My Mom

I've been sitting here thinking about my Mom today... You see I got a phone call from my sister Linda(#1 Nieces Mom) yesterday from Wyoming... It seems that Mom had an accident in her car in the parking lot after she dropped Linda off at work. Linda said it gave her quite a scare when she saw Mom walk into the restrurant looking confused. She was wondering where her glasses where...Linda walked out to the parking lot with her to find them and saw Mom's car wrecked into a parked truck...Mom didn't remember what happened but said her chest hurt... Linda called my Brother Willy and he took her to the hospital where they did all kinds of tests...all of them came out alright..they figure the seat belt caused her some discomfort...thank goodness for the seat belt or she would have gone through the windshield. The police & Willy figure she must have hit a patch of ice in the parking lot and lost control of the car. I talked with Mom on the phone last night and she seemed alright just kind of shook up.
Mom is in her late 70's and lives in an senior citizens center. She has always been very independent. She brought us four kids up all on her own in the 50's & 60's. Not an easy thing, especially since I was such a trouble maker... We haven't always seen eye to eye on things (Big laugh here)....but she was there for me when my son died in 1978 and again when Larry died...She has been a care taker for my cousin (who died of cancer) my aunt Clara and her friend Alice (who both died at home)...I think it takes a strong & caring person to be with people you love while they die...And we (being my siblings & I)joke that she will be there when we are nearing the end and Mom agrees with us...but in the last year I've come to realize she is only human and she won't be with us forever...this frankly scares me to death...I want to SCREAM like a child..."No, No, No...My Mom can't ever die and she will NEVER grow OLD...She has to be here FOREVER". Realistically I know that can't be...But I'm not sure she even knows that...In our conversation last night she was complaining that she isn't getting her 3 miles of walking in anymore each day...that she just feels tired all of the time..but then in the next breath she tells me she isn't ever going to get old..
It's really hard being so far away from my Family and not being able to see them but once a year (not that I would EVER move back to Wyoming). I know that I need to take a trip to Colorado to see Lar's Mom (she's in her 80's and not doing good) and I need to spend some time with My Mom...but I keep putting it off..like if I don't see how both of them have aged in the last couple of years first hand then it's not really happening...Not good...When did I become such a chicken?
I still ache from losing Larry...How would I handle it if something were to happen to Mom? Yeah I know life goes on but maybe I can put it off just a little longer...