I've dealt with a low esteem (I just hide it well LOL) most of my life...always worried about what others thought and tried to live my life so I would get the approval of everyone...and when I didn't get that approval then I went into a "black mood" and blame everything, my being fat, being ugly, ect, on the person whose approval I didn't get... when in fact it was my problem not theirs...I could blame my Mom for not encouraging me when I was young but that won't change who I am now... I'm learning to like/love myself..not an easy thing to do..but each day I find something about myself that I like and build from that...I like to say "I'm an work of art in progress"... I'm learning to trust what I think and how I feel about things...if I like something does it really matter if anyone else does? Hey, I drive a pink truck... what can I say?
When Larry came into my life I learned that life goes on no matter what, that there will always be disappointments and I needed to learn how to deal with them....Here was a man that had everything (I thought) taken away from him in a moment, he lost the use of his lower body totally and was confined to a wheelchair at the age of 18 years old but he didn't let that stop him from living life to the fullest.He accepted that he would never do the things he had before in the same way so he found other ways to do them.. He went camping, owned his own boat, drove his own car, even raced at one time... I could go on all day of how special I thought he was, but you know he never saw it that way. He just knew that he had to live life. The point I guess I am trying to make is after he passed away and I looked at my own life I decided to use what he taught me and find another way to live my life...so I can't have the same foods that I did before because, face it, that is one of the things that made me "fat" so instead I found things that I could eat that I enjoy just as much... so instead of those greasy potato chips that I used to eat a whole bag of now I eat raw zuchinni with a little low fat dip, is it the same? No, but I still like it...Do I miss it?....yes there are times I would give anything to be able to go back to eating the way I used to... but I know just what that would lead to sooo I tell myself that part of my life is over...
To me it's all about choices.. I keep things in my house like fruit, zuchinni, ect that I know are good for me and don't buy the things that I know would tempt me, like cookies, potato chips, ice cream, ect so when I am having an off day it makes it easier for me to make a smarter choice... Now I'm far from being perfect..and yes, I do have "off" days but I try not to make it any harder for me than necessary...and I don't expect me to be perfect...and if I do make a wrong choice, such as giving into EE & MM and buying a choc candy bar every once in a while..then I get right back making those right choices again... this has helped me know that I can do this no matter what.. This isn't just a Diet, this is my Way of Life now and for the rest of my life...
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