Like everything else in my life I keep putting off coming here to blog...I think about it when I'm in my car, in bed and even when I'm driving the bus...I think of all kinds of things I could be writing...but when it comes to actually coming into my office and logging in to my site..I think to MYSELF...I'll wait till later to do it....and then NEVER do it....
And it's not only blogging that I'm doing this with..it's cleaning my house, paying bills, going to the gym or even weighing myself...It's so easy NOT to do ANYThINg....just to sit around and read...Oh I go to work everyday and I've even did a 5K a couple of weeks ago...oh yeah and I did do Bruce's Panthertown Backpacking Trip (the one I really wanted to do...it was good) and I've hung out with my friend J...it's not like I'm NOT doing things...just not things I know I should be doing...
I could use the excuse that this is the Month that I'm always depressed....but I don't really feel depressed...I mean I laugh with my freinds and co workers...it's just that I have no energy or motivation to do most of the things that I need to do....
I also tell myself it's because I have NO monies...I'm more in debt now than I ever have.(why does everything have to Cost sooo much)..but I also tell myself that I can see my way out of it....I just have to be patient and chip at it a little at a time and do without alot of the things I got used to having...like Healthy food, clothes and books....you know the essentials in my life...
I gave up my protein drinks and all of my supplements because it was costing me over $150 a month....now I know that I can buy the cheaper version of all those things but I keep putting it off....I pass up alot of the things that my friends are doing because I just don't have the monies to keep up with them..and I'm not comfortable with them paying my way ALL the time..I get so tired of having to say "NO, I don't have the monies"...I'm lucky in that my friends are GREAT and they won't take the answer NO most of the times....I went to Savannah with a group of 6 and stayed at a B&B in September which my friend "L" paid for...we had a blast....and then last month a group of about thirteen of us went to the Mountains, rented a cabin and went White Water Rafting....again I didn't have to pay anything because another friend paid for my part...but you know I get so tired of NOT being able to Pay my own way....the months that I was out of work and the 6 months that I worked for LA Fitness really put me behind...I made a mistake of living off my Credit Cards...something I knew better than to do but didn't feel like I had a choice..but now I'm working to get them paid off....
I seem to be obsessing over this probably more than I should...letting Moanin' Mona rule the day....
well, most of the time LIFE IS GOOD for me....I mean I have so many things to be thankful for...It's just that pushing myself to do the things I know would make be feel better just sounds like to much work...and is so easy to put it off for today, telling myself that there is always tommorow....
I wanted to wait till I had something funny, something uplifting...something to make me laugh before I blogged again...but that doesn't seem to be happening...all I ever seem to blog is this self pity stuff....damn...what's wrong with me?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Welcome back Sue - I continue to check in and think about you. Life just gives us so many things - one thing is how blessed you are that your friends want you to be with them, money is transitory. We all have our difficult times, you are loved - my heart to yours.lwyi
Sue-- hang in there! Glad to see you back, stay with it. Maybe that will help you get back on track. Blogging can be a form of therapy. It forces you to be accountable, at least to yourself. Think baby steps. Try to make small changes to get you where you want to be. But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. You know you have friends here to help you get thru the tougher moments.
Post a Comment