Altho I cancelled my account with Match.com I still am on line with a couple of online dating sites that's free...lately it seems that I have been getting lots of differant hits from them....to say the least it's been interersting....
1. Pierce...54 yrs old ...lives in NC..is looking for someone to ride with on his Harley Davidson....He's been retired for 5 years...after talking with him on the phone .... I found out the reason he's retired so young is due to a neck injury...and he has a very bad memory...the second time we talked he couldn't remember talking to me the first time...He will come to Atlanta to meet me (if he can remember)...NO THANK YOU...
2. Walt....32 yrs old..lives in Sandy Springs GA.. is really into older women...cute picture...nice hunky type guy...thought I looked hot in my picture and wants to be my "Boy Toy"....hmmm Evil Eva wants to think about this one for awhile....
3. Chuck...36 yrs old...is in Missouri but comes to Atlanta often...is a personal trainer and wants to do an experiment with tickling....Evil Eva is checking this one out....
4. Dr. Lou...55 years old ....lives in GA...is a nurse and wants to meet and have dinner....Moanin' Mona thought he sounded good but I'm not sure on this one yet as we haven't spoke on the phone yet...I mean what kind of guy calls himself Dr. Lou?
5. Michael...51 yr old...lives in Dacula not too far from where i live..he looks good in his picture and his profile...but he hasn't responded back to my response to his email...we'll wait and see what happens with him...
6. Mike...52 years old...lives in Conyers..works at Wild Bills (a club i've been to)..ok to mail but he's too good looking for me (kind of reminds me of Cary Grant)...Ok call me chicken but I've found that guys who work in clubs are just too much of players for me...
7. Steward (Stew)...46 years old..lives in Decatur (on the other side of Atlanta). He's an insurance adjuster..works out of his home..is recently divorced (Janurary) and likes to kiss...We spoke on the phone last night and set up a date for Saturday night to go see X-Men...we are both into Sci-fi movies...I've been wanting to see this movie but really didn't want to go by myself...so when he asked ...I thought...Why not...
Oh yeah...least we forget...there was the 19 year old college student who says older women are the best..I didn't even respond to him...whats up with these kids????
Now have you noticed a trend here....NONE of these guys are my age or older...but I've decided not to let that stop me from dating them...after all who knows I might have some fun..
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Discipine in eating heathy! Who'd thunk?
I absolutely love it when I read something that sets me off to thinking…Skwigg’s "The Gym Whisperer" did that for me today…she talked about Discipline and I think the part that really hit me was:
“It takes discipline to go to the gym every day. It takes discipline to eat right. People must feel like they have to do those things because they're being punished for something - for being overweight, or having bad genes, or turning forty. Working out and eating right is something they've been sentenced to for not measuring up. That's why they hate it, avoid it, deny it, and weasel out of it.”
This is out of context and you really need to read the whole article to understand just what she is talking about but this is the one part got me REALLY to thinking…that if I use discipline for making myself go to the gym...and believe me this is not punishment for me but something I like and have made it a part of my life…then why can’t I do the same and use discipline to help me in eating right…although I tend to think it’s more training than anything…
I think I did a pretty good job of bringing up The Kid and whenever I’ve had a dog it has always been well trained…so if I take this knowledge I got from those experiences and apply it to my eating it might just work…
I figure you need tools to discipline/train at least I did when bringing up The Kid…let’s see how this can relate to eating right.
1.KNOWLEDGE :I read a lot about how to be a good parent….OK…I’ve collected a lot of cook books and I go on line to find recipes for eating healthy…also I read everything I can get my hands on about how others have learned how to eat healthy...such as most of the blogs on my list.
2.RESTRAINTS: In training a dog to stay by you when walking you use a leash and not let them run wild…OK…so when I go to the grocery store I take a list of foods that I know are good for me and only buy them (this could be considered a leash)..
3.REWARDS: I used rewards for when The Kid & #1 Niece did the right things…such as going to the park to play after behaving when at places other than home…OK…my reward for eating healthy is I feel better about myself and I get to buy new clothes that actually look good on me..
4.PLAN: In training a puppy not to chew…first you put things out of reach that you really don’t want them to chew…So, if I do happen to wimp out and buy something that I know is not on my list (for instance I love trail mix with choc chips in it) then when I get it home I divide it up into serving sizes (this keeps me from doing the mindless eating thing..you know when you open the bag and just keep eating until it’s all gone) then you put it somewhere that isn’t readily available and only eat it on plan as a treat.…
5.ACTION: If the puppy does happen to start chewing on something you don’t want them to have, you take it away from them…saying no, no…and give them something they can have (like a chew toy)….OK so say I have already had my one serving of trail mix and am going for the second…I can always say no and go for the grapes that I have ready…yeah…that might work for me…I love grapes too..
Anyhooo…you see how this works …I could probably go on forever but for now I think this might just work…Not sure if this is really what Skwigg had in mind when she wrote her article but this is where it took me….
“It takes discipline to go to the gym every day. It takes discipline to eat right. People must feel like they have to do those things because they're being punished for something - for being overweight, or having bad genes, or turning forty. Working out and eating right is something they've been sentenced to for not measuring up. That's why they hate it, avoid it, deny it, and weasel out of it.”
This is out of context and you really need to read the whole article to understand just what she is talking about but this is the one part got me REALLY to thinking…that if I use discipline for making myself go to the gym...and believe me this is not punishment for me but something I like and have made it a part of my life…then why can’t I do the same and use discipline to help me in eating right…although I tend to think it’s more training than anything…
I think I did a pretty good job of bringing up The Kid and whenever I’ve had a dog it has always been well trained…so if I take this knowledge I got from those experiences and apply it to my eating it might just work…
I figure you need tools to discipline/train at least I did when bringing up The Kid…let’s see how this can relate to eating right.
1.KNOWLEDGE :I read a lot about how to be a good parent….OK…I’ve collected a lot of cook books and I go on line to find recipes for eating healthy…also I read everything I can get my hands on about how others have learned how to eat healthy...such as most of the blogs on my list.
2.RESTRAINTS: In training a dog to stay by you when walking you use a leash and not let them run wild…OK…so when I go to the grocery store I take a list of foods that I know are good for me and only buy them (this could be considered a leash)..
3.REWARDS: I used rewards for when The Kid & #1 Niece did the right things…such as going to the park to play after behaving when at places other than home…OK…my reward for eating healthy is I feel better about myself and I get to buy new clothes that actually look good on me..
4.PLAN: In training a puppy not to chew…first you put things out of reach that you really don’t want them to chew…So, if I do happen to wimp out and buy something that I know is not on my list (for instance I love trail mix with choc chips in it) then when I get it home I divide it up into serving sizes (this keeps me from doing the mindless eating thing..you know when you open the bag and just keep eating until it’s all gone) then you put it somewhere that isn’t readily available and only eat it on plan as a treat.…
5.ACTION: If the puppy does happen to start chewing on something you don’t want them to have, you take it away from them…saying no, no…and give them something they can have (like a chew toy)….OK so say I have already had my one serving of trail mix and am going for the second…I can always say no and go for the grapes that I have ready…yeah…that might work for me…I love grapes too..
Anyhooo…you see how this works …I could probably go on forever but for now I think this might just work…Not sure if this is really what Skwigg had in mind when she wrote her article but this is where it took me….
Monday, June 12, 2006
Breaks over
A month ago on May 11th I decided that I wanted to take some time to enjoy and appreciate this new body I have altho I still have 20 pounds to lose...At that time I felt that I was not only feeling good but looking good....during this past month I haven't changed any of my habits, I watched what I ate and exercised just as i've been doing for the past 2 years. I just quit worrying about losing that 20 pounds and relaxed...and altho I haven't gained any weight in this month, I also haven't lost any...I purposely didn't weigh myself during this time...because the number on the scale is not ME...I really do believe that I needed this Break BUT.....
This past weekend Not only did I feel fat but When I looked in the mirror after my shower, for the first time in a long time I saw the fat around my middle and on my upper legs....sure it's not as much as there was 2 years ago..but it's still there and I DON'T LIKE IT....I know that I can be better...I can look better and feel better...SOOOOO....the BREAK IS OVER and I'm BACK with a Plan....
after looking at WHAT I need to change to start losing weight again using all that I have learned in the past couple of years about myself....I sat down and had a talk with Me, Myself & I and decided that I would really concentrate on getting to 161 pounds by July 4th when I run the P'tree Road Race...
I weighed in at 169.5 this morning so that is 8.5 pounds in 3 weeks= or 2.84 pounds a week...I know this is a little much to try to lose in this amount of time (1-2 pounds a week is recommended)but I think I'm ready and can do it. I really need to do this and get myself off of this plataeu, which I think is mostly a mind thing anyway, or an excuse not to work myself that much harder...anyhooooo....I DO know what is keeping me from losing...
1. My night time eating 2. I have become pretty complacent about pushing myself at the gym...sure I go and I work out but I haven't really pushed myself to my limit in a long time....soooo for the next THREE weeks this is my Plan...
Food.....The secret is not to let myself not get sooo hungry that by the time I get home I'm ready to eat anything and everything in the house so During the week I will eat my larger meal at work and eat VERY light when I get home from the gym..And to do this I need to plan & pack my meals ahead of time.
SO...After cleaning out my fridge to make room for lots of veggies & fruit, then going shopping for the healthy foods that I really do enjoy but have been to lazy to cook, I spent a couple of hours yesterday and cooked a spagetti squash, a butternut squash, my favorite Cabbage/Spinach/Tofu casserole, grilled some salmon & boiled eggs (for salads)...then I packed all with some other good stuff I already had, such as veggie burgers and turkey ham, into 10 differant tupperware dishes and put it all into the freezer (except for the eggs)...Now all I have to do in the morning is grab a dinner out of the freezer (4 differant meals to satisfy whatever craving I have that day) and put it in my bag (this will last me for 2 weeks of workdays), that way I can have my larger meal here at work in the middle of the day and then when I get home from the gym I can fix a quick salad (luv those bagged salads), chop some fresh veggies or fruit for it and enjoy..and if I really want to keep eating I will just say NO and take myself to bed...how coool is that? I'll let ya'll know how this works out....
I got all week to figure a plan on how to get through the weekend and
I will be thinking about what meals I want to pack ahead of the time for that last week....
today's meals....
6:30 am Protein drink with Supplements/vitamins
10 am Kashi hot cereal with ripe banana..I've basically given up the cereal now that it's warmer but had this banana that is a little riper than I like so decided to go ahead with the cereal today...
1 pm...1 cup of Cabbage/Spinach/Tofu Casserole and a plum
4 pm ...apple & string cheese
5:30 ...1 oz almonds
8:30 spinach salad with strawberries/blueberries/walnut pieces/blue cheese crumbles & raspberry vingrette...Yummmy...I can hardly wait...I usually have this for lunch but finding that I get too hungry to soon..doesn't last me till supper....
Exercise....NO racquetball this week since they are redoing the court floors so this will be a good week to start upping my intensity of workouts..I usually go pretty light on the nights I play racquetball because I don't want to get too tired that I can't play...well I won't have that excuse this week so I plan on getting at least 3 days of running on the treadmill for 30-45 mins (usually only do 1 day during the week and then figure I can run on Sunday at the park)...after running at the park yesterday I realize I really need to up my running...oh yeah, I did run the 3 miles around the lake without walking at all, but ended up taking a quick break before doing the 2nd 3 miles and just couldn't seem to push myself to run the whole way..gave into Moanin' Mona & Evil Eva way more than I should have...
Plan
tonight stretch/run on the treadmill and do LBWO/ABS
Tues...stretch/45 mins on eliptical and do UBWO....mostly tris & bis, some chest
Weds...stretch/run on treadmill again and do Back/ABS
Thurs....stretch/Abs/some LBWO and Hip Hop
Fri...Stretch/Bike/and then I'm going to try out the Yoga Class... a friend of #1 Niece's is the instructor and he has been trying to talk me into at least trying it but have always said no because that's when I play racquetball..so I figured this was a good time...Wish me luck since I am not flexible at all...can barely touch my toes even with all the stretching I do and I HATE floor exercises...It ought to be interesting...
I'm going with Kyra's Mantra "If I get it right today, I will be better off tomorrow"
Funny how she always seems to know just what motivation I need and just when I need it...that's one of the main reasons I read and blog...I truly don't believe a person can keep motivated without some type of help & support, besides why should we try to do it all by ourselves, it sure makes it sooo much easier...Thanks Kyra....
This past weekend Not only did I feel fat but When I looked in the mirror after my shower, for the first time in a long time I saw the fat around my middle and on my upper legs....sure it's not as much as there was 2 years ago..but it's still there and I DON'T LIKE IT....I know that I can be better...I can look better and feel better...SOOOOO....the BREAK IS OVER and I'm BACK with a Plan....
after looking at WHAT I need to change to start losing weight again using all that I have learned in the past couple of years about myself....I sat down and had a talk with Me, Myself & I and decided that I would really concentrate on getting to 161 pounds by July 4th when I run the P'tree Road Race...
I weighed in at 169.5 this morning so that is 8.5 pounds in 3 weeks= or 2.84 pounds a week...I know this is a little much to try to lose in this amount of time (1-2 pounds a week is recommended)but I think I'm ready and can do it. I really need to do this and get myself off of this plataeu, which I think is mostly a mind thing anyway, or an excuse not to work myself that much harder...anyhooooo....I DO know what is keeping me from losing...
1. My night time eating 2. I have become pretty complacent about pushing myself at the gym...sure I go and I work out but I haven't really pushed myself to my limit in a long time....soooo for the next THREE weeks this is my Plan...
Food.....The secret is not to let myself not get sooo hungry that by the time I get home I'm ready to eat anything and everything in the house so During the week I will eat my larger meal at work and eat VERY light when I get home from the gym..And to do this I need to plan & pack my meals ahead of time.
SO...After cleaning out my fridge to make room for lots of veggies & fruit, then going shopping for the healthy foods that I really do enjoy but have been to lazy to cook, I spent a couple of hours yesterday and cooked a spagetti squash, a butternut squash, my favorite Cabbage/Spinach/Tofu casserole, grilled some salmon & boiled eggs (for salads)...then I packed all with some other good stuff I already had, such as veggie burgers and turkey ham, into 10 differant tupperware dishes and put it all into the freezer (except for the eggs)...Now all I have to do in the morning is grab a dinner out of the freezer (4 differant meals to satisfy whatever craving I have that day) and put it in my bag (this will last me for 2 weeks of workdays), that way I can have my larger meal here at work in the middle of the day and then when I get home from the gym I can fix a quick salad (luv those bagged salads), chop some fresh veggies or fruit for it and enjoy..and if I really want to keep eating I will just say NO and take myself to bed...how coool is that? I'll let ya'll know how this works out....
I got all week to figure a plan on how to get through the weekend and
I will be thinking about what meals I want to pack ahead of the time for that last week....
today's meals....
6:30 am Protein drink with Supplements/vitamins
10 am Kashi hot cereal with ripe banana..I've basically given up the cereal now that it's warmer but had this banana that is a little riper than I like so decided to go ahead with the cereal today...
1 pm...1 cup of Cabbage/Spinach/Tofu Casserole and a plum
4 pm ...apple & string cheese
5:30 ...1 oz almonds
8:30 spinach salad with strawberries/blueberries/walnut pieces/blue cheese crumbles & raspberry vingrette...Yummmy...I can hardly wait...I usually have this for lunch but finding that I get too hungry to soon..doesn't last me till supper....
Exercise....NO racquetball this week since they are redoing the court floors so this will be a good week to start upping my intensity of workouts..I usually go pretty light on the nights I play racquetball because I don't want to get too tired that I can't play...well I won't have that excuse this week so I plan on getting at least 3 days of running on the treadmill for 30-45 mins (usually only do 1 day during the week and then figure I can run on Sunday at the park)...after running at the park yesterday I realize I really need to up my running...oh yeah, I did run the 3 miles around the lake without walking at all, but ended up taking a quick break before doing the 2nd 3 miles and just couldn't seem to push myself to run the whole way..gave into Moanin' Mona & Evil Eva way more than I should have...
Plan
tonight stretch/run on the treadmill and do LBWO/ABS
Tues...stretch/45 mins on eliptical and do UBWO....mostly tris & bis, some chest
Weds...stretch/run on treadmill again and do Back/ABS
Thurs....stretch/Abs/some LBWO and Hip Hop
Fri...Stretch/Bike/and then I'm going to try out the Yoga Class... a friend of #1 Niece's is the instructor and he has been trying to talk me into at least trying it but have always said no because that's when I play racquetball..so I figured this was a good time...Wish me luck since I am not flexible at all...can barely touch my toes even with all the stretching I do and I HATE floor exercises...It ought to be interesting...
I'm going with Kyra's Mantra "If I get it right today, I will be better off tomorrow"
Funny how she always seems to know just what motivation I need and just when I need it...that's one of the main reasons I read and blog...I truly don't believe a person can keep motivated without some type of help & support, besides why should we try to do it all by ourselves, it sure makes it sooo much easier...Thanks Kyra....
Friday, June 09, 2006
ROAD TRIPS...HERE I COME!!
Last week on the hike Wayne told me that he had been to every state in the US and So when I found this link on Rob's blog that lets me map out all of the states that I have been to, I was pretty pleased with myself...I'm more traveled than I thought...I figure I have 16 states I haven't been too (can you name these states without looking at an atlas?). This gives me another goal in life, to see as many of these state I haven't been too..I've always wanted to go see the Cherry trees bloom in DC (I know I've missed it for this year but there is always next year) and it really isn't that far from GA...just a straight up drive on I95... and have dreamed about going to Maine & Alaska. My friend Con is going to Alaska this next week, I tried to talk him in slipping me into his bag but I don't think his wife would appreciate that since she isn't going...dang, but I'm thinking next year when he goes I'm going to talk her into going and then I can go too...In fact there isn't a state that I don't want to visit...now to find the monies so I can take some road trips (if only I was born rich instead of beautiful..LOL). Any one want to go with me????
