I'm sooo screwed

until I figure out why I do this and how to control myself...I will never stop.......

What am I talking about? Yesterday was a bad day for me at work....I know what I should have done to get the sales but I just couldn't seem to close one single sale...This is my job and I HAVE to get it down NOW...it doesn't do me any good to beat myself up about it but I need to learn what went wrong and how to fix it...AND DO IT RIGHT!!!!

so anyway I didn't go to the gym last night because it was late by the time I got out of work (this is an EXCUSE...I still could have gone it wasn't that late...8:30 and the gym stays open until 10) so I came home and instead of coming here to get out all of my frustrations...or even calling someone and talking to them...I ate my way through the night...I didn't stop even when I knew that I was full...I just kept eating....until I was so uncomfortable and then went to bed..I knew that if I ate sugar before bed I wouldn't sleep much (and I was right)...even that thought didn't stop me...(I know I should have thrown out the sugar the other day...I did put it way up in the cupboard but that didn't stop me last night).

So here I am this morning afraid to get on the scale and disgusted with myself....I know that IF I Don't figure out how to handle things emotionally I will never win this struggle with my weight...I will sabatoge myself and Right now I don't want that..but last night that part of me (EVIL EVA) that just wants the comfort (and food has always been that to me) won the fight.

Then too I ask myself...why didn't I at least come here and talk about it first before eating....the EXCUSE that I tried to tell myself last night and in the middle of the night is that I learned as a child NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.... not to bother people with my problems because they are just that MY PROBLEMS and no one wants to hear them...so I keep everything inside until it hurts...if I eat maybe it will take away that hurt...I can tell myself that it is only temporary and that I will feel worse after doing it....but truthfully I don't listen to that part of myself...I am too consumed with eating to listen to reason of any kind...it's like a frenzy...what can I eat next....OH I REALLY DO HAVE A PROBLEM....I have always been a sneak eater...never being honest with how much I really eat..which is weird because all you have to do is look at me to know that I have a problem with eating....that roll of fat around my middle tells the story...

Any way ....I know that there will be more times in my life that things don't go my way...days like yesterday will surely happen again...so how do I guard myself from Evil Eva?

Today I will get back on the track to eating healthy...not sure I can throw away that sugar..I'm not that strong...but I will put it in the freezer, or maybe pack it up and give it to "The Kid"...

Right now I have to go to work and Work on Closing those sales that I didn't close yesterday...I have a plan for that at least...hopefully it will work and I'll get back on track for that too....

Today will be a better day and I will conquer ALL