It was three years ago today that I said good bye to Larry for the last time.
I think I knew the day before my birthday that he won't be with me for much longer. I remember asking him to hang in there, not to go on my birthday..I knew it was selfish of me but at least by that time he wasn't in pain..He was barely aware of anything...mostly sleeping..
We had brought him home from the hospital in January and set up the hospital bed in the dining room so he could see out the windows to the yard that he had loved so much..I did have hope at that time that a miracle would happen and he would actually get better despite what all the doctors had said...but it wasn't meant to be...he hung in there for four more months and I'm thankful that we had that time together.
April 13, 2003 fell on a Sunday, it was a beautiful spring day, and somehow I knew this would be the last day for Larry...I called the girls to come say good bye to him..It was hard to watch The Kid, she was going thro so many things herself at that time..She was in the middle of a nasty custody fight with her Ex for Bubba and had given birth to Lil Missy in February..for her to lose her Dad at this time just seemed so unfair...but she handled it...I'm proud of her. Larry never opened his eyes that day but I know he could hear the girls say goodbye..He did look so peaceful. Later that evening I was sitting next to his bed holding his hand when I felt/heard him sigh and I leaned over and told him it was alright I understood he had to go and that I loved him with all my heart..he let out a long sigh and was still, his long struggle was over.
I remember feeling such loss...You see, he was not only my husband but my best freind, my other half. I knew that I could/would go on living with out him but I never knew it would be so hard at times...We had 23 years together...lots of good times and some hard times. He was truly one of The Good Guys..He made me laugh..he made me feel loved...he made me feel safe...And I miss him more than words can say.
I've been struggling with up & down feelings for about 3 weeks now.. Mostly I've wanted just to be by myself to remember my time with Larry ...you would think after three years it would get easier...but it doesn't.
A journal of rantings & ravings of a 55 PLUS year old who is on a fantastic journey to getting fit & healthy and having fun at the same time....
6 comments:
I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I told someone just the other day that I felt like he waiting for his granddaughter to get here and to spend a little time with her before he left us. I know he heard us telling him good bye. I could feel it. I miss him so much it's unbelieveable. I know you do too. Today is a hard day.
Sometimes watching lil Missy I think to myself how much Lar would have loved just watching her..I remember how much fun he had with Bubba & the Boy when they were that age...and of course he always had a soft spot for lil girls. I remember when Megan (our friend Tommy's daughter) was that 2-3 yrs old, how he loved taking her for a ride on his wheelchair.. One of my biggest regrets is that Lil Missy & Mini-meme never got to know him.
That was a beautiful post.
I relate to your post so much slem. I don't have three years behind me...only 5 months; but I know exactly what you're talking about. And though time helps us to heal, it certainly never lets us forget...and that's a good thing. May you always remember with peace and love...
My heart reaches out to you sister on this day of rememberance and mourning. Be gentle with yourself. Suzann
It's barely three months for me and I, too, know what you mean.
I miss my mate every day, all day long.
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