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
There's one born every day
and I am one...Sucker, that is...
I was bored one day last week and instead of coming here and blogging I checked my emails and there was one that said I could win $500 if I took this survey..yeah, I know...I usually ignore these things and let my span folder take care of it but this time I decided to go ahead and do the survey....the thing took FOREVER and it of course tried to sell me on all kinds of things I don't need... I thought I said NO to everything except for the book club zooba.com (which really doesn't seem to be a bad deal)....ANYHOOOO....I am now getting loads of emails from all these places wanting me to either do their survey or sign up with them...I'm having to take the time to unscribribe to each one...this morning the number was down to a mere 25...do you have any idea how time consuming this is...and after reading a couple of these "ads" I see in the small print that if I don't unscribribe then that means that I accept whatever they are trying to get me to do...whoa....
For some reason my spam feature doesn't work when I dial into AOL here at work...if I check them at home they are all in the spam folder but not here at work, which is where I usually check my emails because my dial up at home is soooo damn slow...(whoa that sounds like an advertizement on tv)...You'd think I would know better....
I was bored one day last week and instead of coming here and blogging I checked my emails and there was one that said I could win $500 if I took this survey..yeah, I know...I usually ignore these things and let my span folder take care of it but this time I decided to go ahead and do the survey....the thing took FOREVER and it of course tried to sell me on all kinds of things I don't need... I thought I said NO to everything except for the book club zooba.com (which really doesn't seem to be a bad deal)....ANYHOOOO....I am now getting loads of emails from all these places wanting me to either do their survey or sign up with them...I'm having to take the time to unscribribe to each one...this morning the number was down to a mere 25...do you have any idea how time consuming this is...and after reading a couple of these "ads" I see in the small print that if I don't unscribribe then that means that I accept whatever they are trying to get me to do...whoa....
For some reason my spam feature doesn't work when I dial into AOL here at work...if I check them at home they are all in the spam folder but not here at work, which is where I usually check my emails because my dial up at home is soooo damn slow...(whoa that sounds like an advertizement on tv)...You'd think I would know better....
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Sarah...where are you?
Diet Girl...hasn't posted on her blog since last Thursday..it feels like longer AND I also noticed that her comments on her blog has disappeared...AND I'M worried about her...Sure I know that she may have just gotten busy or maybe is having computer problems...but DAMN I want to know that she is alright...Sarah...let me know what's up with you..ok?
It's funny how personal you feel toward people and their blogs...it's one of the first things I check when I come into work...I get here early just for that...it's like my day doesn't really start until I check on everyone....I know, I know I really need a life...AM I the only one that does this? Could this become a addiction, if it already hasn't? This is a way for me to know that I'm not alone in this world of struggling to become healthy & fit...
I know that I don't blog everyday especially on the weekends and in my mind I think that no one will miss me if I don't blog..I know that #1 Niecegoes through this period when she thinks that no one reads her blog except her family...and when Kyra quit her blog for awhile I really missed her...and I know that Suzann & Joy are going through rough periods in their lives (having become widows like me) and they are both sooo supportive of me..and when I need to do some deep thinking I love checking into see what outrageous thing Liz on Granny Vibe has to say or when I need a good laugh or just to relax & get a guys veiw on things I check in with Geniune & Slimbolala...this is so much better than tv ever could be because these are all real people going through real things...and I love it..and find myself worried when they don't blog like Sarah or Cliff...come on guys there is people out there that care about you...let us know that you are all right...
It's funny how personal you feel toward people and their blogs...it's one of the first things I check when I come into work...I get here early just for that...it's like my day doesn't really start until I check on everyone....I know, I know I really need a life...AM I the only one that does this? Could this become a addiction, if it already hasn't? This is a way for me to know that I'm not alone in this world of struggling to become healthy & fit...
I know that I don't blog everyday especially on the weekends and in my mind I think that no one will miss me if I don't blog..I know that #1 Niecegoes through this period when she thinks that no one reads her blog except her family...and when Kyra quit her blog for awhile I really missed her...and I know that Suzann & Joy are going through rough periods in their lives (having become widows like me) and they are both sooo supportive of me..and when I need to do some deep thinking I love checking into see what outrageous thing Liz on Granny Vibe has to say or when I need a good laugh or just to relax & get a guys veiw on things I check in with Geniune & Slimbolala...this is so much better than tv ever could be because these are all real people going through real things...and I love it..and find myself worried when they don't blog like Sarah or Cliff...come on guys there is people out there that care about you...let us know that you are all right...
Monday, June 05, 2006
What I learned this past weekend!!!
I had a GREAT weekend but I definately learned a few things....
1. When sharing one umbrella in a rain storm with winds a part of you will still get wet...
Yep, you guessed it... the Jazz Festival got rained on...Being the nice person that I am I shared my umbrella with Lamont...we tried snuggling together but the rain kept dripping off the ends and getting our legs wet and then the winds came up and we decided to forget it and go to a club...
2. I don't like wet soggy sandals!!! so on my way to the club, I decided to stop off and buy a new pair at WallyWorld...now for some reason my freinds found this to be "strange behavior"...I would have bought a whole new outfit since my capri's were soaked too but I only allowed myself 15 mins in the store...went right to the shoes...found a pair of wedgie sandals that I absolutely love and walked thru the womens clothing on the way to the check out but did not see anything that struck me as something I really wanted ...so I thought I did good to get the new shoes...I was in & out in my allotted 15 mins...I do not see anything "strange" about this behavior...it seem perfectly normal to me!!!
3. I love Valet Parking... especially when it raining hard and you have new shoes on...
4. Some Men will hug anyone that asks to be hugged.... OK so I'm waiting for my truck to be brought to me at the end of the night and there was this group of people hugging good bye and there was this one guy who was REALLY cute...so I asked him where my hug was...he just smiled big and held his arm open....He was a great hugger...I might just have to go back to that club...see I'm really am trying to become more open to new freinds...(ya don't think I might be overdoing it do ya?)
5. A hike is still a workout even if you are a "Social Hiker"... We ended up hiking for 7 hrs on Saturday and most of it was going up hill...I was just glad that I decided to be with the Social hikers. It was a GREAT hike and believe it or not most everyone was around my age, a couple even older...It gives me hope that I can be fit at 60 (just a few years down the road)and still live this active of a life...Good people...The view was so beautiful when we got to the top of the mountain..I could definately see why they are called the Blue Ridge Mountains...I am soo glad I went.
6. When you have 3 women and one guy spending 13 hrs together you really get to know each other... I car pooled with my Friend Cathy from the gym (a school teacher)(who's vehicle we ended up taking), Evonne (an OR nurse)and Wayne (a photographer)...all single and between 46-50 years. Talk about learning a few things about being single...especially from Wayne who has never been married and has traveled around the world...nice guy...Cathy really liked him but she isn't his type (none of us were, he likes them young in their late 30's) and he was really nice about how he told her that...He wasn't my type and I told him right off so we had a blast together just goofing off and relaxing around each other....it really takes the pressure off you once you know that you don't have to play any games and you can just be yourself...
7. Sometimes it's a good thing to be a vegetarian the four of us went out to eat at the Dillard House in Dillard GA after the hike..it was an experience for me since they bring out all this food (country style) and you serve it yourself..there is no ordering... every table gets the same thing...They start out by bringing this little plate of sliced catalope, melons & tomatoes..I could have eaten the whole thing by myself but it was to serve 4. then they start to bring out the Meat....Lots of meats on BiG Platters...Fried Chicken, baked chicken, Ham, Prime Rib...then they bring out these little bowls of veggies, carrots, asparagus, corn on the cob, green beans in some kind of grease, an acorn squash souffle (which was good) and fried ocra (sp?)(which I don't eat) all this for $21 per person..Oh yeah, I'll get to the dessert later..anyhooo...once everyone realized that I don't do meat they were all trying to give me their veggies...when someone mentioned it was an all you can eat...so everyone started sending the servers back for more veggies...and when they did bring it, they brought it in bigger bowls.The dessert was a little bowl of blueberry cobbler with ice cream... since I don't do ice cream I asked them to bring mine without...it was such a lil bowl I think there was probably a total of 5 blueberries in the whole thing...good thing I filled up on the veggies...Oh yeah, Wayne got me a discount on the price since I didn't eat any of the meat...I only had to pay $16 to eat veggies...How funny...but I have to say the atmosphere of the place was really cool...I love being in the mountains...They had a banjo picker outside and we sat for awhile listening to him...It was fun..
8. I'm not ready to DATE...After listening to the three of them talking about all their struggles with dating I have come realize that I was right in the fact that I'm Not ready for any serious dating at this time...I'm just having fun meeting new people..
1. When sharing one umbrella in a rain storm with winds a part of you will still get wet...
Yep, you guessed it... the Jazz Festival got rained on...Being the nice person that I am I shared my umbrella with Lamont...we tried snuggling together but the rain kept dripping off the ends and getting our legs wet and then the winds came up and we decided to forget it and go to a club...
2. I don't like wet soggy sandals!!! so on my way to the club, I decided to stop off and buy a new pair at WallyWorld...now for some reason my freinds found this to be "strange behavior"...I would have bought a whole new outfit since my capri's were soaked too but I only allowed myself 15 mins in the store...went right to the shoes...found a pair of wedgie sandals that I absolutely love and walked thru the womens clothing on the way to the check out but did not see anything that struck me as something I really wanted ...so I thought I did good to get the new shoes...I was in & out in my allotted 15 mins...I do not see anything "strange" about this behavior...it seem perfectly normal to me!!!
3. I love Valet Parking... especially when it raining hard and you have new shoes on...
4. Some Men will hug anyone that asks to be hugged.... OK so I'm waiting for my truck to be brought to me at the end of the night and there was this group of people hugging good bye and there was this one guy who was REALLY cute...so I asked him where my hug was...he just smiled big and held his arm open....He was a great hugger...I might just have to go back to that club...see I'm really am trying to become more open to new freinds...(ya don't think I might be overdoing it do ya?)
5. A hike is still a workout even if you are a "Social Hiker"... We ended up hiking for 7 hrs on Saturday and most of it was going up hill...I was just glad that I decided to be with the Social hikers. It was a GREAT hike and believe it or not most everyone was around my age, a couple even older...It gives me hope that I can be fit at 60 (just a few years down the road)and still live this active of a life...Good people...The view was so beautiful when we got to the top of the mountain..I could definately see why they are called the Blue Ridge Mountains...I am soo glad I went.
6. When you have 3 women and one guy spending 13 hrs together you really get to know each other... I car pooled with my Friend Cathy from the gym (a school teacher)(who's vehicle we ended up taking), Evonne (an OR nurse)and Wayne (a photographer)...all single and between 46-50 years. Talk about learning a few things about being single...especially from Wayne who has never been married and has traveled around the world...nice guy...Cathy really liked him but she isn't his type (none of us were, he likes them young in their late 30's) and he was really nice about how he told her that...He wasn't my type and I told him right off so we had a blast together just goofing off and relaxing around each other....it really takes the pressure off you once you know that you don't have to play any games and you can just be yourself...
7. Sometimes it's a good thing to be a vegetarian the four of us went out to eat at the Dillard House in Dillard GA after the hike..it was an experience for me since they bring out all this food (country style) and you serve it yourself..there is no ordering... every table gets the same thing...They start out by bringing this little plate of sliced catalope, melons & tomatoes..I could have eaten the whole thing by myself but it was to serve 4. then they start to bring out the Meat....Lots of meats on BiG Platters...Fried Chicken, baked chicken, Ham, Prime Rib...then they bring out these little bowls of veggies, carrots, asparagus, corn on the cob, green beans in some kind of grease, an acorn squash souffle (which was good) and fried ocra (sp?)(which I don't eat) all this for $21 per person..Oh yeah, I'll get to the dessert later..anyhooo...once everyone realized that I don't do meat they were all trying to give me their veggies...when someone mentioned it was an all you can eat...so everyone started sending the servers back for more veggies...and when they did bring it, they brought it in bigger bowls.The dessert was a little bowl of blueberry cobbler with ice cream... since I don't do ice cream I asked them to bring mine without...it was such a lil bowl I think there was probably a total of 5 blueberries in the whole thing...good thing I filled up on the veggies...Oh yeah, Wayne got me a discount on the price since I didn't eat any of the meat...I only had to pay $16 to eat veggies...How funny...but I have to say the atmosphere of the place was really cool...I love being in the mountains...They had a banjo picker outside and we sat for awhile listening to him...It was fun..
8. I'm not ready to DATE...After listening to the three of them talking about all their struggles with dating I have come realize that I was right in the fact that I'm Not ready for any serious dating at this time...I'm just having fun meeting new people..
Friday, June 02, 2006
MY QUEST
to be more active and meet new people is looking good. I signed up for another hike for tommorow. This one is called Hike for the Hearty and it's at the Georgia/North Carolina borders...it will be a 10 mile hike and is rated moderate to strenuous. Again they have 2 differant groups...the "Social Hikers" and the "Fast Hikers"...this time I'm going to hike with the Social Hikers...I figure it will give me more time to actually meet and get to know the group and I won't have to worry about slowing anyone down on the inclines...Also I'm going to ride with the car pool this time since it is quite aways to go...figure again...more time to visit and get to know more people...this will probably turn out to be more of a "Social" event for me than exercise but what the hey...life can't be all about exercise, can it?
There is a group called SOA..Singles Outdoor Adventures...that I am going to check out..from what I hear they are a mixed (age) group and lots of fun...they do more than just hike...sounds right up my alley..
Tonight I'm going to another Jazz Festival..this one is close to where I work and is only from 7-9 pm. Since it's at a really nice park I'm going straight from work and meeting up with some freinds early..I've got my lawn chair in the back of the truck and if I must say so for myself...I look extra good today...I'm wearing my size 10 jean capris with the embroidered white roses on the left hip and on the right thigh, a really cute lite purple t'shirt with a low square neck and a lil bow at my shoulder, red hoop earrings to match my red sandals, a silver butterfly necklace and to top it all off I bought another new hat..this one is the same shape as the one I wore this past weekend but is straw colored with darker colored flowers on the side brim...it is so freakin' cute...add my really neat new sunglasses and I'm ready to go!!
Pretty soon I will have to get a social calendar so I can keep all these things straight...LOL..
I figured I've worked hard the past 3 years to get my Body in shape and this summer it's time to branch out and work on my social skills...
There is a group called SOA..Singles Outdoor Adventures...that I am going to check out..from what I hear they are a mixed (age) group and lots of fun...they do more than just hike...sounds right up my alley..
Tonight I'm going to another Jazz Festival..this one is close to where I work and is only from 7-9 pm. Since it's at a really nice park I'm going straight from work and meeting up with some freinds early..I've got my lawn chair in the back of the truck and if I must say so for myself...I look extra good today...I'm wearing my size 10 jean capris with the embroidered white roses on the left hip and on the right thigh, a really cute lite purple t'shirt with a low square neck and a lil bow at my shoulder, red hoop earrings to match my red sandals, a silver butterfly necklace and to top it all off I bought another new hat..this one is the same shape as the one I wore this past weekend but is straw colored with darker colored flowers on the side brim...it is so freakin' cute...add my really neat new sunglasses and I'm ready to go!!
Pretty soon I will have to get a social calendar so I can keep all these things straight...LOL..
I figured I've worked hard the past 3 years to get my Body in shape and this summer it's time to branch out and work on my social skills...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Firsts!!!
I've always wanted to be one of the people that look so damn cute in a hat..but whenever I find a hat I really like and put it on my head it just NEVER looked right..either my head was too big, it made me look like a guy or it was crooked (I think i really must have an odd shaped head under all this hair) any hoooo..
Friday night I was at my fav store Wally World getting fruit to take with me to the Jazz Festival on Saturday when I saw this really cute lil white hat and thought what the heck ...so I tried it on expecting the worse....walked over to the mirror and imagine my shock (and surprize) when It actually looked good...it wasn't crooked and my bangs kept me from looking like a guy and it actually fit...I Freakin' Love IT...and it was only $3.84 sooo what did I have to lose... yep...I bought it and wore it to the Festival on Saturday...Got a lot of good compliments on it tooo (even from people I didn't know)..
This is the First time that I remember ever wearing a hat...I might have wore them when I was a kid but who remembers that far back...
I tried to download a picture that a friend emailed me this morning of me wearing it at the park but I must be doing something wrong because it won't take it... and I know ya'll were just waiting to see it...LOL....Take my word for it...I LOOKED CUTE WEARING IT...
That's another First...there was a few pictures of me taken Saturday and I didn't go ballistic over them...I actually think I looked good in them...Oh one where i'm bending over shows my roll of fat on my middle but even that didn't send me into a tizzy...We'll have to see what I think in a couple of months...I hate that when you think you look so good and then later you look at the picutures and say to your self
"What the f___ was I thinking?"
But who cares right now because I Had a blast at the Jazz Festival...was there from 9 am to 11 pm...and didn't even get sunburned altho it did get hot...I heard it was in the high 90's...
Sunday I got up early and ran at the park by myself and for the very FIRST time I ran all the way around the lake (all three miles) with out walking....this was one of my goals at the first of the year..I wanted to do it by my Birthday and then I pulled that hamstring and it put me behind...but what the Heck...I did it...It felt sooo good.. I did get some weird looks because I was jumping in the air doing the "Rocky" victory dance when I actually reached that spot...then I turned around and walked/ran the thing again...just to prove to myself that I could do it...It felt good...
I've signed up for another hike with Funhikes.com for this weekend...this one is called Hike for the Hearty...I'm not sure that I'm really all that hearty but it does sound good...it's a 10 mile hike that is rated moderate to strenuous....I need to go out and get some second skin or moleskin because they say "there will be Blisters" ...what have I gotten myself into....but this will let me know if I will have what it takes to get into backpacking...It is located beyond the Georgia border into North Carolina and will be climbing to the top of Scaly Mt (4500 ft)...I saw some pictures on line and it really looks pretty...I can't wait...I'm even giving up a raquetball game for this...
