. Now don't get me wrong, there were good times in those 2 years. But on this morning while driving myself to the hospital I was scared because I didn't know what the future held for me... I just knew that I was going to give life to another being that would be dependent on me and I wasn't sure if I could do it all by myself. Although the doctor was pretty sure that this baby would be healthy, there is always that doubt... I knew that I had a long day ahead of me... I had gotten to pick what day I wanted to give birth since I was being induced and doing it by myself.. so I had picked a Saturday so my Mom could stay with Jason, at this time she was the only other person that could take care of him.. I knew that I would be doing this by myself and memories of the horrible delivery of the twins (24 hrs of very hard labor with no relief) didn't make it any easier.. I knew that this time I had a good doctor but in the back of my mind I kept reliving that other time...
Well, I put on a brave face and took myself into the hospital, filled out the paper work, walked to my room where I would spend the next 10 hrs... I had the greatest doctor... he came in and stayed in the room with me as much as he could, even to doing his paper work in my room, and he made sure that I was relaxed as much as possible, went over with me the breathing exercises (something I didn't have the first time) and made sure that someone checked on me often during the wait... When they finally came to take me in the delivery room I was on the phone talking with my Mom and told them that it couldn't be time yet because I wasn't hurting enough, but the doctor laughed and said that the baby had crowned and the time was now... I don't actually remember the actual birth but I do remember the doctor saying "It's a girl" .. Now I had convinced myself that I would have another boy, to replace Jason when he finally passed so I was truly surprised to hear that the baby was a girl...My first thought was that she looked so much like Jason, except bigger, when he was born. I wanted to keep her with me, but they had to take her to run tests to make sure everything was alright... so they took me to the ward. I called my Mom, then called the father to let him know (he was at his girlfriends') so I left a message... then I Cried! Some was from relief, some was feeling sorry for myself that I had to do this by myself, and some was just plain being young...It was hard being in the ward where the other women had their husbands with them but when they took me back down the hall to see the baby, I didn't care about any of that because I knew than that This baby would be all mine....
Happy Birthday Kid... I love you more than words can say....I am so proud of the woman you have grown into, you are the best daughter a Mother like me could ever have...I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but believe me you weren't one of them....