Since I've been out of work I had an ongoing fight with Evil Eva who keeps telling me how worthless I am...that I am a total failure in life...here I am almost 57 years old and what do I have to show for it?
I have no education. I did make it to my senior year in high school but didn't graduate..I got my GED after my son died. Most of the jobs I'm applying for require a bachelor's degree...at least the ones that pay the type of monies I would like to be making...I know that I'm not a dummy...I have at least a thousand books in my house...am always reading something. I know that education is very important to make it in this world now a days but can someone make it without it? A dream of mine has always been to go back to school and I even checked it out once but even with the Hope Grant I didn't qualify and to tell the truth I'm scared to death that I'm really not smart enough or that my memory isn't good enuff to learn...Can a person be a SUCCESS without a formal education?
I have never traveled out of the states...never been off the mainland. Until this past year this never really bothered me but It seems like most of the people I meet here lately have all traveled to some country...or are planning on it..This takes Monies and Time..which I don't seem to have....Does being well traveled make one a SUCCESS? I'm actually more interested in seeing and learning more about my own country...there are so many places here in the states that I still want to see...
I don't live in a fancy house with expensive furniture like most of my new freinds ....but I do live in a house that I like..it may not be fancy but it is the only house I've ever lived in that I own...and I love this house..It's a nice neighborhood...it fits me..it has a lot of good memories of Larry in it...I know if I had the monies I could fix it up, put new carpet, redo the kitchen cabinets, buy new living room furniture, etc ...and I do dream of doing all that but I don't want to go into debt to do it...Does where and how you live make you a SUCCESS?
I don't wear designer clothes...although I think I dress better now than I ever have in my life ...I still wouldn't ever pay $700 for a pair of pants..I saw this on Ophra the other day...I know that you get what you pay for...and I have freinds who don't think twice about spending alot of monies on clothes...and I mean alot..like in the thousands...and I would love to be able to walk into a upscale clothing store and buy at least one name brand outfit..but I won't go into debt to to that..Does what you wear make you a SUCCESS?
Up to a couple of months ago if someone asked me if I felt like I was a success in life..I would have said YES..without hesitation...to me Success means that I have lived my life to the fullest, the best that I could..I married a great man and lived a happy life with him...I was able to be with him until the end... I brought up a beautiful daughter who is a great person and a wonderful Mom herself...and I've always given my all to what ever job I held...I've taken some hard knocks in life but have always been able to get back up on my feet and keep going...
The Webster's Dictionary says this: Success.. a : degree or measure of succeeding b : favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.
So do I need SUCCESS to be happy? I don't know...but I sure wish I had some right now in getting a job....I wish I knew how to get the confidance back that I had before this job thing came up...I miss the feeling that I can do anything I set my mind too....I just don't know how to get it back...I don't know how to shut Evil Eva up...slowly but surely she is starting to wear me down..
I went on an interview for a job on Tuesday and instead of going in feeling like I could do anything..like I did when I went on that interview for Pella Windows (the job that only lasted for 2 days) I don't feel that I gave it my all and made a good impression..(I still haven't heard back from them).
I can't do anything about that now but I need to change things around before my next interview with whoever...I know that something will come my way...but it had better happen pretty soon...
I'm thinking about advertising on my blog to make some monies...but not sure if that many people really read me to make a differance and I've always disliked all that extra junk on the blogs altho I understand why people do it..it's just that I like things neat...just thinking about paying my bills...yech...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Success is defined by each person. That is my opinion. I'm thinking that you hit a bump in the road to your next job. I just read somewhere that you such pick a theme song for yourself and sing it when faced with tough things to give you more confidence.
I'm also older and just completed 2 years of college recently and "hell yes" it was hard, but I did better than the kids there because I wanted it more. They are young and foolish, some of them, I didn't have the time to waste. I actually loved it. You are never too old to learn...Keep plugging away! Don't give up!
Sue, all those things you mentioned are just that --w "things" and in the whole world that really matters is the condition of our spirit and our calling - the other things you mentioned, your daughter, Larry, the home you love, all of those are the important things - love is the only thing in the end of the day. You are an amazing woman.
You can do anything you put your mind to - you have proven that. Fancy clothes, housing and even jobs do not necessarily make people happy. Chris' comment is well taken, if you go to school you will succeed because you are motivated to be there and you know the value of the education and experience.
I am glad to see you posting again, I have been dropping by and sending you warm thoughts across the miles between. Take care of yourself and claim your power. :)
Chris, I can tell you have never heard me sing LOL...my favorite song is Crazy by Gnarles Barkley and I can never remember the words to any song...I can remember tunes but never the words...I think I'm missing that gene...but it's a good idea..
Suzann..again thanks for the encouragement... It's not like I haven't thought of lots of things to write here..it's just that they all seem so depressing lately..and I like to keep things on the positive side..plus for some reason I had problems signing onto my blogger the last couple of days...
I wondered what that warm feeling I was getting lately..glad it was you thinking about me and not just hot flashes LOL...
Sue
Glad to see you are back among the bloggers--you know you can count on us when you are feeling down. I think you have a perfect sense of what is important in life. Keep at it-- you will find your place in the working world and all the pieces will once again fall into place. Sending good karma down to you.
Post a Comment