Friday night I was at my fav store Wally World getting fruit to take with me to the Jazz Festival on Saturday when I saw this really cute lil white hat and thought what the heck ...so I tried it on expecting the worse....walked over to the mirror and imagine my shock (and surprize) when It actually looked good...it wasn't crooked and my bangs kept me from looking like a guy and it actually fit...I Freakin' Love IT...and it was only $3.84 sooo what did I have to lose... yep...I bought it and wore it to the Festival on Saturday...Got a lot of good compliments on it tooo (even from people I didn't know)..
This is the First time that I remember ever wearing a hat...I might have wore them when I was a kid but who remembers that far back...
I tried to download a picture that a friend emailed me this morning of me wearing it at the park but I must be doing something wrong because it won't take it... and I know ya'll were just waiting to see it...LOL....Take my word for it...I LOOKED CUTE WEARING IT...
That's another First...there was a few pictures of me taken Saturday and I didn't go ballistic over them...I actually think I looked good in them...Oh one where i'm bending over shows my roll of fat on my middle but even that didn't send me into a tizzy...We'll have to see what I think in a couple of months...I hate that when you think you look so good and then later you look at the picutures and say to your self
"What the f___ was I thinking?"
But who cares right now because I Had a blast at the Jazz Festival...was there from 9 am to 11 pm...and didn't even get sunburned altho it did get hot...I heard it was in the high 90's...
Sunday I got up early and ran at the park by myself and for the very FIRST time I ran all the way around the lake (all three miles) with out walking....this was one of my goals at the first of the year..I wanted to do it by my Birthday and then I pulled that hamstring and it put me behind...but what the Heck...I did it...It felt sooo good.. I did get some weird looks because I was jumping in the air doing the "Rocky" victory dance when I actually reached that spot...then I turned around and walked/ran the thing again...just to prove to myself that I could do it...It felt good...
I've signed up for another hike with Funhikes.com for this weekend...this one is called Hike for the Hearty...I'm not sure that I'm really all that hearty but it does sound good...it's a 10 mile hike that is rated moderate to strenuous....I need to go out and get some second skin or moleskin because they say "there will be Blisters" ...what have I gotten myself into....but this will let me know if I will have what it takes to get into backpacking...It is located beyond the Georgia border into North Carolina and will be climbing to the top of Scaly Mt (4500 ft)...I saw some pictures on line and it really looks pretty...I can't wait...I'm even giving up a raquetball game for this...
Friday, May 26, 2006
MMMMMMMMMMMyUMMMMY
After eating my salad for lunch today I decided to walk over to Publix's and get me a piece of fruit for dessert..All I had in the house this morning was a ripe banana (which I had in my hot Kashi cereal this morning) and an apple (which I'm saving for my 4 oclock snak to hold me over until I can eat again after playing racquetball tonite). Sooo anyhooo..I was thinking grapes or strawberries since they haven't had any Clemetines (which is my all time favorite fruit) around here for awhile...When I spotted this bin with these HUGMOUGOUS (this means very BIG) Naval Oranges...and a sign that said Sweet...@ $1.29 a pound...They just looked so good that I couldn't resist so I picked one of the smaller ones (HA)..it weighed .97 lb and cost me $1.25...but damn it worth every penny I spent....I just got back and sat at my desk with a paper plate and napkin (it was that juicy) and ate the thing...WOW...was it ever good...one slice was as big as a whole Clemetine and they didn't lie about it being sweet...Talk about the best Orange I've had in a LONG ASS time...once I started to eat it I couldn't get enuff...I wish I would have bought more...Much better than those Veggie Chips I was tempted to buy but didn't...I wonder how you would figure out how many calories was in it???? Hmmmm...right now I don't care...but I AM thinking about starting to keep the journal again...and you know how bad I am about that...at least bad about counting calories...But NOT TODAY!!!!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Thrills....
Nowadays I get a thrill out of the weirdest things...I was sitting in my truck at lunch reading. Hey, It's better than sitting in the office....I know, I know I should have been walking but I wanted to finish this book I started last night...anyhooo...I was sitting there when I realized that I had hooked my right leg up under the top part of my left leg without thinking and I was really comfortable...now even up to a few months ago this would not have been possible...I also noticed that my back was straight and I was holding in my stomach...all this without having to think about it...Coool...it gave me a thrill...
Then there is painting my toenails...now this may sound like a simple thing to the majority of the world but when you've been as overweight as I have been, being able to reach your toes to paint them is a big thing...there was a time in my life that I had to wear slip-on shoes because I couldn't reach to tie them...or I would have larry or someone else tie them for me...my belly was that fat and I was that out of shape...Now I can almost touch my nose to my toe...talk about a thrill....who knows maybe I'll take up toe sucking....yech...NOT...at least not my own...teehehehe..
Another big thrill for me is catching site of my reflection in the window as I go to my truck and see how skinny my calves are....especially when I'm wearing my heels...I have to take a second look to make sure it's me...
Last night at the gym one of the personal trainers stopped me and told me that he was soo impressed by me...because I am always there and he has seen the differance in my body in the last year....he also told me that he uses me as an example when he has a new client....WOW, I think!!!! Now this is a guy that I have never talked to (and I talk to alot of people at the gym)...he's always seemed too stand offish to me...but he really was nice...I was smiling all night...What a Thrill...
Then there is painting my toenails...now this may sound like a simple thing to the majority of the world but when you've been as overweight as I have been, being able to reach your toes to paint them is a big thing...there was a time in my life that I had to wear slip-on shoes because I couldn't reach to tie them...or I would have larry or someone else tie them for me...my belly was that fat and I was that out of shape...Now I can almost touch my nose to my toe...talk about a thrill....who knows maybe I'll take up toe sucking....yech...NOT...at least not my own...teehehehe..
Another big thrill for me is catching site of my reflection in the window as I go to my truck and see how skinny my calves are....especially when I'm wearing my heels...I have to take a second look to make sure it's me...
Last night at the gym one of the personal trainers stopped me and told me that he was soo impressed by me...because I am always there and he has seen the differance in my body in the last year....he also told me that he uses me as an example when he has a new client....WOW, I think!!!! Now this is a guy that I have never talked to (and I talk to alot of people at the gym)...he's always seemed too stand offish to me...but he really was nice...I was smiling all night...What a Thrill...
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
I want to see that Muscle!!!
OK...so close out was yesterday here at work and I was sitting here at my desk this morning with nothing to do but to look at my bi's...on my right arm you can see the muscle when I flex but it felt mushy not firm like I want it too..and the left still has a long way to go...so i'm sitting here flexing my arm, thinking if I just had a dumbbell I could be building myself up more while here at work...I looked around the office & warehouse to see if there was anything that I could use but everything was way to light...
SOOOOOO. at lunch I took a little ride over to WalMart (my fav store that has everything)and picked up two 15# dumbbells (nice big silver metal ones)...they didn't have any 20#'s...I take them to the check out and the girl there could hardly pick them up..then she put them in plastic bag (using both hands to pick up one) and went to hand them to me...of course the bag broke and they fell on the floor...she looks at me...and I just shook my head and took them in one hand and my bag with the rest of my stuff (raquetballs and a new pair of workout gloves)in the other hand and walked out....OK so i was showing off a little but what the hey...of course I parked at the end of the parking lot as far away as I can so had a little trip to carry them and by the time I got to my truck I was feeling it in my left arm from carrying 30#s...but I did it..
So now I'm back at my desk with my dumbbell sitting in front of me...wondering if it would really hurt me to do some overhead presses with them since I did work on tri/bi's & chest last night at the gym with 20/25# dumbbells...
The weird thing is these 15# dumbbells feel as heavy if not heavier than the 20# at the gym...I did one set of 15 and I definately felt it...
I'm going to go on line and get a workout plan that I can do while sitting at my desk...Pretty soon you should be able to see my muscle....whoooohooooo!!!!
Oh yeah, I'm also thinking about painting the number 15 a bright pink just in case someone decides to "borrow" my dumbbells here at work...ya think that might be a problem or am I the only "crazy" that would have dumbbells at work?
SOOOOOO. at lunch I took a little ride over to WalMart (my fav store that has everything)and picked up two 15# dumbbells (nice big silver metal ones)...they didn't have any 20#'s...I take them to the check out and the girl there could hardly pick them up..then she put them in plastic bag (using both hands to pick up one) and went to hand them to me...of course the bag broke and they fell on the floor...she looks at me...and I just shook my head and took them in one hand and my bag with the rest of my stuff (raquetballs and a new pair of workout gloves)in the other hand and walked out....OK so i was showing off a little but what the hey...of course I parked at the end of the parking lot as far away as I can so had a little trip to carry them and by the time I got to my truck I was feeling it in my left arm from carrying 30#s...but I did it..
So now I'm back at my desk with my dumbbell sitting in front of me...wondering if it would really hurt me to do some overhead presses with them since I did work on tri/bi's & chest last night at the gym with 20/25# dumbbells...
The weird thing is these 15# dumbbells feel as heavy if not heavier than the 20# at the gym...I did one set of 15 and I definately felt it...
I'm going to go on line and get a workout plan that I can do while sitting at my desk...Pretty soon you should be able to see my muscle....whoooohooooo!!!!
Oh yeah, I'm also thinking about painting the number 15 a bright pink just in case someone decides to "borrow" my dumbbells here at work...ya think that might be a problem or am I the only "crazy" that would have dumbbells at work?
Monday, May 22, 2006
So how was your weekend?
Mine was pretty good!!!
I recently signed up with a hiking group on line...it's called funhikes, made up of mostly singles of all ages..this is good because I'm making a conscious effort to get myself out there and meet people, all kinds, not just single men...(that didn't work out too good) and I really like hiking.
This all started when Cathy, one of the gals at the gym(who is divorced and has lost about 50 pounds in the last year) was telling me that she wanted to hike and had found this group but was afraid to try it by herself...so of course I said.."Let's do it"...and I'm glad I did...We had our first Hike Saturday and since Cathy doesn't live far from me so we rode together up to the trail and amazingly we didn't even get lost..LOL.
There was about 45 people that showed up for the hike and it was split into 2 groups... The "Social" hikers and the "Fast" hikers... the Social hikers were taking the short trail 3-4 miles and the Fast hikers were taking the longer/harder trail 6-7 miles...So of course Cathy and I looked at each other and said "FAST Hikers"..(she one of those power walkers and is tall 5'10 with long legs). Our group was the smaller group (15 people) but everyone was interesting...I got to talk to pretty much everyone on the trail (mostly on the inclines when they were passing me)..and we took one break at the middle of the hike. As usual I was the oldest person in our group (OK,there was one guy, John, maybe close to my age, and his dog, Katie and Cathy really liked him, he was nice) and I did pretty good keeping up with everyone except on the hills..I'm still struggling with inclines but I would catch up on the flat or when we went downhill...
Strange thing was that the Fast Hikers finished the hike before the Social Hikers and we did twice the distance.. I found out later that they stopped alot during the hike.. in fact they even got to see a snake..I love snakes... we were moving to fast to see any wildlife...
After the hike the whole group met at LaParella's, a Mexican resturant, and I sat at a table with some of the Social hikers...they were a hoot...Too bad they only go for 1 hike a month..altho one of the other Susan's (there were 4 on this hike) told me about another Singles hiking group that she belongs to and I will be checking it out. I guess this is a big thing in GA since there are so many trail to hike...
Oh yeah, just in case you're wondering..I did good on eating...which really isn't a problem for me, eating out that is, even being an almost Vegetarian.. I can always find something I like..I had a spinach quesadilla (sp?)and water..it filled me up..I just told myself I was there for the company not to see how much I could eat...
Sunday #1 Niece and I went for our run at the new park that we ran at last week...It ended up being about 5 miles..and we cut our time by 5 min compared to last week...There is this one path that we took that goes all the way down to this ravine then you climb bunches of steps back up...good work out for my butt & hamstrings... I can definately feel it in my butt today...not sure if it is from the hike or the run yesterday..maybe the combination of all...I also mowed my lawn last night but for some reason that just doesn't seem to be the work out it used to be...
It did seem strange not to go to the gym at all for two days but I'll be back at it tonight..I hope to get on some machines & do a UBWO and then I've got racquetball...
I recently signed up with a hiking group on line...it's called funhikes, made up of mostly singles of all ages..this is good because I'm making a conscious effort to get myself out there and meet people, all kinds, not just single men...(that didn't work out too good) and I really like hiking.
This all started when Cathy, one of the gals at the gym(who is divorced and has lost about 50 pounds in the last year) was telling me that she wanted to hike and had found this group but was afraid to try it by herself...so of course I said.."Let's do it"...and I'm glad I did...We had our first Hike Saturday and since Cathy doesn't live far from me so we rode together up to the trail and amazingly we didn't even get lost..LOL.
There was about 45 people that showed up for the hike and it was split into 2 groups... The "Social" hikers and the "Fast" hikers... the Social hikers were taking the short trail 3-4 miles and the Fast hikers were taking the longer/harder trail 6-7 miles...So of course Cathy and I looked at each other and said "FAST Hikers"..(she one of those power walkers and is tall 5'10 with long legs). Our group was the smaller group (15 people) but everyone was interesting...I got to talk to pretty much everyone on the trail (mostly on the inclines when they were passing me)..and we took one break at the middle of the hike. As usual I was the oldest person in our group (OK,there was one guy, John, maybe close to my age, and his dog, Katie and Cathy really liked him, he was nice) and I did pretty good keeping up with everyone except on the hills..I'm still struggling with inclines but I would catch up on the flat or when we went downhill...
Strange thing was that the Fast Hikers finished the hike before the Social Hikers and we did twice the distance.. I found out later that they stopped alot during the hike.. in fact they even got to see a snake..I love snakes... we were moving to fast to see any wildlife...
After the hike the whole group met at LaParella's, a Mexican resturant, and I sat at a table with some of the Social hikers...they were a hoot...Too bad they only go for 1 hike a month..altho one of the other Susan's (there were 4 on this hike) told me about another Singles hiking group that she belongs to and I will be checking it out. I guess this is a big thing in GA since there are so many trail to hike...
Oh yeah, just in case you're wondering..I did good on eating...which really isn't a problem for me, eating out that is, even being an almost Vegetarian.. I can always find something I like..I had a spinach quesadilla (sp?)and water..it filled me up..I just told myself I was there for the company not to see how much I could eat...
Sunday #1 Niece and I went for our run at the new park that we ran at last week...It ended up being about 5 miles..and we cut our time by 5 min compared to last week...There is this one path that we took that goes all the way down to this ravine then you climb bunches of steps back up...good work out for my butt & hamstrings... I can definately feel it in my butt today...not sure if it is from the hike or the run yesterday..maybe the combination of all...I also mowed my lawn last night but for some reason that just doesn't seem to be the work out it used to be...
It did seem strange not to go to the gym at all for two days but I'll be back at it tonight..I hope to get on some machines & do a UBWO and then I've got racquetball...
Friday, May 19, 2006
Oh how we fool ourselves!
I was reading on Kyra's blog today about this survey....
NEW HAVEN, Conn., May 16 (UPI) -- Nearly half of the people responding to an online survey about obesity said they would rather give up a year of their life than be fat, says a U.S. study.
The study by the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University found the some 4,000 respondents also said they would rather walk away from their marriage, give up the possibility of having children, be depressed or become alcoholic rather than be obese.
Five percent said they'd rather lose a limb than get fat, while 4 percent said they'd rather be blind than be overweight.
"We were surprised by the sheer number of people who reported they would be willing to make major sacrifices to avoid being obese," said lead author Marlene Schwartz, associate director of the Rudd Center. "It drives home the message that weight bias is powerful and pervasive."
The study is published in the journal Obesity.
My one thought to this was ....yeah..but would they be willing to give up their favorite unhealty foods if they knew it would absolutely make them fat???? Or would they be like cigarette smokers and think that it didn't couldn't happen to them...
If someone had told me when I was 18 yrs old that I would be obese within 2 years would I have listened to them? Sure, it's easy to say...you would rather lose a limb than be obese...but it's not like you go to bed one day skinny and wake up in the morning fat...at least for me..it just kind of snuck up on me...I can't even blame it on being pregnant...I got fat before that...I actually ate myself fat...and as I got fatter, I got lazier.....and the more I ate...etc..etc...
I didn't work in those early days of my first marriage..up to that time I had been very active..had paper routes, shoveled walks, was a waitress...all active things but then I got married...Big Mistake..the only good thing that came out of that experience was The Kid...although I did find the "Love of My Life" that would stay with me no matter what and it was FOOD!!! especially sweets!!!!Oh, I knew I was getting Fat...but I always had an excuse...and it was Never that I ate too much of the wrong foods...NO..it was always something else...If I had taken that Survey then I probably would have been one of those that said that I would be willing to make a "major sacrifice" rather than be fat...but then what did I consider Fat/Obese? It certainly wasn't being in a size 12 or 16...and size 18 wasn't all that big when you considered there are people out there that are so big they have to be carried out of their house by a team of firefighters... So my other question is HOW BIG IS OBESE? Well, on the site I belong to they have a chart that says for my height (5'4"/5'5") that 175 pounds is still obese...I'm now at 169 and that's just overweight..not obese...The heaviest I've been was somewhere around 270/275..(I quit weighing myself at 265)and I still would watch those TV shows where they had the 600# man or woman and tell myself that at least I wasn't as bad as they were...that I would do anything not to get that size...and I would try a new diet for a little while, lose a few pounds and then go right back to my old lifestyle...and gain some/if not all the weight back...
Oh how we fool ourselves....
