Last night I was talking with my Mom on the phone...she's in Wyo and getting up there in years. One of my resolutions was to call her more often...I was doing pretty good until this past month but then I've pretty much been bad about doing anything (including coming here) except having fun....
anyhoooo...
I was telling her all the fun things that have been happening in my life lately and then as always she asks me if I had lost any more weight....it's been a month since I talked to her and the last time she asked me the same thing I had to tell her "no, but I'm not gaining"..well I had to give her the same story again (why does always this make me feel like i'm letting her down?)...
She then asked me what I weighed...I told her 169 and she then said (with what sounded to me like relief) "oh, I weigh 150" like if I weighed less than her it would not be good....(I'm not in a contest with anyone but myself and I refuse to compare with the rest of my family...I've always come out the loser there...being the fattest...not going to worry about it....who am I trying to convince.lOl.).I then told her that I'm not beating myself up about not losing any more weight (which is probably a lie) because I know that it will happen sooner or later....I think she realized that she made me feel defensive because she then went on about where I was in weight before.....Like I've done good enuff so if I don't do any more then it's alright....
I've been thinking about my attitude about my weight situation as it is right now..and I realize that in the back of my mind is always the thought that Hey I've lost 70 lbs , isn't that good enuff??? Well, the answer to that is NO, it isn't....Damn I want to get rid of this extra 20 pounds that I am carrying....Not just so I'll look good (which I do already) but so I will be able to say to myself that I actually followed through on something I started all the way....
As always I'm rethinking my eating routine...I don't think I can improve on my exercise...so figure my eating is where I really need to work....I'm alwasy aware of what I'm eating and always trying to improve but I guess that's not enuff because I'm STUCK....
One of my main problems right now is that I MISS FRESH SPINACH....I'm not crazy about any other types of leafy veggies so my diet has not consisted of any salads lately....
Well...that stops as of today...I'm off to walk over to Public's to get me a salad for lunch today....
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