MONEY MONEY

Oh how I wish I had some.....Money that is....Everything I want to do and have costs sooo much....As my dear ole Mom used to say...Why couldn't I have been born RICH instead of Beautiful? I think the trouble I'm really having is that when Lar was alive he kept pretty tight reins on the monies...in other words he was a skinflint when it came to MY spending monies (altho if I really wanted something I would get it but the fact that he wouldn't be happy kept me in line most of the time)....and thanks to him we did have enough savings to live on without me working the last three years of his life...and the life insurance he had did cover all the medical bills that his insurance company didn't cover with some left over for me to live on this past 3 years comfortably...but that is quickly dwindling down...so now I have to rein myself in when I start to think about spending $800 for weights and stand which I really want or $300 plus air flight & hotel for the Impact Safety classes I want that I saw on Granny's blog...
When I stop to think about all the monies I spend each month just to keep healthy, I realize it's alot more expensive to be fit than if I just didn't give a darn...
there's my Gym payment every month ($45/month), I need new running shoes (this will cost me about $100) GNC where i get my protein powder, vitamins, Triflex & Flaxseed oil (usually around $60-80 a month)...Then my grocery bill is alot higher because I eat alot of Fresh veggies & fruits vs canned or frozen...also Fish is more expensive than all that other meats...I spent $68 on groceries the other night and carried it out in 2 bags...WTF.....this to last me for 5 days....I keep telling myself that it all evens out because I don't buy chips/cookies/garbage but I just don't know...is this really worth it....Wait a minute....let me look in the mirror.....Oh yeah, if I eat all that cheap/inexpensive shit and give up all the other stuff I will look like I did 2 years ago....NOT going to happen.....so I guess I'll just have to give up the weights and the self defense class for now ....but I'm still looking into taking classes on getting certified for becoming a personal trainer...another dream of mine...maybe just not right now...
I really need to start playing the Lottery or finding a better paying job....