NEW HAVEN, Conn., May 16 (UPI) -- Nearly half of the people responding to an online survey about obesity said they would rather give up a year of their life than be fat, says a U.S. study.
The study by the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University found the some 4,000 respondents also said they would rather walk away from their marriage, give up the possibility of having children, be depressed or become alcoholic rather than be obese.
Five percent said they'd rather lose a limb than get fat, while 4 percent said they'd rather be blind than be overweight.
"We were surprised by the sheer number of people who reported they would be willing to make major sacrifices to avoid being obese," said lead author Marlene Schwartz, associate director of the Rudd Center. "It drives home the message that weight bias is powerful and pervasive."
The study is published in the journal Obesity.
My one thought to this was ....yeah..but would they be willing to give up their favorite unhealty foods if they knew it would absolutely make them fat???? Or would they be like cigarette smokers and think that it didn't couldn't happen to them...
If someone had told me when I was 18 yrs old that I would be obese within 2 years would I have listened to them? Sure, it's easy to say...you would rather lose a limb than be obese...but it's not like you go to bed one day skinny and wake up in the morning fat...at least for me..it just kind of snuck up on me...I can't even blame it on being pregnant...I got fat before that...I actually ate myself fat...and as I got fatter, I got lazier.....and the more I ate...etc..etc...
I didn't work in those early days of my first marriage..up to that time I had been very active..had paper routes, shoveled walks, was a waitress...all active things but then I got married...Big Mistake..the only good thing that came out of that experience was The Kid...although I did find the "Love of My Life" that would stay with me no matter what and it was FOOD!!! especially sweets!!!!Oh, I knew I was getting Fat...but I always had an excuse...and it was Never that I ate too much of the wrong foods...NO..it was always something else...If I had taken that Survey then I probably would have been one of those that said that I would be willing to make a "major sacrifice" rather than be fat...but then what did I consider Fat/Obese? It certainly wasn't being in a size 12 or 16...and size 18 wasn't all that big when you considered there are people out there that are so big they have to be carried out of their house by a team of firefighters... So my other question is HOW BIG IS OBESE? Well, on the site I belong to they have a chart that says for my height (5'4"/5'5") that 175 pounds is still obese...I'm now at 169 and that's just overweight..not obese...The heaviest I've been was somewhere around 270/275..(I quit weighing myself at 265)and I still would watch those TV shows where they had the 600# man or woman and tell myself that at least I wasn't as bad as they were...that I would do anything not to get that size...and I would try a new diet for a little while, lose a few pounds and then go right back to my old lifestyle...and gain some/if not all the weight back...
Oh how we fool ourselves....
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Wringing out the sweat!!!!!!
Last night the treadmill kicked my ass....I'm still trying to get back into running so I can do the 5k in two weeks...one of the gals at the gym is going to do a marathon in November and she has started to train for it...one of the things she told me was that when I run, to do intervals....that is to run for 6 mins, walk for 1 min then run again...over & over.. I did this on the treadmill at random with 3% incline for 45 mins and believe me I was soaked with sweat by the time I was done..my next goal is to do 60 mins this way..hopefully next Tuesday....and when I do that, then the next time I will raise the incline....until I can do those damn inclines..I will not let them beat me...
I worked out with the weight last night after running...I upped my weights on the barbell curl...I could only do 7 reps with the 50# bar for three sets...I won't go back down to the 40# but keep working at getting more reps, this way I will build up...some guy came over and told me I was lifting too much weight...I looked at him and laughed..I think he was jealous...the 40# bar is getting too easy, I have to do about 20 reps before I even start to get tired..it's amazing how much differance 10# can make....I thought my biceps would be sore today but they aren't...I can feel the muscles in my tris & chest more...Felt like I had a really good workout...in fact when I changed out of my shirt & sports bra before going home..I had to wring out all the liquid before putting them in my bag...that's how much I sweated...
Tonight I'll do some legs and then play racquetball for a couple of hours...it'll just be me and my old partner tonight so no cut throat unless someone else shows up and challenges us...
I worked out with the weight last night after running...I upped my weights on the barbell curl...I could only do 7 reps with the 50# bar for three sets...I won't go back down to the 40# but keep working at getting more reps, this way I will build up...some guy came over and told me I was lifting too much weight...I looked at him and laughed..I think he was jealous...the 40# bar is getting too easy, I have to do about 20 reps before I even start to get tired..it's amazing how much differance 10# can make....I thought my biceps would be sore today but they aren't...I can feel the muscles in my tris & chest more...Felt like I had a really good workout...in fact when I changed out of my shirt & sports bra before going home..I had to wring out all the liquid before putting them in my bag...that's how much I sweated...
Tonight I'll do some legs and then play racquetball for a couple of hours...it'll just be me and my old partner tonight so no cut throat unless someone else shows up and challenges us...
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Changes
On my ediets one of the gals asked about what changes we had gone thru since losing weight and that got me to thinking (always a dangerous thing LOL).
Changes...Wow...lots of things go thru my mind when thinking of all the changes I have gone thru all my life....Life is all about changing and as much as we might hate changes we can't stop them. And then there are the GOOD changes...these are what I see has happened to me.
I think the biggest change for me since losing 60 pounds plus is in how I view MYSELF, not just how I look. I now have the confidence to do what I want. Before losing this weight I would never have drove to Gatlinburg by myself to meet someone I didn't know like I did last year just for a hike (and I had the best time and made some really good friends for life)..I cringe when i think about how much i missed out on because of being overweight...I look forward to the challenges (which is how I prefer to look at changes)and what life has in store for me.
In fact when I stop and think about ALL of the physical changes in me I see that they are definately for the better.. I now am healthier than I have been in years..no more constant heartburn (thanks to quitting sugar) no more chest congestion (thanks to giving up milk products including ice cream). I am now able to do things I only dreamed about...like running 5K & 10K's...I won't have been able to do this if I hadn't lost the weight.
I now enjoying shopping for clothes..love shopping for those size 10 pants. I think of all the years I dreaded even trying to find clothes for my body that would be flattering..it's rare now that I find something and try it on and it doesn't look good...I love this...
I feel good about myself...This is the BEST change of all.
Changes...Wow...lots of things go thru my mind when thinking of all the changes I have gone thru all my life....Life is all about changing and as much as we might hate changes we can't stop them. And then there are the GOOD changes...these are what I see has happened to me.
I think the biggest change for me since losing 60 pounds plus is in how I view MYSELF, not just how I look. I now have the confidence to do what I want. Before losing this weight I would never have drove to Gatlinburg by myself to meet someone I didn't know like I did last year just for a hike (and I had the best time and made some really good friends for life)..I cringe when i think about how much i missed out on because of being overweight...I look forward to the challenges (which is how I prefer to look at changes)and what life has in store for me.
In fact when I stop and think about ALL of the physical changes in me I see that they are definately for the better.. I now am healthier than I have been in years..no more constant heartburn (thanks to quitting sugar) no more chest congestion (thanks to giving up milk products including ice cream). I am now able to do things I only dreamed about...like running 5K & 10K's...I won't have been able to do this if I hadn't lost the weight.
I now enjoying shopping for clothes..love shopping for those size 10 pants. I think of all the years I dreaded even trying to find clothes for my body that would be flattering..it's rare now that I find something and try it on and it doesn't look good...I love this...
I feel good about myself...This is the BEST change of all.
Friday, May 12, 2006
It all takes time
I've bitched about my "bat wings" forever...but I think they are getting smaller...
When I do my curls with the 40lb bar (I'm going to go up to a 50# bar next week), I sit with my arms resting on this shelf thing (this gives my back support) and I've always hated looking at myself at the mirror while I do my curls because I couldn't get my arms as close together as I wanted (they always splayed out) because of all the fat & loose skin on my tri (not a pretty site)..well last night while I was doing curls I noticed that my arms rest on the shelf without that big overhang of fat that used to be there and I have no problem keeping my arms in like they should...Where there used to be about 6 inches of fat there is only about 1 1/2 inches of fat...I'm also starting to see the muscle defination on my bis (especially when I curl my arm...whoa)...AND I noticed that the overhanging fat that used to be on my sides at the bra line isn't there anymore...This is WAy toooo Coool...So all the hard work that I do with the weights ARE making a big differance....It just takes time for the fat to turn into muscle...
I do abs pretty much everyday...differant exercises but still working the abs, since this is my biggest problem on my body...being a woman that is the last place that you lose...I still have way too much fat but I know under all that fat & skin there is some strong ass muscles...how can I tell? Welll, when I hold in my stomach, which I do all of the time now because it's unconfortable not too, I can feel the muscles are tight...when I'm sitting down I have this roll of fat that used to not even fit in my hand (probably about 6-8 inches) but now is down to about 2 inches (which may be a lot for some people but great for me) and I'm alright with that for now...I feel like the Special K ad..where they do the pinch test and say if you can pinch an inch you need to eat Special K...Well, I don't eat Special K anymore (what I do eat is Kashi GoLean Hot Cereal with a banana..I love the thick creaminess of it) because I don't do milk & sugar and I don't know if I will ever have less than an inch to pinch..but for now I'm not that unhappy with 2 inches...hey it's a whole lot better than where I used to be...
Today I'm wearing a t'shirt with my new levi capris...I mention this because up to now I've advoided wearing t'shirts because they cling to my sides and show that roll of fat too much..there's still a roll but it actually doesn't look all that bad..at least it didn't in the mirror...just nobody take a picture of me...I've added some more obliques to my routine...holdng 10 pound weight while twisting side to side while doing crunches..hopefully this will turn that roll of fat into muscle...it all just takes time..If I keep this up I'll have to be posting another picture of me...maybe one just of my body and no head shot since seeing pictures of me always puts me in a spin...
I do love working out with the weights at the gym....it makes me feel soooo good about myself...
Hip Hop last night was a bust...Kevin our regular instructor wasn't there and the guy who taught was kind of squirley...he was all over the place and his music sucked...but I did the whole hour anyway...He did have this really neat stobe (do they call it that still?) light that made it look like you were in a club...and I did learn some new moves..but I will be so glad when Kevin gets back..I wasn't the only one who missed him...
When I do my curls with the 40lb bar (I'm going to go up to a 50# bar next week), I sit with my arms resting on this shelf thing (this gives my back support) and I've always hated looking at myself at the mirror while I do my curls because I couldn't get my arms as close together as I wanted (they always splayed out) because of all the fat & loose skin on my tri (not a pretty site)..well last night while I was doing curls I noticed that my arms rest on the shelf without that big overhang of fat that used to be there and I have no problem keeping my arms in like they should...Where there used to be about 6 inches of fat there is only about 1 1/2 inches of fat...I'm also starting to see the muscle defination on my bis (especially when I curl my arm...whoa)...AND I noticed that the overhanging fat that used to be on my sides at the bra line isn't there anymore...This is WAy toooo Coool...So all the hard work that I do with the weights ARE making a big differance....It just takes time for the fat to turn into muscle...
I do abs pretty much everyday...differant exercises but still working the abs, since this is my biggest problem on my body...being a woman that is the last place that you lose...I still have way too much fat but I know under all that fat & skin there is some strong ass muscles...how can I tell? Welll, when I hold in my stomach, which I do all of the time now because it's unconfortable not too, I can feel the muscles are tight...when I'm sitting down I have this roll of fat that used to not even fit in my hand (probably about 6-8 inches) but now is down to about 2 inches (which may be a lot for some people but great for me) and I'm alright with that for now...I feel like the Special K ad..where they do the pinch test and say if you can pinch an inch you need to eat Special K...Well, I don't eat Special K anymore (what I do eat is Kashi GoLean Hot Cereal with a banana..I love the thick creaminess of it) because I don't do milk & sugar and I don't know if I will ever have less than an inch to pinch..but for now I'm not that unhappy with 2 inches...hey it's a whole lot better than where I used to be...
Today I'm wearing a t'shirt with my new levi capris...I mention this because up to now I've advoided wearing t'shirts because they cling to my sides and show that roll of fat too much..there's still a roll but it actually doesn't look all that bad..at least it didn't in the mirror...just nobody take a picture of me...I've added some more obliques to my routine...holdng 10 pound weight while twisting side to side while doing crunches..hopefully this will turn that roll of fat into muscle...it all just takes time..If I keep this up I'll have to be posting another picture of me...maybe one just of my body and no head shot since seeing pictures of me always puts me in a spin...
I do love working out with the weights at the gym....it makes me feel soooo good about myself...
Hip Hop last night was a bust...Kevin our regular instructor wasn't there and the guy who taught was kind of squirley...he was all over the place and his music sucked...but I did the whole hour anyway...He did have this really neat stobe (do they call it that still?) light that made it look like you were in a club...and I did learn some new moves..but I will be so glad when Kevin gets back..I wasn't the only one who missed him...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
I know , I know
I have at least 20 pounds I still need to lose before I will be at the weight that I should be at...but I'm going to quit beating myself up over it and start to enjoy where I am at Right now as far as my weight goes...that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop exercising and eating right...Those are a part of my life now and I won't be happy living any other way...what I am going to stop is all the worry and aggravation because I'm not losing any more...I feel as long as I don't gain any weight back it won't hurt me to step back for awhile and relax...
I think if I was really serious about losing this last bit of weight I won't keep buying new clothes that fit me now each week. So in other words I have been sabatoging myself for the last few months and beating myself up over it..Well that stops today!!!
I was looking at my clothes in the closet this morning (I have more clothes now than I ever have had in my whole life)and I absolutely love what I have been buying for myself and I'm not ready to give them up yet, which is what I would have to do if I lost that 20 pounds because they would be too big...now this may not sound bad and I know that I would be buying even better clothes but for right now I just want to enjoy what I have...
IF I start to lose weight again, I won't be unhappy about it but I'm not going to keep trying to change the way I live just so I Will lose that weight...in the back of my mind I keep thinking that since I'm doing everything right now I will start to lose again...even if I don't lose by the scale I should get firmer as I add more muscle...which will make me smaller and that is what this is all about...me looking good and being healthy.
I think if I was really serious about losing this last bit of weight I won't keep buying new clothes that fit me now each week. So in other words I have been sabatoging myself for the last few months and beating myself up over it..Well that stops today!!!
I was looking at my clothes in the closet this morning (I have more clothes now than I ever have had in my whole life)and I absolutely love what I have been buying for myself and I'm not ready to give them up yet, which is what I would have to do if I lost that 20 pounds because they would be too big...now this may not sound bad and I know that I would be buying even better clothes but for right now I just want to enjoy what I have...
IF I start to lose weight again, I won't be unhappy about it but I'm not going to keep trying to change the way I live just so I Will lose that weight...in the back of my mind I keep thinking that since I'm doing everything right now I will start to lose again...even if I don't lose by the scale I should get firmer as I add more muscle...which will make me smaller and that is what this is all about...me looking good and being healthy.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
YA'LL MAKE ME SMILE
Thanks to Kyra & Suzann I made up my mind this morning that I will not let my last race defeat me....I am doing another race this month. I will learn from my experience on Saturday...I am going to run a 5K instead of the a 10K but only because there isn't any 10K's that interest me right now....
I signed up for a 5K here locally on May 27th...I think this is the same route I did for my first race back in Sept (and I came in 2nd for my age group)...it's got some inclines but nothing like what I just ran...and I really have to get over my aversion of inclines...I need this race to get my confidence back..and I think I've talked one of the girls here in the office to do it with me....
I'm going to run on the treadmill tonight before working out with the weights..I've been lax on doing this...I've been doing the elliptical & the life cycle for cardio instead of running on the treadmill...using the hamstring as an excuse...not that there is anything wrong with doing either one of those but I really need to get back into running. I was thinking about getting up early and running outside at home but I hate running in my neighborhood...we have some people who let their dogs run outside and it's not like I'm afraid of dogs..it's just that I hate having them at my heels while running...it would be a good run tho because we got a couple of killer hills...the other reason I talked myself out of it is that I live in a subdivision on a cul-de-sac and it's only about 1/2 mile to the main road...I used to walk it with my neighbor and we would walk it 3-4 times to get at least 2 miles in...and it was boring....that's how I know about the dogs....I'll have to give this one some more thought...but in the meantime I WILL do the treadmill at the gym more...I know I really need to push myself more...
On the lighter side of things...yesterday I unintentionally found a way to have a "push up bra" without spending a lot of monies on one of those expensive ones from "Victoria Secrets" (which I have always thought I wanted)....I bought this top last summer (for $5 on sale) that I really liked but when I got it home and put it on I found that the neckline came to a V way down to my belly button (OK maybe not that low but it was low)....so I haven't wore it...Well...at the party the other night one of the gals there had the same type of top on but she wore a sports bra under it and it looked alright so I decided to do the same with this top...and since I was wearing it to work and I have a problem with my nipples showing thro sports bras (which only bothers me here at work) I decided that I would wear my regular bra under the sports bra (more padding in the nipple area)....well let me tell you...this really pushed those old saggy boobies of mine up...in fact all day yesterday I kept hitting my boobs with my chin...whoooooaaaa ... and I was wearing one of my favorite gold necklaces with a big triangle medallion that kept resting in the crevice of my boobs (it was cold and shocking...I kinda liked it)...now understand I am not a large chested woman....since I've lost weight I've gone from a size 42E cup to a size 36B cup...so this was quite a shock to me...I actually looked like I had something there...I'll have to remember this lil trick if I ever get a date...ROTFLMAO....
I just want to say that I'm sooo glad that Kyra is back. When she decided to leave her blog because of stupid people who were harassing her, I felt like I had lost a friend... #1 Niece emailed me the other day to tell me that she was back... I immediately went to her site and felt a warm fuzzy feeling just knowing that she was back.. I hesitated to put her link on my blog because I would never want to be the reason some asshole would find her and give her a bad time again but since I have such a bad memory I knew I would have problems finding her site without adding it to my links ..and I'm keeping my fingers crossed...altho I know that none of you would ever do anything like that...you just never know who is reading blogs Annomously....
