I wonder when I will NOT feel the need to excuse myself for how I look. I know I'm still heavy (or should I just come out and say it...FAT) to some people (these so called peoples who's blogs I've read) who think "169 Oh MY GOD...that's obese...", but to me it's not....not compared to where I have been (I dreamed for years to weigh this less)... So where do we draw the line at how much a person weighs making them overweight... Sure I SHOULD weigh 149 (my goal)or less...and I truly believe I will get there...but it is going to take time and in the meantime do I go around feeling FAT or do I just enjoy being able to move this body more than I have ever in many years..
Someone will come up to me and say how good I look and immediately I will say something back like "Yea, but I still have 20 pounds to lose" like this isn't the end and I could look better...or I'll start in about how I've lost 60 plus pounds and how bad I used to look....Why can't I just say "Thanks I feel good". When someone compliments me like that the thought that they are just being nice and don't really mean it goes through my mind...It's like I CAN'T accept it that I might just look good to them not when there are so many skinnier women around that look sooo much better...
And why do I keep comparing myself to other people? Why can't I just accept that I am ME and I do look good? Without any doubts? I look at the pictures (to be posted later) that I just got developed and all I see is the flaws...probably because they aren't the best (but what is?) pictures taken of me..then I hesitate to show those pictures because I think people will have to say how good they are just to be nice and not wanting to hurt my feelings.... Again I ask Why can't I look as good in pictures as I look to myself in the morning in the mirror? How Depressing.....
But I will not let this get me down...
Be Prepared I will be posting pictures SOON....
Hopefully it won't scare you off like it did the guy I've been emailing from the computer dating....yep, I haven't heard back from him since I sent him my picture...oh well, if he only wants a Barbie Doll, he definately needs to keep looking because I certainly am not THAT....(I'm really not bitter....no I'm not)Actually my body doesn't look too bad in the pictures....it's my face that I'm not happy with.... wrinkles, extra neck skin, droopy eyes & mouth...are these really supposed to come with getting older? Have I waited this long for my body to look good and never gave a thought to the fact that my body might look good but my face might not? Oh my Gawd, will I ever be satisfied???????
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2 comments:
Fuck 169lbs. You're in a size 10! Anybody who looks at a size 10 as fat is just begging to be kicked in the crotch. Yes, you've lost 60lbs. That's a net loss. Your fat loss is much higher than that and you've thrown in a boatload of lean muscle to go with it. You don't go down more than 10 sizes (what's the actual? 12 sizes?) without it being a major loss.
When we say you look good, we mean it. You look fantastic. When are you actually going to believe us?
Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder of how far I have come (from a size 22 to size 10 yay)...I guess I needed it today...although I really wasn't on a pity party...just wondering when I will be considered NOT OBESE by normal (meaning skinny) people...and does it really matter?
P.S. you are in trouble with your "cuz" for using the F word... she was shocked!!!! Where has she been?
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