Shocked & Bewildered

Tues pm
Two Days...that's how long my new wonderful job lasted...

Yep...I was told this afternoon that I didn't "fit" and I was being let go...I'm still reeling, trying to figure out what went wrong....it's 9:30 pm... I'm going to bed.

Weds am
I laid in bed going over the last two days in my mind trying to figure out where I went wrong....and where do I go from here....

On the first day at this job I truthfully knew that I wasn't going to happy...but I thought I could stick it out.... after all it was more monies..I just never thought that the company won't give me time to adjust...

What went Wrong?
First, I'm used to working by myself in an office by myself...I went from that to a room with 5 other people sitting in an area half the size I was used to...plus all the traffic that came in and out was very distracting...sales people, drivers, warehouse workers....I admit the first day I was really distracted by it but by yesterday I was getting used to it ...it's not like I haven't ever worked in that environment before....

Second, I had to clock in and out every time I left the office...I know this isn't a big thing but it's not something I've done in a long time and I felt like my every move was being monitored (which I suppose it was)...Not sure why this bothered me but it did...must be the rebel in me...I guess If they had told me up front that this is how it was I could have prepared myself mentally and got over it....by yesterday it wasn't that big of a thing but Monday when they told me I have to admit I was myself and probably said something smart about it...Not smart on my part...

Third, I had to dress down...no heels, no open toes shoes...dress pants and a dress shirt...this to work in a warehouse...This too bothered me because for so many years I didn't have a choice about how I dressed because of my size and I'm proud of how I look now...and love to show off in clothes...it makes me feel good...altho hardly anyone ever saw me at my last job ...I always loved dressing for myself and feeling good about ME... Monday I wore a pair of boring brown pants with a top and a brown jacket...I looked okay, then yesterday I broke down and wore my brown split skirt and black knee high boots with a silk top and a lil brown sweater....nothing sexy and I thought it was rather conservative but I don't think the woman (from Knoxville TN) that was training me approved..altho she was wearing 1" heels with her boring slacks & sweater.... Oh well...no sense in beating myself up over it...it's done and over with...

So where do I go from here...I feel like I did after Larry died....LOST!!! but at least back then I had enough monies to last on my own for awhile...and I really lucked out in getting the job with Black Box...I always thank Larry for that....it ended up that my boss knew Larry while he worked for GSA...

I have enuff monies to last me a couple of months if I watch myself...I need to look at what I am spending each month and see where I can cut back...

PLAN
1. I need to sell the VAN...I've been putting it off for three years and now it's not worth as much as it was then...it's not running...I think it's the battery...so I will clean it up today and put my battery from the truck in it to see if that is the problem...if so then I will go and buy another one for it.... Then I need to get #1 Niece's digital camera and take a picture of it so I can put it on Disabled Dealers...I'm hoping to get a few thousand for it which will help....but don't have a lot of hope on selling it right away...as soon as I do sell it then I can drop the insurance and this will save me some monies...

2. Clean out the storage unit I'm renting and either get rid of everything or store it here in the garage so that will save me $45 a month..not much but it'll pay for my gym membership each month...that I will not give up...

3. Get the word out there that I'm looking for a job....Not sure what to do about this ...my confidence is at a low...it took a hard hit but I've never been one to stay down....
I did pick up an application at the gym last night..they don't pay much but if nothing else I will work part time until I can find a job that does pay..

So am I sorry that I took this leap and quit a perfectly good job and tried to better myself?
Truthfully ...this morning YES...but I know that if I hadn't tried then I would have always wondered what I was missing out and I gues I've always been a risk taker..There were many reasons why I decided to quit and go to another company...more monies...I just wasn't making enuff at where I was and there wasn't a hope of me getting more...at least enuff to make a differance (the new job was 5k more a year than I was making)...and job security...in the last few months my old company has been laying people off right and left....Management wanted to do away with my position all together but my area manager talked them out of it (again..this has been an on going thing for the past year)...I knew that eventually the position would be moved to TN or done with all together. Which is what they have done now...so I don't have that position to go back to...I will call Jon (my area manager) today but I have to tell you that it leaves a bad taste for me to have to admit to him that I have failed...I had such big plans....

This set back will not break me.. I will not go back to what I was before...I will not make food my comfort and I will keep exercising at the gym..I have to admit it's hard..