I got the biggest smile on my face and the happiest feeling when I saw her comment on my race...I'm always pleasantly surprized that Anyone would come here and read my thoughts and then take the time to give me support...I love it...again I get that warm fuzzy feeling...like I really count for something in this Life....Thanks to all of you I am definately heading in the right direction in this journey of mine...
YA'LL MAKE ME SMILE!!!!!
I signed up for a 5K here locally on May 27th...I think this is the same route I did for my first race back in Sept (and I came in 2nd for my age group)...it's got some inclines but nothing like what I just ran...and I really have to get over my aversion of inclines...I need this race to get my confidence back..and I think I've talked one of the girls here in the office to do it with me....
I'm going to run on the treadmill tonight before working out with the weights..I've been lax on doing this...I've been doing the elliptical & the life cycle for cardio instead of running on the treadmill...using the hamstring as an excuse...not that there is anything wrong with doing either one of those but I really need to get back into running. I was thinking about getting up early and running outside at home but I hate running in my neighborhood...we have some people who let their dogs run outside and it's not like I'm afraid of dogs..it's just that I hate having them at my heels while running...it would be a good run tho because we got a couple of killer hills...the other reason I talked myself out of it is that I live in a subdivision on a cul-de-sac and it's only about 1/2 mile to the main road...I used to walk it with my neighbor and we would walk it 3-4 times to get at least 2 miles in...and it was boring....that's how I know about the dogs....I'll have to give this one some more thought...but in the meantime I WILL do the treadmill at the gym more...I know I really need to push myself more...
On the lighter side of things...yesterday I unintentionally found a way to have a "push up bra" without spending a lot of monies on one of those expensive ones from "Victoria Secrets" (which I have always thought I wanted)....I bought this top last summer (for $5 on sale) that I really liked but when I got it home and put it on I found that the neckline came to a V way down to my belly button (OK maybe not that low but it was low)....so I haven't wore it...Well...at the party the other night one of the gals there had the same type of top on but she wore a sports bra under it and it looked alright so I decided to do the same with this top...and since I was wearing it to work and I have a problem with my nipples showing thro sports bras (which only bothers me here at work) I decided that I would wear my regular bra under the sports bra (more padding in the nipple area)....well let me tell you...this really pushed those old saggy boobies of mine up...in fact all day yesterday I kept hitting my boobs with my chin...whoooooaaaa ... and I was wearing one of my favorite gold necklaces with a big triangle medallion that kept resting in the crevice of my boobs (it was cold and shocking...I kinda liked it)...now understand I am not a large chested woman....since I've lost weight I've gone from a size 42E cup to a size 36B cup...so this was quite a shock to me...I actually looked like I had something there...I'll have to remember this lil trick if I ever get a date...ROTFLMAO....
I just want to say that I'm sooo glad that Kyra is back. When she decided to leave her blog because of stupid people who were harassing her, I felt like I had lost a friend... #1 Niece emailed me the other day to tell me that she was back... I immediately went to her site and felt a warm fuzzy feeling just knowing that she was back.. I hesitated to put her link on my blog because I would never want to be the reason some asshole would find her and give her a bad time again but since I have such a bad memory I knew I would have problems finding her site without adding it to my links ..and I'm keeping my fingers crossed...altho I know that none of you would ever do anything like that...you just never know who is reading blogs Annomously....
I got the biggest smile on my face and the happiest feeling when I saw her comment on my race...I'm always pleasantly surprized that Anyone would come here and read my thoughts and then take the time to give me support...I love it...again I get that warm fuzzy feeling...like I really count for something in this Life....Thanks to all of you I am definately heading in the right direction in this journey of mine...
YA'LL MAKE ME SMILE!!!!!
Monday, May 08, 2006
My worst time EVER....
I ran the 10K at Hartwell Dam (which is on the GA/SC state line) on Saturday and it wasn't good...
Oh it started out good...I woke up on time (5 am), felt good...got my bag packed, packed the cooler with water & fruit for the 2 hr drive there and 2 hr drive back...
The sun came up around 6 o'clock and I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day...I got to the Dam in plenty of time to do stretches and walk around, find the potty's and just mingle around...there was around probably 400- 500 people signed up..talked to some..most of them were doing the 5k...but I figured I would be alright since there seemed to be a big crowd of people my age...then they called for the 5K'ers to get on the bus to go to the top of the dam which was the half way for the 10k...after 5-6 busses pulled out that left the 10Kers...around 150 people left...and let me tell you...I knew I was in trouble...these people were hard core runners...most looked like marathon runners....all those people my age were on the busses to do the 5k...everyone kept looking at me to see if I had missed the bus..but no I told them I was doing the 10k...I think I saw pity in their eyes...I started to worry but I knew I would finish this thing if I had to walk it...
The race started on the road and it was flat and even had a nice down hill.
I stayed with the pack for the first mile and half and then the incline started....now I have no problem running on the flat or downhill but for some reason the incline pulls on that hamstring...I swear to you this incline was over 3 miles long..I kept telling myself (as I fell back from the pack) that I could make up my time on the down side once we got to the top...I mean if something goes up doesn't it make sense that it will eventually have to go down...NOT...there never was a down hill except at the first of the race....I just couldn't get my mind into pushing myself...all I could hear was my mantra...."just wait for the downhill". Everyone kept passing me...even the one old man that I had secretly laughed at at the beginning of the race because he was doing a shuffle run and was probably in his 80's...(don't ever laugh at these guys it will bite you in the ass in the end)...I just couldn't get myself to run..I would run a little then walk (I did this for at least 3 miles of the race). I kept looking behind to make sure I wasn't the last one, there were some walkers way behind me and even they were catching up. We ran over the top of the dam...it was cool looking down but I wasn't really the mood to enjoy it I just kept waiting for a down hill...even the flat seemed like it was on a slight incline. I did run in the last 1/2 mile because I refuse to walk over the finish line..but by that time most of the runners had finished at least 15 mins before me and they were all wandering around on the path and you couldn't even tell where the finish line was.. I kept asking "where is the finish" and they would point me in the right direction...it was just like my nightmares before the race where I get lost and can't find the race...but I did finish...my time was 1:11:23 (I hate to even put it here).
In looking back..I wish I could do the race over...this time I would be mentally prepared...I feel that I let myself down...I know I could have done better..I have run with more pain than I did in this race...
I hear Moanin' Mona and Evil Eva telling me all kinds of excuses...I know that if there were more people running ...like 1000 I wouldn't have felt so out of it...I would have been able to push myself more...I basically gave up on myself and I don't like doing that....I'm thinking that I will go back to the dam and altho I can't do the exact run (because the first half was on the road) I could at least run the last half over the dam and then back...altho that wouldn't take me on the killer incline at least maybe I will feel better about myself...I know I can do this...I will not get discouraged...
Oh it started out good...I woke up on time (5 am), felt good...got my bag packed, packed the cooler with water & fruit for the 2 hr drive there and 2 hr drive back...
The sun came up around 6 o'clock and I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day...I got to the Dam in plenty of time to do stretches and walk around, find the potty's and just mingle around...there was around probably 400- 500 people signed up..talked to some..most of them were doing the 5k...but I figured I would be alright since there seemed to be a big crowd of people my age...then they called for the 5K'ers to get on the bus to go to the top of the dam which was the half way for the 10k...after 5-6 busses pulled out that left the 10Kers...around 150 people left...and let me tell you...I knew I was in trouble...these people were hard core runners...most looked like marathon runners....all those people my age were on the busses to do the 5k...everyone kept looking at me to see if I had missed the bus..but no I told them I was doing the 10k...I think I saw pity in their eyes...I started to worry but I knew I would finish this thing if I had to walk it...
The race started on the road and it was flat and even had a nice down hill.
I stayed with the pack for the first mile and half and then the incline started....now I have no problem running on the flat or downhill but for some reason the incline pulls on that hamstring...I swear to you this incline was over 3 miles long..I kept telling myself (as I fell back from the pack) that I could make up my time on the down side once we got to the top...I mean if something goes up doesn't it make sense that it will eventually have to go down...NOT...there never was a down hill except at the first of the race....I just couldn't get my mind into pushing myself...all I could hear was my mantra...."just wait for the downhill". Everyone kept passing me...even the one old man that I had secretly laughed at at the beginning of the race because he was doing a shuffle run and was probably in his 80's...(don't ever laugh at these guys it will bite you in the ass in the end)...I just couldn't get myself to run..I would run a little then walk (I did this for at least 3 miles of the race). I kept looking behind to make sure I wasn't the last one, there were some walkers way behind me and even they were catching up. We ran over the top of the dam...it was cool looking down but I wasn't really the mood to enjoy it I just kept waiting for a down hill...even the flat seemed like it was on a slight incline. I did run in the last 1/2 mile because I refuse to walk over the finish line..but by that time most of the runners had finished at least 15 mins before me and they were all wandering around on the path and you couldn't even tell where the finish line was.. I kept asking "where is the finish" and they would point me in the right direction...it was just like my nightmares before the race where I get lost and can't find the race...but I did finish...my time was 1:11:23 (I hate to even put it here).
In looking back..I wish I could do the race over...this time I would be mentally prepared...I feel that I let myself down...I know I could have done better..I have run with more pain than I did in this race...
I hear Moanin' Mona and Evil Eva telling me all kinds of excuses...I know that if there were more people running ...like 1000 I wouldn't have felt so out of it...I would have been able to push myself more...I basically gave up on myself and I don't like doing that....I'm thinking that I will go back to the dam and altho I can't do the exact run (because the first half was on the road) I could at least run the last half over the dam and then back...altho that wouldn't take me on the killer incline at least maybe I will feel better about myself...I know I can do this...I will not get discouraged...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Sometimes You just have to give in!!!
I'm here at work but not for long...I've been feeling tired and achey for a couple of days now...probably been overtraining again. I woke up this morning with a doozy of a headache but thought it would go away...guess again...so i've just called my boss (in TN) and told him "I'm outa here" He said no problem because he knows I NEVER take sick leave...He's sooo cool...
I hate giving in to Moanin' Mona...but I think I will actually listen to her today ...go home, crawl back in bed and sleep a couple of more hours...give this body the rest it's crying for...
You know I'm not feeling good when I give up going to Hip Hop..I think I knew when I got ready for work this morning that this is how I would end up because I didn't pack my gym bag....it was hard to walk out the door without it...I FELT SOOOO GUILTY....but I know I'll be better off for it....(i'm trying to convince myself here)...
What I really have to watch out is that after I take the nap that I don't decide that I need comfort foods...you know all the things you like to eat when you don't feel good...this is a trap that I have let myself fall into before..one of the main reasons I usually convince myself to stay at work even when I'm not feeling good....
I'm thinking some homemade potato soup with lots of cheese ....good thing I don't have the makin's for it...then another of my favorites used to be homemade hot Choc cornstarch pudding...again I don't have any of the makin's for that but it sure does make my mouth water just remembering how good it felt going down my sore throat...but wait a minute...one of the reasons I gave both of those up was they both gave me heartburn and made my chest get all congested....forget the taste buds...they will lie to me everytime...maybe I'll make a cabbage/spinach/tofu casserole instead...I have all the makin's for that....AWWWWW COMFORT FOODS.....
I hate giving in to Moanin' Mona...but I think I will actually listen to her today ...go home, crawl back in bed and sleep a couple of more hours...give this body the rest it's crying for...
You know I'm not feeling good when I give up going to Hip Hop..I think I knew when I got ready for work this morning that this is how I would end up because I didn't pack my gym bag....it was hard to walk out the door without it...I FELT SOOOO GUILTY....but I know I'll be better off for it....(i'm trying to convince myself here)...
What I really have to watch out is that after I take the nap that I don't decide that I need comfort foods...you know all the things you like to eat when you don't feel good...this is a trap that I have let myself fall into before..one of the main reasons I usually convince myself to stay at work even when I'm not feeling good....
I'm thinking some homemade potato soup with lots of cheese ....good thing I don't have the makin's for it...then another of my favorites used to be homemade hot Choc cornstarch pudding...again I don't have any of the makin's for that but it sure does make my mouth water just remembering how good it felt going down my sore throat...but wait a minute...one of the reasons I gave both of those up was they both gave me heartburn and made my chest get all congested....forget the taste buds...they will lie to me everytime...maybe I'll make a cabbage/spinach/tofu casserole instead...I have all the makin's for that....AWWWWW COMFORT FOODS.....
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Happiness
Does my happiness depend on losing this last 20 to 30 pounds? NO....sure it'll be nice to lose and I'll probably be happier with myself and the way I look and feel BUT if I decided to stop right now and maintain the loss I have done in the past 2 years I think I could still be happy...Don't worry...I'm not planning on doing that...I will lose this 20 pounds...it might take me a while but I know that I will do it...NO Matter what..I guess my point here is that happiness isn't totally dependant on how you look...it's what's inside of you...
When Lar was alive and I was over 250 pounds I was still happy...he never made me feel unattractive or that I should lose weight...true he was overweight too and if we had both lost some of the extra weight he might have had more of a chance to fight his illness.I don't know this for a fact. It's just something that goes thro my mind now and again...guilt I guess that I didn't do everything I could for him...but I do know that I couldn't do it for him and he was never that concerned with how big he was..he just accepted it...Oh...I did try to keep our meals healthy...no fried foods (except when he snuck out to KFC or KrispyKreme) but back to my point...WE were HAPPY...Until he got sick in the last year,we did everything we wanted...camping..taking trips together...going for rides in the car...whatever we wanted to do WE DID...and we WERE Happy...
So Why did I decide to lose weight? Well truthfully...It wasn't so much about losing the weight as getting fit enuff so I could do the things I wanted to do...In the last year of Lar's life I got so out of shape that I couldn't climb a flight of stairs unless I stopped and rested half way...I could barely walk down the hall to the nurses station...Mostly I stayed next to Lar's bed, sitting in a recliner (that's where I slept)and did nothing...And I knew that wasn't how I wanted to live...Lar & I had always been active, even for fat people, and I wanted that back..I knew that if I was to ever find Happiness again that I would have to learn to move this body again..The losing the 70 pounds was just a bonus...
It seems like lately I have been so focused on the fact that this last 20 pounds isn't coming off and somehow I've convinced myself that unless I do then I am a failure and we all know failures aren't happy....But if I stop and look at my life as it is right now I see that I am happy...and I am not a Failure...I have accomplished sooo much and I can & will accomplish so much more before I done...
I was walking over to Publix's to get a salad for lunch today when I realized that I walk with a bounce...I'm happy walking...It is a beautiful day out..the sun is shining and felt so good on my face as I was walking...one of the guys from the gym drove by and honked at me...I smiled and waved back at him...I feel so happy to be alive....how could this be anything but a Success....
There was more that I wanted to say, things I thought of as I was walking but as usual when I sit here to type it all leaves me...but know this..they were Happy thoughts...
When Lar was alive and I was over 250 pounds I was still happy...he never made me feel unattractive or that I should lose weight...true he was overweight too and if we had both lost some of the extra weight he might have had more of a chance to fight his illness.I don't know this for a fact. It's just something that goes thro my mind now and again...guilt I guess that I didn't do everything I could for him...but I do know that I couldn't do it for him and he was never that concerned with how big he was..he just accepted it...Oh...I did try to keep our meals healthy...no fried foods (except when he snuck out to KFC or KrispyKreme) but back to my point...WE were HAPPY...Until he got sick in the last year,we did everything we wanted...camping..taking trips together...going for rides in the car...whatever we wanted to do WE DID...and we WERE Happy...
So Why did I decide to lose weight? Well truthfully...It wasn't so much about losing the weight as getting fit enuff so I could do the things I wanted to do...In the last year of Lar's life I got so out of shape that I couldn't climb a flight of stairs unless I stopped and rested half way...I could barely walk down the hall to the nurses station...Mostly I stayed next to Lar's bed, sitting in a recliner (that's where I slept)and did nothing...And I knew that wasn't how I wanted to live...Lar & I had always been active, even for fat people, and I wanted that back..I knew that if I was to ever find Happiness again that I would have to learn to move this body again..The losing the 70 pounds was just a bonus...
It seems like lately I have been so focused on the fact that this last 20 pounds isn't coming off and somehow I've convinced myself that unless I do then I am a failure and we all know failures aren't happy....But if I stop and look at my life as it is right now I see that I am happy...and I am not a Failure...I have accomplished sooo much and I can & will accomplish so much more before I done...
I was walking over to Publix's to get a salad for lunch today when I realized that I walk with a bounce...I'm happy walking...It is a beautiful day out..the sun is shining and felt so good on my face as I was walking...one of the guys from the gym drove by and honked at me...I smiled and waved back at him...I feel so happy to be alive....how could this be anything but a Success....
There was more that I wanted to say, things I thought of as I was walking but as usual when I sit here to type it all leaves me...but know this..they were Happy thoughts...
Monday, May 01, 2006
I forgot!!!
I wanted to tell ya'll bout this guy at the park who was riding his bike...I saw him a couple of times on my run yesterday and while I was doing my stretches at the end of my run, I saw him ride his bike up to a Harley motorcyle and he mounted the bicycle on the back it..I've never seen anything like this before....How coool is that? that he is that dedicated...
I didn't get a bike this weekend..spent all my monies on clothing but I'm still thinking bout it...just trying to figure out how to mount it in the back of my truck so I can take it to the park and maybe even up in the mountains with me...hey if this guy could do it on his Harley...I should have NO Problem...Right?
I didn't get a bike this weekend..spent all my monies on clothing but I'm still thinking bout it...just trying to figure out how to mount it in the back of my truck so I can take it to the park and maybe even up in the mountains with me...hey if this guy could do it on his Harley...I should have NO Problem...Right?
Had a good Weekend....
