Where did 2008 go?

Here it is a new year 2009 and of course I'm thinking about New Years Resolutions (which I always hate) and I realize I've let 2008 go by and I have NOTHING to show by it except bad feelings, bad health and bad self esteem...Now this isn't good...so I came here to re read some of my earlier blogs (which surprized me how good they were) and realized I really want that person that wrote those blogs back..

I started this blog in 2005 when I was at a really good place...very positive...ready for anything...lots of adventures..not afraid to face my inner demons and working on getting my self esteem to a level that would only mean success for me...

So what happened?

How did I get to where I am today?...maybe not exactly where I was (mentally or physically) when I began in 2003 but close to it...I'm defiantly not the same person I was back when I started this blog and how do I get that "Sexy" back. At this time I'm not going to into all that is wrong with my life today because that isn't what matters to me...What matters to me is getting back to where I am happy with myself...to see some of that personality I see when I go back and reread some of my earlier blogs...

I have all the tools and knowledge to do it and one of them is coming here and blogging in where I am and all of my successes not just my failures...

so maybe I won't do a New Years Resolution but I will make a list of what I would like to see happen in my life in the next couple of months...

1. to get back into a regular exercise routine (whether that be at the gym, hiking, running 5k's again or all of them)... not accepting any more excuses such as the cost of gas...too tired after work, no clothes that fit me or not feeling good enuff. I know this is important for my mental and physical self more than anything else..This is what makes ME feel good...and I want ME back..besides It's Fun!!!

2. blogging in...this keeps me from accepting those excuses. and it's a good place to get motivation from other bloggers like Swigg and Kyra..good to see they are still at it...I know I've said this in the last couple of years and I do good for awhile then stop but I'm going to work on really staying with it this time.... It's another way of judging just where I am and how far I've come...

3. getting my health back..to do this I need to control my eating...no accepting excuses bout the cost of healthy food...I NEED to get off the white processed sugar...I know it's killing me and I also know I can live without it...I did for 2 years...I may not be able to afford the way I ate a few years ago but I truly believe there is a way not to starve my self and eat healthy within a budget..I just have to find it....maybe try some new recipes with what I can afford...

4. Start enjoying life again..it's not that I'm totally miserable but I've defiantly let Myself get in to a way of life of making excuses and accepting that I can't do certain things because of where I am today with my health....I've done it before and I can do it again...I want that really good feeling I had back when I started this blog...I want the adventure back..

So where did 2008 go? What did I do the whole year? Some of the Highlights were..

In May I did go to the wedding on the beach in Florida with my TH.us group (more about them later, they have been a lifeline for me in the past year). I didn't lose the weight but still had a great time with my friends...

In June The Kid and I went to Wyoming to visit my Mom and family...not the happiest time in my life but most of it was my own doing...For some reason this trip really threw me for a loop...I missed Lar so much and seeing my Mom who is 80 years old and not doing good mentally and physically just about tore me up...put me in a "black hole" for quite a long time...

Did not get a job for the summer....made excuses which I don't won't to go into right now but mostly sat around the house feeling sorry for myself and eating and getting bigger. Until the last two weeks before school started then called my supervisor and asked her if she could put me to work in the office...Thank God she did!!!

August school started and I went back to driving the school bus. Surprizing how much I really enjoy the kids...This year I only have 3 routes..the same high school route (mostly same kids) as last year, 1 elementary school (I'm on my third new route for various reasons) and a new middle school route (which I just got a month ago)...it challenges me and keeps me young trying to keep up with these kids..
I also got a raise and more hours...oh yeah...on Thurs I do Community Skills for the high school...with 7 boys who are special ed...some day I'll write about them but not today...

In October Th.us had another wedding...this one was for Carson and Huyen in the Blue Ridge Mountains...the group also went white water rafting but I had a bad feeling about going this years so I sat it out with my Friend Rachel who just had back surgery.

I've only gone hiking a couple of times and those were only small day hikes...I use the excuse that I don't have the right clothes to wear and I don't want to slow the group down...again excuses which only make me miss out on the fun..

As you can see I know I've had some good times in 2008..it hasn't all been bad so why do I feel that I've failed at something I should have been doing...

Well the good thing is there is always today and tomorrow to get back to where I want to be..Life is full of set backs but that doesn't mean that it is the End...