Moving Forward

Krya's comments & her thought provoking blog RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW has got me to thinking again....oh no, anything but that.... Life has given me many choices...it may not have seem like it at the time but they were there....from the very beginning...and only I could make them...whether they were right or wrong...I have to live with them and hopefully learn from them. I think back on some of my choices and see that they may not have seem the wisest or best choice at that time but they did set things in motion to make me the person that I am...

My first marriage lasted 5 years ...I chose to marry someone I knew had a drinking problem (history of alcoholism in a dysfunctional family) but I was so desperate for someone to love me that I overlooked all of that...I can see now that I was young (18 yrs old seemed so old then)...but the choice was mine ..the best thing that came out of that marriage is The Kid..and my memories of Jason, my son who died at 7 yrs old....and for that reason I would never wish that I could have done differant...
Even with Jason there was choice to be made...the doctors & my husband all tried to talk me into putting him in an institution when we knew that he was brain damaged and that he had a short life expectancy...and it would have been an easy choice but I chose instead to keep him with me for as long as I could...which was til the day he died in my arms at home...because of the choice I made I will always have those memories to cherish..
Even with The Kid there were choices to be made...when I found out I was pregnant with her I was in an abusive relationship due mostly to my husband inablity to accept Jason. When I told him I was pregnant he gave me a Choice...I could get an abortion but if I chose to keep the baby our marriage was over..it was anyway because he had found someone new...He did offer that I could stay with him and the new love until the baby was born (big of him wasn't it) Well....I chose My own way...I moved out at 3 months pregnant with Jason and gave birth to the most beautiful Healthy baby girl in the world...A choice I have never regretted....
I always felt like I was moving forward...I knew that life was going to be hard with a special needs (i like that so much better than brain damaged) child and an infant but I also knew that life with my husband at that time would be one of abuse and misery....I Know I made the right choice that time...

My life with Larry was filled with lots choices...from the time I met him to the day he died....I knew when I met him that living with a paraplegic would be hard at times...but again I knew that I had lived through hard times before and that I could do it...I felt like being with him I could Move Forward...And I did...With him I learned that someone could love me for who I am..and that feeling still makes me want to be all I can...and I have 23 years of memories to keep me going...

All these choice make me who I am today.... Some say I am a strong woman....I say I am just a Woman who has had to live with her choices (just like we all do) some good and some bad...but always Moving Forward.

Will I always make the right choice? Who knows! I've made my share of mistakes in this life that's for sure...But as long as I stay true to myself I think I will be able to make the choices that are right for me at the time...I have to have faith that my past experiences will help me in making those choices..The main thing is that I keep Moving Forward in this life...