Sat morn I played racquetball...I'm moving pretty good on the court and am actually racking up some points ...giving my partner some competition...talk about feeling good...I then did some abs and some back (couldn't do any pull ups because my little finger on the left hand is swollen & hurts from the arthritits and can't get a good grip on the bar...I still need to see bout getting some wrist wraps so I'm not having to use my hands so much), made plans with one of the gals from the party last week to go to Piedmont Park on the Memorial Day Weekend to PARTEEEEEEY (same group of crazies from last week will be there plus) then I hit the hot tub...
After the gym I went to the ball park where Bubba was playing softball...The Kid's Hubby is the coach this year and she helps him out..and since the team Mom wasn't there to help in the dug out...I took Lil Missy to the playground so The Kid could be team Mom for the day...Lil Missy and I had sooo much fun...we even went and fed the geese & ducks at the pond... this guy had some bread and gave it to me for my "daughter". I had to laugh and tell him that she was my GrandDaughter..I think he needed glasses...LOL...
On my way home I stopped at the store and got me these really coool levi capri's and some teeshirts...I don't have any regular teeshirts and had convinced myself that I was too old for Tshirts with sayings but got hit with just the right mood and saw a couple that I really liked.. the one I'm wearing today is light brown with "Single & Fabulous" in Gold...the one I really like and will probably wear it with my new capris says "Rock & Roll...if the music is too loud then you are too old"...How cool is that? I did find this really neat pair of camouflage color capri's that I fell in love with but when I tried on the size 10 they were to tight in the belly and damn if I will buy size 12...so as much as it broke my heart I passed them up...I have to quit buying clothes....but Damn I keep seeing things I want...oh yeah..I also bought another new pair of sandals....good thing I buy at WalMart and Ross's so I get a lot of stuff without putting out alot of monies...I figure when I get to my final goal, I will then start to buy the good stuff... until then I'm just having fun...
When I got home I looked at the 150 pictures from the party that was emailed to me ...There is not ONE good picture of me in the whole group and I'm in probably about 20 pictures...But I did good and didn't get depressed about it because I decided that it doesn't matter...I had a good time.. and these people like me for who I am not for how I look....and just enjoyed looking at the pictures..damn we sure did have a good time....
Sunday woke up to a cold dreary morning, decided I wasn't up to running at the park especially since #1 Niece had other plans (again)...so I did my laundy...cleaned up the rest of the house, by then it was around 11 am and I got to thinking about my race next week up at Hartwell...since I've never been to the big town of Hartwell before, i decided to take a ride up to it and make sure I know where I am going since my run is at 8 am next Saturday...looked on mapquest and saw that it's about an hour & half drive north of from where I live...so I packed some fruit and water and got in my truck and drove...it was a nice day for a ride...found Hartwell with no problem but the directions to the Recreation Area that I mapquested was wrong so I ended up driving around for awhile until I found it..in the opposite direction...Good thing I decided to check it out..I would have been sooo upset if I got there next week and couldn't find the place..Nice area and now I know where to go without no problem...
It's funny...when Lar was alive he did all of the driving (I was the navigator)and we would go for rides on the spur of the moment just to be going...I always thought it was just him that was impetuous but I'm finding out that I am too...I never thought I would be able to just drive somewhere I've never been without being afraid of getting lost or having car trouble or just being by myself...but over the last couple of years I have found that if I want to do something I don't have to wait for someone to do it with me ..I'm all right just going by myself...Sure it would be nice to have someone to go with but why should I miss out just because I don't have someone...(except I'm still afraid to go into Atlanta by myself)...
Anyhooooo....I got back around 4:30 and decided that I would take a run at the park...good news is that my hamstring didn't bother me...bad news is I got a cramp in my other leg that still hasn't gone away totally...but over all I had a good run..didn't make the time I wanted due to the fact that I pretty much walked the last mile of the 6 miles..but I still felt good because at least I got out and did it...Didn't give into Moanin' Mona who was crying because she just knew it was going to hurt...What's a little pain compared to feeling good about myself...
got home, took a shower, fixed a good dinner, then finished folding and putting away the laundry (funny how I have more work out clothes than anything) then sat and finished my book I was reading..went to bed early...
All in All a good Weekend...
After the gym I went to the ball park where Bubba was playing softball...The Kid's Hubby is the coach this year and she helps him out..and since the team Mom wasn't there to help in the dug out...I took Lil Missy to the playground so The Kid could be team Mom for the day...Lil Missy and I had sooo much fun...we even went and fed the geese & ducks at the pond... this guy had some bread and gave it to me for my "daughter". I had to laugh and tell him that she was my GrandDaughter..I think he needed glasses...LOL...
On my way home I stopped at the store and got me these really coool levi capri's and some teeshirts...I don't have any regular teeshirts and had convinced myself that I was too old for Tshirts with sayings but got hit with just the right mood and saw a couple that I really liked.. the one I'm wearing today is light brown with "Single & Fabulous" in Gold...the one I really like and will probably wear it with my new capris says "Rock & Roll...if the music is too loud then you are too old"...How cool is that? I did find this really neat pair of camouflage color capri's that I fell in love with but when I tried on the size 10 they were to tight in the belly and damn if I will buy size 12...so as much as it broke my heart I passed them up...I have to quit buying clothes....but Damn I keep seeing things I want...oh yeah..I also bought another new pair of sandals....good thing I buy at WalMart and Ross's so I get a lot of stuff without putting out alot of monies...I figure when I get to my final goal, I will then start to buy the good stuff... until then I'm just having fun...
When I got home I looked at the 150 pictures from the party that was emailed to me ...There is not ONE good picture of me in the whole group and I'm in probably about 20 pictures...But I did good and didn't get depressed about it because I decided that it doesn't matter...I had a good time.. and these people like me for who I am not for how I look....and just enjoyed looking at the pictures..damn we sure did have a good time....
Sunday woke up to a cold dreary morning, decided I wasn't up to running at the park especially since #1 Niece had other plans (again)...so I did my laundy...cleaned up the rest of the house, by then it was around 11 am and I got to thinking about my race next week up at Hartwell...since I've never been to the big town of Hartwell before, i decided to take a ride up to it and make sure I know where I am going since my run is at 8 am next Saturday...looked on mapquest and saw that it's about an hour & half drive north of from where I live...so I packed some fruit and water and got in my truck and drove...it was a nice day for a ride...found Hartwell with no problem but the directions to the Recreation Area that I mapquested was wrong so I ended up driving around for awhile until I found it..in the opposite direction...Good thing I decided to check it out..I would have been sooo upset if I got there next week and couldn't find the place..Nice area and now I know where to go without no problem...
It's funny...when Lar was alive he did all of the driving (I was the navigator)and we would go for rides on the spur of the moment just to be going...I always thought it was just him that was impetuous but I'm finding out that I am too...I never thought I would be able to just drive somewhere I've never been without being afraid of getting lost or having car trouble or just being by myself...but over the last couple of years I have found that if I want to do something I don't have to wait for someone to do it with me ..I'm all right just going by myself...Sure it would be nice to have someone to go with but why should I miss out just because I don't have someone...(except I'm still afraid to go into Atlanta by myself)...
Anyhooooo....I got back around 4:30 and decided that I would take a run at the park...good news is that my hamstring didn't bother me...bad news is I got a cramp in my other leg that still hasn't gone away totally...but over all I had a good run..didn't make the time I wanted due to the fact that I pretty much walked the last mile of the 6 miles..but I still felt good because at least I got out and did it...Didn't give into Moanin' Mona who was crying because she just knew it was going to hurt...What's a little pain compared to feeling good about myself...
got home, took a shower, fixed a good dinner, then finished folding and putting away the laundry (funny how I have more work out clothes than anything) then sat and finished my book I was reading..went to bed early...
All in All a good Weekend...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Get me out of the Damn House!!!!
Amy said something in her blog today that got me to thinking...she said "i think the goal to not eating all night is not being in the damn house." Truer words were never said for me...I never have a problem with eating outside the house but as soon as I get home I start to think about what I can eat...Especially if I'm reading or watching tv (and what else is there to do after dark when you live by yourself)...Now you would think that since I get home so late (usually after 8 pm) from the gym that having only 3 hours before going to bed I could keep from stuffing my face....but NOOOOOO....for some reason all will power leaves me when I am home...I don't know if it's because I associate eating with home.....Weekends are especially bad for me (if I stay home)...I mean it's crazy...but I will spend hours looking and planning on what I can fix to eat...I can make something to eat out of nothing...and that's what I keep in the house now...only healthy foods that I like...but damn if I can't still find something in those cabinets....Like last night for instance...I got home around 8:30 pm and nuked an Amys Roasted Veggie Pocket Sandwich, finished the no fat pretzels (about 1/4 cup)and a glass of green tea...Now this should have satified me...I felt full but then I sat down with my book to read for an hour and decided that I needed something sweet & crunchy so got up and got a rice cake (brown sugar maple flavor)..the damn thing is 50 cal ea and I would have been alright if I had stopped with just one but NO I had to eat 3...for the grand total of 150 cal...which still was within my calorie limit...since I had a salad for lunch...but I could feel something calling me from the kitchen...so I went and stood in front of the cabinet and looked to see what I had that I could fix fast....Well I spied the can of Cocoa and all of a sudden I really wanted something Chocolate...now instead of fixing myself a nice cup of sugar free hot choc..I get the idea to try to make a fudge...so I take a little bit of rice milk (1/4 cup) add 1 heaping tsp of cocoa, 2 tsp of Slenda and whip until smooth in a bowl... cover with plastic wrap and nuke that for 2 mins...add 1 tsp vanilla and whip until smooth...let cool off and add walnuts...this actually makes like a syrup and I all of a sudden got an urge to add my Friday banana to it...I have to tell you it was really good...I know it was low fat and sugar free but I still figure it had more calories than I needed..I mean really the rice cakes did satisfy me but I get these things in my mind and I want to try them...
I know all of the things you are supposed to do to keep from mindless eating..I've read it all and tried it all...1. find something else to do...yeah...like that's going to work at 10 a.m at night..2. Go to bed...then I lay there and think about it and can't go to sleep...wrong again...3. Brush your teeth...done that...but what's to stop me from brushing them again after i eat...4. Call someone...Who? It's freaking 10:30 at night..everyone I know is I either in bed or busy...and I hate talking on the phone..I do that all day at work..
I know it could have been alot worse..but it's not so much WHAT I eat that aggravates me..it's that I can't get CONTROL over this urge to eat when I know I don't need too....and again it's only when I'm at home.....maybe I'll get a camper and move into my truck....LOL...Problem solved!!!!
I know all of the things you are supposed to do to keep from mindless eating..I've read it all and tried it all...1. find something else to do...yeah...like that's going to work at 10 a.m at night..2. Go to bed...then I lay there and think about it and can't go to sleep...wrong again...3. Brush your teeth...done that...but what's to stop me from brushing them again after i eat...4. Call someone...Who? It's freaking 10:30 at night..everyone I know is I either in bed or busy...and I hate talking on the phone..I do that all day at work..
I know it could have been alot worse..but it's not so much WHAT I eat that aggravates me..it's that I can't get CONTROL over this urge to eat when I know I don't need too....and again it's only when I'm at home.....maybe I'll get a camper and move into my truck....LOL...Problem solved!!!!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Check this out!!!
I received this email yesterday ........
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Please join us tomorrow….
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From: Harris, Trish
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 10:35 AM
To: 1-EVERYONE
Subject:
BBQ
Staff Appreciation Day
Wednesday, April 26, 2005 Lunch at Noon
Atlanta & Nashville
Lunch will be served at noon in the warehouse (both locations). So please join us for a spread.
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Normally I don't socialize with the people here at work...oh I might say hi to them in the hall and a couple of the guys work out at my gym and I'll talk to them.....but basically I keep to myself...Well, after Moanin' Mona's rant the other day about not having any friends I've decided that I need to get more socialble....so here was a chance to just do it... I knew that there won't be any food that I would want to eat at this BBQ...so I packed a nice big veggie salad this morning and I took it and my water and joined everyone for lunch...
Big Surprize (NOT) No one minded that I wasn't eating the same foods as they were (I got to eat what I enjoyed and not have any guilt about it)...They were truly glad to see me...I've worked here for over 2 years and didn't know that altho I don't know that many people...they all know who I am and what I have accomplished with my weight loss....We talked about all of the things I like to do..ie: racquetball, running 10K & hiking....In fact I got to talking to one of the girls here and we are going to look into going on a hike together one weekend....
How cool is that? I had a good time!!!!
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Please join us tomorrow….
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Harris, Trish
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 10:35 AM
To: 1-EVERYONE
Subject:
BBQ
Staff Appreciation Day
Wednesday, April 26, 2005 Lunch at Noon
Atlanta & Nashville
Lunch will be served at noon in the warehouse (both locations). So please join us for a spread.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Normally I don't socialize with the people here at work...oh I might say hi to them in the hall and a couple of the guys work out at my gym and I'll talk to them.....but basically I keep to myself...Well, after Moanin' Mona's rant the other day about not having any friends I've decided that I need to get more socialble....so here was a chance to just do it... I knew that there won't be any food that I would want to eat at this BBQ...so I packed a nice big veggie salad this morning and I took it and my water and joined everyone for lunch...
Big Surprize (NOT) No one minded that I wasn't eating the same foods as they were (I got to eat what I enjoyed and not have any guilt about it)...They were truly glad to see me...I've worked here for over 2 years and didn't know that altho I don't know that many people...they all know who I am and what I have accomplished with my weight loss....We talked about all of the things I like to do..ie: racquetball, running 10K & hiking....In fact I got to talking to one of the girls here and we are going to look into going on a hike together one weekend....
How cool is that? I had a good time!!!!
I'm thinking here.....
and I've decided that I REALLY want that tattoo....I bought some of those stick on tattoos for my grandkids awhile back...ok ok so I really bought them for me because they are sooo coool looking and I wanted to see how they would look on me...not the cartoon ones but cool flowers and hearts...anyway there is one that is kind of like the one I want..the lil devil heart...and is the size I think I want too..i'm really unhappy with the tattoo on my hip because it's way bigger than I had originally planned but let the guy talk me into doing it that size and I WON'T make that mistake again when I get my next one...I want to go in with knowing exactly how it's going to look before I get it done...because once it's done you can't change it....anyhoooo I put this stick on tattoo on my leg just above the ankle and it really did look good....didn't stay on for long but that's all right...
sooooo here's what I've decided...I've checked on the price for a real one and it's around $150 and I really don't have that kind of cash to spend right now...but if I start a "kitty" and put in $10 for every pound I lose...by the time I lose 15 pounds I will be at 154 pounds (five pounds from my goal) and have the monies to go out and get the tattoo....this way I have MOTIVATION, something to push me into losing this last 20 pounds....
For some reason I've been yoyoing back and forth between 167-170...and i have to stop this....I thought I could post these lil pictures of the lil devil heart all over to kind of remind me what I really want...Hey at least it's a plan....I really want to see 166...165 on that dang scale and it seems to be advoiding me...well...beleive me I WILL see it and it will be soon....I just know that once I see 165 then the last 5 will come off easy...or am I dreaming/kidding myself...None of these pounds have come off easy for me...It's been DAMN hard all the way....But ya know I've done it so far and there's nothing (but myself) to stop me from getting to Goal... (oh the games we play with ourselves/minds)
sooooo here's what I've decided...I've checked on the price for a real one and it's around $150 and I really don't have that kind of cash to spend right now...but if I start a "kitty" and put in $10 for every pound I lose...by the time I lose 15 pounds I will be at 154 pounds (five pounds from my goal) and have the monies to go out and get the tattoo....this way I have MOTIVATION, something to push me into losing this last 20 pounds....
For some reason I've been yoyoing back and forth between 167-170...and i have to stop this....I thought I could post these lil pictures of the lil devil heart all over to kind of remind me what I really want...Hey at least it's a plan....I really want to see 166...165 on that dang scale and it seems to be advoiding me...well...beleive me I WILL see it and it will be soon....I just know that once I see 165 then the last 5 will come off easy...or am I dreaming/kidding myself...None of these pounds have come off easy for me...It's been DAMN hard all the way....But ya know I've done it so far and there's nothing (but myself) to stop me from getting to Goal... (oh the games we play with ourselves/minds)
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I sooo not in the mood today!!!
I'm feeling irritable today for some reason...If I was still having my monthly I would think that is what it is all about but since that hasn't happened for over a year I guess it must me something else going on with me....maybe it's all about the "Change" which I REFUSE to admit to...
I am so Freakin' tired of being cold one minute and HOT the next....what's with that...I'm wearing a lil top with straps and a jacket so it off with the jacket one minute and then back on...it's been a regular game all morning..if I turn the air down then I get too hot and everytime it comes on I get cold...it doesn't help that I sit right under the vent....
AND I'M FREAKIN' STARVING TODAY....I've been sooo good with eating only my meals and nothing in between but for some reason today I can hardly wait the 3 hrs in between..and to top it off I brought my lunch into the office (I usually leave it out in the truck) soooo it's sitting right here next to me ....callling my name, telling me it's alright to eat it now...and i can go to the store and buy SOMETHING ELSE for lunch....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN...
AND I'M FREAKIN' TIRED OF THAT STUPID SCALE AT HOME....yep I weighed myself this morning and haven't lost ANYthing...true I haven't gained either but damn I want to see that number go down....I WANT OUT OF THE 160'S ...is that too much to ask of this body....I mean I treat it better now than I ever have....you would think it would reward me by dropping those ugly pounds...make that scale read what I want it to read....I've been such a Good girl...I deserve it....but NO, it has to be stubborn and hang onto this stupid weight....I'm not asking for a miracle here...after all I work HARD to get myself in shape....Why is my body hanging onto this ugly stuff? Again I can't even blame it on "that time of the month"...damn getting older can be a real Bitch....
I feel like I want to go out and just beat up someone today....Too bad I gave up kickboxing....hmmmm...maybe instead of working out with the weights tonight I will catch my old kickboxing class....Ohhhh something to look forward toooooo.....
Finally it's time to eat my salad and then I'm going to take a walk for the rest of my lunch hour....and try to get a new outlook on life....
Off I goooooooo........
I am so Freakin' tired of being cold one minute and HOT the next....what's with that...I'm wearing a lil top with straps and a jacket so it off with the jacket one minute and then back on...it's been a regular game all morning..if I turn the air down then I get too hot and everytime it comes on I get cold...it doesn't help that I sit right under the vent....
AND I'M FREAKIN' STARVING TODAY....I've been sooo good with eating only my meals and nothing in between but for some reason today I can hardly wait the 3 hrs in between..and to top it off I brought my lunch into the office (I usually leave it out in the truck) soooo it's sitting right here next to me ....callling my name, telling me it's alright to eat it now...and i can go to the store and buy SOMETHING ELSE for lunch....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN...
AND I'M FREAKIN' TIRED OF THAT STUPID SCALE AT HOME....yep I weighed myself this morning and haven't lost ANYthing...true I haven't gained either but damn I want to see that number go down....I WANT OUT OF THE 160'S ...is that too much to ask of this body....I mean I treat it better now than I ever have....you would think it would reward me by dropping those ugly pounds...make that scale read what I want it to read....I've been such a Good girl...I deserve it....but NO, it has to be stubborn and hang onto this stupid weight....I'm not asking for a miracle here...after all I work HARD to get myself in shape....Why is my body hanging onto this ugly stuff? Again I can't even blame it on "that time of the month"...damn getting older can be a real Bitch....
I feel like I want to go out and just beat up someone today....Too bad I gave up kickboxing....hmmmm...maybe instead of working out with the weights tonight I will catch my old kickboxing class....Ohhhh something to look forward toooooo.....
Finally it's time to eat my salad and then I'm going to take a walk for the rest of my lunch hour....and try to get a new outlook on life....
Off I goooooooo........
Sunday, April 23, 2006
And I DID!!!
A few posts ago Moanin' Mona was here moanin' & groanin' about not having any friends.....Well, yesterday mornin' at the gym I was invited to a party....So I said "Sure, I'll be there". SOOOOO last night I donned my 4" heels, my black capris..put on a lavendar satiny top with a deep scoop neck, which makes me look curvey (I looked GOOD) and went and had A Freakin' BLAST....
Danced until 3 A.M....Those classes in Hip Hop is paying off...I felt good moving my body to the music..reminded me of the good ole days when I used to go dancin' with my lil Sis....met alot of really neat people...and got hugged by alot of good looking men...
Of course I was the oldest person there but did not let that stop me from having fun...I decided early on that "age is all in the mind" and I wasn't going to let that stop me from being myself & having fun....AND I DID
There was alot of picture taking...and I saw a few of me in which I thought I looked like an old lady (which in truth I guess you could say I AM)...hated them but again decided early on that I freakin' didn't care...I wasn't there to win any beauty pagent or compete with any one in the looks department but to have FUN...AND I did...
I had only a few glasses of wine & then mostly drank water (which only proves I can have fun without being totally wasted) since I knew I had to drive home and I want to take a run at the park this morning...I also need to mow my lawn today since ALL of my neighbors did theirs yesterday and mine looks like shit....All in all, I'm feeling pretty good this morning...
Danced until 3 A.M....Those classes in Hip Hop is paying off...I felt good moving my body to the music..reminded me of the good ole days when I used to go dancin' with my lil Sis....met alot of really neat people...and got hugged by alot of good looking men...
Of course I was the oldest person there but did not let that stop me from having fun...I decided early on that "age is all in the mind" and I wasn't going to let that stop me from being myself & having fun....AND I DID
There was alot of picture taking...and I saw a few of me in which I thought I looked like an old lady (which in truth I guess you could say I AM)...hated them but again decided early on that I freakin' didn't care...I wasn't there to win any beauty pagent or compete with any one in the looks department but to have FUN...AND I did...
I had only a few glasses of wine & then mostly drank water (which only proves I can have fun without being totally wasted) since I knew I had to drive home and I want to take a run at the park this morning...I also need to mow my lawn today since ALL of my neighbors did theirs yesterday and mine looks like shit....All in all, I'm feeling pretty good this morning...
Friday, April 21, 2006
My next one
Just signed up for my next 10k...it's the 28th Annual Lake Hartwell Dam Run on 6/7..I didn't get any races in for April because of my hamstring..but I figure I have to bite the bullet and get back into it sometime and this one looks like a good race for me.
While checking on active.com to see what races are coming up..I saw a race I want to do really bad..it's a Duathon in Dahlonega (that's up in the mountains)...this race starts off with running a 5K, then riding a bike for 34K and ending up with a 2 mile race...Now I know I that I'm not up to doing this at this time but I figure if I start training for it now I will be able to do it next year...It's held at the Army Rangers Camp...how coool is that...I've always been facinated by Triathalons but knew it was never going to be something I could do because of the swimming...but hey I think I could do this if I start train for the bike ride now....So all I have to do is get my bike back from #2 nieces friend Craig..or maybe get me a new bike since that one was too tall for me anyway and also I have some freinds at the gym who have been trying to get me into spinning..this might be just what I need to give me the motivation I need...I enjoyed riding bikes about 10 years ago when I lost a bunch of weight but since I developed hemmorrhoids I have been using that for an excuse not to ...when in reality I'm just chicken because I know that my butt is going to hurt when I start riding again....Altho I did enjoy the bike ride that I took at Cades Cove last summer and that was a 12 mile bike ride and didn't suffer too much....so I guess I will add riding bikes on my list of exercises...I will have to get some one to show me how to change gears again...for some reason I've never been good at that..(the bike at Cades Cove was the old type with no gears ...I loved it...but I don't see me riding one of those in a race...LOL).
I'm going to have to get #1 Niece to help me...I'm sure if I smile nice at her maybe she will be more interested in taking the bikes out for a ride than she is on running at the park..I know that is something she likes doing and is good at..riding bikes....
While checking on active.com to see what races are coming up..I saw a race I want to do really bad..it's a Duathon in Dahlonega (that's up in the mountains)...this race starts off with running a 5K, then riding a bike for 34K and ending up with a 2 mile race...Now I know I that I'm not up to doing this at this time but I figure if I start training for it now I will be able to do it next year...It's held at the Army Rangers Camp...how coool is that...I've always been facinated by Triathalons but knew it was never going to be something I could do because of the swimming...but hey I think I could do this if I start train for the bike ride now....So all I have to do is get my bike back from #2 nieces friend Craig..or maybe get me a new bike since that one was too tall for me anyway and also I have some freinds at the gym who have been trying to get me into spinning..this might be just what I need to give me the motivation I need...I enjoyed riding bikes about 10 years ago when I lost a bunch of weight but since I developed hemmorrhoids I have been using that for an excuse not to ...when in reality I'm just chicken because I know that my butt is going to hurt when I start riding again....Altho I did enjoy the bike ride that I took at Cades Cove last summer and that was a 12 mile bike ride and didn't suffer too much....so I guess I will add riding bikes on my list of exercises...I will have to get some one to show me how to change gears again...for some reason I've never been good at that..(the bike at Cades Cove was the old type with no gears ...I loved it...but I don't see me riding one of those in a race...LOL).
I'm going to have to get #1 Niece to help me...I'm sure if I smile nice at her maybe she will be more interested in taking the bikes out for a ride than she is on running at the park..I know that is something she likes doing and is good at..riding bikes....
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
'wHY DID i DO THAT?
Did you ever do something and then beat yourself up for it afterwards?
Well, that's me today...I can't help but think about an incident that happened at the gym last night while I was working out...Now let me tell you that I REALLY hate it when some skinny ass broad comes over to me and tells me that I'm not doing something right...I don't mind if one of the guys comes over to help me with my form or to give me suggestions (not that I listen to them much)...but damn it those skinny broads really bug me...I mean after all I have been working out with weights for over 2 years now...I think I JUST might know what I'm doing and if I don't then I will ask someone (and not one of those skinny ass broads)..hey that felt good to get it out of my system...so knowing how I feel about unsolictated help....I was on the bench doing crunches & abs and next to me was this skinny ass broad who was doing abs also, after she was done, her friend (who was more heavyset than not)got on the bench and was trying to do the same sets (you could tell that she really didn't know what she was doing). The skinny ass broad starts in how she was doing her crunches all wrong (and she was but I just didn't like how snoooty the skinny broad was telling her, like she couldn't do anything right...), first off this skinny broad had her holding a 10 pound weight and she was really struggling to do even one crunch and was pulling with her head and shoulders...I couldn't stand watching her and instead of getting up and leaving (like I knew I should have) I suggested that she try to do it without the weight and to work on her form first and when she got to where she could do so many crunches then she could add the weight...The Skinny broad gave me a look that would burned a lesser woman...I went back to doing my workout but I could hear the skinny broad muttering to herself how some people didn't know how to mind their own business...
I guess my problem is I've been where the heavyset gal is..and I know how easy it is to get discouraged when you can't do what others are doing...I see so many heavyset people come into the gym and start off trying to do what someone who has been doing it for awhile does...and then you don't ever see them again...I was really lucky in that my trainer started me off slow and we worked on form, then added weights. I see the differance in what I can do now from how I was 2 years ago...I still refuse to be in competetion with anyone..it doesn't matter to me if some skinny broad can do 50 squats holding a 40 pound barbell....I know what I am capable of doing and I do it...
Anyhoooo...I really must learn to keep my mouth shut and not give out unsolicated help...I'm sure this gal would have been alright if I hadn't said anything..it's just bugs me to see someone struggle...
Well, that's me today...I can't help but think about an incident that happened at the gym last night while I was working out...Now let me tell you that I REALLY hate it when some skinny ass broad comes over to me and tells me that I'm not doing something right...I don't mind if one of the guys comes over to help me with my form or to give me suggestions (not that I listen to them much)...but damn it those skinny broads really bug me...I mean after all I have been working out with weights for over 2 years now...I think I JUST might know what I'm doing and if I don't then I will ask someone (and not one of those skinny ass broads)..hey that felt good to get it out of my system...so knowing how I feel about unsolictated help....I was on the bench doing crunches & abs and next to me was this skinny ass broad who was doing abs also, after she was done, her friend (who was more heavyset than not)got on the bench and was trying to do the same sets (you could tell that she really didn't know what she was doing). The skinny ass broad starts in how she was doing her crunches all wrong (and she was but I just didn't like how snoooty the skinny broad was telling her, like she couldn't do anything right...), first off this skinny broad had her holding a 10 pound weight and she was really struggling to do even one crunch and was pulling with her head and shoulders...I couldn't stand watching her and instead of getting up and leaving (like I knew I should have) I suggested that she try to do it without the weight and to work on her form first and when she got to where she could do so many crunches then she could add the weight...The Skinny broad gave me a look that would burned a lesser woman...I went back to doing my workout but I could hear the skinny broad muttering to herself how some people didn't know how to mind their own business...
I guess my problem is I've been where the heavyset gal is..and I know how easy it is to get discouraged when you can't do what others are doing...I see so many heavyset people come into the gym and start off trying to do what someone who has been doing it for awhile does...and then you don't ever see them again...I was really lucky in that my trainer started me off slow and we worked on form, then added weights. I see the differance in what I can do now from how I was 2 years ago...I still refuse to be in competetion with anyone..it doesn't matter to me if some skinny broad can do 50 squats holding a 40 pound barbell....I know what I am capable of doing and I do it...
Anyhoooo...I really must learn to keep my mouth shut and not give out unsolicated help...I'm sure this gal would have been alright if I hadn't said anything..it's just bugs me to see someone struggle...
Goals
Ok so it wasn't real bright of me to set my 90 day goals back in Jan to include my birthday and Easter.....
Needless to say I did not reach my #1 goal of 159 and to look awesome...hell..I didn't even make my halfway goal of 165...but I'm not going to get discouraged and give up...Nope..I know it's in me (somewhere) to get to that goal..at least I feel like I look awesome today...wearing my white capri (size 8/10) pants and a long red tunic with red sandals...
#2 goal was to be able to run the whole 3 miles around the lake at the park without walking...well..a month ago I pulled a hamstring and am lucky to run 2 miles right now...but what the hey...I've done 2 (make that a BIG TWO) 10k since Jan and even came in 3rd for my age group...Not bad...and I'll just keep working at running around the lake until I get there...
#3 goal was to get my body fat down to 29%...not sure where it really is since I haven't had #1 Niece do the ole pinch skin test since the first of March...I guess I need to get over there this next weekend and do it...
#4 goal was to wear a 2 piece swimsuit and show off my tatoo...Well, I did get my tatoo and a tankini (which is 2 pieces) and I have been wearing it at the gym...and if I must say so ...I do look good in it..and you can see the top of my tatoo..Not bad...so see I did reach 1 of my goals at least...
I know that setting goals is important and that you REALLY need to plan on reaching them (why else would you bother to set them?) so I am leaving my goals (which I printed out) on the wall here at work where I can see them (they've been there since January) and I will keep working on them.....because
I DESERVE TO BE SUPER FIT AND LOOK GOOD!!!!
Needless to say I did not reach my #1 goal of 159 and to look awesome...hell..I didn't even make my halfway goal of 165...but I'm not going to get discouraged and give up...Nope..I know it's in me (somewhere) to get to that goal..at least I feel like I look awesome today...wearing my white capri (size 8/10) pants and a long red tunic with red sandals...
#2 goal was to be able to run the whole 3 miles around the lake at the park without walking...well..a month ago I pulled a hamstring and am lucky to run 2 miles right now...but what the hey...I've done 2 (make that a BIG TWO) 10k since Jan and even came in 3rd for my age group...Not bad...and I'll just keep working at running around the lake until I get there...
#3 goal was to get my body fat down to 29%...not sure where it really is since I haven't had #1 Niece do the ole pinch skin test since the first of March...I guess I need to get over there this next weekend and do it...
#4 goal was to wear a 2 piece swimsuit and show off my tatoo...Well, I did get my tatoo and a tankini (which is 2 pieces) and I have been wearing it at the gym...and if I must say so ...I do look good in it..and you can see the top of my tatoo..Not bad...so see I did reach 1 of my goals at least...
I know that setting goals is important and that you REALLY need to plan on reaching them (why else would you bother to set them?) so I am leaving my goals (which I printed out) on the wall here at work where I can see them (they've been there since January) and I will keep working on them.....because
I DESERVE TO BE SUPER FIT AND LOOK GOOD!!!!
Monday, April 17, 2006
Looking back
I was driving home from the gym last night thinking about how I really need to get friends of my own...people (girlfreinds) my own age...not family...that I can do things with besides at the gym...like go to movies, hiking, shopping or just visit...I realized last night that I just don't know how to go about making and KEEPING friends...I do have my friends in SC and I love them but mostly I'm by myself...
I've never really been good at keeping in touch with friends..I had a "gang" that I ran around with when I was in Jr high/High school but when I moved from Wyoming I lost contact with ALL of them (my Mom who is in her 70's still keeps in touch with a girlfriend that she went to grade school with..how coool is that?)...then I married The Kids father at 18 and he became my whole life..any friends I had were his and when we got divoriced I left them behind too (I didn't want to be reminded of our lives together)...over the next 7 years I would say my best friend was my lil sister, #1 & #2 Nieces mom...we lived together for awhile..used to get really messed up together..but then Jason (my son) died and that changed things again...She moved back to Wyoming and I went crazy until I moved in with Larry...He was my best friend.He made friends really easy and had a lot of friends and I just kind of tagged along...they were good people and I really liked them except that I don't think that they would have been my friends except that I was with Larry...I have made friends over the years at differant jobs I've held but I never wanted to mix work with home and when I left a job, I left those friends...I'm just never have been one to keep up with friends..never thought that I was important enough for anyone to want to keep up with me...
Now here I am 56 years old and by myself...most of the people I know are married or are couples. Not that I want to be married or a couple...I just want that feeling you can call someone anytime and say "let's get together" or just gab on the phone about anything...and not feel like I'm "bothering" anyone or taking up thier free time...I can't blame my situation on anyone else but myself..I just need to figure out how to go from where i am to where I want to be...
One of my biggest problems is my self esteem...I don't think I am good enough or interesting enough that someone would really want to spend their free time with...
I really need to get over that!!!!
I've never really been good at keeping in touch with friends..I had a "gang" that I ran around with when I was in Jr high/High school but when I moved from Wyoming I lost contact with ALL of them (my Mom who is in her 70's still keeps in touch with a girlfriend that she went to grade school with..how coool is that?)...then I married The Kids father at 18 and he became my whole life..any friends I had were his and when we got divoriced I left them behind too (I didn't want to be reminded of our lives together)...over the next 7 years I would say my best friend was my lil sister, #1 & #2 Nieces mom...we lived together for awhile..used to get really messed up together..but then Jason (my son) died and that changed things again...She moved back to Wyoming and I went crazy until I moved in with Larry...He was my best friend.He made friends really easy and had a lot of friends and I just kind of tagged along...they were good people and I really liked them except that I don't think that they would have been my friends except that I was with Larry...I have made friends over the years at differant jobs I've held but I never wanted to mix work with home and when I left a job, I left those friends...I'm just never have been one to keep up with friends..never thought that I was important enough for anyone to want to keep up with me...
Now here I am 56 years old and by myself...most of the people I know are married or are couples. Not that I want to be married or a couple...I just want that feeling you can call someone anytime and say "let's get together" or just gab on the phone about anything...and not feel like I'm "bothering" anyone or taking up thier free time...I can't blame my situation on anyone else but myself..I just need to figure out how to go from where i am to where I want to be...
One of my biggest problems is my self esteem...I don't think I am good enough or interesting enough that someone would really want to spend their free time with...
I really need to get over that!!!!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Three Years
It was three years ago today that I said good bye to Larry for the last time.
I think I knew the day before my birthday that he won't be with me for much longer. I remember asking him to hang in there, not to go on my birthday..I knew it was selfish of me but at least by that time he wasn't in pain..He was barely aware of anything...mostly sleeping..
We had brought him home from the hospital in January and set up the hospital bed in the dining room so he could see out the windows to the yard that he had loved so much..I did have hope at that time that a miracle would happen and he would actually get better despite what all the doctors had said...but it wasn't meant to be...he hung in there for four more months and I'm thankful that we had that time together.
April 13, 2003 fell on a Sunday, it was a beautiful spring day, and somehow I knew this would be the last day for Larry...I called the girls to come say good bye to him..It was hard to watch The Kid, she was going thro so many things herself at that time..She was in the middle of a nasty custody fight with her Ex for Bubba and had given birth to Lil Missy in February..for her to lose her Dad at this time just seemed so unfair...but she handled it...I'm proud of her. Larry never opened his eyes that day but I know he could hear the girls say goodbye..He did look so peaceful. Later that evening I was sitting next to his bed holding his hand when I felt/heard him sigh and I leaned over and told him it was alright I understood he had to go and that I loved him with all my heart..he let out a long sigh and was still, his long struggle was over.
I remember feeling such loss...You see, he was not only my husband but my best freind, my other half. I knew that I could/would go on living with out him but I never knew it would be so hard at times...We had 23 years together...lots of good times and some hard times. He was truly one of The Good Guys..He made me laugh..he made me feel loved...he made me feel safe...And I miss him more than words can say.
I've been struggling with up & down feelings for about 3 weeks now.. Mostly I've wanted just to be by myself to remember my time with Larry ...you would think after three years it would get easier...but it doesn't.
I think I knew the day before my birthday that he won't be with me for much longer. I remember asking him to hang in there, not to go on my birthday..I knew it was selfish of me but at least by that time he wasn't in pain..He was barely aware of anything...mostly sleeping..
We had brought him home from the hospital in January and set up the hospital bed in the dining room so he could see out the windows to the yard that he had loved so much..I did have hope at that time that a miracle would happen and he would actually get better despite what all the doctors had said...but it wasn't meant to be...he hung in there for four more months and I'm thankful that we had that time together.
April 13, 2003 fell on a Sunday, it was a beautiful spring day, and somehow I knew this would be the last day for Larry...I called the girls to come say good bye to him..It was hard to watch The Kid, she was going thro so many things herself at that time..She was in the middle of a nasty custody fight with her Ex for Bubba and had given birth to Lil Missy in February..for her to lose her Dad at this time just seemed so unfair...but she handled it...I'm proud of her. Larry never opened his eyes that day but I know he could hear the girls say goodbye..He did look so peaceful. Later that evening I was sitting next to his bed holding his hand when I felt/heard him sigh and I leaned over and told him it was alright I understood he had to go and that I loved him with all my heart..he let out a long sigh and was still, his long struggle was over.
I remember feeling such loss...You see, he was not only my husband but my best freind, my other half. I knew that I could/would go on living with out him but I never knew it would be so hard at times...We had 23 years together...lots of good times and some hard times. He was truly one of The Good Guys..He made me laugh..he made me feel loved...he made me feel safe...And I miss him more than words can say.
I've been struggling with up & down feelings for about 3 weeks now.. Mostly I've wanted just to be by myself to remember my time with Larry ...you would think after three years it would get easier...but it doesn't.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
The Dreaded Easter Candy
Is there nothing better than biting into a Chocolate Easter Bunny? ...hmmmmm...almost orgasmic just thinking about it...
Ok who out there knows where the Easter Bunny came from...just how does it relate to Easter? Besides being Spring..the real question is who cares if we get to eat CHOCOLATE CANDY... It's everywhere you go...It's the first thing you see when you walk into the store...How can we resist??????
This all started because of my freinds Con & Paula up in SC... Paula's basic menu is potato chips (she only eats a special kind that she gets thro a mail catalog from PA. I've never tasted them because they look way to greasy), any kind of Chocolate and Coke...Needless to say she is very overweight and always sick...anyhoooo the point here is she always has chocolate at the house and usually I'm alright with that (I know it's going to be there when I go so I set my mind on not being tempted)...and usually I can pass it up without any trouble...Con is the same way, he rarely eats the chocolate but will buy it for her (his way of showing her how much he loves her?) but this last time up both Con and I got tempted by the Easter Egg Malted Balls....(I totally LOVE MALTED BALLS, the way they melt in your mouth, the way they taste...)they were just sitting there...waiting for us...we both looked at each other and knew that we were DOOMED...so we compromised...There wasn't many left so we split them up between the 2 of us...(not sure where Paula was at the time..probably out buying more Easter Candy...). Now you have to understand that I haven't had any REAL Chocolate CANDY in a very long time...(I did try the sugar free choc candy but it gave me a tummy ache)...Luckily we were on our way out of the house to the gym when we grabbed the candy and it seem to satify both of us...EXCEPT that I've been dreaming of Chocolate Since...This is why I DO NOT eat even ONE piece because it takes days, weeks to get out of my system....
I will be sooo glad when Easter is over and they get rid of all that candy at the store...That's why I put off going to the store until late Sunday night after I EAT...more Will power then...I rarely go down the candy or cookie aisle at the store...
Mostly I've been saying to myself today...."165...I want to weigh 165...only 2 more pounds...don't screw it up by eating that junk...enjoy your salad...I will not go the store today and buy me Just one Chocolate Bunny...NO Sir...I won't".
Then Evil Eva says to me "But if you walk over to Publix's it won't make you gain any weight because you will have walked a mile..." I remind her that it takes walking 1 mile to work off 100 calories and a choc Bunny is more than 100 calories"
Then Mona starts in crying "We really need that bunny..it's Easter and it can't be all that bad or they won't sell it"
I say "Who are you Kidding..you both know if I give in I will be sorry...so Forget it..Instead of eating Choc Bunnies, I'm going to sit here and eat Bunny food, my lovely spinach salad with strawberries, blue cheese crumbles and walnut pieces...Now that really sounds good to me"
So I figured to keep me honest I would come here today and get it out of my system...
ONly 4 more days to go.....
Ok who out there knows where the Easter Bunny came from...just how does it relate to Easter? Besides being Spring..the real question is who cares if we get to eat CHOCOLATE CANDY... It's everywhere you go...It's the first thing you see when you walk into the store...How can we resist??????
This all started because of my freinds Con & Paula up in SC... Paula's basic menu is potato chips (she only eats a special kind that she gets thro a mail catalog from PA. I've never tasted them because they look way to greasy), any kind of Chocolate and Coke...Needless to say she is very overweight and always sick...anyhoooo the point here is she always has chocolate at the house and usually I'm alright with that (I know it's going to be there when I go so I set my mind on not being tempted)...and usually I can pass it up without any trouble...Con is the same way, he rarely eats the chocolate but will buy it for her (his way of showing her how much he loves her?) but this last time up both Con and I got tempted by the Easter Egg Malted Balls....(I totally LOVE MALTED BALLS, the way they melt in your mouth, the way they taste...)they were just sitting there...waiting for us...we both looked at each other and knew that we were DOOMED...so we compromised...There wasn't many left so we split them up between the 2 of us...(not sure where Paula was at the time..probably out buying more Easter Candy...). Now you have to understand that I haven't had any REAL Chocolate CANDY in a very long time...(I did try the sugar free choc candy but it gave me a tummy ache)...Luckily we were on our way out of the house to the gym when we grabbed the candy and it seem to satify both of us...EXCEPT that I've been dreaming of Chocolate Since...This is why I DO NOT eat even ONE piece because it takes days, weeks to get out of my system....
I will be sooo glad when Easter is over and they get rid of all that candy at the store...That's why I put off going to the store until late Sunday night after I EAT...more Will power then...I rarely go down the candy or cookie aisle at the store...
Mostly I've been saying to myself today...."165...I want to weigh 165...only 2 more pounds...don't screw it up by eating that junk...enjoy your salad...I will not go the store today and buy me Just one Chocolate Bunny...NO Sir...I won't".
Then Evil Eva says to me "But if you walk over to Publix's it won't make you gain any weight because you will have walked a mile..." I remind her that it takes walking 1 mile to work off 100 calories and a choc Bunny is more than 100 calories"
Then Mona starts in crying "We really need that bunny..it's Easter and it can't be all that bad or they won't sell it"
I say "Who are you Kidding..you both know if I give in I will be sorry...so Forget it..Instead of eating Choc Bunnies, I'm going to sit here and eat Bunny food, my lovely spinach salad with strawberries, blue cheese crumbles and walnut pieces...Now that really sounds good to me"
So I figured to keep me honest I would come here today and get it out of my system...
ONly 4 more days to go.....
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Fifty-six
What does being 56 mean to me? First off, I don't know that I truly feel like I'm 56 years old...sounds kind of old.
I've lived my life in stages...some good...some bad..I wonder how many more I will have to live thro?
I've seen a lot of changes in myself this past 3 years, more like the past 6 years since I turned 50.. I think I've gone thro the "change"..it kind of slipped by me...I really haven't had time to take too much notice of it.. I did stop my "periods" about a year ago..wondered at the time if it was from exercising so much...
When I lost most of my weight I noticed I could actually see my pubic hair and that there was alot of gray hair and that it had thinned out so I shaved it all off (I read that thinning hair down there is a sign of the change). I figured this was a way of ignoring it and it looks alot better when I wear a thong...Oh yeah that's a big change for me...I no longer wear "granny panties"...I have a large collection of thongs & sport bikini underwear. I noticed that my boobs sag some so I wear a push up bra, when I'm not wearing my sports bra which smashes everything down anyway..I did go from a size 42D to a 36B cup bra since losing the weight.
I now have wrinkles (laugh lines) around my eyes and still have a bit of a "chicken wattle" under my chin..and don't forget my "bat wings" under my arms...but I'm not letting those things bother me at this time...I figure I'll just blame them on losing so much wieght...I just slather the wrinkle-free creme and tell myself that it isn't that noticable...LOL...I also wear makeup now to draw away the attention to the wrinkles..it makes me feel almost pretty..
My hair is probably pretty gray too but I keep it colored & styled. Thanks to T my hairdresser (no more cutting & dying it myself)...she's even gotten to where she isn't quite so conservative..in fact when I went to her this past weekend she even said that she likes my hair with more pop (bright red streaks)...it took awhile to convince her but she's there with me now..
Being heavy does make a person OLDer than they need to be...at least it did me...I felt old most of the time..I dressed old because there wasn't that much out there to choose from. I have noticed lately that is changing in the stores but altho the style might be changing it still doesn't make you look good in them..take the black gal on American Idol that just got voted off last week...altho her voice was great I cringed at some of her outfits..they made her look even bigger than she was...and she was definately good size...I still worry that I'm dressing too young for my age but most of the time I think I look good...at least I feel good about the way I dress...it's very individual and I like it...especially my 4" heels..they make me feel tall...I probably spend way to much monies on clothing but what the hey...it makes me happy....
I think I'm alot more active than most women my age...not all...I've met a few that can run circle around me ...and I really admire them...I'm convinced that my being active keeps me young...in mind and body...
I've come a long ways in the last three years sooo being 56 is no big deal...no more than being 55...or 53...or 50...
I've lived my life in stages...some good...some bad..I wonder how many more I will have to live thro?
I've seen a lot of changes in myself this past 3 years, more like the past 6 years since I turned 50.. I think I've gone thro the "change"..it kind of slipped by me...I really haven't had time to take too much notice of it.. I did stop my "periods" about a year ago..wondered at the time if it was from exercising so much...
When I lost most of my weight I noticed I could actually see my pubic hair and that there was alot of gray hair and that it had thinned out so I shaved it all off (I read that thinning hair down there is a sign of the change). I figured this was a way of ignoring it and it looks alot better when I wear a thong...Oh yeah that's a big change for me...I no longer wear "granny panties"...I have a large collection of thongs & sport bikini underwear. I noticed that my boobs sag some so I wear a push up bra, when I'm not wearing my sports bra which smashes everything down anyway..I did go from a size 42D to a 36B cup bra since losing the weight.
I now have wrinkles (laugh lines) around my eyes and still have a bit of a "chicken wattle" under my chin..and don't forget my "bat wings" under my arms...but I'm not letting those things bother me at this time...I figure I'll just blame them on losing so much wieght...I just slather the wrinkle-free creme and tell myself that it isn't that noticable...LOL...I also wear makeup now to draw away the attention to the wrinkles..it makes me feel almost pretty..
My hair is probably pretty gray too but I keep it colored & styled. Thanks to T my hairdresser (no more cutting & dying it myself)...she's even gotten to where she isn't quite so conservative..in fact when I went to her this past weekend she even said that she likes my hair with more pop (bright red streaks)...it took awhile to convince her but she's there with me now..
Being heavy does make a person OLDer than they need to be...at least it did me...I felt old most of the time..I dressed old because there wasn't that much out there to choose from. I have noticed lately that is changing in the stores but altho the style might be changing it still doesn't make you look good in them..take the black gal on American Idol that just got voted off last week...altho her voice was great I cringed at some of her outfits..they made her look even bigger than she was...and she was definately good size...I still worry that I'm dressing too young for my age but most of the time I think I look good...at least I feel good about the way I dress...it's very individual and I like it...especially my 4" heels..they make me feel tall...I probably spend way to much monies on clothing but what the hey...it makes me happy....
I think I'm alot more active than most women my age...not all...I've met a few that can run circle around me ...and I really admire them...I'm convinced that my being active keeps me young...in mind and body...
I've come a long ways in the last three years sooo being 56 is no big deal...no more than being 55...or 53...or 50...
Monday, April 10, 2006
My birthday yesterday
I've have mixed feelings about turning another year older. After the big deal I made of my birthday last year I decided I didn't want to do anything this year, just to spend a quiet day by myself..which is exactly what I did.
I woke up early and laid in the bed imagining how it would have been if Larry was still here... it wasn't a bad thing, it left me feeling warm and loved...I then got up and went to the park to run/walk twice around the lake (6 miles all together)...I decided not to call #1 Niece...for one thing I figured being Palm Sunday she would be taking the Boy to church...and I really wanted to just be by myself and enjoy the morning at the park..it's so pretty right now with the everything turning green. I ended up walking the last bit and went on a couple of differant paths than I normally do..it was nice... Then I came home and mowed the lawn, pulled some weeds & trimmed the holly bushes. My poor yard! Before Larry died it was one of the best looking yards in the neighborhood...I just don't seem to have the motivation to keep it up the way it should be....
I did wear my shorts hoping to get some sun on these lily white legs of mine...but all I see is more freckles...too bad they don't meet up then I could pass it off as a tan...oh well.while out mowing My lil Sister (#1 nieces Mom) called and left a message on my voce mail..singing Happy B'day...
I then went in and read a Nora Roberts book..one of the Quinn stories...
My older sister called me from Wyoming and sang (off key on purpose, that's her thing) Happy Birthday to me...we talked for awhile..it's always good to hear from her even if she is crazy...
I grilled me some salmon on my George Foreman grill, nuked me a sweet potato and steamed some peas...for my birthday dinner...
I always fixed everyones favorite dinner for their birthday...wonder why we always associate food with birthdays...birthday cake & ice cream??? hmmmm....
After finishing the book I saw it was still early (only 8 pm) so went to WalMart to pick up groceries for the week...found this really cute dusty rose crochet top that will go perfectly with this skirt I have...so bought it and said Happy Birthday to me...My Mom called while I was at the store..we talked for awhile...she had to sing to me tooo...(why does my family do that?)...
Got home and watched a Sam Elliot movie...he's sooo hot...then went to bed..
Nothing exciting but just the kind of day I was in the mood for...
Both the Kid and #1 Niece called me this morning to let me know that they didn't realize yesterday was the 9th...I told them not to worry...No big deal...they both have their own lives and were pretty busy yesterday....
I woke up early and laid in the bed imagining how it would have been if Larry was still here... it wasn't a bad thing, it left me feeling warm and loved...I then got up and went to the park to run/walk twice around the lake (6 miles all together)...I decided not to call #1 Niece...for one thing I figured being Palm Sunday she would be taking the Boy to church...and I really wanted to just be by myself and enjoy the morning at the park..it's so pretty right now with the everything turning green. I ended up walking the last bit and went on a couple of differant paths than I normally do..it was nice... Then I came home and mowed the lawn, pulled some weeds & trimmed the holly bushes. My poor yard! Before Larry died it was one of the best looking yards in the neighborhood...I just don't seem to have the motivation to keep it up the way it should be....
I did wear my shorts hoping to get some sun on these lily white legs of mine...but all I see is more freckles...too bad they don't meet up then I could pass it off as a tan...oh well.while out mowing My lil Sister (#1 nieces Mom) called and left a message on my voce mail..singing Happy B'day...
I then went in and read a Nora Roberts book..one of the Quinn stories...
My older sister called me from Wyoming and sang (off key on purpose, that's her thing) Happy Birthday to me...we talked for awhile..it's always good to hear from her even if she is crazy...
I grilled me some salmon on my George Foreman grill, nuked me a sweet potato and steamed some peas...for my birthday dinner...
I always fixed everyones favorite dinner for their birthday...wonder why we always associate food with birthdays...birthday cake & ice cream??? hmmmm....
After finishing the book I saw it was still early (only 8 pm) so went to WalMart to pick up groceries for the week...found this really cute dusty rose crochet top that will go perfectly with this skirt I have...so bought it and said Happy Birthday to me...My Mom called while I was at the store..we talked for awhile...she had to sing to me tooo...(why does my family do that?)...
Got home and watched a Sam Elliot movie...he's sooo hot...then went to bed..
Nothing exciting but just the kind of day I was in the mood for...
Both the Kid and #1 Niece called me this morning to let me know that they didn't realize yesterday was the 9th...I told them not to worry...No big deal...they both have their own lives and were pretty busy yesterday....
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